A Starr Is Born

Once upon a time, I knew a kid named Nathan Starr (first name isn't really his name, but his last name is. I just used it for the title of this post). We met while we were taking the driver's ed classroom portion. He seemed pretty normal at first, & was the nicest person in that class full of delinquents. We even ended up in the same car for the driving portion of the class! Isn't that convenient? I thought I had finally made a friend.

Obviously, since I'm writing about it on here, it either ends up being really weird or really depressing. This story is the former.

As far as he told me, he lived in an emotionally abusive household. According to him, he was a crack baby, which explains a lot of his future behavior. Eventually, his father remarried & his half-sister took most of the attention. His step-mom would go days without speaking to him over the slightest infraction. Because of this, I felt really bad for him. But then he started talking about how he worked out all of the time. Well, that's all well & good. But he also started talking about how he had so much power that he could force doors to close without touching them. That is not well & good at all. He also said he slept with an ax under his pillow for protection.

Yep.

Eventually we met at the mall to hang out for the first time since we took driver's ed. Pretty much the whole time was spent with him acting really weird, trying to embarrass me in front of a girl I liked at the time, & just being a creeper. At one point, I tried to lose him but wasn't successful.

Also, it should be noted that all of the working out that he did? He flexed & showed me his abs (in public....) & they didn't look like jack. He also said he had been growing a beard but it was barely a mustache. It really made me nervous that his reality was something completely different than the correct reality (i.e. my reality).

After a while, I told him over the phone that I didn't want to be his friend anymore because he freaked me out. And we didn't talk for a while. But then we started talking again for some reason & met to hang out at this park. He brought his motorbike that he had just fixed & some black kid with tattoos I later found out stood for the Bloods (Rocky Mount is full of gang activity) asked if he could ride it. I was thinking to myself, "This is beyond stupid. There's no way he will let this kid ride his motorbike." But sure enough, Nathan let him ride the bike. And just as expected, homeslice rode off & never came back. Nathan chased after him on foot (I ran a little but didn't expend too much energy because there's no way in hell we are catching someone on a motorbike) but the cause was lost. And so was the bike.

That was the last time I saw Nathan. We spoke some over Myspace a little later but I have no idea what he's up to nowadays.

Push-Over

I was told at work by one of the clients that I am considered a push-over. This doesn't surprise me, but it irritated the hell out of me. I don't know why I'm considered to be a push-over. I enjoy pissing people off too much. This more than likely stems from the fact that I come from a school of thought where you attract flies with honey, & the residents at the rehab aren't going to listen to you if you're a dick right out of the gate. I tell them what I need them to do, give them a bit, go back, give them a bit longer, then I start pestering more.

I'm just tired of the push-over label I have.

And I'm tired of people treating me like I'm stupid pretty much all the time. Twat-heads, I had a 4.0 GPA this semester & a 3.9 GPA overall for grad school. I was Valedictorian of my high school after only attending for one year & being home schooled up until then. I know there's a difference between book-smarts & street-smarts, but I think I have more street-smarts (common sense) than people give me credit for. And just because I may have difficulty doing simple arithmetic in my head from time to time doesn't mean jack! But seriously, if it isn't school related, people completely disregard what I have to say the vast majority of the time.

On a happier note, one of my co-workers was sporting a camel toe tonight. I loved it.

On a funnier note, while driving from an AA meeting tonight in that horrendous van, I totally ran a red light. The guy I was following made it under, I stopped, said, "Fuck it!" (literally) & just went under despite traffic. I hate driving that van & the less amount of time in it the better.

Adventure

I remember it was around this time last year I watched the movie "Into The Wild" for the first time. I thought it was incredibly pretentious & couldn't sleep later on in the night because of the creepy-ass picture they show of the real guy who died. But one thing I got from the movie was that I needed adventure.

My life has been relatively uneventful. College was always in my plan since I can remember. My parents always wanted the best for me, so they always pushed me to be better than everyone in everything I did. For the most part, I was. But my life was so boring (unless I did something stupid, like locking myself in a basement with a bisexual Wiccan or almost getting my ass abducted by a truck driver). I didn't have friends I hung out with while I was a teenager. One time I went about 2 months without leaving the house except to go to my grandma's (I was home schooled at the time). So no adventure then.

When I went to college, I was overwhelmed to say the least. I might have been in a small town, but I had choices! People may or may not have wanted to have me around. And I wanted to be around (almost) everybody. I had adventure (it's always an adventure when alcohol is concerned & when you realize you're kind of a slut that doesn't put out), but I was still stuck in a routine.

Then I saw this movie. Mainly because I love Kristen Stewart & her inconsistent acting. I was stressing out because I was graduating in a few months & had no idea what came next. I knew graduate school was eventually going to occur, but what else? I came up with the idea to road trip. I made a mental list of everywhere I wanted to go (New Orleans, L.A., NYC, the plains of the mid-west). Too bad I couldn't find anyone to go with me & I got into a graduate school.

But here I am. I'll be 24 in exactly 6 months today. I just watched part of the movie again. The drive to do something has returned. Where is my adventure? Should I road trip? I looked at my bank account tonight & after the urge to cry had left, I began to chew on my options. Now would be a good time to just pack up & go somewhere. Obviously I would handle it different than Chris did in the movie (I'd let my parents know where I'd be, I'd be more hygienic, & I wouldn't die. At least not because I ate some damn poisonous berry). But is that the adventure I've been lacking?

Damn. It's too late for me to be thinking about this mess. I just don't want to be older & realize I'd wasted my youth, because I already feel like I've wasted it enough as it is.