Why I'm So Good With Kids (Also, Why I'm A Good Salesman)

Yesterday at work, this man & his son of about 5 or 6 came up to the counter. After they ordered their assorted items, the boy noticed a thing of those stupid Silly Bandz that are all the rage right now.

So stupid...

Anyway, I have no idea why my job sells them. None at all. But alas, we do.

The boy wanted some. The father seemed confused by them. That's when I took over....

"Oh, you don't want those! They're $5 for a bunch of plastic bands. For that kind of money, you could help feed a starving kid in Africa."

The kid just looked at me, confused. The dad seemed a little confused, but thought it was humorous. And because once I start something like this I have to commit, I followed it up with.

"Yeah. How about that for a dose of reality on a Sunday morning."

Awkward silence.

My job here is done.

And that's why I'm such a good salesman & so good with kids, too.

That Time I Pressed Assault Charges On A Customer

So the winner of the vote was #3. There is more ridiculousness to come from my present life, as well as the other stories that didn't win.

The date was December 13, 2004. I was 18, in my first semester of community college, & had just gone back to work at the movie theater where I had worked previously. "Blade: Trinity" had come out the day before, & we were quite busy. The way the box-office is set up there, there are two different boxes inside the lobby where the box-office attendants stand, without any kind of glass protection. The girl who had been in the box with me (that's what she said) was off somewhere else & the general manager had taken over her register. This woman came up to my manager to buy herself, her friend, & two kid's tickets to see "Blade: Trinity." I'm going to come right out & say it, but my manager was a complete ass about 97% of the time, on top of being an alcoholic, druggie, & racist. The woman was black, so he wanted to antagonize her some.

He asked if the kid's were hers & she said they weren't. He told her she couldn't buy them tickets, which was true. But he said it in such a way to make her mad. And mad she got. They bickered back & forth for quite a few minutes, all the while I'm standing next to him actually working & selling tickets. Eventually, the woman got so mad that she punched a sign that was in front of his register but she had bad aim & it hit me in the leg instead. She grabbed her posse & they ran, & he ran after them. I laughed about it with the customers who saw it.

Because of the type of town Rocky Mount is, we almost always had police at the theater during the weekend. Well, they became involved in the altercation. It was then we learned her name. Let's just say that her first name was very close to a type of horrible alcohol, her middle name isn't even a word, & her last name is very common. I'll call her Rummy Sascatoon Smith for this story. Anyway, Rummy was arrested. My manager wasn't satisfied with this, so he talks to me about how I was violated & we couldn't stand for this. While I agreed that we needed to prove a point that you can't just act a fool when you don't get your way, I wasn't so keen on the idea of pursuing it further.

He had other plans though, & eventually talked me into pressing assault charges to match his destruction of private property charges he was pressing on her.

However, we find out that our court date is the same day as the first day of classes at the community college. Manager had just re-enrolled there & didn't want to miss, along with me, so he told me that since we pressed the charges that if we didn't show up that it would be like we dropped them. Not so. About a week later I woke up to a cop knocking on my door giving me a subpoena. Two months later, I have to miss class to go to court only to find out that Rummy's lawyer couldn't make it so we got a continuance. A month after that we actually get this shit-show on the road & win.

A few months after that we find out that sweet little Rummy is appealing the judgment. This means we have to go to the county court & have a trial with a jury. I shit you not.

By this point, it's been almost exactly a year since the incident took place. I'm missing class AGAIN only to find out that my case will be heard later in the week. I show up a few days later only to find out that Rummy was withdrawing the appeal & her charges were going on her record.

In total, I missed four days of class just so I could "prove a point" & keep my manager happy. I didn't even sue. There was no reason to try to get money when there wasn't any damage to me. The only damage there was ended up being the sign getting cracked, Rummy's already tarnished record (she had prior embezzlement charges from her career at TJ Maxx), & my attendance record.

I occasionally Google Rummy, just to see what she's up to. She is currently running a beauty school & seems to be doing well.

Stupid Blogger

So apparently even though Blogger shows I'm still following people on their sites, it's saying at the same time that I'm not following any blogs at all when I'm on my homepage. So....I don't know what's going on.

The Death of Liberty

Ok. So one of the points of me moving back to NC was so that I could take classes at Liberty Online. I thought the idea was inspired, as did my former professors in Florida. Everything was going fine until one fateful day, August 25th I believe it was. I was completing my Financial Check-In because the deadline was September 13 & if it wasn't completed by then there was a $125 late-fee. I called them because I had a question about something unrelated & was informed that I had a loan overlap from my school in Florida. They said it would take a little while but to check back in a few days to check its progress. I asked if I needed to do anything & they said I didn't.

I called back a few days later (the 27th I think) & checked. Again, nothing was fixed. Again, I asked if I could do anything to help & again they said I didn't.

A week later I call back & find out that there is a form I was supposed to fax to Florida & have them fax back to Liberty. So there was something I could have done. Wonderful. And oh yeah, the reviewing process takes about 2-4 weeks, so there was no way I was going to make the deadline.

I've been in touch with them throughout all of this, dropping hints & practically flat-out saying I was going to appeal the fine. My parents have talked to them, too. On Wednesday of this week (2 days ago, FYI. 'tards) I talked to this lady who said to check back today & speak with her because it might be corrected. Well guess what. All of the offices are closed for a meeting. And while they will be open again tomorrow, none of the student employees that are there can do anything & my dear friend from Wednesday is off. My class starts Monday so if I can't get anything fixed & I have to drop the class (which I had planned on possibly doing today) & since I can't now, I won't get a full refund on the class because I dropped it after the class started. Oh yes, it's true.

I'm going to fight all of it & I really don't care what I say anymore. I have been more than kind & patient with these people & have been dicked around for the past month. If I'm not a full-time student I lose my insurance so the only other option is to take this class in October, which means I'll have 3 classes having stuff due all at the same time & frankly, that's not an option. I'm not going to drive myself crazy because they're a bunch of morons.

And oh yeah, I had my transcripts sent there & they lost them. Yep! I got receipt in my e-mail that they were received on the 1st of this month & they JUST found them about 2 days ago after I brought it to their attention AGAIN. So at this point I don't even know what's going to transfer.

And our landlord chopped down the trees in front of our place & they left the disfigured limbs in the parking lot so there aren't enough spaces for everyone.

I need this day to be over.

That Time There Was A Whole Big Mess In Regards To Hiring Me

Today marked the 2nd interview in my quest to start my new career as a barista. The interview went very well, the manager loved me (duh) & told me that I was tentatively hired as long as my background check was cleared (so intense!). The only negative spots I can think of were when she asked me to sell her the pumpkin bread & I described it as "cinnamony, pumpkiny, nutty, & if those are raisins, raisiny" & when I told her that I thought the girl who had done my 1st interview was named Ellen. It was not. No harm, no foul.

Or so I thought.

As I'm pulling into my parking lot I get a call from the manager asking if I had applied to any other Caribou locations. I told her that I had put that I could work at other stores but that hers was the main one I applied to. Well, there was a problem with that. See, Ellen does exist. Ellen is the manager at another store. Ellen had called to set up an interview at another store & hadn't said which one & so I thought it was for the store I had been at the previous night. That made so much sense why when I went in to interview the 1st time the girl seemed confused about the time. She said tonight that she had thought she'd called me, so she had plans on interviewing me regardless, but still...

So there I was, missing one interview while I'm pulling another out of thin air. And because I had missed the official interview, I had been disqualified from working there which caused a complication in the hiring process. The District Manager had to get involved & yeah, annoying. Everything is all worked out now & I should have the official word on Thursday. I told them I had better be amazing after all of this.

I swear, that was like an episode of "Three's Company," only funnier, with better clothes, & no Don Knotts.

Attention Whore

The other day my roommate told me about seeing a guy riding a unicycle on campus. "Ok," I thought, "Someone is obviously trying to get attention."

Well ladies & gents, I have seen this famed man & his unicycle. Not once, but twice today. And I still think he's just trying to get attention because seriously, who the hell rides a fucking unicycle as their primary mode of transportation. Especially on a road with as many hills as mine.

Now that I am aware of his existence I'm thinking about turning his sightings into a game I play with myself (one is the loneliest number, after all).

On another note, I got a call-back for my next interview at Caribou for tomorrow. Holla atcha boi!

Head Banger

Around 2am this morning a client who I had already told to go to his apartment was leaning back in his chair (after I had told him to stop numerous times) & fell & hit his head. Another client was out there with him & got my partner & myself. Our weekend supervisor told my partner to take him to the hospital & to leave me behind, so I was blessed with the opportunity to clean up the blood. It wasn't that bad, but still...I don't know how they expect me to get better at this job when they won't let me do anything. Up until I demanded to pick him up, I hadn't been to the hospital. I don't know where any of the locations that we're supposed to take them are. And I'm waiting for the shit to hit the fan because they were up so late even though I had told them to go inside.

On a good note, the client is fine. He had to get 5 staples in the back of his head, but otherwise was good. He was even joking about how stupid he was after it happened.

Push-Over

I was told at work by one of the clients that I am considered a push-over. This doesn't surprise me, but it irritated the hell out of me. I don't know why I'm considered to be a push-over. I enjoy pissing people off too much. This more than likely stems from the fact that I come from a school of thought where you attract flies with honey, & the residents at the rehab aren't going to listen to you if you're a dick right out of the gate. I tell them what I need them to do, give them a bit, go back, give them a bit longer, then I start pestering more.

I'm just tired of the push-over label I have.

And I'm tired of people treating me like I'm stupid pretty much all the time. Twat-heads, I had a 4.0 GPA this semester & a 3.9 GPA overall for grad school. I was Valedictorian of my high school after only attending for one year & being home schooled up until then. I know there's a difference between book-smarts & street-smarts, but I think I have more street-smarts (common sense) than people give me credit for. And just because I may have difficulty doing simple arithmetic in my head from time to time doesn't mean jack! But seriously, if it isn't school related, people completely disregard what I have to say the vast majority of the time.

On a happier note, one of my co-workers was sporting a camel toe tonight. I loved it.

On a funnier note, while driving from an AA meeting tonight in that horrendous van, I totally ran a red light. The guy I was following made it under, I stopped, said, "Fuck it!" (literally) & just went under despite traffic. I hate driving that van & the less amount of time in it the better.

Before what happened in my last post...

Before we went out the other night, My Giant told me what the punishment was for the girl he decided it was ok for him to sleep with. She's getting punished by the school (& her dad) for sending nude pictures of herself online. He said she had to move out of her nice dorm & into another one, & was trying to figure out what word meant lowered status. I told him it was "demoted." He said it wasn't, & realized that the word he wanted to say was "depromoted."

Depromoted.

Depromoted.

I just stared at him a for a bit before saying, "That's what "demoted" means. And that's not a word."