Uncle Harold Died

A few weeks ago I got a text from my mother that my great-Uncle Harold had died.

I was quite surprised, seeing as the last time I saw him he seemed totally fine. I've kind of always thought he was a turd & a half, but still...dying sucks.

My mind immediately went back to the last time I saw him, which was a little over a month ago at a family reunion. We didn't speak, of course. That's par for the course for us. We spoke a little bit back in March when we were all dealing with my grandfather dying. But that isn't the norm. I'm not one to hold a grudge generally, especially if the slight wasn't directed at me, but he really screwed my dad over. Back in 1999-2000, my dad was the music minister at the church he grew up in (still attended by my grandparents & other assorted relatives). But Uncle Harold had my father, who was his nephew, removed from the position. I'm not sure of the reason, other than he was trying to get control of the church. And guess what: he ran that church right into the ground. It's now one of those black churches with four different names in the title like Father of Grace Deliverance Tabernacle or some shit.

Ahem. As I was saying, I don't generally hold a grudge but that really pissed me off. You just don't do that to family. At least not to close family. But after that whenever I'm around him I keep my distance. But unfortunately at the last family reunion in June I couldn't avoid him due to the circumstances. I had taken a leak & as I was exiting the stall, Uncle Harold was coming in. We didn't speak. I saw him sit down on the toilet. I washed my hands super quickly & ran out of the bathroom. And that was the last memory I would ever have of my beloved Uncle Harold.

That is until my mom texted me back & told me it was actually my great-Uncle Harold on her side of the family. False alarm!

Job Hunting pt. 1

I was just on Craigslist (since that's always worked out so well for me) looking for jobs. Very discouraging situation to say the least.

There are pretty much no jobs in the mental health/non-profit sector in my area. However, I did find one that seemed like it might be a possible except the punctuation, grammar, and spelling were atrocious so I don't think I'm going to pursue it. Though I'm pretty sure I could get an interview because of my background/training.

Another reason I don't want to do it is because it's working in a group home for boys. After everything that happened at the rehab (for those of you who are new, go back & read my posts from April-July of last year. If you don't want to, let's just say that it ended with me being fired with no explanation) I just don't know if I can work in another setting like that.

On top of that, I essentially grew up isolated & have a hard time knowing what to do with kids. Especially boys. They always want to run around, be rough, & are loud. That scares me.

Plus the fact that I weighed myself yesterday & I'm 140 lbs. Not exactly imposing & commanding of respect. And if the rehab wasn't proof enough, my strategy of trying to gain respect by being friendly didn't work.

I JUST WANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY JESUS H. CHRIST IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

So I don't know. Do you guys think I should apply? I've got to get out of this crap coffee shop.

A Comedy Of Errors?

I'm getting sick now. That's always appreciated.

My books also all got here today. Of course then my internet went out for the entire afternoon because of them cutting the trees down around my apartment so I wasn't able to do homework. I swear, if it weren't so insanely irritating everything that's happened to me with this stupid Liberty thing would be incredibly comical. And it still kind of is. I just need to get a little more removed from the situation before I can laugh.

I really have terrible luck.

Addendum: Obviously my internet is working now. I managed to steal some earlier this evening & wrote possibly one of the best discussion board posts I ever have. It was about Jesus. So that's slightly ironic, writing about Jesus whilst stealing internet (desperate times call for desperate measures). Then the internet went out again. But now it's back.

They also haven't gotten my financial stuff fixed nor has my transcript been evaluated so I STILL don't know what classes transferred.

Minor Update

I'm officially employed at Caribou. Orientation is tomorrow. Holla!

"Survivor" came back last night. Gah, I love that show.

That's all for now.

That Time I May Have Randomly Found A Job

On Wednesday I passed on going to a small church group meeting with an old friend from my home school days because of my wonderful social anxiety disorder, so instead I went for a drive to try to get acclimated with the area. I went to Cary (a suburb of Raleigh) & stopped at Caribou Coffee. I had been here once 2 years ago when Sam & I drove back from Toccoa for a weekend. I was casually talking to the barista's when I mentioned I needed a job. Apparently, there was a sign advertising that they were hiring.

Not what I was going for, but whatevs.

I told them that Sam had applied a while back & really wanted to work there & they should consider him before me, but I went ahead & applied that night. Around lunch on Thursday I got a call for an interview. Seriously?

Well, I went to the interview & they forgot it was scheduled then, but it was good. One of the girls from Wednesday did the interview & she loved me, so she passed me on to the next round of interviews with the G.M. She sounded pretty optimistic of my chances because of my customer service experience. She also told me she pulled up Sam's application because of me & that his availability didn't match what they needed because he's in school.

I'm really dreading this because I really, really don't want to do customer service if I can help it. I'm also dreading this because I don't want to hurt Sam. This isn't the first time this has happened to me, either. Lo 2 1/2 years ago Caitlin applied at Applebee's & told me she got an interview so I decided to give it a shot. Well, I got the job. She didn't.

But I'm actually quite happy about this. I need a job regardless of what it is. It will give me some income while I keep looking for things that will actually further my career.

New job!

I got a new job this week. In fact, it was just Thursday I received the word. I will be working as a Counselor Assistant aka Glorified Babysitter (even the supervisor calls it that). Basically, I will be enforcing the rules (ugh) & picking people up/dropping them off at the airport when the arrive/depart the rehab facility. The hours right now are shit: 8pm-8am Saturday & Sunday nights, plus on-call as needed.

I began training yesterday during the day & already they started to fuss at me, which I didn't take too kindly to & let them know it. I mean, if I had been there a while & had known better than to go into the main office to ask my trainer a question then fine. But no one had told me not to do that & I asked how they expected me to know something I was informed of & how they expected me to successfully do my job if I can't ask the person training me a question.

Lucky me, the supervisor won't be there when I am. In fact, I won't see most of the staff generally.

Oh yeah, & the guy who is training me tonight? Is the guy I'm replacing. And he doesn't know yet that he's being fired. And yesterday I think I pissed him off (if it was him) because I was sitting in my car about to leave & was texting & he wanted my parking space.

Weekends

Tonight is the 5 week anniversary of how many Friday nights I've been at my apartment alone. Go me?

I finished writing my paper for my Human Development class. Now alls I have left to do is start doing my part of the Group counseling proposal, do those 2 psychological tests & write about them, & study for my test on Wednesday.

Also, I sent my job interviewer (I forgot to write about that) a thank you card today. I almost doused it in my 11 year old cologne but thought it to be a bit too much.

Well, I'm off to maybe watch "The Godfather" for the first time. Or not. I dunno. I really want to Skype.

Interview!

I have a job interview on Wednesday! Too bad I don't know which job at that place I'm interviewing for because I applied to about 3 or 4. And I may or may not have made a bad impression on the phone, but it just means I have to wow them in person. I think I'm up to the task.

Jobs

I applied for about 7 jobs tonight. It was pretty frustrating, applying for all these jobs in my field that I don't meet the qualifications for because I don't speak Spanish & I don't have over a year experience because I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A FUCKING JOB YET.

I don't know how these people expect me to get any experience if I can't get hired. But whatever. I'm going to keep applying tomorrow, keep praying, & hope that something will work out because I didn't realize until today just how dire my money situation currently is.

Also, I can't sleep because I'm craving rice. Seriously.

Late night

Definitely should be in bed. Instead, I'm sitting here listening to Owl City & thinking.

I applied for a job yesterday as a case manager at a family center place. One of the girls in my Master's program works there (other people do as well but she's the one that told me about the job so I'm using her the most) & I'm hoping she can at least get me an interview. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do if I'm not able to get a better job. The school is going to make all of the students who live in the apartment complex move in May because their lease with the church who actually owns them runs out & they aren't renewing, so we all have to leave. I knew this going into it, but I wasn't expecting things to turn out the way they have down here.

On top of getting the job for financial reasons (it pays very well for someone like me), I also want it because it will help me feel like a real adult. I've felt like I was in limbo for a while now, & it's getting worse. I still feel like a teenager, though I know I'm not, & people expect me to be an adult, but I can't support myself, etc. I mean, my parents still pay for basically everything except my food (when I'm not home), DVD's, CD's, & clothes (they sometimes get those as well).

I don't want people to think I'm ungrateful because I'm not at all. I appreciate my parents & their willingness to take on these added financial burdens while I'm still a student, but it would be nice if I could do SOMETHING.

If I can't get a job, I'm screwed. I don't have any friends I could live with, & my parents won't be able to take on the extra burden of rent for me. I may end up having to take some time off from school which would fuck me over even more than throwing off my schedule because I have to be a full-time student to have insurance under my parents.