Tuesday, April 3, 2012

A Few New Storylines

Guess who's still alive!

It's me.

Anyway, I know my last few posts were kind of boring & mentioned how I was just kind of at the end of my rope as far as stuff going on in my life. The depression & anxiety were completely taking over & making me completely worthless. I still struggle with that for sure, but it's improved greatly. For one thing, I started taking a new anti-depressant. The one I had been initially prescribed a few months ago prevented me from sleeping & actually caused me to become so emotionally numb that I began cutting, which I had never done before. Luckily I was smart enough to not do it in a visible place & instead used a safety pin on the inside of my thighs. Anyway, I obviously got prescribed a new medication. However, this one makes me really nauseous & messes up my sleep as well. If anything, I think just pushing through & relying on my inner strength is what has made the difference. And even though you readers may not be Christians, reading the Bible has helped as well. So there's that.

So on another note, my new career/school venture I'm wanting to pursue is to become a crime scene investigator. It's appealing to me because I could use my attention to detail (being anal retentive) for good. I also wouldn't have to interact with living people a whole lot which is a humongous plus in my book. Now I just need to find a school.

However, what I initially came here to write about is something that has come completely out of nowhere. Of the 3 storylines I'm writing about in this post, this is probably the most entertaining, as well as the most sudden. You see, my job has started a new policy effective yesterday that any time two or more shift supervisors are working at the same time, only one of them gets paid as a shift supervisor. The rest get paid $1 less as a team member. This happens when the store manager is there as well, even if he's just in the back doing admin stuff. When I found out I flipped. The main reason for this is because when I was hired, I was told I would be making a certain amount because of my customer service experience. That ended up not happening, but whatever. Then I got my yearly raise of $0.50. Then I got my promotion which was $1. All of that is well & good, except for the fact that all of the newer team members have been hired at a wage that was much higher than I was (different management). THAT means that when I'm forced to be a team member, I'm making less than every single new team member, despite the fact that I've been there for a year & a half & most of the staff we have now has been there about 3 months. We are all majorly pissed because it's like we're being punished for doing our jobs well. Even yesterday I had to clock in as a team member for 15 minutes because the manager was there for a little bit after me. I said to him, & I quote, "This is so fucking stupid." I'm classy & respectful.

Anyway, since I fancy myself an activist & am kind of spiteful, I called corporate to get a better understanding of their logic on this. The woman I spoke to (who I've talked to before) said that it was to allow shift supervisors to work more hours as team members, since it will cut back on shift supervisor overlap. Since our manager has been trying to be helpful to all of the new people he's hired by hiring them at a higher wage than the last managers did, it's screwed over his shift supervisor team. However, the HR lady said that we aren't required to work as team members. But that just means we'll have less hours total. So either way, we're screwed.

I was all gung-ho about finding a new job so I started a search today. Using a connection, I applied to be a part-time bank teller. I might also apply to some independent coffee shops &, as a last resort, Starbucks. 

Depending on what happens with a new job, I might quit Caribou. I also might stay & just work a few shifts a week as a way to get some extra cash. It all depends on where I get a new job, the hours, how much I make, & how some other issues at work end up playing out.

I should update more to prevent these really long posts.

Friday, March 9, 2012


I feel like I've literally run out of stuff to write about. Right now I'm just chilling at one of the Caribou Coffees in the area that I don't work at, busting my brain for ANY kind of topic.


I mean sure, I have a few things going on, but they aren't really the kind of thing I want to talk about on here. This was so much easier when I lived with Skidmark & My Giant. That shit wrote itself. I'm sure at some point I'll think of something to write about but right now, nope.


Sunday, February 26, 2012

The Craziest Man

A few weeks ago I ventured out of my depression to help Salem out with buying a van that he could then turn around & sell to make some cash. He had found this pedo-van on Craigslist (we all know how great my track record is with that website) & we made our way out near Fuquay-Varina to look at it. Salem said that the guy was really nice, & that he was even going to inquire about a job (the man owned his own refrigeration company).

Once we got there I was immediately put off because the man was wearing camouflage Crocs.
Like these.
He was incredibly manic, talking nonstop about anything & everything. He rambled on & on about how he beat up people in his family that were stupid with drugs. Did you know that he once hung his nephew upside down in a tree & shot at him? Well, he did. He also talked about almost every individual in his family & about how terrible they all are. Except his mother.

Then he turned the topic to the current state of welfare. Shit. I knew where this was going. He began to refer to black people as monkeys who were abusing the system. The whole time this was going on I just stared at the ground because really, what else could I do? He further proved his idiocy by referring to Michelle Obama as a "direct descendant of Tarzan's wife." This really bothered me, not just because it was offensive, but because it is freaking idiotic. Everyone knows that Tarzan's wife was Jane, who was British. White. That was literally the first thing I thought when he made that statement.

Salem ended up buying the van so we went inside for him to sign the paperwork. It was in his kitchen that I found some of the ingredients to make moonshine. Nope! We got out of there as fast as possible, with me driving Salem's car so he could drive the van.

Then Salem proceeded to get us lost for about an hour or so. And THAT'S what I get for leaving my bedroom.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Night Me

On the nights that I get to stay up late, I notice that I become rather introspective. I don't know if it's because I run out of stuff to read on my regular sites & stumble upon works with substance, or if maybe I get to thinking about deeper things due to no one else being up & it's truly a feeling of being alone. I like it, though.

When this happens, I plan. I make big plans. I'm going to start working out again. Or better yet, I'll start writing something more than some crappy blogs every so often. Or maybe, just maybe, I'll start reading books that are stimulating. OR! I might start playing the piano after my almost 6 year hiatus. Hey, if I do that, I could possibly start doing art again. I was a pretty good at pottery & incorporating mixed media into sculptures back in the day.

It's also this time of night when I hope to start eating healthier, & cooking for myself instead of eating out almost every meal. I might even become a better cook...

It's this time of night when I truly come alive. I feel like I'm a different person. I'm closer to the person I want to be, as well as the person I believe I actually am. 

But then I have to go to sleep & begin the whole ordeal over again. Bitchy customers, work, family drama, & depression take hold of me once again. 

On another note, I'm an awesome model. Admire my hanging arm shelf.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

She's Baaaaaack

Remember Christy? The girl with Down's Syndrome who wouldn't leave me alone?

Well, after I blocked her number a few months ago, everything seemed ok, more or less. I'd get the occasional Facebook message from someone in my old church telling me that Christy had been talking about her "best friend Andrew". She even dedicated a song to me that she sang in front of the entire church. Oh, how joyful I was when I found out. I was even more thrilled when I found out that the song was "Jesus Take The Wheel." Sigh.

Anyway, the temporary block on her number has stopped & the texting & calling has begun again. Literally, as soon as the messages started coming to me, they did. Which means she had been texting & calling me non-stop for months. Let me remind you that I have not spoken to this girl since September. I know she has special needs but this is ridiculous.

So now I just did another block on her number, as well as for her mother; both of these will expire in April. So we'll see what happens then.

Over it.

Thursday, January 12, 2012


Remember back when I used to post on this piece of shit pretty regularly?

Yeah, me neither.

Anyway, I assure you all that I am indeed alive & somewhat well. In the next few days I shall regale you with some crappy story that either just happened or happened a long time ago. I haven't decided yet.

Don't forget about me!