First Day

Today was my first day of class. For the first time in about 3 1/2 years, I had to actually sit in a classroom rather than try to stay engaged in an online setting. To be honest, I quite enjoyed it. One of the worst aspects of doing my Master's online was how disengaged it all was. While we had discussion boards that would force us to interact, there's only so much that will accomplish. Plus, it helps having the professor right there in front of you. Also I hated the thought of having my name associated with the cesspool that is Liberty University.

The first class that I took was Ethics & Community Relations. That's going to be about as exciting as an Ethics class will ever be. My night class was Constitutional Law. Again....about as exciting as a class about the constitution is going to be. But my afternoon class, the one I've been looking forward to the most: crime scene processing. We didn't do jack shit today but I'm so excited. There's also a lady in there named Queennez & I can't wait to learn more about her.

On a weirder note, there's a girl in that class that I knew as a teenager. We worked together at the movie theater & have been Facebook friends for a while; we've even been in communication since I enrolled in the program because I knew she was also in it. Guess what. Didn't even acknowledge me (not that I said anything to her but she's the more senior individual here. She should be taking me under her wing). Whatevs.

On a sentimental note, it's weird being back on that campus. When I stopped home schooling & went to the alternative high school, it was on that campus. I then took 2 years worth of classes there before transferring to Toccoa. So much of the campus has changed but in other ways it's still the same shit hole I remember. Some of the faces are familiar (professors, librarians, & janitors), but overall it's totally different. And I'm not some 17-19 year old kid anymore. Now I'm a 27 year old man-child living with his parents & commuting an hour to work at a damn coffee shop/bageleria. I've lived in 2 other states, graduated college, almost graduated graduate school, lost 2 grandparents, & lived with a roommate who filmed gay bondage porn in our basement. In some ways I feel like I've made several steps back by returning to community college but since the crime scene investigation field is one I'm actually interested in, this will hopefully be several more steps in the right direction.

A Few New Storylines

Guess who's still alive!

It's me.

Anyway, I know my last few posts were kind of boring & mentioned how I was just kind of at the end of my rope as far as stuff going on in my life. The depression & anxiety were completely taking over & making me completely worthless. I still struggle with that for sure, but it's improved greatly. For one thing, I started taking a new anti-depressant. The one I had been initially prescribed a few months ago prevented me from sleeping & actually caused me to become so emotionally numb that I began cutting, which I had never done before. Luckily I was smart enough to not do it in a visible place & instead used a safety pin on the inside of my thighs. Anyway, I obviously got prescribed a new medication. However, this one makes me really nauseous & messes up my sleep as well. If anything, I think just pushing through & relying on my inner strength is what has made the difference. And even though you readers may not be Christians, reading the Bible has helped as well. So there's that.

So on another note, my new career/school venture I'm wanting to pursue is to become a crime scene investigator. It's appealing to me because I could use my attention to detail (being anal retentive) for good. I also wouldn't have to interact with living people a whole lot which is a humongous plus in my book. Now I just need to find a school.

However, what I initially came here to write about is something that has come completely out of nowhere. Of the 3 storylines I'm writing about in this post, this is probably the most entertaining, as well as the most sudden. You see, my job has started a new policy effective yesterday that any time two or more shift supervisors are working at the same time, only one of them gets paid as a shift supervisor. The rest get paid $1 less as a team member. This happens when the store manager is there as well, even if he's just in the back doing admin stuff. When I found out I flipped. The main reason for this is because when I was hired, I was told I would be making a certain amount because of my customer service experience. That ended up not happening, but whatever. Then I got my yearly raise of $0.50. Then I got my promotion which was $1. All of that is well & good, except for the fact that all of the newer team members have been hired at a wage that was much higher than I was (different management). THAT means that when I'm forced to be a team member, I'm making less than every single new team member, despite the fact that I've been there for a year & a half & most of the staff we have now has been there about 3 months. We are all majorly pissed because it's like we're being punished for doing our jobs well. Even yesterday I had to clock in as a team member for 15 minutes because the manager was there for a little bit after me. I said to him, & I quote, "This is so fucking stupid." I'm classy & respectful.

Anyway, since I fancy myself an activist & am kind of spiteful, I called corporate to get a better understanding of their logic on this. The woman I spoke to (who I've talked to before) said that it was to allow shift supervisors to work more hours as team members, since it will cut back on shift supervisor overlap. Since our manager has been trying to be helpful to all of the new people he's hired by hiring them at a higher wage than the last managers did, it's screwed over his shift supervisor team. However, the HR lady said that we aren't required to work as team members. But that just means we'll have less hours total. So either way, we're screwed.

I was all gung-ho about finding a new job so I started a search today. Using a connection, I applied to be a part-time bank teller. I might also apply to some independent coffee shops &, as a last resort, Starbucks. 

Depending on what happens with a new job, I might quit Caribou. I also might stay & just work a few shifts a week as a way to get some extra cash. It all depends on where I get a new job, the hours, how much I make, & how some other issues at work end up playing out.

I should update more to prevent these really long posts.

That Time I Turned 25 & Assaulted Someone

So remember a while back when I said that I would post about my 25th birthday that occurred in July? Well, now it's finally time to make that happen.

To start off with, I woke up to a bazillion Facebook notifications from people that don't normally talk to me, as is their wont. Then Madison came over & gave me these awesome shoes.

My feet aren't actually that big.

Then we went to the place where we get our piercings done. She got the back of her neck pierced for the 3rd time (long story) & I finally got an industrial piercing like I've wanted for an eternity.

Success!

After that, I had dinner with my small group from church. That was pretty uneventful, as was the barhopping afterwards. I was photographed all sweaty & gross with Katie.

Gross!

After we took that picture, Katie & I went downstairs to get some more drinks & unfortunately missed this redneck girl giving some guy a lap dance. My church friends decided that it was time to hightail it out of there, so off we went. Then this guy from my group, Brad (who was really drunk) became very belligerent & yelling at passersby (on top of making a lot of sexist & misogynistic comments). I was trying to calm him down & get him to shut up. Eventually he left (drunk. We tried to stop him but he wouldn't not).

But Brad isn't done! You see, he had seen Madison on my Facebook & had been messaging her. I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of terrible at being able to tell whether or not people are a good fit for one another, so I just told her to give him a chance; however, she was already grossed out by him before they met because of some of the texts he had sent. Anyway, the night after my birthday I had a party with the people from work & anyone else who wanted to come. Well, since Madison was going to be there Brad wanted to be there as well. He showed up at the restaurant & would hardly talk to anyone. And when he did, he was incredibly judgmental & kind of an ass. Now, I'm not going to say that any of the rest of us handled the situation very well, but needless to say he left before the party resumed at my place.

Once we got to my place, everyone proceeded to drink a bit. I was good for a while, until close to the end when people were starting to leave & that asshole Sam got me to start doing shots (I never do shots). After having had about 4 beers previously, the 4 to 5 Malibu shots kind of sent me over the edge.

As I have mentioned in a previous post, when I get really...drinky...I begin shedding clothes. First was my shirt...

That's Kristin. She's important in a minute.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending...) there are no pictures of me once I got into my underwear. Anyway, for some reason or another I went up to my room & as I was coming back down the stairs I fell. Luckily I didn't go head over ass or anything like that. I just fell & kind of...slid down. Anyway, when I reached the bottom, Kristin, who was also not in her most lucid mind, threw a cookie at me. This cookie hit me in the mouth & gosh darn it, it hurt! I wasn't going to stand for that so I chucked my phone at her. Surprisingly, drunk me has better aim than sober me because the next thing I see is Kristin's head flying back as my phone made contact with her face.

As was seen in one of the first pictures on here, my phone is really big (a Droid). This next picture is the aftermath...

Kristin, with ice on her lip & blood on the floor next to her, waving at the camera.

After that, I called it a night & went upstairs. Then the stomachy feeling started & I took my pillow & a blanket in with me to the bathroom, where I proceeded to puke off & on for about an hour, all the while having "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse stuck in my head. I was upset about her dying earlier that day, so having that particular song & her dead voice stuck in my head while I was already sick just made it worse.

After that, I realized that I needed to get my shit together. I've only been really drunk once since then, but I've made a concerted effort to cut back on the drinking. I'm 25 years old & don't need to be throwing shit at people.

Trajectory

In the past few days, I've been reading the book "Just Kids" by singer/songwriter Patti Smith. It chronicles her life as an emerging artist in New York during the late 1960's & beyond, as well as her relationship/then friendship with photographer Robert Mapplethorpe (spoiler alert! He was a gay!). My favorite genre to read is memoir, so I'm eating this shit up like ice cream.

On the positive/negative side, aside from entertaining me, it has made me question my own existence on this earth. Am I here to make a difference? What am I supposed to do with my time here? This contemplation, coupled with the stuff I discussed in my vlog, leave me feeling quite burdened & overwhelmed.

Well, regardless of that, I must get ready for work. As I always say, "Caribou Coffee: We're Up Before God." My other slogan is, "Caribou Coffee: Eh, Close Enough."

Birthday Story 2

For my 21st birthday, I was in Rocky Mount for the summer. As I've mentioned before, I began drinking when I was 20 so it didn't really matter to me much; besides, I didn't have any friends in Rocky Mount so I had no expectations. Plus! My birthday was on a Sunday in the south, which meant that most places were going to be dry (no alcohol served, because God only cares what you do on Sunday).

My dad had already moved to Toccoa for his job, so my mom & I went to their church. At that point, I still had a smidge of a relationship with some of the youth/young adults at the church so I asked some of them what they were doing after church as far as lunch. I told them it was my birthday & I would like to go somewhere. Well, they would only go to lunch at Golden Corral (a buffet). I decided that wasn't going to be my birthday lunch so my mom & I went to Chili's. It was as good as Chili's is going to be. Especially without alcohol.

We went back to the house & my mom started nagging me to try to hang out with ANYONE I could find, just so I wouldn't be alone. I tried another guy at the church, but he didn't want to do anything so I said, "Fuck it" & went to the damn mall by myself. When I got there, I bought myself some clothes for a present (I had already gotten stuff from my parents & grandma). Then I went to Blockbuster (ha! Old school) to rent something but couldn't find anything. Drat!

So then I went to my grandma's house & watched Disney Channel.

Happy 21st to me!

Friendship Liability Insurance

The other night, I had gone downtown to smoke hookah with Madison & Drew (Drew is a new guy at work). The place we decided to go to didn't have any parking spots so we had to go down a side street. Madison wasn't sure where to park so I told her to just pull in somewhere (there were cars everywhere) & we'd be fine. Plus there was the sign that said we could park there!

After our little hookah excursion in which there was a guy dressed as Pikachu & another guy wearing a skirt wandering around, we go back outside & walk to the cars. That's when I spot the piece of paper underneath her windshield wiper. And one in the same spot on Drew's car (he drove separately). They each got $30 tickets. Oops. Madison was upset because I "told" her to park there. I went over to the sign & saw that it said you could park there until 11pm (by this point it was close to 1am). I found this to be a bit humorous just because something similar had happened a month ago or so with Madison when we went to a coffee shop downtown. I "told" her to park there then, too. Whatevs. They're only $30 each & I may give her some cash for them since I do feel a smidge responsible.

While thinking about these incidents, it reminded me how often stuff like this happens. It seems like I have this innate ability to accidentally get people in trouble, possibly for something I played part in, & not get in trouble at all. The first of these stories occurred in my first semester at TFC. This was back when I hung out with Neil, Dan, & Robyn (made famous in my post about how I started drinking & then had a nervous breakdown). Robyn didn't live on campus & doesn't really play a part in this story at all, so screw him.

Anyway, Neil & Dan bought a smoke machine for some reason & were messing around with it in Dan's bathroom (his poor roommate...). I was getting ready to go to bed when I hit the button one last time & made it give a long, drawn out puff of smoke. Then I went to bed. About 5 minutes later, the smoke alarms begin ringing in the dorm. Well, shit. I come out of my room to see Dan & Neil already out of Dan's room looking panicked. The R.A. came out of his & was able to get the alarm off before more people came out of their rooms. He knew Neil & Dan were responsible so he told them he'd talk to them the next day. I just snuggled back in my bed, having sweet dreams.

The next day Dan & Neil were given 12 hours of gratis a piece (gratis was the form of punishment our school used for a while. If someone broke a rule or someone in authority just didn't like a student, they could be given gratis, which essentially was community service on campus or they could pay a fine for however many hours of gratis they were assigned). No one asked them whether or not I was involved, & they didn't volunteer that information for a few reasons. The first being that they knew I'd probably have a nervous breakdown if I was given gratis & the other reason being that they could then guilt me into submission. Whatever. Later on that week I was in Dan's room with Neil when the R.A. came in. I pretended to be asleep & heard the R.A. ask him if anyone else was involved & Neil said no. Thank you, Neil!

That weekend a former student who was friends with Neil & Dan came to visit. We all enjoyed camping (yes, I do enjoy camping. Surprise!) so that was on the agenda. Since we were paying thousands of dollars to be treated like children, we were required to fill out an overnight pass that listed where you would be & who you were with. The overnight pass was then signed by an R.A. & taped to your door in case they did bed checks or there was an emergency. However, since Dan & Neil had gratis they weren't allowed to go anywhere overnight. But they wouldn't let that stop them! Unfortunately for them, I forgot about that rule & put on my overnight pass that they were going to be with me. Oops!

After a horrendous night in the woods where Dan didn't include the covering of the tent & it poured for hours (I was the only one who brought a sleeping bag so I ended up not sleeping in a puddle), we came back & they each had 6 more hours of gratis for going out with outstanding gratis.

So in one week I managed to accidentally get them 18 hours of gratis. Though I was able to help them work it off by helping me with Student Government projects.

But my reign of terror doesn't end there! The next year after Neil & Robyn were gone, Dan had begun dating his future wife. We didn't hang out much then (as if I haven't already presented numerous reasons why) but we still talked occasionally. I was late going to chapel (we had to go to chapel a certain number of times a semester) when I saw them walking away from the chapel. I hollered, "What? Are you guys skipping chapel?!" They looked guilty & didn't answer. That's when I saw one of the deans of the school walking farther ahead. Shit. The next day Dan texted me freaking out because both he & Chelsea got about 8 hours of gratis & the rest of their chapel skips taken away from them for the rest of the semester because of that.

There have been other instances where I was the one who caused something to happen but I wasn't the one who got in trouble, but these are the ones that stick out the most in my mind. Also, this post is already running long & most people will have stopped reading by now.

I swear I'm not a bad friend! These things just happen!

And on a similar note, the entire time I was at TFC I never got gratis. Not even that time I almost got kicked out.

People Suck

I just really don't understand why people feel the need to be rude. Working in customer service, I deal with it all the time. But when I'm the customer, I legitimately don't understand why people feel the need to be rude to me when I'm just asking a question, needing clarification, or I'm ordering. I think I'm quite friendly. In fact, I'm only ever rude when provoked.

What brought this on was an event that just occurred mere moments ago. My license expires in a month & thus I need to renew it. Considering my birthday is the same day that it expires (huh....) then I would like to have my photo i.d. back by then so I can drink myself into oblivion. To make this very desirable outcome take place, I called the local DMV where the guy was kind of an ass. Everything I said was met with a slowed voice as if I was stupid, as well as a snotty tone. I did end up making the appointment.

After that I called a DMV around where my parents live, since they're usually nicer than the one in my hometown, as well as less busy. The woman that answered was a total hag. She asked when I wanted an appointment, & I told her to give me some times they had available & I'd pick. Apparently, that was a completely ridiculous request & was met with more snot. I ended up telling her to forget it & I'd call back when I had a better idea of my schedule & was in a race to hang up before her. I think I lost. Bitch.

Another time, I was at the post office & the employee was so rude to me that the woman in like behind me was in shock. My response? Saying that I hoped that her cat got run over. Not my best comeback, but I was in shock as well.

I just really don't get it. I mean, I'm not a fan of my job but I'm quite pleasant to people in spite of that. I just wish people could extend the same courtesy.

I Should Be Psychic

Today I learned that I should be psychic. Well, that's good to know!

It was about 30 minutes before I was done with my shift when this temperamental regular came in. She had her own thermal mug that was over 3/4 full of coffee already. She then ordered a cup of coffee filled about halfway up. I figured since she had a practically full thing of coffee she wanted another cup & would either double-fist or use the new one to replenish the other. So I rang her up for a small coffee & didn't give her the sustainability discount (if you bring in your own mug you get $0.50 off).

After I rang her up she asked if I gave her the discount. I told I didn't since I wasn't charging her for the size cup I was giving her. Then she got an attitude because I didn't automatically know to dump her full cup of coffee out & replace it with something else. She was like, "It's fine!" to which I snotted back, "Good!" & stomped to the back before I got crunk.

I just wish I didn't let crap like this bother me. There's just no reason to be rude! The other day I had this lady refuse to take my roll of dimes at a parking garage unless I broke them apart & handed her $3 worth of loose dimes instead of just taking the damn roll & giving me back $2 like I handed her a $5. But guess what I did instead of arguing with her? I handed her $3 & drove off. Granted, I was very irritated but being a dick isn't helpful. However, I work for a company that would rather their employees be abused on a daily basis than lose a customer so it's a different situation I suppose.

Before my psychic abilities failed me, I had a guy come in that I have dubbed "Mr. Giggles" because he argues about everything. In every single statement he finds something to criticize. Sometimes when he's been giving me crap for about 5 minutes straight about a particular word I used & he's gone off on another tangent I will look at him square in the eyes & say, "Wow. You really have something to say about everything, don't you?" He just looks at me, thrown off. Anyway, he came in & kept trying to talk to me & I was trying to converse back but couldn't hear him well because someone was ordering over the head-set. I told him I couldn't hear him because someone was talking & he said, "I know. That's why I'm going to keep talking." I handed him his coffee without a word & started doing something else.

I just can't wait until my last week there. If I don't feel like waiting on someone, I'm not going to. Granted, I say that now, but I know when the time comes I will still wait on them because I hate being a turd unless provoked.

Despite my complaining, I actually am very good with customers when they're nice. I'm good at making small-talk with those I don't know, as well as keeping up with the regulars. And even though I will argue/stand-up to a rude customer in a heartbeat, I'm also good at calming them down when I feel like it. I've always been this way, though. My customer service jobs have been a way for me to push through my social anxiety & introverted nature.

But I seriously, seriously can't wait for another job.

On another note, I got a Droid X yesterday.

Job Hunting pt. 1

I was just on Craigslist (since that's always worked out so well for me) looking for jobs. Very discouraging situation to say the least.

There are pretty much no jobs in the mental health/non-profit sector in my area. However, I did find one that seemed like it might be a possible except the punctuation, grammar, and spelling were atrocious so I don't think I'm going to pursue it. Though I'm pretty sure I could get an interview because of my background/training.

Another reason I don't want to do it is because it's working in a group home for boys. After everything that happened at the rehab (for those of you who are new, go back & read my posts from April-July of last year. If you don't want to, let's just say that it ended with me being fired with no explanation) I just don't know if I can work in another setting like that.

On top of that, I essentially grew up isolated & have a hard time knowing what to do with kids. Especially boys. They always want to run around, be rough, & are loud. That scares me.

Plus the fact that I weighed myself yesterday & I'm 140 lbs. Not exactly imposing & commanding of respect. And if the rehab wasn't proof enough, my strategy of trying to gain respect by being friendly didn't work.

I JUST WANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY JESUS H. CHRIST IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

So I don't know. Do you guys think I should apply? I've got to get out of this crap coffee shop.

TeeHee

My job is holding a drawing class where for $30 you can learn to draw this slightly complicated-looking coffee cup. My co-worker (who will be going to art school) tried to draw it but for some reason wasn't able to finish it at the same time as the rest of the picture, so there were these arrows pointing to a blank space. I took it upon myself to add the stick figure (which I have since erased, because I am nothing if not professional).

It was funny to us, anyway...

Slightly Overwhelmed

My inability to get anything productive done this semester is incredibly discouraging. I have a thing due on Sunday that I haven't started aside from doing the title page. And oh yeah, I'm supposed to have read this book to complete the assignment. But guess what.

Didn't.

I just haven't had the time. I'm busy with work, on top of stuff I've had to do for my other class. On top of trying to sleep. On top of sort of trying to succeed at having a social life.

So I've found a summary of the book (conveniently written on the blog of someone who already took this class) so I'm going to try to write my Abstract based on that, & then do the rest of the assignment through skimming. 4.0, it was nice having you...

Also, I have a 15 page thing due next Friday & aside from the topic & having some of the sources already...nothing.

I'm not really too concerned about the 15 page thing next week because I've gotten full credit on every assignment thus far so it obviously doesn't matter how good of quality it is. Which is discouraging in & of itself. And then my professor for the class that has the 5 page thing this week says she's a tough grader. Whatever gets you off, honey.

It's getting to the point now where I start to figure up how much of a grade drop I'll have if I don't turn the assignment in....

Daddy needs a break from school. I'm serious.

Ruh Roh

It is pretty common knowledge that I'm not exactly the most graceful human on the planet. In fact, I've referenced this fact a few times in the past (most notably in this story). Well, this post will just be about some of my "greatest hits", if you will.

1. When I was a toddler, my parents had put me to bed & were in the other room. They heard a loud crash & me screaming. I had somehow managed to fall out of my crib.

2. It was Easter Sunday, 1991. I was 5 & dressed like a dapper little gentleman. We lived next door to the church my dad was the pastor of at the time & somehow between the church & our house I fell in a puddle & was completely covered. My dad didn't find it as humorous as my mother did.

3. When I was in kindergarten I was going to participate in a Walk-A-Thon fundraiser. During practice for it (I have no idea...) I fell & pulled a muscle in my leg so badly that I couldn't walk for a week. If I remember correctly I mentioned this incident.

4. When I was 8 I tried to see how far I could jump off of an end table. Definitely didn't get very far & dented an antique lamp.

5. During the summer of 1996 I was part of a soccer league. During a game I was (typically) not paying attention & looked up to see the ball coming immediately at my head. Definitely went down & when I opened my eyes, my dad was over me, along with some players, the referee, & the coach. I definitely got knocked-out for a little bit.

6. During another game I couldn't get out of the way fast enough & the ball hit me full force in the stomach. The bench was warmed by me for a while after that.

7. Age 14. Riding my bicycle around the neighborhood. Stood up to peddle faster when the right peddle slipped & the gripper things went into my leg. I was gushing blood & had to walk about a half-mile with a bloody leg. People kept walking by me, staring, & turning their heads. Assholes.

8. Another bike story. I stood up to peddle faster out of the driveway & sat back down, squishing one of my balls between my leg & the seat. Somehow, I made it back inside but laid down a while.

9. My first day working at Jersey Mike's I fell with a tub of mayonnaise. Of course, the tub broke & it went everywhere. Luckily it didn't get on me because I probably would have quit.

10. Second time I worked at the movie theater, I fell on my face opening a door. I turned the knob & just....fell. Into the lobby. Hmmmm.....

11. One time this old lady needed help getting back to her movie theater, having gotten lost while going to the bathroom. I told her I'd help her & as I turned around to walk out of the box-office, I walked face-first into the back of it. She just looked at me & said, "I think I'll be fine on my own" & went on her way.

12. When I worked at Jersey Mike's the second time, I sliced part of the tip of my thumb off on the meat slicer. My co-workers thought I cut myself so they cleaned the knife & not the slicer. Ooops. By the way, I still have an indention from my missing flesh.

13. Another time I spilled some juice & didn't clean it up immediately. Guess who then slipped a little while later & landed on the mat just next to it, thus scraping the crap out of his knee...

14. Same shift as above. Slipped & hit my head on the bread rack on my way down.

15. College in Georgia. Slipped & slid down a muddy hill on my butt. Right?

16. My nickname at Applebee's was "Dammit Andrew" for a reason. I was always spilling, dropping, breaking things. However, I only dropped a plate of food once, & only spilled a tray of drinks once. However, I was known to accidently knock into a fellow server & make them spill their stuff...

17. On Halloween 2008, I slipped at the end of the shift talking to Alexis & grabbed the dressing cart about 10 minutes before closing. Somehow only 2 dressings spilled, but I was covered in water & some dressing. I took the cart out back to spray it off with the hose. My manager didn't find it humorous until the force from the water hose made the dressing splash all over me. Then he said it was funny.

18. At the beginning of a shift I had to get milk out of the cooler for the bartender. I gave it a shake as I was walking up front & apparently, I got a jug that had already been opened & the cap flew off, covering me in milk. I smelled fantastic.

19. During a busy shift I fell down the steps of my section when a table tried to get my attention as I was walking away.

20. I wasn't super clumsy in Florida because I didn't do much of anything. I did trip a lot, though.

21. I've been going on a rampage at my current job, breaking & spilling everything in my path. Oops.

Pointless Post (But Potentially Slightly Informative, Too)

Sorry I've been M.I.A. lately. And not in the catchy "Paper Planes" or whatever the hell that song was called kind of way. I've been super swamped with school work & work (more school than anything).

I'm always the kind of person that feels incredibly guilty if I'm not doing homework. I always feel like I could be doing SOMETHING. So it's almost impossible for me to relax, but that's always been the case. I've been getting a lot of stress headaches the past few days, too.

Oh yeah! The weather is so nice. It's cloudy today but about 80. Yesterday was absolutely perfect & I missed almost all of it because I was at my job on my day off doing homework.

Also? There is a small chance I could be doing some modeling coming up. A co-worker used to be a professional model & is trying to start up a business here. She's having auditions on Thursday & I'm going with Katie (who has modeling experience already) for her audition for support. But my co-worker wants some people in "The Business" (that's what they call it) to look at me, since she thinks I have an "arsty, European" look & style. Whatever. I think I always look like a hot damn train wreck but more power to her. If it brings in extra cash, I'm all for it.

I'm ready for my close-up.

Nice Try, But I Never Stop Talking (Except For When I Do)

So at work we are having a promotion where certain beans are on sale, 2 lbs for $20. Management won't leave us alone about selling it & we are even ranked (& our hours may be dependent) on how many we sell. As a whole, we are supposed to sell 15 lbs a day. Well, that just doesn't really happen. But I digress...

I would ask people in the drive-thru if they drink coffee at home. Most people would listen, one even bought. But to those who didn't...they had this exchange.

Me: "Do you drink coffee at home?"

Customer: "I'm not interested."

Me: "Well, it's a good thing I'm stubborn because I'm going to finish what I was saying..."

It all depends on how you say these things. Honestly, I think that's the only reason I've never been fired from a customer service job. Just slap on a smile. Maybe give a little laugh. Then people don't realize how much you actually hate them & are probably insulting them.

I promise I'm not an ass in real life. I'm just tired of being treated rudely for no reason.

I think for a future post I will write down all of my best customer service related insults/exchanges. Thoughts?

Sigh....

I love my job so much. I make your overpriced drinks with love.

That Time My Lungs Were Destroyed For A Little Over Minimum Wage

I've tried to make it a habit recently not to talk about work anymore since I was reprimanded for saying something negative about a product on Facebook in October. The company has taken the stance that any negative talk about a policy, product, customer, or employee will result in termination. But honestly, today was such bull that I can't help it.

Our district manager is a Dingleberry (I've nicknamed him that, too). He is under the impression that everything should be cleaned all the time & we should never stop moving. This on top of the fact that we don't get breaks (illegal!). So he was there today, spreading his charm, & we kept getting cleaning assignments. I got stuck deck brushing all of the tile floor (a huge undertaking) & eventually ended up hurting my back & shoulders, as well as inhaling a copious amount of 409. I went to the back later & was given a new assignment: cleaning the mop bucket. Yes.

I was instructed to spray the 409 onto the mop bucket, take a scrubby sponge, & clean the mop bucket. In all fairness, it was disgusting, but seriously. It's a mop bucket. People expect disgusting from it. So I'm stuck in the back, sitting on the floor, wearing those yellow dish gloves. There is no ventilation back there & we aren't allowed to open any of the doors back there, so the 409 was really starting to get to me. On top of all of that, my OCD was kicking in & I never wanted to stop. It would never be clean enough. Ever. EVER!

Eventually my shift supervisor commanded that I stop because she was worried about my health, seeing as my face was apparently starting to turn a funny color due to the chemicals. As soon as Dingleberry left, my manager & I loosened up & we started inventing drinks & having fun. We continued to clean some, but the urgency dissipated.

I am the World's Most Unhappy Barista.

P.S. I already have had a hard time getting rid of the cough from my sickness a few weeks ago but it's been ridiculous today. Just constant hacking, gagging, dry heaving.

My Own Guest Post

So, I did a guest post on Aubree's blog. It's the typical fare: I get into a weird situation with a creeper that could potentially end with me losing my innocence &/or life. This one involves the movie theater & a truck driver.

Enjoy!

The Time I Thought I Was Going To Die Last Night

Overall, I like to pride myself on a pretty stellar immune system. I only get sick once a year at the most, but unfortunately when I do it's a doozy.

Earlier this week I began to notice I was coughing a little bit more. I had a bad feeling of what was coming because everyone & their mother (& my own mother) has been sick recently. When I was moving last weekend I accidently kissed my mom on the lips (no incest) when I forgot she was getting over something nasty. As soon as it happened, I realized I had made a mistake. And no, that mistake was not linked to kissing my mother on the mouth. That's how we show our love.

Anyway. I began coughing a lot more on Wednesday & by Thursday morning when I got up for work, I knew what my fate would be. I had begun feeling tingly. Achy. I always feel that at the onset of sick. Luckily my shift was short & I slept almost all afternoon. But when I woke up....oy.

I didn't feel horrendous at first but as the evening wore on I wanted to be cradled by the sweet embrace of death. On the plus side, I got to watch "Community." On the negative side, I was sick. Katie came over with soup & orange juice. She tried to concoct a ginger tea for me out of ginger powder & water but luckily she realized how bad it would be & I never had to try it. I was starting to sweat like crazy & shake a little bit, & eventually she left so I could suffer alone. And suffer I did.

My heart was pounding so hard & so fast that I seriously thought I might be dying. I would consider calling 911 but since my phone doesn't let me call anyone (thanks again, Verizon!) I just laid on the couch. Then I slept in the bathroom. Then I went back to the couch. Then back to the bathroom. Then to my room where I woke up a ton but luckily I slept relatively well, give or take my pounding heart.

I felt fine upon waking up this afternoon but I can tell as the day wears on that I'm going to start feeling worse. Katie brought me those Halls Vitamin C drops, Day & Nyquil, some cookies, & a Spongebob thermometer. My fever may have broken but I'm starting to feel bad again.

Oh yeah, my roommate's girlfriend is coming to visit this weekend & he's also having a party. This should be fun.

Eventually, I will talk about my move.

The Suicidal Applebee's Cook

A while back I promised I'd write about the suicidal cook at Applebee's. Well, the time has come for me to share this story with the world...

It was fall in 2008 & a week night. My girlfriend at the time (during the 2 weeks we dated before I broke up with her) were bored so we went to Applebee's. Please note that the town we went to college in is ridiculously small & Applebee's was the only non-fast food, non-ethnic (Mexican or Chinese) restaurant in the whole place. It was also where I worked & wanted to eat cheaply since I was one of the only employees they let eat with a discount off the clock.

Anyway. GF & I were there, talking to the two waitresses still there (who also went to school with us) & the manager. One of the cooks, Tom, who was a known drug dealer/user was also there & had been pacing around the dining room & acting more weird than normal, but I didn't think much of it. Then I saw him run out of the kitchen & go out the side door, quickly followed by my manager, who returned back inside shortly. That was when he informed us that Tom had taken one of the prep knives & sliced his right arm. Tom was freaking out & acting violent in the parking lot, but my manager was already in the process of calling 911. The paramedics eventually arrived & carted Tom to the ER while the rest of us were in shock. All of us, that is, except for the dishwasher: a large black guy nicknamed "Debo" (I'm using his real nickname because seriously....). Debo wasn't upset at all. Instead, he was pissed because he had already cleaned the floors & now had to do it again because of the blood.

On the subject of blood...let's just say there was a lot. As Tom ran by the side stations where the extra sauces, napkins, a some of the computers are located, he trailed and splashed blood. On bottles. On the counter. The carpet. All of it.

Anyway, it turns out he did it because he was so hopped up on drugs & was upset because another cook, a female, had rejected him so he decided that was the best course of action. And to this day, he doesn't have full use of his hand because he had sliced his arm completely to the bone, causing irreparable damage.

Quite Pointless But Deal With It

Tonight my co-worker Madison & I went to Applebee's because she has never been before (she's obviously lived a privileged life). She thought it was amazing (she's 18. Cut her some slack).

That's not the point of the story (though it would be awesome & possibly the worst story ever told) (I have a lot of parenthetical thought, don't I?). The point is that during a song, I heard what sounded like a guitar making a fart noise but didn't say anything. Then it happened again. And again. By this point, Madison & I looked at each other & started laughing. And then it was nothing but farting noises coming over the speaker system. AND we were the only people laughing or having any reaction at all. It got to the point that we were crying due to laughing so hard.

......& that's where babies come from.