Monday, May 31, 2010

If it's sans gluten free, doesn't that mean it does have gluten?

Sunday, May 30, 2010

This One Is Kind Of A Downer (& Kind Of Long)

Over the past few weeks, I've had a lot on my mind. I've come to the realization that I'm not too thrilled with the direction my life is heading. I'm sick of the fact that while I'm generally well-liked by most people, I'm not well-liked enough to be included in hanging out. I usually have to initiate every time I hang out with someone. I also seem to be quite expendable. It seems as if people can easily cut me out of their lives. At the age of (almost) 24, the longest-spanning friendship I have at this point is going on 4 years (hi, Cherise!).

I'm sick of my fear of rejection keeping me from pursuing romantic relationships. Also, it seems like I'm not seen in that way. I'm always a "friend." And I'm usually friends with the guys who everyone thinks are (occasionally inexplicably) hot & are always being flirted with. I've even been told by a "friend" to go away when there are girls around since my mere presence ruins their chances (this was a few years ago. I'm not around enough single people anymore for this to happen).

The work situation is stressing me out. I have no idea if I'm being fired anymore & the clients are even more resistant to my authority than before. I don't even try now. Of course last night my head supervisor showed up because we had a client with incredibly high blood pressure & she told me I need to be more assertive. I told her I was but they ignore what I say. She then disregarded what I said (sigh). Part of the problem with people not taking me seriously is I usually come across as somewhat flaky & uncomfortable, even when I'm not.

I'm exhausted all the time. I barely get sleep & when I do it doesn't feel like enough. My grades haven't been as good as they usually are (the worst thus far was 82.5 which is horrendous for me). I'm overwhelmed by all of the above & feeling like a failure & a let-down & have been thinking about...ending things. It's not bad enough for me to go have myself committed but it's been bad. I don't want to go back on anti-depressants because I've had such bad reactions in the past. I haven't been able to talk to my counselors (that's right. Plural. I see multiple counselors for different issues) because they conveniently went on vacation at the same time. I've tried to get in touch with my professors but one didn't seem to take it very seriously & the other one won't return my phone calls. I told my dad & he was more upset about some of the issues I'm going through than the fact that I just told him I was thinking about suicide.

On top of all that shit, I'm thinking about a career change. I chose Counseling because it was something I was good at already & because my parents told me they'd only help me out financially if I went to a Christian school & so on. My original plan was to do nursing. I ended up not doing it because I dropped Bio 1 since I had never had a science class before & had no idea what was going on & my parents talked me out of it. Now here I am, a year into grad school with a degree I don't even really want anymore. I'm just not feeling engaged or interested in my classes & don't see how I can do counseling long-term.

Of course my parents aren't happy. My mom started sniffling & told me that I was possibly ruining my life by not finishing grad school & my dad told me that I might as well become a florist (gee whiz) & that he had higher hopes for me than being a nurse. My whole argument is that my whole life I've rarely made proactive decisions. Almost every decision has been reactive. Where I went to college? Reactive. Occasional jobs? Reactive. My major? Reactive. Going straight to grad school? Reactive. It's time I make decisions for myself & what makes me happy. It just really hurts that they seem to view this as a disappointment when I'm finally being the adult they claim to know I am & might finally be happy with life.

So now I have to decide what I'm going to do. Do I want to stay in grad school & hope it gets better? Do I want to begin taking classes for nursing in West Palm Beach? Do I want to go back home & take classes there? Do I want to move to Raleigh & take classes there? Do I want to move to Colorado? Do I want to take a much needed break?

I can tell you one thing that's for certain: I'm quitting that ass job.

P.S. This isn't a cry for help or begging for attention.

Better or worse than the ugly sunflower cup? You decide...

This message was sent using the Picture and Video Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit

Note: To play video messages sent to email, QuickTime� 6.5 or higher is required.

My supervisor told me I'm

My supervisor told me I'm not assertive enough. Well no shit, Sherlock. I told her I try but they ignore me. She ignored that...

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

They deliver?! Now I don't have to drive to super pork!


There's so much uncertainty in my life right now. Ohmuhgosh you guys! The jury is still out on whether or not I'm going to be fired. According to Dixie (classmate & co-worker) I don't have anything to worry about as far as what happened last weekend is concerned. However, the guy I replaced was told he had nothing to worry about. No matter what I do, I'm wrong. When I ask a question I'm treated like I'm stupid. If a client asks me something, whatever my course of action (letting them do something or not, answering their question, doing something for them) is wrong. Always.

The clients don't take me seriously as an authority figure. Whenever I try to get them to do something they either try to manipulate me, ignore me, or flat-out tell me they aren't gonna do it. I used to try to reason with them but it's just not worth it anymore. Now I tell them what I need them to do, I let them tell me what they're actually going to do, & then I say, "OK" & walk off.

One of the clients I got along really well with (an older guy who left yesterday. Of course) told me that a supervisor was talking to him about how unobservant I am (so professional) so the client was trying to help me. I told him I'm actually quite observant but I've basically given up because it doesn't seem to matter.

Now, you might be thinking, "Andrew, you can turn this around. You don't know they're going to fire you" & you might very well be correct. However, I saw this weekend on the calender on the desk of the guy who hired me (& now tells clients I am unobservant) that he had an interview with a guy scheduled for today. And they always do this: hire a replacement of the same gender before they get rid of their intended victim. My parents & a few others think I should go ahead & quit so I don't get fired, but I'm afraid I'm jumping the gun & who knows how long it will take me to find another job.

I feel like someone who knows they're about to get voted off on "Survivor." Like a screwed sitting duck.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

This is such an ugly coffee cup but I've grown quite attached to it while at work.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


It's been a short while since I regaled you readers in the trivial updates of my life. Not much has occurred. Moved into another apartment on campus. Almost got fired. Came very close to having a complete mental breakdown while stuck in a drive-thru at a Starbucks.

You know, the usual.

More to come. Just didn't want you to forget about me!

Monday, May 17, 2010

This is the face of someone who might be getting fired for the first time :/

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I know it isn't the greatest shot but it was so pretty in person. One of the joys of working the graveyard shift.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Well, I Guess God Wants Me Homeless...

The guy prayed about it. Apparently God said no to me living with him. Apparently God wants me homeless...

In all actuality, the mister said that his sister was coming to stay with him for a month & it was just a bad time. I'm not bitter. I understand.

It's looking like I'm going to be moving into a dorm for the summer while I continue my search. The best part about that is they want to move me into one where there aren't kitchens attached to the units, despite the fact that there are still some of those available. And the cafeteria is apparently closed so I don't know how they expect me to eat.

Jesus H. Christ on a porch swing...

Tomorrow is another day. I don't work or have class so I'm going to spend it getting this shit sorted out, packing (to move God knows where), & cleaning the current dump I live in (barely. Just enough so I don't get fined).

You know that feeling right when you're about to have a complete nervous breakdown? Yeah. Almost had one today while in my counseling session. My counselor looked quite worried for me. I would look worried for me, too. I've looked like warmed-over shit for the past week. That's the real travesty here.

Author Fail

She totally gives away the plot of the book right in the title.

Author, you suck!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


This actually isn't about me being homeless. Instead, it's about how awesome I am.

I gave a homeless man a taco tonight.

He looked so sad sitting on the side of the road, & my fat American ass had 4 tacos, so I figured he needed 1 more than I needed 4. I motioned for him to come over to my car & get the taco, but he kind of looked at me funny & shrugged.

Then he wriggled the nub where his left leg should have been.

Oops! Well, I still gave him the taco while I was making my u-turn & God smiled upon me.

P.S. I didn't give away my taco for the glory, the bragging rights, or my ego. I genuinely wanted to give him my taco (that's what she said).

I love this book. I will never not love it.

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.


My potential roommate bailed on me last night while I was at work. I received a text asking if I could talk (I knew then what it was) so I just called him & he broke the news that moving this week was too soon for him. Which left me with 5 days to find somewhere to go.

Luckily, a guy I know through my counselor knows a guy at his church who has a 3 bedroom house & already rents out one of his rooms, so there's a possibility I could be moving there. It's supposedly a nice house & neighborhood. And there's a pool so maybe I'll be able to learn how to swim better. I called the guy tonight & he said he'd pray about it & get back with me tomorrow. I almost said that we could skip the praying because I know God doesn't want me homeless & just get on with the show, but that would have been rude & I respect that he wanted to pray about it.

If God tells him no, I'm screwed. I will have exhausted practically every avenue I have.

On another note, I'm behind on my schoolwork already. Gone are the days of yore when I was weeks ahead. I think most of it has to do with me wasting 3 days apartment-hunting with someone who was WASTING MY TIME!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Reading the DSM-IV for class while at work the other night. FML.

My legs & feet whilst I read for class at work. Enthralling, no?

Saturday, May 8, 2010


I was told at work by one of the clients that I am considered a push-over. This doesn't surprise me, but it irritated the hell out of me. I don't know why I'm considered to be a push-over. I enjoy pissing people off too much. This more than likely stems from the fact that I come from a school of thought where you attract flies with honey, & the residents at the rehab aren't going to listen to you if you're a dick right out of the gate. I tell them what I need them to do, give them a bit, go back, give them a bit longer, then I start pestering more.

I'm just tired of the push-over label I have.

And I'm tired of people treating me like I'm stupid pretty much all the time. Twat-heads, I had a 4.0 GPA this semester & a 3.9 GPA overall for grad school. I was Valedictorian of my high school after only attending for one year & being home schooled up until then. I know there's a difference between book-smarts & street-smarts, but I think I have more street-smarts (common sense) than people give me credit for. And just because I may have difficulty doing simple arithmetic in my head from time to time doesn't mean jack! But seriously, if it isn't school related, people completely disregard what I have to say the vast majority of the time.

On a happier note, one of my co-workers was sporting a camel toe tonight. I loved it.

On a funnier note, while driving from an AA meeting tonight in that horrendous van, I totally ran a red light. The guy I was following made it under, I stopped, said, "Fuck it!" (literally) & just went under despite traffic. I hate driving that van & the less amount of time in it the better.

Friday, May 7, 2010


I decided I didn't want to live with those guys I didn't know & share a bedroom, & thankfully one of my classmates asked me Tuesday if I needed a roommate. How convenient? We've been apartment-hunting since Wednesday & it's been crazy stressful. We have found some great places but either the timing is bad (we wouldn't be able to move in until after I have to move out) or the price is ridiculous. We found some places where the price wasn't too astronomical but there was a very good reason for that. There was an awesome condo we would be subletting but the guy we'd be subletting it from seemed kind of sketchy.

This morning, however, we might very well have found the perfect place. Very reasonably priced, a seemingly safe area, & decent sized. The only negative is no washing machine or dryer in the apartment & only 1 bathroom. We will probably take that.

My Giant is still wanting to live with me. He came a'calling last night to tell me about this condo he wants to rent. I asked him if he thought it would be a good idea for us to live together again, to which he responded by saying his only beef with me was that I was a hermit & proceeded to apologize for being selfish with not cleaning up anything. Then he told me about his life & asked me to go clubbing with him. I had nothing better to do & I wanted to see if things would be different to I agreed.

But first, I played Mario Kart 64. Then we went to this hookah club where he danced like a doofus (I can't even describe it) & I messed around on my phone. Then we went to another place where he danced & I messed on my phone. Then we ran into that fetish kid who used to live with My Giant. And some drag queens. And some random people we both know. And a man of questionable intelligence & sobriety. And then we went to another club where My Giant used to work & sweet bejeesus, he cannot dance at all. It took everything in my power to not stare/laugh at him. I ended up sitting on a bench/sofa thing near the door for about an hour or more, occasionally fighting off My Giant trying to pull me onto the dance floor. I was waiting/hoping that this guy we knew & had run into earlier was going to take me to a bar like he said he would but he left without my knowing because his group was too drunk.

The fetish kid apparently has built a model of a 1930's convertible that he drives around, so My Giant wanted me to drive his convertible (ha!) back from the student center but I walked because I hate driving others' cars.

He just came over while I was writing this to ask if I still wanted to move in with him. I told him I had probably already found a place & he looked like I had crushed him. Dejected, he lumbered back to his apartment. As my mother says, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. And I was not going to get fooled again. Though I kind of want to bring him in as our 3rd so our rent would be cheaper...

I also stepped in puke in the bathroom. It was around this time I thought to myself, "Self, you had been in your pajamas & almost ready for bed. How did you end up here?" And on a Thursday, too.

As an aside, that guy that's been crashing at my mom's house since DECEMBER told her that I drink, which means someone's been creeping on my Facebook or on here. Screw him.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Well whadaya know?

Today I got the official word that the school isn't renewing the contract with the apartment I live in & have to be moved out by May 15th. This pissed me off & when I get pissed, I get pro-active. So I called the number of a potential apartment place & asked if they still have room. And they did! So I went & checked it out.

This all happened in the span of about an hour.

So I was almost homeless in two weeks for about an hour.

The apartment itself isn't spectacular but it's nice enough. Great location (right across from Barnes & Noble & the sushi place I love. I could literally throw something from my balcony & hit Barnes & Noble). Less than 10 minutes walking to school. Only $435 a month which is GREAT for West Palm Beach. Only downside is...I have to share a bedroom because there will be 3 other guys living there. But for the price, location, & the desperation I feel, that's awesome. Plus it will get me around people more & maybe I can make more friends.

Also feeling the desperation? My Giant. He started talking to me today while I was walking on campus (& talking to my dad on the phone. Rude) about how he found a 1 bedroom/1 loft place about 10 minutes away from school for $499. I wonder who would get stuck with the loft...

Though it might would be a better decision space-wise, I cannot with good conscience live with him again. And does he not remember last semester at all? Did he forget about how he ASKED RESIDENCE LIFE TO MOVE ME OUT?!

So what did I do? I told him to talk to me about it later. I'm a dumbass.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Because of course

I almost literally lost my damn mind today whilst driving back from Toccoa to West Palm Beach. I couldn't sleep last night & knew I wouldn't be able to because I always have a hard time sleeping before driving a long distance so I left at 2:45am (just like my trip to Toccoa). Only this time I almost went crazy.

Now usually when I am travelling the wonderful highways that connect West Palm & Toccoa for 12 hours I phase out some. But today it was beyond that. I actually thought a palm tree was a person at one point. I couldn't concentrate. I was tingly. I was nauseous. And when I stopped at Cracker Barrel & they were still serving breakfast I wanted to cry.

Once I made it to about an hour away, I was finally able to get in touch with my mom & talk to her some to keep me somewhat conscious (because talking on the phone is so much better than falling asleep & thinking pieces of nature are humans). I start unloading my car & who is the first person I should encounter?

My Giant, of course.

Because of course.

He started talking to me about how they probably are going to kick us out of the apartments but if they don't or if they require us to have roommates he is offering me my old room back.

Was he even present for all of last semester? Does he not remember how we could barely be civil to each other? Does he not remember that he tried to get me kicked out of my room & into another apartment?

Anyway, I told him that if they try to make me move into a dorm I'm just going to get my own place with my loan money. He seemed to have a hard time computing what I was saying, or maybe it was just me because I was so fracking exhausted.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Decisions, decisions...

My plan going into Graduate school was to just get a straight-up degree in Counseling Psychology. I was (& still am) sick of school & wanted out as fast as possible with the least amount of work. Then I became interested in working in Addictions counseling. So then I decided I was going to dual-track degrees in Addictions & my original Mental Health degree.

Then today I was asked by one of my professors to join an independent study class on Marriage & Family counseling. By taking this class along with another class I am required to take, I will have a degree in Marriage & Family Counseling. My professor told me I can't tell anyone else in the program about being asked because she's being so selective in her invitations. So I'm kind of proud of myself for that.

So there is a good possibility I will have 3 degrees by the time this whole ordeal is over.

Bad news is I don't know if I want to do the work for it over the summer on top of my other summer classes. But since it's independent study I can go at my own speed & even take an Incomplete to finish the rest of the class in-between my summer classes (which end July 1) & my fall classes (which begin August 30).

So I dunno...