The Craziest Man

A few weeks ago I ventured out of my depression to help Salem out with buying a van that he could then turn around & sell to make some cash. He had found this pedo-van on Craigslist (we all know how great my track record is with that website) & we made our way out near Fuquay-Varina to look at it. Salem said that the guy was really nice, & that he was even going to inquire about a job (the man owned his own refrigeration company).

Once we got there I was immediately put off because the man was wearing camouflage Crocs.

Like these.

He was incredibly manic, talking nonstop about anything & everything. He rambled on & on about how he beat up people in his family that were stupid with drugs. Did you know that he once hung his nephew upside down in a tree & shot at him? Well, he did. He also talked about almost every individual in his family & about how terrible they all are. Except his mother.

Then he turned the topic to the current state of welfare. Shit. I knew where this was going. He began to refer to black people as monkeys who were abusing the system. The whole time this was going on I just stared at the ground because really, what else could I do? He further proved his idiocy by referring to Michelle Obama as a "direct descendant of Tarzan's wife." This really bothered me, not just because it was offensive, but because it is freaking idiotic. Everyone knows that Tarzan's wife was Jane, who was British. White. That was literally the first thing I thought when he made that statement.

Salem ended up buying the van so we went inside for him to sign the paperwork. It was in his kitchen that I found some of the ingredients to make moonshine. Nope! We got out of there as fast as possible, with me driving Salem's car so he could drive the van.

Then Salem proceeded to get us lost for about an hour or so. And THAT'S what I get for leaving my bedroom.