That Time I Turned 25 & Assaulted Someone

So remember a while back when I said that I would post about my 25th birthday that occurred in July? Well, now it's finally time to make that happen.

To start off with, I woke up to a bazillion Facebook notifications from people that don't normally talk to me, as is their wont. Then Madison came over & gave me these awesome shoes.

My feet aren't actually that big.

Then we went to the place where we get our piercings done. She got the back of her neck pierced for the 3rd time (long story) & I finally got an industrial piercing like I've wanted for an eternity.

Success!

After that, I had dinner with my small group from church. That was pretty uneventful, as was the barhopping afterwards. I was photographed all sweaty & gross with Katie.

Gross!

After we took that picture, Katie & I went downstairs to get some more drinks & unfortunately missed this redneck girl giving some guy a lap dance. My church friends decided that it was time to hightail it out of there, so off we went. Then this guy from my group, Brad (who was really drunk) became very belligerent & yelling at passersby (on top of making a lot of sexist & misogynistic comments). I was trying to calm him down & get him to shut up. Eventually he left (drunk. We tried to stop him but he wouldn't not).

But Brad isn't done! You see, he had seen Madison on my Facebook & had been messaging her. I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of terrible at being able to tell whether or not people are a good fit for one another, so I just told her to give him a chance; however, she was already grossed out by him before they met because of some of the texts he had sent. Anyway, the night after my birthday I had a party with the people from work & anyone else who wanted to come. Well, since Madison was going to be there Brad wanted to be there as well. He showed up at the restaurant & would hardly talk to anyone. And when he did, he was incredibly judgmental & kind of an ass. Now, I'm not going to say that any of the rest of us handled the situation very well, but needless to say he left before the party resumed at my place.

Once we got to my place, everyone proceeded to drink a bit. I was good for a while, until close to the end when people were starting to leave & that asshole Sam got me to start doing shots (I never do shots). After having had about 4 beers previously, the 4 to 5 Malibu shots kind of sent me over the edge.

As I have mentioned in a previous post, when I get really...drinky...I begin shedding clothes. First was my shirt...

That's Kristin. She's important in a minute.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending...) there are no pictures of me once I got into my underwear. Anyway, for some reason or another I went up to my room & as I was coming back down the stairs I fell. Luckily I didn't go head over ass or anything like that. I just fell & kind of...slid down. Anyway, when I reached the bottom, Kristin, who was also not in her most lucid mind, threw a cookie at me. This cookie hit me in the mouth & gosh darn it, it hurt! I wasn't going to stand for that so I chucked my phone at her. Surprisingly, drunk me has better aim than sober me because the next thing I see is Kristin's head flying back as my phone made contact with her face.

As was seen in one of the first pictures on here, my phone is really big (a Droid). This next picture is the aftermath...

Kristin, with ice on her lip & blood on the floor next to her, waving at the camera.

After that, I called it a night & went upstairs. Then the stomachy feeling started & I took my pillow & a blanket in with me to the bathroom, where I proceeded to puke off & on for about an hour, all the while having "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse stuck in my head. I was upset about her dying earlier that day, so having that particular song & her dead voice stuck in my head while I was already sick just made it worse.

After that, I realized that I needed to get my shit together. I've only been really drunk once since then, but I've made a concerted effort to cut back on the drinking. I'm 25 years old & don't need to be throwing shit at people.

Guess Who May Be Moving...Again

You'll never figure it out.

As the situation stands, I can stay where I am until April/May of next year. That's until my roommate's girlfriend moves in after she graduates & they get engaged. However, I have the opportunity to move in with Sam & Madison (who are now friends, WTF?!) this fall, & I think I may take it up. I just don't want to be in a position when it's time to move where I don't have anyone to live with again because if there's anything I've learned in life, it's that people are not dependable.

As you may remember, Sam is the one who I was going to move in with last year & then got cold feet, which resulted in me moving in with Skidmark (*shivers*). However, he's more financially independent, mature, & hates living at home. Madison has never lived away from home before, but she makes enough at our job that she should be fine. Especially since everything would be split 3 ways.

I have some reservations, mainly being that this particular combination won't be the best, living with someone who is 19, & having to move in general. I also don't want to screw over my roommate now, but he micromanages everything too much. I don't have hardly anything downstairs but if I leave something out or use it, he takes it upon himself to clean/move it. Everything has to be put away the instant it's not being used. I'll make some spaghetti (successfully) & go upstairs to eat it. I'll be up there for maybe 15 or 20 minutes. I come back down? He's already cleaned everything. I just hate feeling like a slob because of it. And instead of talking to me about stuff he just leaves notes. The dryer was too full. You didn't clean the beer-spill well enough. Make sure the detergent gets in the washer (I still have no idea what the hell he's talking about with that). Plus, I feel so awkward when his girlfriend is here. The very same girlfriend who has lived here since May. Sigh.

But yeah, I don't want to screw him over. He's nice & I enjoy his company (when I leave my room & we feel like talking to each other). Luckily I didn't sign a lease & we just agreed I'd give a notice if I was leaving sooner than the expected time.

Who knows what'll happen. We're going to try to see a place over in the area where I used to live with Skidmark. It sounds pretty awesome.

My Ailment

Got my test results back (only because I got sick of waiting & called them myself). It turns out I'm low on Vitamin D, so I got a supplement for it. We'll see what happens.

I've been feeling really crappy lately, so I forced myself to go hiking with Madison yesterday. The trail we were supposed to take was supposed to only be 4 miles (meh) but ended up almost being 6 miles. Other than being out of breath for a little bit of it, I did really well & had a good time. I used to love hiking & exploring in the woods at my grandma's house when I was younger, & then again when I lived in Georgia. Maybe I've finally found a hobby after 25 years.

The phone I got in April is broken. Again. New phone is on its way, which means it's the 6th phone I've had in 2 years. Screw you, Verizon.

A lot has been happening, most of which I can't post about on here (yet). But along with my birthday story, I've got another one coming up.

Friendship Liability Insurance

The other night, I had gone downtown to smoke hookah with Madison & Drew (Drew is a new guy at work). The place we decided to go to didn't have any parking spots so we had to go down a side street. Madison wasn't sure where to park so I told her to just pull in somewhere (there were cars everywhere) & we'd be fine. Plus there was the sign that said we could park there!

After our little hookah excursion in which there was a guy dressed as Pikachu & another guy wearing a skirt wandering around, we go back outside & walk to the cars. That's when I spot the piece of paper underneath her windshield wiper. And one in the same spot on Drew's car (he drove separately). They each got $30 tickets. Oops. Madison was upset because I "told" her to park there. I went over to the sign & saw that it said you could park there until 11pm (by this point it was close to 1am). I found this to be a bit humorous just because something similar had happened a month ago or so with Madison when we went to a coffee shop downtown. I "told" her to park there then, too. Whatevs. They're only $30 each & I may give her some cash for them since I do feel a smidge responsible.

While thinking about these incidents, it reminded me how often stuff like this happens. It seems like I have this innate ability to accidentally get people in trouble, possibly for something I played part in, & not get in trouble at all. The first of these stories occurred in my first semester at TFC. This was back when I hung out with Neil, Dan, & Robyn (made famous in my post about how I started drinking & then had a nervous breakdown). Robyn didn't live on campus & doesn't really play a part in this story at all, so screw him.

Anyway, Neil & Dan bought a smoke machine for some reason & were messing around with it in Dan's bathroom (his poor roommate...). I was getting ready to go to bed when I hit the button one last time & made it give a long, drawn out puff of smoke. Then I went to bed. About 5 minutes later, the smoke alarms begin ringing in the dorm. Well, shit. I come out of my room to see Dan & Neil already out of Dan's room looking panicked. The R.A. came out of his & was able to get the alarm off before more people came out of their rooms. He knew Neil & Dan were responsible so he told them he'd talk to them the next day. I just snuggled back in my bed, having sweet dreams.

The next day Dan & Neil were given 12 hours of gratis a piece (gratis was the form of punishment our school used for a while. If someone broke a rule or someone in authority just didn't like a student, they could be given gratis, which essentially was community service on campus or they could pay a fine for however many hours of gratis they were assigned). No one asked them whether or not I was involved, & they didn't volunteer that information for a few reasons. The first being that they knew I'd probably have a nervous breakdown if I was given gratis & the other reason being that they could then guilt me into submission. Whatever. Later on that week I was in Dan's room with Neil when the R.A. came in. I pretended to be asleep & heard the R.A. ask him if anyone else was involved & Neil said no. Thank you, Neil!

That weekend a former student who was friends with Neil & Dan came to visit. We all enjoyed camping (yes, I do enjoy camping. Surprise!) so that was on the agenda. Since we were paying thousands of dollars to be treated like children, we were required to fill out an overnight pass that listed where you would be & who you were with. The overnight pass was then signed by an R.A. & taped to your door in case they did bed checks or there was an emergency. However, since Dan & Neil had gratis they weren't allowed to go anywhere overnight. But they wouldn't let that stop them! Unfortunately for them, I forgot about that rule & put on my overnight pass that they were going to be with me. Oops!

After a horrendous night in the woods where Dan didn't include the covering of the tent & it poured for hours (I was the only one who brought a sleeping bag so I ended up not sleeping in a puddle), we came back & they each had 6 more hours of gratis for going out with outstanding gratis.

So in one week I managed to accidentally get them 18 hours of gratis. Though I was able to help them work it off by helping me with Student Government projects.

But my reign of terror doesn't end there! The next year after Neil & Robyn were gone, Dan had begun dating his future wife. We didn't hang out much then (as if I haven't already presented numerous reasons why) but we still talked occasionally. I was late going to chapel (we had to go to chapel a certain number of times a semester) when I saw them walking away from the chapel. I hollered, "What? Are you guys skipping chapel?!" They looked guilty & didn't answer. That's when I saw one of the deans of the school walking farther ahead. Shit. The next day Dan texted me freaking out because both he & Chelsea got about 8 hours of gratis & the rest of their chapel skips taken away from them for the rest of the semester because of that.

There have been other instances where I was the one who caused something to happen but I wasn't the one who got in trouble, but these are the ones that stick out the most in my mind. Also, this post is already running long & most people will have stopped reading by now.

I swear I'm not a bad friend! These things just happen!

And on a similar note, the entire time I was at TFC I never got gratis. Not even that time I almost got kicked out.

Feel The Burn

I'm not what one would consider a smoker. Aside from the occasional social cigarette every few weeks (or months), I don't smoke at all. In fact, I've never even bought my own pack.

Well, today as I was driving around with Madison (who does smoke), I bummed a cigarette from her. Our mission had been to buy her a hookah, so I was just in a tobacco-y mood. However, as we were cruising down the highway, listening to "Hey Soul Sister" (it's so generic but so, so catchy), with the windows down, it began to rain. These huge water drops were splashing onto me, so I throw out my cigarette & roll up the window.

Only of course, it's not that simple. As I lean back against my seat, I feel this piercing burn. Confused & frightened, I leaned forward to see the cigarette fall from it's comfortable position against my back & into the seat, exactly when my butt would be once I sit down. Luckily, I was able to pick it up & correctly throw it out the window. However, I did suffer a minor rash & burned a small hole in my shirt.

And that's why you shouldn't smoke.

Quite Pointless But Deal With It

Tonight my co-worker Madison & I went to Applebee's because she has never been before (she's obviously lived a privileged life). She thought it was amazing (she's 18. Cut her some slack).

That's not the point of the story (though it would be awesome & possibly the worst story ever told) (I have a lot of parenthetical thought, don't I?). The point is that during a song, I heard what sounded like a guitar making a fart noise but didn't say anything. Then it happened again. And again. By this point, Madison & I looked at each other & started laughing. And then it was nothing but farting noises coming over the speaker system. AND we were the only people laughing or having any reaction at all. It got to the point that we were crying due to laughing so hard.

......& that's where babies come from.