Birthday Story 3: The Time I Threw Up

The birthday I think I'm the most proud of at this point in my life involves vomit. Of course.

It was my 23rd birthday. I had planned to visit some friends from college in Ohio (there seems to be an absurd amount of people from Ohio where I went to college) & figured I'd go during my birthday because then I had a better chance of having fun. We'll see about that...

For my actual birthday, I was celebrating with Robyn & Neil. At the time, they were living together in an apartment connected to Robyn's dad's apartment. However, Robyn was essentially living with his girlfriend (the same girlfriend he visited me with last summer) so I basically just stayed with Neil. Anyway.

The 3 of us, Robyn's girlfriend, & his dad (who is awesome) went to some Mexican restaurant. It just happened to be margarita night. Because THAT'S always a good idea. Robyn's dad bought us some pitchers, but they tasted kind of funny. All of us thought so. That didn't prevent me from drinking 3 glasses of some of the jankiest margaritas ever, though.

So after dinner we went to see "Bruno" (I know...). By this point, I'm feeling like warmed-over shit. We get in the theater & I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I don't puke. I don't pee. I'm just...in there. Then I go back to the theater. Then back to the bathroom where I don't do anything. This continues for the first part of the movie. By about the halfway point, I gave up & just stayed in the bathroom, where I proceeded to fall asleep sitting on the floor in the stall while leaning against the wall. At least I think that's how I fell asleep. I'm going to tell myself to remember it that way because the thought of me falling asleep on a public bathroom floor any other way is too frightening.

I had been gone so long that Robyn eventually came to get me. He forced me up, told me I wasn't that drunk (he was wrong) & I saw the end of the movie. I was not impressed.

We finally got back to the apartment where I went to sit on the bed. After a few minutes I got that feeling. You know the one (well, you do unless you're Aubree) after you've drank too much & you know exactly what the outcome is going to be. So I hurried as fast as I could to the bathroom. And I puked. A few times.

I tell you what though, I felt awesome afterwards. I laid on the bed & listened to Neil, Robyn, & Sarah talk for a bit. Then I wasn't even drunk anymore & I had so much energy! That is until I got a call from Alexa who was wishing me a happy birthday & also to tell me her cat of 16 years had died.

Also, a few days later I went back with some other people to see "Bruno" while I was sober. I liked it better when I was borderline comatose & not actually in the theater.

Preemptive Strike

So, as some of you know, I've been quite the fan of the bottle for a while now.

However, due to "sins of the father", it has been a family burden that alcoholism runs in our family (both sides, yo!). Every time I drank, I always thought about it. There were quite a few times where I thought I was slowly becoming an alcoholic, such as when I would feel a physical yearning for a drink when I wouldn't be able to have some.

As time has progressed, I've begun drinking a lot more by myself. And while I may only have a few beers or a lot of wine, my alone-drinking was becoming more & more frequent. This past Thursday I drank an entire bottle of wine in less than an hour before noon, threw up, then slept on my bathroom floor until about 4:30. The worst part? I then ordered $20 worth of Chinese delivery! WTF?!

So yeah, this shit needs to stop. I don't want to end up like so many people in my family (which will be a topic later on). I'm still going to drink around people since I can moderate more easily. But for now, this needs to happen.

So there.

Am I Terrible?

I should be working on that horrid assignment but whatever. I've checked out. Instead, I have something more important to talk about.

This guy from my college died either this morning or last night. He had been fighting with cancer for about a year or so. The thing is....

I don't feel anything.

We were in the same social circle for most of the time we were in college together (2 years), but never really clicked. He always treated me like I was stupid because I didn't enjoy studying things like philosophy & politics. When I talked to him once about some of my doubts about myself & Christianity, he kept trying to get me to leave the school right then & there, despite the fact that it was in the middle of a semester.

Then he was put in charge of one of the Student Government councils I was on, as well as just being on another council with me. The council he was in charge of was tough because instead of just using those of us elected, he brought in a bunch of his friends & only listened to their ideas. Then he asked us when the best nights were to meet, & when I told him I could meet any night except Tuesday, he said that we would be meeting on Tuesdays from now on. So there was that.

Then on the other council, every time I opened my mouth he made fun of me or shot me down. At one point, in front of everyone, he said he was on a mission to "dehumanize" me. No one took it seriously because "that's just his sense of humor." He did eventually apologize for that.

On a purely immature note, I was also jealous of how popular he had become. He was part of the group that had split off from my friend group & left me high & dry. I also didn't like how he treated women like they were inferior & stupid (kind of like how he treated me. Oh wait.....).

When I saw on the Facey B this morning, a lot of feelings went through my head. I felt slightly vindicated, & also relief. I felt frustrated at how brainwashed it seems some people are at how wonderful he was. At the same time, I feel bad for his family. I know what it's like to have a loved one die & you're the one left.

I texted my mother, who is an Oracle of Wisdom. She knows some of the situation & said this, "It's ok to feel nothing. He definitely wasn't a friend so you had no good connection. There are people I know that when they die I'll feel nothing...I will feel sad for them if they don't know Jesus but that would be all." When I said I felt guilty, she said, "Don't. Their really is no need to. We can't be expected to feel sad for everyone who dies. Especially those who were unkind to us." That made me feel better.

What do you guys think? Am I being immature? Does it make sense why I feel this way?

Just so you know, we didn't always have a tumultuous relationship. In fact, sometimes we got along just fine. And he was there the first time I ever puked from drinking. He even let me curl up in a ball on his lap while I shook due to possible alcohol poisoning.

Also, I don't want you all thinking I was just a push-over with him. I stood up to him numerous times at SGA meetings. Especially when the nights changed & I could go again.

Restlessness Made Me Do It

I have failed to sleep thus far tonight, so to hopefully make myself become tired & pass the time before I start cutting my wrists in frustration because I have to work in 6 hours, I am going to write 50 Random Things You Probably Don't Know Or Care To Know About Me.

1. I'm allergic to red dye #40. When I was little I was given some medicine with it & completely blacked out. Apparently I attacked my parents though. For serious. I remember none of it.

2. Despite my love for animals, I despise animal movies because they always make me cry & they're emotionally manipulative.

3. I've tried to read "Lord of the Flies" twice but stopped at the same place both times because it's so terrible. I think the concept is fascinating but it's poorly executed & none of the characters are likable in my opinion.

4. I used to be terrified of that Crest commercial in the early 90's with the vampire.

5. I can listen to my favorite part of a song 10+ times. Just rewind/fast forward to that part over & over again.

6. In one shift working at Jersey Mike's Subs I slipped on turkey juice & scrapped the crap out of my knee when I fell onto the mat & later fell & hit my head on the bread rack.

7. A few shifts prior to that I sliced the tip of my thumb off on the slicer in front of a customer. When I went to the office to take care of it my co-workers, thinking I had cut myself, cleaned the knife & kept using the slicer.

8. On my 2nd-to-last night working at McDonald's before starting at Applebee's my manager that shift (who didn't like me. Shocking, I know) wouldn't unlock the doors for me to leave when I got off & I had to climb through the drive-thru.

9. When I was 6 I started dancing on the toilet lid & fell off. I then hit my head on the toilet & had to be taken to the hospital to get stitches. The doctors thought the story was completely stupid so they were going to call Child Services if my story didn't match up. But it did.

10. I was unmoved when Mufasa died in "The Lion King" because I felt like it was too formulaic & manipulative.

11. However, I was inconsolable when the scorpion killed the ant in "Honey, I Shrunk The Kids." To make me feel better, we rented "An American Tale: Fievel Goes West." Too bad there was a scorpion in that as well which just made me cry all over again.

12. Most would say my taste in movies, TV, music, clothes, & hairstyles is horrid but whatever.

13. When I was 6/7 I took karate. I was in a competition & came in 2nd to the kid who won Nationals that year. I was almost a black belt when I had to quit because we were moving/my parents got their undies in a bunch about the teachers.

14. I played soccer for a summer when I was 10. I was terrified of the ball & if I got it, I'd just kick it. To my own team, the other team, out of bounds. Anything to get it away from me. The coach would actually say in the huddle to make sure I didn't get the ball. He also told me to shut up & pay attention when I asked him what happened while I was sitting out.

15. During a game I got knocked unconscious by the ball.

16. I can't even look at a jar of mayo without getting nauseas.

17. If I'm with someone who is drinking milk or is eating cereal with it, it makes me nauseas. I dislike milk. I was also told not to say anything about that around the customers at work the other day, which I'm now taking on as a personal challenge to make sure I do.

18. One time this lady stepped out in front of my car in a parking lot & my response was to slam on my brakes & cover my eyes.

19. When I was a senior in high school I had to take a career assessment. The top 2 results were Museum Curator & Art Appraiser. I was not pleased.

20. I'm still recognized back home as one of the kids who was in "The Sound of Music" at the community theater 10 1/2 years ago.

21. When I was younger I won a few art awards for my pottery & mixed media pieces. I made a mirror frame out of clay that people were offering to buy for hundreds of dollars but I wasn't able to sell because I was a minor. It was then destroyed when a flood ravaged our town & the art center was submerged.

22. I'm a perfectionist. If I don't get something right away, I get incredibly frustrated & think I'm a failure.

23. I had to undergo speech therapy twice for my stutter & lisp. I still have both occasionally; primarily the stutter.

24. While having my vocabulary assessed (by having me name pictures) for speech therapy when I was 4, we found out that I had a middle school vocabulary. I would have gotten higher but I didn't know what the picture of a pork chop was because we didn't eat pork.

25. I had to be potty-trained twice because I decided I didn't want to be anymore & started going in my pants again.

26. I get massive test anxiety & even had an anxiety attack during a math final in college.

27. I've run over 2 squirrels, a puppy, & a frog. All of them have been on whichever street I was living on at the time, meaning I had to see their mangled corpses for days/weeks later.

28. When I was 10 & 11, my mom & I would volunteer at the homeless shelter soup kitchen. One time there was a fight & I had to go hide in the storage area.

29. Our last family vacation was in December 2001.

30. My driving instructor was an idiot. He was constantly putting lotion on his legs & when I asked if we could turn the A/C on (it was North Carolina in August) he said no. I found out from the other kid I was taking it with that on the days where I'd get dropped off first the guy would turn the A/C on as soon as I was out of the car. He also called me 'Andrews' the whole time which confused me. It turns out that he thought that was my last name & he was horribly confused when he found out my first name was Andrew & tried to put the name on the passing form as 'Andrew Andrews.'

31. I have a really embarrassing tattoo.

32. When I took Public Speaking I did a speech on becoming a vegetarian. It wasn't very well-received.

33. I was hit in the leg with a sign by a customer when I worked at the theater & was bullied by my manager to press assault charges on her primarily because she was black & he was racist. That whole ordeal took a year to resolve & I didn't even ask for money. I just wanted it on her record because she had a rancid attitude.

34. Despite my late grandmother & her paying for lessons, I am not a very good swimmer. I can't dive nor can I swim under the water very well. When I went skinny dipping one time I almost drown because I got out too deep & no one would come over & help me because we were all naked.

35. My first time getting drunk I walked around outside naked, tried to masturbate, & drunk dialed practically everyone in my phone.

36. When I was 7 I dug a bunch of holes in the front yard for my zoo animals to have watering holes. My mom told me to fill them back in, so I covered them with pine straw. Of course, she stepped in one & sprained her ankle.

37. At 22 (almost 23) I dated a girl who had just turned 17. I went with her to the prom & everything. It lasted a month. I'm still surprised we aren't together.

38. I've almost been arrested for being with people who were shooting off illegal fireworks.

39. I currently weigh about 90 lbs more than I did when I was 5.

40. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people try to seriously sing a song & don't know the words (my old piano teacher comes to mind). It's one of the few occasions where I'll laugh at someone right to their face.

41. When I got my tattoo (at 20) my mother cried & my dad yelled at me & said, & I quote directly, "What if you FINALLY get a girlfriend & you fall in love? Then she finds out you have a tattoo & breaks up with you & you'll be single forever!" Yes, he seriously said that. I laughed in response. My favorite part was the emphasis on 'finally.'

42. I've moved 15 times. Yes, that includes dorm rooms.

43. Whenever people find out I was Valedictorian of my high school, their first question always is always, "Seriously?" Their second question is always, "How big was your high school?"

44. In kindergarten we had to practice for a walk-a-thon fundraiser. I managed to sprain my leg & couldn't participate. Nor could I walk for almost a week.

45. We used to live in a house infested with bats. One time one flew into the back of my head. My dad would dispose of them by taking a fishing net on a pole & a golf club &...you know. I could never watch.

46. When I went on a mission trip to Panama the summer I turned 18 a bunch of people got dehydrated & had to go to the hospital. I was so depressed, homesick, lonely, & miserable there I tried to make myself get dehydrated so I could either go to the hospital or be considered mentally unstable & get sent home but the leaders found out & they just forced me to drink water until I almost puked every day.

47. I love the song "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley but I can't listen to it because it makes me so sad.

48. The only times I've ever thrown up because of alcohol it was because of that bitch tequila. The first time I actually think I had alcohol poisoning because after I puked I started shaking a whole lot.

49. When I was learning to drive before driver's ed my mom had me go around the neighborhood. When I turned into our driveway I managed to turn off the headlights & almost take out the bushes. Then when I tried to park I drove through the fence with such force that it knocked down 16 ft of it. And by knocked down, I mean it took the pole completely out of the ground & none of the boards broke. I cried. My mother thought it was hilarious.

50. When I think about you I touch myself.

Hot mess

So Friday I was blessed with the opportunity to drink in excess for the first time in a while. I generally handle my alcohol better than I did...dun dun dun!

We (Sarah, Jaclyn, & Mary from my classes) & some Random Guy Mary knows started off at City Place & got a trolley to Clematis St., which is where the debauchery takes place downtown. We went to this sea-themed restaurant & I got what was called a "Dark & Stormy," which contained ginger beer & rum. I wasn't impressed. We then went to some other place where I got a Long Island Iced Tea. I was feeling good as I do, & as we were gonna leave Random Guy brought us Kamikaze shots.

Here is where things take a turn. I hate shots. I mean, I despise them. They're too strong & I don't like having that much liquid in my mouth at once (that's what she said). The problem was I didn't want to be rude. And Sarah didn't finish her shot so I had a shot & 1/2.

I was still feeling ok, & we went to another bar. Sarah departed us, & the place we go to is crazy. We find a quieter place on a patio, & Jaclyn & I get Corona's. We just sit there, chillin', when I realize I must urinate. Jaclyn goes with me & I am unable to perform my urination. We go back, & I begin to feel super drunk & still have to pee, so Jaclyn goes back with me. I sit on a bench outside the bathroom feeling horrible. And then...AND THEN........

I puke on myself.

Poor Jaclyn goes to get me water & keeps me drinking that. Then I almost pass out on the bench. I get in a bathroom stall & puke more. Then these guys start yelling at me to hurry up. I stumble out & Jaclyn & I get a cab & leave Mary & Random Guy. I then.....

Puke on the poor cab driver's arm, on his magazines, & the floor of the cab.

Now on the plus side, I didn't puke anymore that night. On the negative side, I just puked on someone who is not my mother.

After moving to the front seat of the cab so I could stick my head out of the window, we're suddenly at my apartment & I stumble out & go lay down in front of the door. Jaclyn goes inside to get some Windex & paper towels & cleans the cab & pays. She then comes back & stays with me while I lay on the cement. Then she helped me back inside & stayed with me for a little while whilst I am draped over the toilet.

After she left, I just slept on the floor until about 5:00am, waking up every-so-often when my toilet would start running.

On the plus side, I didn't have to pee anymore, either. On the negative side, that's because I peed on myself sometime around 4:00am.

Sweet Lord, I'm a hot mess sometimes...