This post is inspired by a cook who may be worse than I, the Vapid Vixen over at the Ginja Ninja.
In reality though, I'd say I'm slightly sub par. I try to be creative! When I was about 11, I invented a salad that had chewing gum in it. I thought I was hot shit with that, too. My poor mother....trying to eat it...(that's what she said).
As I've gotten older, my skills haven't improved; if anything, I've just become more dangerous. When I was 14 I tried to cook a grilled cheese sandwich & didn't know to not to cook it on high. So I did. Then I came back into the kitchen to find it & the connected den were filled with smoke & the sandwich was essentially charcoal. We learned 3 things that day: not to cook sandwiches on high, that the smoke detector didn't work, & that I was dangerous.
Then there was the time I substituted soy milk for regular milk in my oatmeal (I despise milk). Judging by the size it grew to & the taste, that was unsuccessful. Also? That's what she said. I tried to use soy milk when making fettuccine alfredo as well. Epic, epic, EPIC fail.
There have been other kitchen disasters between then & the story I'm about to share, but this one was quite dangerous so I'm going to skip to it...it was Friday night & I was craving some Kraft Deluxe mac & cheese. That junk is banging. Anyway, I start the water & go upstairs to my room to finish watching the episode of "Big Brother" from the night before. After I'm done, I go back downstairs because Sam had come over to watch a movie & that's when I hear the rumbling in the kitchen.
Shit.
The burner was such a beautiful shade of bright orange, I almost didn't want to turn the stove off. But I did, because duh. After the dust had settled, I was left with these images...
In this one, if you look closely, you can see where the pot began to bubble.
So now I have to go buy a new pot for myself & a new...whatever that thing is that goes on the stove. I don't know. I still want my mac & cheese.
9 comments:
Wow. We must never be in a kitchen at the same time. Ever.
And I can't believe you used a reference about your Mom in the same sentence as "that's what she said". I'm horrified and proud.
You know, you can get the individual cups of Kraft Mac N Cheese....just heat in microwave. I think you need to stay away from regular appliances. Stick with appliances that have a timer. And that's what she said about that!
Rebecca, I hate Easy Mac. Gross!
And Vapid, my mother loves "that's what she said" jokes. She even says them herself.
hahaha chewing gum salad. little you was a little noob.
and i can't believe you didn't mention that time you bitched to skid mark and his gay lover about the mediocre mac n cheese. that made a big impact on me (well pretty big, cause i can't remember for sure who you were bitching to. but bitching did happen, of that i am sure)
I don't even remember why that mac & cheese was bad though...& yes, that did happen. I was doing it to ruin their night & try to keep them from hooking up because I was in a terrible mood. That was also before I found the dildos.
If i were you, I would stick to only microwaveable items.
I did that once making tea and went to bed. My room mate came in the next morning to find the kettle cherry red on the stove. I guess we both lucked out.
Maybe cheese items just aren't your thing.
Penny, sometimes even microwavable foods are beyond my skill set.
George, that sounds terrifying.
Dr. Ken, I think you may be right.
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