Uncle Harold Died

A few weeks ago I got a text from my mother that my great-Uncle Harold had died.

I was quite surprised, seeing as the last time I saw him he seemed totally fine. I've kind of always thought he was a turd & a half, but still...dying sucks.

My mind immediately went back to the last time I saw him, which was a little over a month ago at a family reunion. We didn't speak, of course. That's par for the course for us. We spoke a little bit back in March when we were all dealing with my grandfather dying. But that isn't the norm. I'm not one to hold a grudge generally, especially if the slight wasn't directed at me, but he really screwed my dad over. Back in 1999-2000, my dad was the music minister at the church he grew up in (still attended by my grandparents & other assorted relatives). But Uncle Harold had my father, who was his nephew, removed from the position. I'm not sure of the reason, other than he was trying to get control of the church. And guess what: he ran that church right into the ground. It's now one of those black churches with four different names in the title like Father of Grace Deliverance Tabernacle or some shit.

Ahem. As I was saying, I don't generally hold a grudge but that really pissed me off. You just don't do that to family. At least not to close family. But after that whenever I'm around him I keep my distance. But unfortunately at the last family reunion in June I couldn't avoid him due to the circumstances. I had taken a leak & as I was exiting the stall, Uncle Harold was coming in. We didn't speak. I saw him sit down on the toilet. I washed my hands super quickly & ran out of the bathroom. And that was the last memory I would ever have of my beloved Uncle Harold.

That is until my mom texted me back & told me it was actually my great-Uncle Harold on her side of the family. False alarm!

Interesting

According to Dixie, who talked to the supervisor who let me go, I was fired because my wonderful partner told them that I never did room checks over night & was afraid of the clients.

That's awesome. Of course I never got a chance to defend myself or talk badly about her because I was too busy doing her job while she slept every single fucking night. Or I was getting fired because I was thrown under the bus for absolutely no reason.

Here is the truth: I did do room checks. Almost every night. Some nights I was more tired than others & did sleep, but I never slept as much as she did. In fact, some nights I checked all of the clients when my only real responsibility were the guys. And no, I was not afraid of the clients. I would have my lovely partner wake them up if we had to check a blood pressure because I hate waking people up & also because sometimes people hit when they are woken up.

That's it. So that's nice to know.

On a more positive note, I had a nice time visiting people at church today (shout out to Rebecca & Rachel. Holla!). And tomorrow I'm probably going to Raleigh to visit Salem who is with his family while on a break from Toccoa.

It Happened

We all knew it was coming.

While I was off this weekend I got a text from my partner telling me that my shift Sunday wasn't covered, then suddenly it was. Weird.

Then Monday I got a text from her telling me to call her, which I did. It was to tell me that this new guy who was working for me this weekend had told her that he was under the impression that his regular shifts would be my Saturday & Sunday 8pm-8am shifts. So we both figured I was being fired, but perhaps I was going to be moved. In preparation, I typed up my notice so I could turn it in either today (Tuesday) or tomorrow (Wednesday).

Too bad I got a call this morning from my non-bitchy supervisor telling me that my 90-day probation period was up (all employees go through that when they are hired) & they weren't going to continue having me work. I told him I figured. He then asked if I would be willing to still pick up shifts if they needed someone to fill in. I told him I would if it was compatible with my availability.

So there's that. I'm not bitter. I'm just pissed at myself for not quitting first. I mean, I have my stupid resignation letter on the taskbar of my laptop when I got the call! But such is life. All I can do now is move on. My next step is going back home for a bit, visit my mom, go to Raleigh & see if that's where I want to live, then go back to Toccoa to help my dad move (since he got a job back home). So who knows.

*sigh*

That Time I Kept Saying I Was Going To Quit

Remember how I was going to turn in my notice this weekend?

Yeah, didn't happen.

I decided to ride this out as best I can. I want to leave, but just can't. I don't want to give them the satisfaction of me quitting (I'm nothing if not spiteful & vindictive). I enjoy spending time with the clients & being able to make connections with them. I enjoy feeling like I'm helping them. I enjoy how excited some of them get when they see me, to tell me new information about their recovery or what their plan is once they leave. Granted, all of those things are part of why I have "boundary issues" & get me in trouble, but screw that. I'm a relational person, I like to help, the clients want me to help. End of story.

Now, they've hired some new people so I'm sure the end is nigh, but whatever happens happens. I can't control their decision. All I can control is how I do my job & how I react. If I get fired, it's not a reflection of me. It's a reflection of them.

In other news, Robyn & Sarah are coming in 1 day. I need to clean out my car & try to air it out so it stops smelling like bottled up ass. I also need to get ready to be out in the sun a lot, as well as for my liver to hate me (I'm pretty sure I'll be drinking more than I have for a while).

The Fork Has Almost Been Stuck In Me

Apparently giving two clients the option to go to the hospital when they might have bronchitis is wrong. Who knew?

Also, just got a call from a professor who has an "in" with the higher-ups at my job. He was warning me that if I don't establish better boundaries I'm going to get fired. Basically, I can't really get engaged in conversations with them.

Fuck this.

Humorous

I find it funny that after working at my job for 2 months & thinking I was getting fired for the past month & a half, I have survived & outlasted so many other people. At least 7 people that I can think of right now have quit/been fired in the past 2 months, yet I keep trucking along like a cockroach or that contestant on "Survivor" who despite the odds never gets voted out.

Apparently 3 more people are getting fired next week: 2 of them work with my on Friday nights & the other being Love Chunks. I also find it funny how in practically every job I've ever worked, regardless of my competency or how much I perceive how much I'm liked, I work myself into a position of knowledge. I always find out things that are shaping up before they are announced. Now we'll just have to wait & see if these firings actually take place.

Tonight was a slow night. The only exciting things that happened were me backing one of the vans into an iron fence at the Narcotic's Anonymous meeting (minus clients) without any damage befalling the van (the fence wasn't so lucky) & one of the girls attempting suicide while the guys were at their meeting. When my partner for the night & I found out, we drove the guys back very slowly so they wouldn't be around when the cops were still there. Homegirl got Baker Acted, too. Dem's is da breaks.