Treatment

Yesterday I took my grandma to her first chemo treatment. It went really well, despite it taking an eternity & them bruising the crap out of her hand trying to draw blood.

After the treatment was over I took her to my job to wait for my cousin & her daughter to pick her up & take her to our hometown so I didn't have to drive all the way back there (an hour). She told me, "Andrew, I'll always remember you were the one who was with me for my first treatment." That's right!

On Christmas, EVERYONE is supposed to be coming over. This will be the first time in years that this will happen. Even though there will be one less person (my grandpa), there will be more babies. My grandmother. All 5 of her kids (living) kids. The 3 in-laws. All 10 grandkids. 5 of their spouses. And all 10 great-grandkids. In a doublewide trailer. It's going to be a glorious trainwreck. Since everyone will be there & considering the circumstances, we're going to take some family pictures. That'll be interesting. The last family picture we had done was just the grandkids when I was the baby of the family (back in 1987).

I promise to post some different material in the next few days. I think I know what my next post is going to be, but I've been debating about whether or not I want to actually write it because of how embarrassing it is.

Long Road Ahead

As mentioned in my vlog, my grandmother has a brain tumor. Obviously, that sucks donkey dick. We got the biopsy results back yesterday & we found out that the tumor is at Stage 3 & is malignant. The prognosis is that she has a 50% chance of living a year with the chemo & radiation, & if she is in the survival part of the 50% there's a 25% chance she'll live an extra year. The medicine they're going to use for her is $10,000 per dose. Seriously. What the crap. Luckily she has insurance, but regardless of that she still has a 20% co-pay.

After losing my grandfather (her husband) back in March, this has been a very bad year for our family. We were all kind of dreading Christmas because of how...weird it would be with him gone (though he usually sat back & made smart-ass comments). So on top of that, we all have to deal with the fact that there is a very good chance this is her last Christmas, too.

She's so wobbly now that a lot of us are taking turns staying with her at night in case she falls. Sunday night is my turn, which means I may not get to watch the "Survivor" finale (go Sophie!). Then on Monday morning I'm taking her to Duke to her first chemo session. That's awesome.

Her with Baby Me. My grandfather is in the chair behind us.

My Ailment

Got my test results back (only because I got sick of waiting & called them myself). It turns out I'm low on Vitamin D, so I got a supplement for it. We'll see what happens.

I've been feeling really crappy lately, so I forced myself to go hiking with Madison yesterday. The trail we were supposed to take was supposed to only be 4 miles (meh) but ended up almost being 6 miles. Other than being out of breath for a little bit of it, I did really well & had a good time. I used to love hiking & exploring in the woods at my grandma's house when I was younger, & then again when I lived in Georgia. Maybe I've finally found a hobby after 25 years.

The phone I got in April is broken. Again. New phone is on its way, which means it's the 6th phone I've had in 2 years. Screw you, Verizon.

A lot has been happening, most of which I can't post about on here (yet). But along with my birthday story, I've got another one coming up.

I'm Not Dead (But I May Be Close)

My lab results from my visit to the doctor aren't back yet. They were supposed to be back on Wednesday. Hmmmmm...

My computer is messing up again. It seemed like it was a nasty virus but my cousin Amber's husband works on computers & it turns out it is probably one of the memory sticks. So there's that.

All I want to do right now is listen to Journey. Who cares if they lack substance. That ish is good.

I'll do a real update soon. Right now I'm just too tired & not feeling up to doing much more than this.

Uncle Harold Died

A few weeks ago I got a text from my mother that my great-Uncle Harold had died.

I was quite surprised, seeing as the last time I saw him he seemed totally fine. I've kind of always thought he was a turd & a half, but still...dying sucks.

My mind immediately went back to the last time I saw him, which was a little over a month ago at a family reunion. We didn't speak, of course. That's par for the course for us. We spoke a little bit back in March when we were all dealing with my grandfather dying. But that isn't the norm. I'm not one to hold a grudge generally, especially if the slight wasn't directed at me, but he really screwed my dad over. Back in 1999-2000, my dad was the music minister at the church he grew up in (still attended by my grandparents & other assorted relatives). But Uncle Harold had my father, who was his nephew, removed from the position. I'm not sure of the reason, other than he was trying to get control of the church. And guess what: he ran that church right into the ground. It's now one of those black churches with four different names in the title like Father of Grace Deliverance Tabernacle or some shit.

Ahem. As I was saying, I don't generally hold a grudge but that really pissed me off. You just don't do that to family. At least not to close family. But after that whenever I'm around him I keep my distance. But unfortunately at the last family reunion in June I couldn't avoid him due to the circumstances. I had taken a leak & as I was exiting the stall, Uncle Harold was coming in. We didn't speak. I saw him sit down on the toilet. I washed my hands super quickly & ran out of the bathroom. And that was the last memory I would ever have of my beloved Uncle Harold.

That is until my mom texted me back & told me it was actually my great-Uncle Harold on her side of the family. False alarm!

Slimeball

Yesterday, I went to my grandma's church. This wouldn't be a big deal except that her pastor is the same pastor from this story. In case you don't want to read about the debacle of my grandfather's death, let me refresh you: the pastor basically turned the funeral into an alter call for people to become saved not just so they could be with Jesus, but so they could also be reunited with my grandfather. He was also just really slimy.

At the service, he was very loud. And just like at the funeral, he coughed the entire time. The most offensive thing he did though was when he was talking about all of the people who needed prayer & he got to two of my great-aunts. Aunt Etta, bless her heart, has had Alzheimer's for a decade at least. And this wonderful pastor said, "And Miss Etta could still use your prayers. She's still hanging on." Well no shit, Sherlock. And she's not going to get better until her body just completely shuts down. Now be respectful of HER CHILDREN, SISTER (my grandmother), nieces, & nephews in the congregation & don't be a twat.

His next attack on my family came when talking about my great-aunt Shirley. I don't even know what's wrong with her except she's in the hospital & probably won't be around much longer. The pastor told everyone, "Yeah, Shirley's in the hospital. Not doing too good. I'm going to visit her tonight." Sigh.

I know I may be blowing this out of proportion, but I just find the way he handles things to be really disrespectful. He also has a terrible comb-over.

On another note, my cousin Jason (not his real name) was arrested Saturday night at a Phish concert. I'm waiting for that magazine with mugshots to come out on Friday & hopefully he'll be in it so he can autograph it. I might as well try to make a crappy situation a little funnier.

Preemptive Strike

So, as some of you know, I've been quite the fan of the bottle for a while now.

However, due to "sins of the father", it has been a family burden that alcoholism runs in our family (both sides, yo!). Every time I drank, I always thought about it. There were quite a few times where I thought I was slowly becoming an alcoholic, such as when I would feel a physical yearning for a drink when I wouldn't be able to have some.

As time has progressed, I've begun drinking a lot more by myself. And while I may only have a few beers or a lot of wine, my alone-drinking was becoming more & more frequent. This past Thursday I drank an entire bottle of wine in less than an hour before noon, threw up, then slept on my bathroom floor until about 4:30. The worst part? I then ordered $20 worth of Chinese delivery! WTF?!

So yeah, this shit needs to stop. I don't want to end up like so many people in my family (which will be a topic later on). I'm still going to drink around people since I can moderate more easily. But for now, this needs to happen.

So there.

Great-Grandfather? You ARE The Father!

So this is one of the posts I was going to do a month ago but didn't. I figure now is as good a time as any to get write it.

Back in January, I had stopped by Aunt Norah's (as you know, not her name) house to drop off some tea I get from work that she likes. We were just sitting in her living room talking about our family & stuff that happened before I was born, when she mentioned Donna (not her name). "Who is Donna?" I asked. "Oh, you haven't heard?" replied Norah. Of course I hadn't heard. My parents & I are almost always the last people in our family to hear about anything. But as it turns out, most of us didn't know. And what didn't we know? This....

My great grandfather (the father of my grandfather that just died) was apparently loose. There was already speculation back in the day that he fathered one child out of wedlock (who for some reason was already part of the family & grew up with my dad & his siblings. While it was never proven, it was heavily assumed because of rumors & the way she looked. I have no idea who this lady is, which isn't surprising because we have a tremendous family.

Anyway, a few years ago this new woman (Donna) approached my grandparents & told them that she thought she was the half-sister of my grandfather. D'oh! She was no stranger to them, having been a regular at the restaurant where my grandmother used to waitress. They only said something to a few of our family members, & surprisingly were able to keep it all pretty hush-hush (those people can't not gossip. Even if it's about themselves). Anyway, Donna's possible-half-brother Edward (not his name) wanted nothing to do with her because he was a turd & holier than thou. But he died a few years ago & she's slowly been feeling more comfortable.

Anyway, I went to see my parents (this was when I still lived with Skidmark & was making almost daily visits back to Rocky Mount for my safety) & asked my mother about Maybe-Great-Aunt Donna. She had no idea what I was talking about, & immediately texted my father, who responded with, "WHAT?!" So there was that. Later that night, my father called Norah, who gave him Donna's contact information. My parents then met with Donna & her husband, & encouraged her to get a paternity test & become more involved with everyone.

Then all of the crap happened with my grandfather. The second day I was at the hospital the week his lung collapsed, I went into the waiting room & was shortly joined by a lady I had never seen. I figured she was a friend of the family or some relative I had never met (or hadn't seen since I was little). Well, it turns out it was Maybe-Half-Great-Aunt Donna. Well, hey there! She asked me some question & we figured out we were there for the same people, & we both got really excited when we realized who the other person was. After reuniting with my grandmother, I got to witness the introduction of Maybe-Half-Great-Aunt Donna with her maybe-half-sister Lucille (not her name). They got along famously, & they even look similar. Then some of my cousins began trickling in. In a funny turn of events, the ones that came to visit had never heard of Maybe-Half-Great-Aunt Donna (which made me feel awesome for knowing something before them). It was really funny to watch their faces as they realized what was happening.

There was some awkwardness, though (because of course). One of the things I haven't mentioned was that Donna is literally half a month older than my dad. So she is the same age as one of her nephews. Yup! Another awkward moment was when she hugged my cousin Maria (not her name, duh) & told her she was sorry about her mother. Maria's mom (my aunt Mary [her real name, because she's dead]) was murdered in 1986. I found out at this point that Donna had known since the 70's that she might be part of our family but just learned about us through other channels. I also learned that my great-grandfather was a cop, to which I said, "Well, obviously he did a whole lot of serving & not a lot of protecting" (only Maria heard me. She laughed but it was still awkward if you understand what the meaning behind it was).

Since then, I only saw Donna one more time at the hospital right before my grandfather died. She was in his room with my grandmother, & she was saying her goodbye. It was really tough on her because she had finally started to get the family she'd always wanted & now her possible-brother was sedated & on a ventilator. She was trying not to cry, & told me after we left that what kept her strong in there was seeing me since I had been so supportive of her the other day. I also had noticed when she was about to start crying & gave her tissues.

Apparently she was at the visitation & funeral, but I didn't see her. She wasn't at the burial. But the next week, after everything that had happened, the paternity results came back.

Maybe-Half-Great-Aunt Donna was officially Half-Great-Aunt Donna. Holla, Half-Great-Aunt Donna!

And that's how I inadvertently gave us a new family member, just because I asked some questions & got a ball rolling.

What Happened A Few Weeks Ago

So I know I've already said what happened 2 1/2 weeks ago, but now comes the time when I actually blog about it.

My grandfather died.

Despite us not being close, I was still sad. Watching someone you've grown up with disintegrate like that...it's tough. Here is what happened....

Papa had been in really crappy health for a while. Having been a smoker since he was 7, he eventually had to quit a few years ago because of his emphysema. He also was prone to strokes & aneurysms. A few years ago the doctors thought he may have lung cancer, so they did some biopsies. This routine continued for a few years: maybe cancer! Oh wait! No, it's just scar tissue!

In September, it came back as being 100% positive that he had lung cancer. None of us knew really what was going to happen as far as treatment or prognosis, so all bazillion of us in our family tried to just be around as much as we could (give or take a few).

Then, in January, he decided to have a surgery that was not highly recommended. In fact, the survival rate was only about 10%, given his current state of health. But that dipshit went ahead & had it done. You can pretty much tell where this is going.

He did survive the surgery. Oh yeah guess what else: IT WASN'T CANCER! Lovely. Anyway, he was resting up at Duke for a few weeks. I even went & saw him, which is more than any of his 9 other grandchildren did during this time (granted, most of them live over an hour away & the majority of them are married, have kids, or are druggies with no mode of transportation). He seemed really out of it, & he looked like complete crap. Which is expected, being in the hospital & everything. While I was there visiting, the doctor even said that he could be sent to a nursing home by their house for his rehabilitation process! Joy!

However, while at the nursing home, his chest tubes wouldn't drain. His food would also go down his windpipe, so he had to get put on a feeding tube. Eventually, he had to go back to Duke. A few days after being released from Duke, his lung collapsed at home. My grandmother called my aunt, uncle, & cousin who live on the same property to come over, & then called 911. He coded in the ambulance but was revived by the time he got to the hospital. Once there, he was sedated & heavily drugged.

The day after that was when I came into the picture again. I had a few days off from work so I went home. I practically lived at the hospital, being there almost as much as my grandmother (who wouldn't leave). This whole time he was sedated, but supposedly could still hear us. This whole thing became somewhat of a family reunion for everyone, as family emergencies are prone to do. Aside from a few people (grandmother, aunt) we all knew what was going to eventually happen. As I told my mother when I headed back to Cary, "See you in a few days."

And I was right. That Sunday the doctor met with my parents & all of my dad's siblings & their spouses. That was when it was confirmed that my grandmother was going to have to make the call when to take the ventilator out because he could not stay as he was. I came back that day & just hung around the hospital & drove around with some of my cousins. Monday was basically the same. However, Monday night was bad for him & my grandmother decided to have the ventilator taken out Tuesday evening, so everyone could be there.

My family is huge, so we completely overtook the waiting room. Everyone was really anxious, but still in good spirits. The doctor said that it would only take a few minutes, but unfortunately that wasn't the case. It took forever. To the point where it seemed like he may bounce back & my grandmother started getting excited (it was so painful to watch). Everyone left except for my grandmother, my cousin Joey (not his name), & me because it was getting so late.

Eventually we tried to sleep, & then around 3:30am there was a call to the waiting room & my grandmother hurried up to the ICU. I followed a few minutes later, not wanting her to be by herself. The nurse told me that it probably wouldn't take much longer, so I called Joey & my parents (who live close to the hospital). Joey called his mom, too. The two of us went into the room with my grandmother & we all cried & held hands. My parents showed up so I stepped out because I was so emotionally drained. A little while later Joey's mom came, too. A few hours later my mother left for work (she took a half-day) & Joey & I got some breakfast at Cracker Barrel. Then we tried to sleep again, which was fail. Around 9 I had to peace out because my body was going numb. I passed my mom going into the hospital as I was leaving, & wished her luck. Two hours later she called me to tell me that he had died.

I'm not going to lie: I was kind of pissed that I hung out at the hospital all that time & he waits to die when I'm gone. Asshole.

My dad (who had already started planning the funeral with his only responsible sibling, Aunt Norah [not her name], her husband Tom [not his name], & my mother) got everything rocking & rolling. My cousin Amber (not her name) & I went through pictures to make a slideshow. A slideshow I basically got no credit for because while I found most of the pictures, Amber scanned them & put them on the disc. Whatever. It was still fun. I'm going to post them all later.

Overall, the service was crap. There was Southern gospel sung by some of my relatives. There was the pastor barely being able to make it through a complete sentence without stumbling over his words. There was also the pastor turning the funeral into a plea for everyone to accept Jesus into their hearts not just so they can spend eternity with God, but to do it so you can see my grandfather again. I am serious. He also said that babies cry when they're born because they see what kind of world we live in & want nothing to do with it. I say it is because they're naked, cold, & have a bunch of people pulling on them. I'm right.

I was a pallbearer with 5 of my other male cousins (there are actually 7 of us but 1 was in the process of moving back from Florida & couldn't make it) & let me just say that that junk is HEAVY. After the mausoleum portion, we went to my grandparent's church (where we have all of our Thanksgiving family reunions) & had a very nice meal where everything had pork in it. Because we are Southern & Everything Must Have Pork.

P.S. I don't eat pork.

I went back to Cary that day but on the way there I went to see my grandmother (she lives on the way). She was there alone & just seems lost. We just sat there & talked a while, & it was nice. Eventually my parents, Uncle Rob (not his name), Aunt Norah & her husband, Aunt Norah's first husband, & Joey all came by. A few hours later I left & just relaxed at my place.

Everything is back to normal, basically. My mother said that my grandmother is really lonely & doesn't want to change the sheets because they smell like my grandfather. It's going to take time, but she's a resilient old bird & has a bazillion people who will be there for her. My father, on the other hand, hasn't cried once. He wasn't close to my grandfather either & seems to be compartmentalizing. So my mother & I are kind of waiting to see what will happen with that.

Sorry this was such a long post. There was so much to say, & I just didn't feel like dealing with it right after it happened. Also, sorry about any typos. Don't feel like proof-reading.

P.S. I didn't include the part where my parents (& to a degree Aunt Norah) got in a fight with one of my cousins because it's really stupid. Like so stupid that I didn't realize it was a real fight for a little bit despite the fact that I was standing there for almost the whole thing.

P.P.S. I also forgot to include where one of my uncles showed up to the funeral drunk. He didn't act it, but you could smell it.

New Posts Are Coming

Remember back in the day when I posted on here semi-regularly? Well, those days are coming because my current situation is about to be over.

I seriously have so much to write about that I'm expecting to do about 3 or 4 in a row.

How Any 24 Year Old Would Want To Spend Friday Night

I should be working on a paper that's due Sunday right now. That's what I should be doing. But I'm not. No. Instead, I'm doing everything in my power but writing that paper.

It's supposed to be 10-12 pages long, which is all well & good, but the topic of the paper is not conducive to me being able to make it that long. It's on my cultural background & heritage, & how it has affected my upbringing & my family.

Wonderful. Except that it hasn't affected anything. I have Native American on my mom's side but that trickled out by the time my grandmother was born (though she got some reparation money because we had relatives who walked the Trail of Tears). And that's basically it. I'm part English, because of course I am.

I already told the professor I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just going to write as much as I can, use as many sources as I can (because it's so logical to make us use 12 sources on a paper about our lives, right?) & hope for the best. My grades have been pretty good so I'm not expecting to fail or anything. I still want to do the best I can.

Also, I went downstairs & Skidmark is in the basement. I wonder what horror he is conjuring down there at the moment.

Today

Today was one of those days where you just don't wanna do anything at all. After waking up around 12:30pm, I dragged myself to (semi) get ready to meet one of my counselors at 2:00. Sucks that once I got there & saw he wasn't there, I called him only to find out he had gotten in a minor wreck as he was leaving his neighborhood to meet me.

Oops!

He is ok (he's 78) but obviously, no meeting today. So I started heading home when my gas light came on. Of course the freeway got backed up for some reason & I was panicking that I would run out of gas. But fear not! faithful readers. I made it off an exit & got gas.

Then I proceeded to lay in bed for the next 5 hours, got Chipotle, laid in bed for a while, went to work & picked up my check (since I remembered that the banks are closed on Monday so I need to deposit it tomorrow), & went to Wal-Mart to pick up a $4 bottle of wine (classy). I've now polished off the entire bottle & I'm talking to one of my cousins on Facebook who is currently tripping on shrooms, having just come back from a Phish concert.

Oh, my family.

Expect a post soon of me posting a shit-ton of pictures. I'm feeling nostalgic.

This One Is Kind Of A Downer (& Kind Of Long)

Over the past few weeks, I've had a lot on my mind. I've come to the realization that I'm not too thrilled with the direction my life is heading. I'm sick of the fact that while I'm generally well-liked by most people, I'm not well-liked enough to be included in hanging out. I usually have to initiate every time I hang out with someone. I also seem to be quite expendable. It seems as if people can easily cut me out of their lives. At the age of (almost) 24, the longest-spanning friendship I have at this point is going on 4 years (hi, Cherise!).

I'm sick of my fear of rejection keeping me from pursuing romantic relationships. Also, it seems like I'm not seen in that way. I'm always a "friend." And I'm usually friends with the guys who everyone thinks are (occasionally inexplicably) hot & are always being flirted with. I've even been told by a "friend" to go away when there are girls around since my mere presence ruins their chances (this was a few years ago. I'm not around enough single people anymore for this to happen).

The work situation is stressing me out. I have no idea if I'm being fired anymore & the clients are even more resistant to my authority than before. I don't even try now. Of course last night my head supervisor showed up because we had a client with incredibly high blood pressure & she told me I need to be more assertive. I told her I was but they ignore what I say. She then disregarded what I said (sigh). Part of the problem with people not taking me seriously is I usually come across as somewhat flaky & uncomfortable, even when I'm not.

I'm exhausted all the time. I barely get sleep & when I do it doesn't feel like enough. My grades haven't been as good as they usually are (the worst thus far was 82.5 which is horrendous for me). I'm overwhelmed by all of the above & feeling like a failure & a let-down & have been thinking about...ending things. It's not bad enough for me to go have myself committed but it's been bad. I don't want to go back on anti-depressants because I've had such bad reactions in the past. I haven't been able to talk to my counselors (that's right. Plural. I see multiple counselors for different issues) because they conveniently went on vacation at the same time. I've tried to get in touch with my professors but one didn't seem to take it very seriously & the other one won't return my phone calls. I told my dad & he was more upset about some of the issues I'm going through than the fact that I just told him I was thinking about suicide.

On top of all that shit, I'm thinking about a career change. I chose Counseling because it was something I was good at already & because my parents told me they'd only help me out financially if I went to a Christian school & so on. My original plan was to do nursing. I ended up not doing it because I dropped Bio 1 since I had never had a science class before & had no idea what was going on & my parents talked me out of it. Now here I am, a year into grad school with a degree I don't even really want anymore. I'm just not feeling engaged or interested in my classes & don't see how I can do counseling long-term.

Of course my parents aren't happy. My mom started sniffling & told me that I was possibly ruining my life by not finishing grad school & my dad told me that I might as well become a florist (gee whiz) & that he had higher hopes for me than being a nurse. My whole argument is that my whole life I've rarely made proactive decisions. Almost every decision has been reactive. Where I went to college? Reactive. Occasional jobs? Reactive. My major? Reactive. Going straight to grad school? Reactive. It's time I make decisions for myself & what makes me happy. It just really hurts that they seem to view this as a disappointment when I'm finally being the adult they claim to know I am & might finally be happy with life.

So now I have to decide what I'm going to do. Do I want to stay in grad school & hope it gets better? Do I want to begin taking classes for nursing in West Palm Beach? Do I want to go back home & take classes there? Do I want to move to Raleigh & take classes there? Do I want to move to Colorado? Do I want to take a much needed break?

I can tell you one thing that's for certain: I'm quitting that ass job.

P.S. This isn't a cry for help or begging for attention.

Just a few

I was going to pay part of my credit card bill yesterday when I checked my checking account to see how much money I had in it. When I saw, I knew there had to be a mistake, but I went ahead & paid the minimum balance. I checked my online register to see when my direct deposits went through & couldn't find them, leading me to believe I had gone 3 months without getting paid. So I traipse my irritated behind to the HR department to see what was going on. I got on a computer there to show the lady & surprise surprise: I found the deposits. Meaning that I looked like an asshole (but a polite one) & also that once my minimum payment clears I'll REALLY only have $78 in my checking account.

I called my dad & he said he'll put some money in when he can. I'm so tired of being financially dependent on my parents.

Also, I may have a sleep disorder. I thought it was normal to wake up during the night occasionally, seeing as my mother does & I've done it my whole life. Apparently not. Now my counselor has put me on a restricted evening diet to see what happens.

And my grandfather who I have absolutely no relationship with may have lung cancer. I still don't want him to suffer.

But hey, I'm doing well in school!

Thinkings

Happy 2010!

I'm very glad that it's the beginning of a new year. Last year was a pile of ass, & this year will definitely bring about changes. For starters, I am trying not to cuss as much. I am currently failing epically in this endeavor. I am also working on my rage/anger problems, & will be working out more. I decided the best way to accomplish this was to do yoga. I will be starting that shortly.

But this will also be the year that I gain control of my life. I can't keep letting people hurt me like I have been. I am basically a resilient ball of depression & anxiety. Today, I had some very bad thoughts (none that I was going to seriously execute...literally).

I just want to apologize to my parents for being me. I am certain I didn't turn out how they expected. I know I sure didn't turn out how I expected. It kills me that I was their one shot at a child. Well irregardless (this isn't a real word, yet the spell checker didn't underline it. There is no hope for the world)...

I'm going back to West Palm Beach later this week. This will definitely be a new semester. I'm not taking shit from anyone, no matter who it is. I don't care who I piss off, whether it be roommate, friend, professor, employee at store, My Giant in passing. I'm not looking for a fight, but I'm not backing down.

Hello, 2010. We're gonna have a good year.

Babies

Everyone is getting married & having babies & I'm basically stuck in the same spot I've always been. Out of 10 grandkids on my dad's side, I'm the only one single & the only one out of the "above 20" age group (though I'm the youngest of them) to not have a kid.

No pressure, though.