In The Meantime...

Give me about another week or so to finish up some important school stuff & I assure you that I shall be blogging again regularly.

In the meantime, here's my favorite picture in the world.

3 year old me with Mommy on dress-up day at preschool!

Slow On The Uptake

I know Christy has some very special needs, but she's still texting me. I haven't responded in a week after I told her my phone was messed up (& it legitimately was). But so far, every day, she texts me multiple times asking, "What r u doing?" I really don't know what to do at this point...

I need to get a new phone number anyway. My number now is from when I lived in Georgia, so anyone that calls me locally has to deal with long-distance. So if I change my number, that takes care of that particular issue. Plus it gets rid of a few other people I'm ready to have out of my life. But is it bad that part of me kind of enjoys the attention? I think it does.

On another note, I got a new phone. Because all of my Verizon phones have been defective, this is my 6th phone in 2 years. Over it.

Also, I'm using my mom's laptop again because the hard-drive that was recently put into mine was defective. Then I couldn't get Word to load, which made doing my homework a pain. But now Word is working, & doing my homework is still a pain. Do not want.

Fin.

Motivation Stimulation

As I sit on my bed, I think about how badly I need to get my homework done. Why am I not doing it? Why am I procrastinating?

The answer is...I just don't know. I don't consider myself a lazy person. I just lack a lot of motivation. Once I start something I'm pretty good, but getting me to start it takes a lot of pushing. The fact that I've been in school almost non-stop since kindergarten is another factor. Baby just needs a break.

But I will get it done. I need to read about 100 pages by tomorrow (pfft. You know I be skimming that bitch) so I can do a discussion board post. Then I have to write a critique by Sunday that does not exceed 4 pages. This routine is going to be my life until August 19. There will also be a personal counseling model I have to write, but I've done a bazillion of those (so you know I be taking my old stuff & punching it up).

But on the plus side, I found out I only have a year left of graduate school. Word.

Never Fear (Also, You Pick The Story Again)

Just wanted to let everyone know that my return to the blogging world is imminent! While my computer isn't fixed yet, I'm taking my mom's so I can do "homework" (but seriously).

On an update with my computer, apparently something was jacked up with the hard drive too. Thank goodness I put everything on an external. And it sure was nice of the people to tell me they were keeping it an unspecified amount of time. Sure was.....

Sarcasm.

Ok, so I'm going to let you guys pick my next story. Your 3 choices this time are...

1. The time I almost got kicked out of college

2. My experience with being in wrecks

3. A guy that we dubbed "The Mayor Of Creepsville" in college.

Vote away! And vote fast!

Slightly Overwhelmed

My inability to get anything productive done this semester is incredibly discouraging. I have a thing due on Sunday that I haven't started aside from doing the title page. And oh yeah, I'm supposed to have read this book to complete the assignment. But guess what.

Didn't.

I just haven't had the time. I'm busy with work, on top of stuff I've had to do for my other class. On top of trying to sleep. On top of sort of trying to succeed at having a social life.

So I've found a summary of the book (conveniently written on the blog of someone who already took this class) so I'm going to try to write my Abstract based on that, & then do the rest of the assignment through skimming. 4.0, it was nice having you...

Also, I have a 15 page thing due next Friday & aside from the topic & having some of the sources already...nothing.

I'm not really too concerned about the 15 page thing next week because I've gotten full credit on every assignment thus far so it obviously doesn't matter how good of quality it is. Which is discouraging in & of itself. And then my professor for the class that has the 5 page thing this week says she's a tough grader. Whatever gets you off, honey.

It's getting to the point now where I start to figure up how much of a grade drop I'll have if I don't turn the assignment in....

Daddy needs a break from school. I'm serious.

Pointless Post (But Potentially Slightly Informative, Too)

Sorry I've been M.I.A. lately. And not in the catchy "Paper Planes" or whatever the hell that song was called kind of way. I've been super swamped with school work & work (more school than anything).

I'm always the kind of person that feels incredibly guilty if I'm not doing homework. I always feel like I could be doing SOMETHING. So it's almost impossible for me to relax, but that's always been the case. I've been getting a lot of stress headaches the past few days, too.

Oh yeah! The weather is so nice. It's cloudy today but about 80. Yesterday was absolutely perfect & I missed almost all of it because I was at my job on my day off doing homework.

Also? There is a small chance I could be doing some modeling coming up. A co-worker used to be a professional model & is trying to start up a business here. She's having auditions on Thursday & I'm going with Katie (who has modeling experience already) for her audition for support. But my co-worker wants some people in "The Business" (that's what they call it) to look at me, since she thinks I have an "arsty, European" look & style. Whatever. I think I always look like a hot damn train wreck but more power to her. If it brings in extra cash, I'm all for it.

I'm ready for my close-up.

How Any 24 Year Old Would Want To Spend Friday Night

I should be working on a paper that's due Sunday right now. That's what I should be doing. But I'm not. No. Instead, I'm doing everything in my power but writing that paper.

It's supposed to be 10-12 pages long, which is all well & good, but the topic of the paper is not conducive to me being able to make it that long. It's on my cultural background & heritage, & how it has affected my upbringing & my family.

Wonderful. Except that it hasn't affected anything. I have Native American on my mom's side but that trickled out by the time my grandmother was born (though she got some reparation money because we had relatives who walked the Trail of Tears). And that's basically it. I'm part English, because of course I am.

I already told the professor I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just going to write as much as I can, use as many sources as I can (because it's so logical to make us use 12 sources on a paper about our lives, right?) & hope for the best. My grades have been pretty good so I'm not expecting to fail or anything. I still want to do the best I can.

Also, I went downstairs & Skidmark is in the basement. I wonder what horror he is conjuring down there at the moment.

Some Thoughts

I've been home for the past few days. I needed to take a bit of a mental break from my smothering depression I've been feeling lately. It's been surprisingly nice. My parents have been very understanding & on their best behavior. It almost restores my faith in love. Almost.

There's so much I have to do for class this week & I'm not motivated at all. In the slightest. I really, truly think a break is needed. If I'm going into the helping profession in any capacity, I need to be more healthy & right now that's not the case. Maybe if I take a break I can truly appreciate what an awesome opportunity I have in being able to have this education. As it is, I feel like I'm half-assing my assignments & not even trying in the writing department. Most of the written assignments I've done I've written like a blog post. So that's not good. But then again, my professor hasn't given me any grades or comments back so who knows.

I was talking to Alexa the other night. We think we're in such a crappy place of life. We're still young & supposed to be enjoying life, but also have these weird responsibilities. It's like we're Half-Adults. But hopefully, HOPEFULLY things will start looking up. I can definitely tell a change in my mindset so there's that.

On another note, My Little Porn Star actually engaged in a minor conversation with me the other day as I was leaving. I was shocked, too. Granted, I initiated to tell him I would be out of town for a few days but he actually acknowledged I lived there. Progress!

Decompressing

After my little meltdown last night, I decided to take today to calm down & get my head cleared. I didn't want to go calling Liberty & verbally rape everyone raw because that's not good for getting what I want. No, instead it's time to manipulate them into getting what I want or at least making them feel guilty. So tomorrow or Saturday I will take care of it.

Instead of doing something productive like homework, working out, or my traffic school for my non-speeding ticket, I slept. All afternoon. From about 1:30 until about 5:30. Because that's healthy.

Oh! Oh! I did do something productive today besides sleep & go to counseling (holla, Michael!). I bid for the P90X DVD's on eBay! Looks like daddy's getting SWOLE!

My Mission

It has come to my attention recently (but not for the first time) that I really am not interested in anything. All I do is exist, basically. No hobbies. Nothing. My life consists of school, work, school work, sleeping, internetting, moping, & the occasional reading for pleasure.

My mission: find out what I like to do. Besides talking, because I love that. Find some hobbies. Develop some interests. And who knows, maybe I will get some direction for my life through this.

I've also decided to limit communication with my parents for a while. I definitely think it's the best thing for right now. Besides, if I don't initiate with my dad I won't talk to him for ages & my mom is pretty hit or miss. I just don't need their special brand of "support" right now.

Damn

My potential roommate bailed on me last night while I was at work. I received a text asking if I could talk (I knew then what it was) so I just called him & he broke the news that moving this week was too soon for him. Which left me with 5 days to find somewhere to go.

Luckily, a guy I know through my counselor knows a guy at his church who has a 3 bedroom house & already rents out one of his rooms, so there's a possibility I could be moving there. It's supposedly a nice house & neighborhood. And there's a pool so maybe I'll be able to learn how to swim better. I called the guy tonight & he said he'd pray about it & get back with me tomorrow. I almost said that we could skip the praying because I know God doesn't want me homeless & just get on with the show, but that would have been rude & I respect that he wanted to pray about it.

If God tells him no, I'm screwed. I will have exhausted practically every avenue I have.

On another note, I'm behind on my schoolwork already. Gone are the days of yore when I was weeks ahead. I think most of it has to do with me wasting 3 days apartment-hunting with someone who was WASTING MY TIME!