First Day

Today was my first day of class. For the first time in about 3 1/2 years, I had to actually sit in a classroom rather than try to stay engaged in an online setting. To be honest, I quite enjoyed it. One of the worst aspects of doing my Master's online was how disengaged it all was. While we had discussion boards that would force us to interact, there's only so much that will accomplish. Plus, it helps having the professor right there in front of you. Also I hated the thought of having my name associated with the cesspool that is Liberty University.

The first class that I took was Ethics & Community Relations. That's going to be about as exciting as an Ethics class will ever be. My night class was Constitutional Law. Again....about as exciting as a class about the constitution is going to be. But my afternoon class, the one I've been looking forward to the most: crime scene processing. We didn't do jack shit today but I'm so excited. There's also a lady in there named Queennez & I can't wait to learn more about her.

On a weirder note, there's a girl in that class that I knew as a teenager. We worked together at the movie theater & have been Facebook friends for a while; we've even been in communication since I enrolled in the program because I knew she was also in it. Guess what. Didn't even acknowledge me (not that I said anything to her but she's the more senior individual here. She should be taking me under her wing). Whatevs.

On a sentimental note, it's weird being back on that campus. When I stopped home schooling & went to the alternative high school, it was on that campus. I then took 2 years worth of classes there before transferring to Toccoa. So much of the campus has changed but in other ways it's still the same shit hole I remember. Some of the faces are familiar (professors, librarians, & janitors), but overall it's totally different. And I'm not some 17-19 year old kid anymore. Now I'm a 27 year old man-child living with his parents & commuting an hour to work at a damn coffee shop/bageleria. I've lived in 2 other states, graduated college, almost graduated graduate school, lost 2 grandparents, & lived with a roommate who filmed gay bondage porn in our basement. In some ways I feel like I've made several steps back by returning to community college but since the crime scene investigation field is one I'm actually interested in, this will hopefully be several more steps in the right direction.

Cat Eyes

This isn't the story people voted to read, so tough titties. It has more to do with creepy stuff & Halloween & such as. Also? It's a true story of something that happened to my mom.

When my mom was a little girl, she noticed that above the bedpost near her head there was a pair of what appeared to be cat eyes looking down on her; the more she looked, the more she felt comforted. But as she got older, she began to see the eyes less & less. However, they still followed her as she moved from Raleigh (where she was born) to Rocky Mount (where she moved when she was 12).

Child Mommy

Once she became an adult, she didn't see the cat eyes anymore. She got married & moved to Atlanta where she began teaching. But then out of nowhere, she came home one day to her husband kicking her out & demanding a divorce. This prompted a move back home. As she struggled with the divorce & depression, the cat eyes returned. But this time, the eyes weren't as comforting. They had a yellowish tint to them, & had a more sinister appearance. After a while, as she began to overcome the obstacles & started dating the doofus that would eventually become my father, the eyes lost their power over her & eventually they disappeared altogether.

Post-cat eyes Mommy

I don't know if all of you's guys believe in spiritual stuff, but my parents & I do & we firmly believe that there was some demonic hanky panky going on up in this piece.

Also, this story is a lot better when told rather than written.

Birthday Story 1

It's my birthday week, so every day this week I'm going to post a story about some past birthday extravaganza or whatever. Since I don't have much time today I'm going to write a short piece about my one & only surprise party.

When I was 15, I was well aware of the fact that I didn't have many friends (I had literally 1 friend). As my 16th birthday approached, I told my mother that I wanted a surprise party. She said ok. Well, that was easy.

The day after my birthday was a Wednesday which meant I had youth group at church. As my dad & I were heading there (my mom was already conveniently there) my dad took a wrong turn "accidently". I thought it was really stupid, but I sometimes think my dad is stupid so it wasn't THAT big of a stretch. We finally got to the church & my 1 friend Cooper was there. He kept talking to me & talking to me & trying to distract me but I hate being late so I pushed by him into the youth room. That was when I saw my mom, my youth leader, & about 5 other youth group members just...in there.

I ruined the surprise.

.....surprise......

On top of that, my mother didn't tell anyone in advance so hardly anyone had shown up, nor did I get any presents. At least she tried.

But hey, it's better than how my ACTUAL birthday had been the day before. I had gone to driver's ed, then gone to Raleigh for a terrible counseling session, followed by Olive Garden where I almost immediately had an allergic reaction to something & my father had to literally carry me out of the restaurant because I couldn't walk.

Friendship Liability Insurance

The other night, I had gone downtown to smoke hookah with Madison & Drew (Drew is a new guy at work). The place we decided to go to didn't have any parking spots so we had to go down a side street. Madison wasn't sure where to park so I told her to just pull in somewhere (there were cars everywhere) & we'd be fine. Plus there was the sign that said we could park there!

After our little hookah excursion in which there was a guy dressed as Pikachu & another guy wearing a skirt wandering around, we go back outside & walk to the cars. That's when I spot the piece of paper underneath her windshield wiper. And one in the same spot on Drew's car (he drove separately). They each got $30 tickets. Oops. Madison was upset because I "told" her to park there. I went over to the sign & saw that it said you could park there until 11pm (by this point it was close to 1am). I found this to be a bit humorous just because something similar had happened a month ago or so with Madison when we went to a coffee shop downtown. I "told" her to park there then, too. Whatevs. They're only $30 each & I may give her some cash for them since I do feel a smidge responsible.

While thinking about these incidents, it reminded me how often stuff like this happens. It seems like I have this innate ability to accidentally get people in trouble, possibly for something I played part in, & not get in trouble at all. The first of these stories occurred in my first semester at TFC. This was back when I hung out with Neil, Dan, & Robyn (made famous in my post about how I started drinking & then had a nervous breakdown). Robyn didn't live on campus & doesn't really play a part in this story at all, so screw him.

Anyway, Neil & Dan bought a smoke machine for some reason & were messing around with it in Dan's bathroom (his poor roommate...). I was getting ready to go to bed when I hit the button one last time & made it give a long, drawn out puff of smoke. Then I went to bed. About 5 minutes later, the smoke alarms begin ringing in the dorm. Well, shit. I come out of my room to see Dan & Neil already out of Dan's room looking panicked. The R.A. came out of his & was able to get the alarm off before more people came out of their rooms. He knew Neil & Dan were responsible so he told them he'd talk to them the next day. I just snuggled back in my bed, having sweet dreams.

The next day Dan & Neil were given 12 hours of gratis a piece (gratis was the form of punishment our school used for a while. If someone broke a rule or someone in authority just didn't like a student, they could be given gratis, which essentially was community service on campus or they could pay a fine for however many hours of gratis they were assigned). No one asked them whether or not I was involved, & they didn't volunteer that information for a few reasons. The first being that they knew I'd probably have a nervous breakdown if I was given gratis & the other reason being that they could then guilt me into submission. Whatever. Later on that week I was in Dan's room with Neil when the R.A. came in. I pretended to be asleep & heard the R.A. ask him if anyone else was involved & Neil said no. Thank you, Neil!

That weekend a former student who was friends with Neil & Dan came to visit. We all enjoyed camping (yes, I do enjoy camping. Surprise!) so that was on the agenda. Since we were paying thousands of dollars to be treated like children, we were required to fill out an overnight pass that listed where you would be & who you were with. The overnight pass was then signed by an R.A. & taped to your door in case they did bed checks or there was an emergency. However, since Dan & Neil had gratis they weren't allowed to go anywhere overnight. But they wouldn't let that stop them! Unfortunately for them, I forgot about that rule & put on my overnight pass that they were going to be with me. Oops!

After a horrendous night in the woods where Dan didn't include the covering of the tent & it poured for hours (I was the only one who brought a sleeping bag so I ended up not sleeping in a puddle), we came back & they each had 6 more hours of gratis for going out with outstanding gratis.

So in one week I managed to accidentally get them 18 hours of gratis. Though I was able to help them work it off by helping me with Student Government projects.

But my reign of terror doesn't end there! The next year after Neil & Robyn were gone, Dan had begun dating his future wife. We didn't hang out much then (as if I haven't already presented numerous reasons why) but we still talked occasionally. I was late going to chapel (we had to go to chapel a certain number of times a semester) when I saw them walking away from the chapel. I hollered, "What? Are you guys skipping chapel?!" They looked guilty & didn't answer. That's when I saw one of the deans of the school walking farther ahead. Shit. The next day Dan texted me freaking out because both he & Chelsea got about 8 hours of gratis & the rest of their chapel skips taken away from them for the rest of the semester because of that.

There have been other instances where I was the one who caused something to happen but I wasn't the one who got in trouble, but these are the ones that stick out the most in my mind. Also, this post is already running long & most people will have stopped reading by now.

I swear I'm not a bad friend! These things just happen!

And on a similar note, the entire time I was at TFC I never got gratis. Not even that time I almost got kicked out.

A Risk-Taker, Adventurer, & Good Samaritan (I Am All Of These)

Today, as I was venturing out to see my counselor, I decided to try something I haven't done once since moving to the greater Raleigh area in September.

I attempted to drive downtown without using my GPS.

My lack of a sense of direction is legendary, having once gotten lost in my own neighborhood while looking at Christmas lights one year. Once my parents finally bought me my GPS, I was set. And by set, I mean hopelessly dependent.

I don't go downtown very often, due to my lack of social life & living in a suburb where there are enough things to do that it isn't necessary to always go to Raleigh. But when I do go downtown, I always use my GPS. In my defense, however, is the fact that downtown is ridiculously confusing & has atrocious parking, as well as some of the most rage-inducing driving I've ever witnessed.

Since the list of things I do on a weekly basis is relatively short, I don't usually have to worry about programming a bunch of addresses in very often; I just scroll through the list & boom! There's my destination! But today, I decided to cut the cord, if you will (& you will). Having been going to this particular place (actually, it's at my church's office where I'll hopefully be doing my internship eventually) long enough that I would essentially be borderline retarded at this point if I couldn't find it without my GPS, I embarked on my excursion.

Guess what happened.

I'm sure you're all guessing that I got hopelessly lost, because that's how almost all of my stories on here tend to be. If you guessed that I got lost then...

...

You're wrong. I got there just fine. In fact, I managed to find a parking spot directly outside the building that didn't require me to parallel park between two cars (I just had to back in because it was the first spot in that particular line). I was feeling mighty good about myself as I strutted down the sidewalk & marched up the stairs. That's when I was greeted by one of the interns.

It turns out my counselor was still on vacation & no one had told me.

On the plus side, this was a good experience because it forced me to try something I've been needing to do for a while. It also allowed me to help someone else, as another young man parked right behind me as I was walking back to my car. I told him to take my spot as I pulled up & he said it was ok, but I insisted that he should since I had only parked there about 5 minutes so he would basically have a free hour. He thanked me & took my spot.

Then I had to use my GPS to get out of downtown because it's different than how you get there.

I Always Pull It Out (That's What She Said)

I'm usually not a procrastinator. In college, I was very good at time-management. When I was in Florida last year, I got my homework done weeks in advance depending on the workload at the time.

But this semester has been a struggle. The situation with depression, Skidmark, & my ridiculous work schedule has made getting schoolwork done early (& well) has been thrown out of the window. This Sunday I had a 10-12 page paper about my cultural family heritage that I was really struggling with. I had allotted certain times to work on it because of work, so it shouldn't have been a problem. But because we're so understaffed & I seem to have the most availability, almost every shift I worked was rearranged & I got called in on days off.

Now, because of this issue with being understaffed, we are all being forced to work 7-10 hour shifts without breaks because there's usually only 2 people working. Yes, it's illegal. I know that. Thanks. Anyway, whenever I'm not at work, I'm flat-out exhausted. No energy to type or think. All I want to do is sleep. But this paper had to be done.

I had Saturday night off. All of the research was done. The title page was done. The references were cited. I started writing. Then Skidmark is all in a tizzy, cleaning & whatnot. I assumed he was bringing someone over. He did. I could hear them talking & someone used the bathroom about 8 times in the span of an hour.

Because I was frustrated, I texted Katie from my church small group. She called me back & said she & some other people from church were coming to get me. I protested, stating I had to get this beast written. Then Brennan took the phone from her & told me he was taking me back to his place in Fayetteville. I stopped fighting.

They came & got me. Brennan apparently doesn't know how to get to his house from where I was because we went about 40 minutes out of the way. It took us about 2 1/2 hrs to make a trip that usually takes only a little over an hour. Whatever. I got some of the paper written there. Then Katie came & got me. I realized as we were leaving Fayetteville that I left my laptop & books in Brennan's car. So we had to get those.

I get home about 40 minutes before I have to work (by the way, I tried to get someone to cover this shift & no one at MULTIPLE stores could do it for me, so I'm done picking up shifts for people for a while). I decided to do a discussion board post because I knew the paper would be done late & there was no point in risking 2 late grades as opposed to 1. When I got back from work, the internet wasn't working well. Of course.

Monday after work, I come home to finish the paper. Then there's a power-surge & the internet stops working. Are you serious?

I call Katie & we go over to Ryan's (also in our small group) to finish this paper. I stupidly drink a beer before I start writing & it makes the whole experience just the more frustrating. It ended up being one of the worst things I've ever written (possibly worse than anything I've written on this here blog). But I turned that bitch in 10 minutes before it would have been 2 days late. Didn't even proof read.

And guess what.

I got a 95 on it.

5 points off for it being late.

I am unstoppable.

Some Thoughts

I've been home for the past few days. I needed to take a bit of a mental break from my smothering depression I've been feeling lately. It's been surprisingly nice. My parents have been very understanding & on their best behavior. It almost restores my faith in love. Almost.

There's so much I have to do for class this week & I'm not motivated at all. In the slightest. I really, truly think a break is needed. If I'm going into the helping profession in any capacity, I need to be more healthy & right now that's not the case. Maybe if I take a break I can truly appreciate what an awesome opportunity I have in being able to have this education. As it is, I feel like I'm half-assing my assignments & not even trying in the writing department. Most of the written assignments I've done I've written like a blog post. So that's not good. But then again, my professor hasn't given me any grades or comments back so who knows.

I was talking to Alexa the other night. We think we're in such a crappy place of life. We're still young & supposed to be enjoying life, but also have these weird responsibilities. It's like we're Half-Adults. But hopefully, HOPEFULLY things will start looking up. I can definitely tell a change in my mindset so there's that.

On another note, My Little Porn Star actually engaged in a minor conversation with me the other day as I was leaving. I was shocked, too. Granted, I initiated to tell him I would be out of town for a few days but he actually acknowledged I lived there. Progress!

My Roommate The Porn Star?

Saturday whilst I was at home about to return to Raleigh, I received a text from my roommate (the first time he had spoken to me in a week) telling me he was going to be filming a video in the basement & to be quiet & not go downstairs. Ok.....

I get back & it's really quiet. As I walk to the kitchen to put some groceries up I see there's a sheet blocking part of the basement (we have a spiral staircase so you can see part of the basement from the living room). Ok....

I go up to my room but leave my door open so I could see who was there in case I heard them come out from the basement. Then all of the sudden my roommate & some ethnic male go straight into his room. Ok....

The mail hadn't been retrieved yet, so I went outside & saw yet another guy (of the creeper variety, it appeared) loading either a mattress or box springs onto a trailer along with other props (including part of a basketball goal). Ok....

After my roommate & the ethnic male left I went downstairs to investigate. A bunch of the stuff had been put in the closet or the corner. The big ol' exercise ball was down there. There was a blue light attached to a vacuum cleaner (WTF?). There was some kind of foam padding around the ceiling light. The bathroom door had a used towel hanging up on it & the sink was wet. Ok....

Today I went back down there to see if anything had changed. The towel is gone but now there are what look like bike or athletic shorts hanging on the edge of the tub.

I still have no idea what's going on. If we actually talked it might not be awkward to ask him what he was filming. But as it is I'm sometimes lucky to get a "Hey" out of him. In a way this isn't really surprising because when I first moved in I asked where he worked & he said he just did "odd jobs" such as construction but not often. He said he lived off of his college fund. That must have been a banging college fund to get him through undergrad & grad school.

Why can't I just have a normal roommate?

My Room

Ok. So here are the pictures I just took of my bedroom. It's still slightly a word in progress. And no, those aren't all of my DVD's on that big bookcase & no, those aren't all of my books on the small one. Some are still packed. And I'm terrible at making my bed. I'm even worse at lying in it (that was in reference to the saying about lying in the bed you made. Idiots).

Hope it suits your demands.

Minor Update

I moved into my apartment yesterday. Things are still pretty unsettled, but once I get things more organized I'll post pictures.

I've also been drinking nothing but Kool-Aid Jammers & beer since yesterday.

Truth.

The Current Sitch

In the past week, a lot of life has happened. It's looking like I'm going to need another car because it will cost almost $1000 to fix it & with as many problems as it already has & all those miles, it's just not worth it. So more than likely I'm going to take my dad's '91 Honda, they'll fix it up a bit, & they will get another car.

I hate how I'm so financially dependent on them. It makes me feel guilty.

Then my dad has been in the hospital since Saturday with pneumonia, hence the picture of me wearing the mask previously. He's doing a lot better but his fever keeps going up at night so they won't let him leave. He's really discouraged because he just started his new job & it just sucks that he's already missing time.

And now my stupid school in Florida said it could be 2 or more weeks before my official transcript can be processed, meaning that I might not be able to get an accurate credit evaluation for my transfer, making it difficult to sign up for classes at Liberty.

And on top of that I'm still trying to find a job, Sam has completely bailed on the apartment thing so I'm looking on my own (I don't blame him though. He's really worried about money), & online traffic schools are now sending me advertisements because of that dipshit cop.

On the plus side, you can definitely tell fall is coming. It's supposed to be in the low 80's this weekend & in the 50's at night. You can also tell that the sun is shining differently & the trees aren't as vibrant. It's going to be awesome to experience it again.

The Plan

So here is the plan as of now: I am not returning to West Palm Beach. Instead, I will be finishing my Master's at Liberty Online. I will be moving to Raleigh or wherever else I can find a job since I won't be held down in 1 place because of school, & life will then be perfect.

We will see....

Basically, I'm waiting to make sure Sam won't bail on me with getting an apartment, because I have a really bad feeling it's gonna happen.

And oh joy! I still have to go back to West Palm Beach to get the rest of my stuff. That's going to be a fun trip.

A Return To Serving?

Welp, I'm probably going to be getting my Applebee's on on Friday night when we head to Toccoa to help my dad move. I'm sad because it might be the last time I ever go back to Toccoa, but I'm relieved because there isn't shit to do there, especially now that most of my friends from college have left.

And on the subject of Applebee's, I'll probably be serving again if I decide to stay in West Palm Beach or if I move to Raleigh. So that'll bring some fun stories, I'm sure...

It Was My Birthday!

So apparently Thursday was my birthday. It was actually a pretty good day, to be honest. I hung out with Salem for most of it in Raleigh, then came back home to Rocky Mount to go out to eat with my mom (my dad was still in Toccoa). Then Salem & I went back to Raleigh to go drink (we ended up playing pool with his younger brother).

I had numerous Facebook comments, so obviously I'm loved. Granted, only 2 people called me (Alexis & Robyn). Not even my dad called (he texted me before I woke up). But it's ok. I had an awesome dinner, actually spent it with someone who wasn't trying to get me stupid-drunk, & wasn't bogged down in presents (I didn't even really ask for anything).

The only negative I can think of aside from the fact that people tended to forget it was my birthday (which is fine because I actually thought I had an extra week until a few days prior) is that I'm now almost halfway to 50.

And my new driver's license has finally arrived so hopefully now I won't be accused of having a fake.

Interesting

According to Dixie, who talked to the supervisor who let me go, I was fired because my wonderful partner told them that I never did room checks over night & was afraid of the clients.

That's awesome. Of course I never got a chance to defend myself or talk badly about her because I was too busy doing her job while she slept every single fucking night. Or I was getting fired because I was thrown under the bus for absolutely no reason.

Here is the truth: I did do room checks. Almost every night. Some nights I was more tired than others & did sleep, but I never slept as much as she did. In fact, some nights I checked all of the clients when my only real responsibility were the guys. And no, I was not afraid of the clients. I would have my lovely partner wake them up if we had to check a blood pressure because I hate waking people up & also because sometimes people hit when they are woken up.

That's it. So that's nice to know.

On a more positive note, I had a nice time visiting people at church today (shout out to Rebecca & Rachel. Holla!). And tomorrow I'm probably going to Raleigh to visit Salem who is with his family while on a break from Toccoa.

It Happened

We all knew it was coming.

While I was off this weekend I got a text from my partner telling me that my shift Sunday wasn't covered, then suddenly it was. Weird.

Then Monday I got a text from her telling me to call her, which I did. It was to tell me that this new guy who was working for me this weekend had told her that he was under the impression that his regular shifts would be my Saturday & Sunday 8pm-8am shifts. So we both figured I was being fired, but perhaps I was going to be moved. In preparation, I typed up my notice so I could turn it in either today (Tuesday) or tomorrow (Wednesday).

Too bad I got a call this morning from my non-bitchy supervisor telling me that my 90-day probation period was up (all employees go through that when they are hired) & they weren't going to continue having me work. I told him I figured. He then asked if I would be willing to still pick up shifts if they needed someone to fill in. I told him I would if it was compatible with my availability.

So there's that. I'm not bitter. I'm just pissed at myself for not quitting first. I mean, I have my stupid resignation letter on the taskbar of my laptop when I got the call! But such is life. All I can do now is move on. My next step is going back home for a bit, visit my mom, go to Raleigh & see if that's where I want to live, then go back to Toccoa to help my dad move (since he got a job back home). So who knows.

*sigh*

Tanning

I went to lay out by the pool a little while ago in preparation for the visit from my friend Robyn & his girlfriend Sarah in two weeks. They're basically only coming to go to the beach (they live in Ohio) so I know I'm going to be outside a lot, therefore I will be burning. Go ahead & try to get dark now so it won't be a big deal when I'm doing whatever it is I will be doing.

I've already warned him that I don't really have friends here, I don't really do anything, & I don't really know where anything is so not to expect much. I don't even feel that bad because we would go months without talking before & then as soon as I moved to Florida he started calling me about once a month & planning a visit. Duh, Robyn...

Also, Operation: Maybe Moving Back To North Carolina is still in effect. Planning on visiting sometime in July/August to look at apartments with Sam & also scope out the job possibilities. I'd say I'm about 60% positive I'll be moving back for about a year.

This One Is Kind Of A Downer (& Kind Of Long)

Over the past few weeks, I've had a lot on my mind. I've come to the realization that I'm not too thrilled with the direction my life is heading. I'm sick of the fact that while I'm generally well-liked by most people, I'm not well-liked enough to be included in hanging out. I usually have to initiate every time I hang out with someone. I also seem to be quite expendable. It seems as if people can easily cut me out of their lives. At the age of (almost) 24, the longest-spanning friendship I have at this point is going on 4 years (hi, Cherise!).

I'm sick of my fear of rejection keeping me from pursuing romantic relationships. Also, it seems like I'm not seen in that way. I'm always a "friend." And I'm usually friends with the guys who everyone thinks are (occasionally inexplicably) hot & are always being flirted with. I've even been told by a "friend" to go away when there are girls around since my mere presence ruins their chances (this was a few years ago. I'm not around enough single people anymore for this to happen).

The work situation is stressing me out. I have no idea if I'm being fired anymore & the clients are even more resistant to my authority than before. I don't even try now. Of course last night my head supervisor showed up because we had a client with incredibly high blood pressure & she told me I need to be more assertive. I told her I was but they ignore what I say. She then disregarded what I said (sigh). Part of the problem with people not taking me seriously is I usually come across as somewhat flaky & uncomfortable, even when I'm not.

I'm exhausted all the time. I barely get sleep & when I do it doesn't feel like enough. My grades haven't been as good as they usually are (the worst thus far was 82.5 which is horrendous for me). I'm overwhelmed by all of the above & feeling like a failure & a let-down & have been thinking about...ending things. It's not bad enough for me to go have myself committed but it's been bad. I don't want to go back on anti-depressants because I've had such bad reactions in the past. I haven't been able to talk to my counselors (that's right. Plural. I see multiple counselors for different issues) because they conveniently went on vacation at the same time. I've tried to get in touch with my professors but one didn't seem to take it very seriously & the other one won't return my phone calls. I told my dad & he was more upset about some of the issues I'm going through than the fact that I just told him I was thinking about suicide.

On top of all that shit, I'm thinking about a career change. I chose Counseling because it was something I was good at already & because my parents told me they'd only help me out financially if I went to a Christian school & so on. My original plan was to do nursing. I ended up not doing it because I dropped Bio 1 since I had never had a science class before & had no idea what was going on & my parents talked me out of it. Now here I am, a year into grad school with a degree I don't even really want anymore. I'm just not feeling engaged or interested in my classes & don't see how I can do counseling long-term.

Of course my parents aren't happy. My mom started sniffling & told me that I was possibly ruining my life by not finishing grad school & my dad told me that I might as well become a florist (gee whiz) & that he had higher hopes for me than being a nurse. My whole argument is that my whole life I've rarely made proactive decisions. Almost every decision has been reactive. Where I went to college? Reactive. Occasional jobs? Reactive. My major? Reactive. Going straight to grad school? Reactive. It's time I make decisions for myself & what makes me happy. It just really hurts that they seem to view this as a disappointment when I'm finally being the adult they claim to know I am & might finally be happy with life.

So now I have to decide what I'm going to do. Do I want to stay in grad school & hope it gets better? Do I want to begin taking classes for nursing in West Palm Beach? Do I want to go back home & take classes there? Do I want to move to Raleigh & take classes there? Do I want to move to Colorado? Do I want to take a much needed break?

I can tell you one thing that's for certain: I'm quitting that ass job.

P.S. This isn't a cry for help or begging for attention.