Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Time My Parents Were Almost Investigated By DCFS Because Of An Injury I Gave Myself

Ok, so the winner of the last poll was choice #1, which was the time I almost had my parents investigated by DCFS because of an injury I gave myself. Here is the story...........

It was around the 4th of July in 1993. I was less than a month away from turning 7. After having run errands as a family all day, my dad decides to give me a bath. I didn't really care one way or the other, & just viewed the whole ordeal as something to be tolerated. As he was drawing the bath, I got it into my creative brain that it would be a good idea to dance on the toilet. I put the lid down & started a'movin' & a'groovin'. Until the lid shifted & I felt & hit my head on the bowl.

That's right. I fell off the toilet & hit my head on it.

My dad, living in a constant state of confusion, didn't really know what had happened. My mother, who had been changing clothes, ran into the bathroom topless (I wasn't unconscious. Yet.) & yelled, "He's bleeding!" My dad said, "Where?" & my mom yelled, "His face!"

Sure enough, there was a big cut directly next to my eye that was gushing blood. My parents knew a nurse in town so they called her up to see if she could give them an opinion about whether or not I needed stitches. I was going in & out of consciousness, but I remember the nurses kids staring at me like I was a retard (duh).

It was decided I needed to go to the hospital, because no shit. I don't remember too much after that except speeding to the hospital (don't remember who was driving) & going into the bathroom at the hospital & looking in the mirror & being able to see bone. But apparently what happened that I don't remember was my parents getting the third degree about how I got the injury. The doctors & nurses couldn't believe that I would dance on the toilet. In fact, they were going to call DCFS on my parents because they were so sure that my parents had abused me. It wasn't until I semi-consciously confirmed the story that they backed-off & realized that yes, I am that weird.

And I still have that scar today. Some people think it's a dimple because as I grew up my face stretched out. But a few people know the truth.

God, I'm such a moron.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

YOU Choose The Story, Pt. Dos!

As some of you may know, yesterday was Christmas. For some, this means a lot of alcohol, a lot of presents, a lot of fun, a lot of fighting, a lot of food, & a lot of stress. For me, this means just one thing: work.

Because I don't really have much else to talk about at the moment aside from work (that I'm not going to mention at the moment since I've been told if I say anything negative about the company I will be fired. Who needs freedom of speech when you have a job in this economy, eh?), I'm going to let you guys pick my next post. Here are the 3 choices. Whichever story wins will be my next post.

1. The time my parents were almost investigated by DCFS for abuse because of a specific injury I had given myself.
2. The time I almost got arrested.
3. My first wreck.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Sorry that I've been kind of negligent on posting & commenting on your blogs, guys. Super busy & exhausted with work. But hopefully I will be able to catch up soon.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Why I'm So Good With Kids (Also, Why I'm A Good Salesman)

Yesterday at work, this man & his son of about 5 or 6 came up to the counter. After they ordered their assorted items, the boy noticed a thing of those stupid Silly Bandz that are all the rage right now.

So stupid...

Anyway, I have no idea why my job sells them. None at all. But alas, we do.

The boy wanted some. The father seemed confused by them. That's when I took over....

"Oh, you don't want those! They're $5 for a bunch of plastic bands. For that kind of money, you could help feed a starving kid in Africa."

The kid just looked at me, confused. The dad seemed a little confused, but thought it was humorous. And because once I start something like this I have to commit, I followed it up with.

"Yeah. How about that for a dose of reality on a Sunday morning."

Awkward silence.

My job here is done.

And that's why I'm such a good salesman & so good with kids, too.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I Always Pull It Out (That's What She Said)

I'm usually not a procrastinator. In college, I was very good at time-management. When I was in Florida last year, I got my homework done weeks in advance depending on the workload at the time.

But this semester has been a struggle. The situation with depression, Skidmark, & my ridiculous work schedule has made getting schoolwork done early (& well) has been thrown out of the window. This Sunday I had a 10-12 page paper about my cultural family heritage that I was really struggling with. I had allotted certain times to work on it because of work, so it shouldn't have been a problem. But because we're so understaffed & I seem to have the most availability, almost every shift I worked was rearranged & I got called in on days off.

Now, because of this issue with being understaffed, we are all being forced to work 7-10 hour shifts without breaks because there's usually only 2 people working. Yes, it's illegal. I know that. Thanks. Anyway, whenever I'm not at work, I'm flat-out exhausted. No energy to type or think. All I want to do is sleep. But this paper had to be done.

I had Saturday night off. All of the research was done. The title page was done. The references were cited. I started writing. Then Skidmark is all in a tizzy, cleaning & whatnot. I assumed he was bringing someone over. He did. I could hear them talking & someone used the bathroom about 8 times in the span of an hour.

Because I was frustrated, I texted Katie from my church small group. She called me back & said she & some other people from church were coming to get me. I protested, stating I had to get this beast written. Then Brennan took the phone from her & told me he was taking me back to his place in Fayetteville. I stopped fighting.

They came & got me. Brennan apparently doesn't know how to get to his house from where I was because we went about 40 minutes out of the way. It took us about 2 1/2 hrs to make a trip that usually takes only a little over an hour. Whatever. I got some of the paper written there. Then Katie came & got me. I realized as we were leaving Fayetteville that I left my laptop & books in Brennan's car. So we had to get those.

I get home about 40 minutes before I have to work (by the way, I tried to get someone to cover this shift & no one at MULTIPLE stores could do it for me, so I'm done picking up shifts for people for a while). I decided to do a discussion board post because I knew the paper would be done late & there was no point in risking 2 late grades as opposed to 1. When I got back from work, the internet wasn't working well. Of course.

Monday after work, I come home to finish the paper. Then there's a power-surge & the internet stops working. Are you serious?

I call Katie & we go over to Ryan's (also in our small group) to finish this paper. I stupidly drink a beer before I start writing & it makes the whole experience just the more frustrating. It ended up being one of the worst things I've ever written (possibly worse than anything I've written on this here blog). But I turned that bitch in 10 minutes before it would have been 2 days late. Didn't even proof read.

And guess what.

I got a 95 on it.

5 points off for it being late.

I am unstoppable.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

No Pride

At least I didn't have to wear the caribou costume...those antlers were such a pain in the ass trying to keep both them & my headset on, as well as not knocking into things with them. Maneuvering the drive-thru window with them on was no small task.

Friday, December 10, 2010

How Any 24 Year Old Would Want To Spend Friday Night

I should be working on a paper that's due Sunday right now. That's what I should be doing. But I'm not. No. Instead, I'm doing everything in my power but writing that paper.

It's supposed to be 10-12 pages long, which is all well & good, but the topic of the paper is not conducive to me being able to make it that long. It's on my cultural background & heritage, & how it has affected my upbringing & my family.

Wonderful. Except that it hasn't affected anything. I have Native American on my mom's side but that trickled out by the time my grandmother was born (though she got some reparation money because we had relatives who walked the Trail of Tears). And that's basically it. I'm part English, because of course I am.

I already told the professor I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just going to write as much as I can, use as many sources as I can (because it's so logical to make us use 12 sources on a paper about our lives, right?) & hope for the best. My grades have been pretty good so I'm not expecting to fail or anything. I still want to do the best I can.

Also, I went downstairs & Skidmark is in the basement. I wonder what horror he is conjuring down there at the moment.

Slight Update

It appears as if I may have found a place to live. I should know sometime next week.

On another note, I'm way too drunk for it to be a Thursday. And for having only drank 2 beers.

Also, here are two pictures of me holding an adorable baby this weekend while I was in Georgia. When his mom got pregnant while we attended Bible college I was one of the few people who helped keep her secret. I'm such a good friend.

Monday, December 6, 2010

What. The. Hell?

I just found this in my basement not 5 minutes after I get back from my trip. I think I'm moving this week.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

That Time My Mexican Stalker Returned

Remember this post where I was almost raped outside of the bathroom at work?

Well, guess who's been coming back by to see me.....

I've been expecting to see him periodically since the original incident but hadn't thought about it too much recently. Then Sunday morning a coworker told me he had come by the night before (right after I left, too) & asked if his "friend Andrew" still worked there. They told him I did, but that I had just left. The next morning (Sunday) he came by again before I got there & asked if I still worked there. They told him I hadn't quit in the past 12 hours (I'm sure they were nicer than that).

About 10 minutes after my coworker told me that he had been asking for me, she told me that he was there right now & I look over & see him standing near the bathroom (WTF?!) waving & smiling at me. I smile & wave back, because really....what else is there to do?

He put his limp wrist out towards me & I stared at him in shock, thinking he wanted me to kiss his hand. I asked what he wanted me to do, & apparently he was wanting me to give him a fist bump. I did, & he got my coworker to give him one too. She was trying not to crack up, but I was dreading what was coming next. Which happened when he started talking about his sister. But this sister wasn't in Mexico, according to him. This one lives on a street that intersects with mine (did not tell him). He was still giving me creepy eyes, & after a few minutes I just walk away because I had nothing else to contribute.

I told two of my shift leaders that he gives me the willies. After I left work today I got a text from another co-worker saying that he came back & one of the shift's talked to him. THEN I got a text from the coworker from Sunday who said he was talking to her & said he respects me. And he hugged another customer.

Hopefully this ends. And I hope to know what was said between him & my shift leader soon.

I also forgot to add that we aren't allowed to let him use the phone anymore because he calls Mexico. Seriously.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Cest La Vie

My soul died at work today. Stupid Santa hat. But my soul didn't die just because of the hat. Though it contributed.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I Never Stood A Chance

My parents obviously hated me.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I Suck

It has been brought to my attention that my grammar sucks. I use apostrophes when I shouldn't & don't when I should.

I used to be quite good at grammar but somewhere along the line in college I started doubting myself when writing papers & lost all ability to function.

This could potentially ruin a friendship.

I am an embarrassment to my mother.

On a happier note, Skidmark is going to be gone for 5 days for Thanksgiving. Holla!

Sunday, November 21, 2010


At work tonight I think a teenage customer called me "annoying." I'm not sure though, because I was walking away after running him his drink.

Whatever. If he did, I've been called worse by customers. And if he didn't, then I obviously made a mistake after murdering him. Sorry dude.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Blue Mooooooooooon. She Saw Me Standing Aloooooooone

Nothing says "Stable adult" like drinking alone on a Wednesday night.


Friday, November 12, 2010

The Passion Of The Skidmark

This story has been a'brewin' for the past few weeks, & now I feel like enough has progressed to make a whopping awesome post. So here it goes.

The week leading up to Halloween, Skidmark had begun bring over some guys. It wasn't uncommon for him to bring guys over, but these guys made themselves right at home. The first, a boy of 18, began his night with my dear roommate by going straight up to his room. This was then followed by the two of them showering together. The whole time this is happening, I'm sitting in the living room trying to watch a movie. Then Skidmark took this little chitlin' to the basement for a few minutes. Uh oh, thought I. Well, they came back to the living room & chatted with me for a while, where I learned that this kid's drug dealer lived down the road from us, & also that Skidmark had offered him the opportunity to live in the basement. I asked the kid how the two of them met, & he seemed flustered but said it was because they had classes on the same part of campus. Made sense. Then they went back upstairs & I asked him if he was spending the night.

He did. I saw them both leave together the next morning while I was getting ready for work. No biggie.

The night after that, Skidmark brought another guy over. I was in a bad mood & eating some terrible mac & cheese, so I worked my cock-blocking magic. I sat right there with them, talking online & bitching about the mac & cheese. The guy ended up leaving shortly after.

The next night, the 18 year old was back. They went to the basement again & Skidmark gave him the worst mohawk I have ever seen. Then they showered together again. Then I heard someone getting jerked-off through the ceiling. I give up.

Then, on Halloween...

I was watching a movie & had to tinkle. Skidmark was upstairs so I went to the basement so I wouldn't have to see that creeper. The first thing I see upon reaching the bottom of the stairs are a pair of dominatrix boots (those really harsh, tall, black boots that people into bondage wear). "Well, maybe they aren't that," I said to myself. I round the corner & step into the bathroom, turning on the light. What do you think I saw?

Two humongous pink dildos.

I just kind of stared at them for a minute, in total shock. I had never seen anything like that before, so it took me a minute to process why there were these two larger than life penises sitting on the back of the toilet. I immediately went back upstairs, fearing that he would catch me (I had watched a LOT of horror movies that week). After he went to sleep, I did go back down & snooped. I'm ashamed, yes.

I went back to Rocky Mount for a few days because I really didn't want to be there. When I went back the boots were still out, but the dildos were put away.

The next week progressed normally. I was behind on my schoolwork because of the dildo shenanigans, but I managed to (barely) get everything turned in on time. I had a paper due tonight at midnight so I spaced out the rest of my week so I could get that done. Well, that got torn asunder when I woke up yesterday & found a text from Skidmark telling me, & I quote, "Just wanted to let you know we're filming another video between 12 & 2. It's gonna be crazy shit that I don't think you'll wanna hear so you may want to leave." I look at the time. It was 12. I left.

I tried to work on my paper at work, but didn't get much done because of how distracted I get. Around 2:30 I get another text from Mr. Skidmark, telling me that they were done & apologizing for any inconvenience it may have caused me, as well as that he meant to tell me the night before. Well, obviously that makes it all better, right?

I then went on a mission to find the leasing office to see what my next step would be because I had to get out. Turns out, there is absolutely no record of me living there at all. Know why? Skidmark never turned in any of my paperwork. Now I have no idea where this leaves me because the lady said that he is allowed to sublet, but the papers I signed were supposed to put me on the lease, something that apparently hasn't happened. I'm expecting a call from Legal Aid on Monday to give me advice.

And the moral of the story is this: I should have just stayed in my room instead of hanging out in the living room.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Love me.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Yeah. That's definitely my towel & those definitely belong to my roommate. Ass.

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Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Bisexual Wiccan

It was about a month after the whole court case involving Rummy was resolved & I was still working at the theater. About two hours before closing time was to arrive, this guy I knew, "Bobby," & his girlfriend came in. I knew Bobby because his ex-girlfriend & I went to church together & he worked at the grocery store closest to my house. Anyway, we started talking & the topic of their being Wiccan came up. I found the topic genuinely interesting, plus the fact that I was incredibly lonely, so we decided that after their movie was over & after I got off work we'd go to Dunkin' Donuts.

While at Dunkin' Donuts things started getting uncomfortable. Both of them started talking about my aura, which whatever. I don't really believe that stuff. But unfortunately, they believe it very much & were quite adamant that mine was purple (I don't even know what that means). The girlfriend had to split, but Bobby wanted to still hang out. I agreed. Since Rocky Mount sucks, there wasn't much to do other than go to a house. His house, to be exact.

By this point it was around midnight. His house wasn't too terribly far from mine so it wasn't super inconvenient. He said we could only hang out outside or in his room. His room happening to be in the basement. No biggie. What was a biggie, though, was that his walls were covered in pentagrams that were drawn in blood. And he had other Satanic things around there. Oh, ok.

He tried to get me to drink but I passed, because I was a good boy back then. We went back outside & he kept trying to scare me, flirting. We went back inside & sat on his mattress. Well, I sat. He laid down & kept trying to force me to lay down with him. I eventually did lay down, but didn't put my head on the pillow (that would have been too far). Then he started talking about having sex with guys at work & asking me if I had ever been with any guys. No, I said. Then the conversation turned to Wicca. He started talking about all of these ceremonies & rituals & what they meant. Then he wanted to try something...

Now, I know you're probably thinking he upped his game & put more moves on me, but that wasn't it. Instead, he held both of my hands & pushed his energy through me. And I will tell you something: I felt something. After that, I felt really weird. Around 5am (sheesh) I went home. Later that day my parents found out how late I had been out & they freaked, especially when they found out what happened. They gave me a curfew (I was 19 & had no friends) & called our pastor, making me go to a meeting with him.

Bobby kept trying to hang out with me but I wasn't allowed to hang out with him. It was so frustrating that the only option I had at the time to hang out with anyone & my parents ruined it. Though technically I ruined it by telling them what had happened. But they totally overreacted. While yes, it was creepy & yes, me going down into the basement was incredibly unsafe, I ended up being fine. It was actually a precursor to a whole bunch of crap that was later to follow i.e. me getting myself into really bizarre situations.

Bobby & I are now friends on Facebook & occasionally talk. I saw him last summer at Books-A-Million (Barnes & Noble's retarded cousin) & he seems to be doing...pretty crappy. He is a total pothead & works at a pizza place. And he's still very bi.

Monday, November 1, 2010

That Time I Pressed Assault Charges On A Customer

So the winner of the vote was #3. There is more ridiculousness to come from my present life, as well as the other stories that didn't win.

The date was December 13, 2004. I was 18, in my first semester of community college, & had just gone back to work at the movie theater where I had worked previously. "Blade: Trinity" had come out the day before, & we were quite busy. The way the box-office is set up there, there are two different boxes inside the lobby where the box-office attendants stand, without any kind of glass protection. The girl who had been in the box with me (that's what she said) was off somewhere else & the general manager had taken over her register. This woman came up to my manager to buy herself, her friend, & two kid's tickets to see "Blade: Trinity." I'm going to come right out & say it, but my manager was a complete ass about 97% of the time, on top of being an alcoholic, druggie, & racist. The woman was black, so he wanted to antagonize her some.

He asked if the kid's were hers & she said they weren't. He told her she couldn't buy them tickets, which was true. But he said it in such a way to make her mad. And mad she got. They bickered back & forth for quite a few minutes, all the while I'm standing next to him actually working & selling tickets. Eventually, the woman got so mad that she punched a sign that was in front of his register but she had bad aim & it hit me in the leg instead. She grabbed her posse & they ran, & he ran after them. I laughed about it with the customers who saw it.

Because of the type of town Rocky Mount is, we almost always had police at the theater during the weekend. Well, they became involved in the altercation. It was then we learned her name. Let's just say that her first name was very close to a type of horrible alcohol, her middle name isn't even a word, & her last name is very common. I'll call her Rummy Sascatoon Smith for this story. Anyway, Rummy was arrested. My manager wasn't satisfied with this, so he talks to me about how I was violated & we couldn't stand for this. While I agreed that we needed to prove a point that you can't just act a fool when you don't get your way, I wasn't so keen on the idea of pursuing it further.

He had other plans though, & eventually talked me into pressing assault charges to match his destruction of private property charges he was pressing on her.

However, we find out that our court date is the same day as the first day of classes at the community college. Manager had just re-enrolled there & didn't want to miss, along with me, so he told me that since we pressed the charges that if we didn't show up that it would be like we dropped them. Not so. About a week later I woke up to a cop knocking on my door giving me a subpoena. Two months later, I have to miss class to go to court only to find out that Rummy's lawyer couldn't make it so we got a continuance. A month after that we actually get this shit-show on the road & win.

A few months after that we find out that sweet little Rummy is appealing the judgment. This means we have to go to the county court & have a trial with a jury. I shit you not.

By this point, it's been almost exactly a year since the incident took place. I'm missing class AGAIN only to find out that my case will be heard later in the week. I show up a few days later only to find out that Rummy was withdrawing the appeal & her charges were going on her record.

In total, I missed four days of class just so I could "prove a point" & keep my manager happy. I didn't even sue. There was no reason to try to get money when there wasn't any damage to me. The only damage there was ended up being the sign getting cracked, Rummy's already tarnished record (she had prior embezzlement charges from her career at TJ Maxx), & my attendance record.

I occasionally Google Rummy, just to see what she's up to. She is currently running a beauty school & seems to be doing well.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

YOU Choose The Story

Ok. I'm going to make this a slightly interactive post. I'm going to let YOU guys pick what the next story I tell is. Whichever of the 3 stories get the most votes will be given the literature-treatment by ME! Wahoooo!!!! (Sorry, I just woke up so I'm in a pretty weird mood.)

So here are your choices. Choose wisely, dear readers.

1. The suicidal cook at Applebee's
2. Bisexual Wiccan
3. Pressing assault charges on a customer

I'm deciding to give myself a vote, so my vote is for the suicidal cook at Applebee's. But worry not, dear reader(s?)! I will write all 3 stories at some point soon. So really, this whole 'voting' thing is pretty pointless (but isn't it always?).

Sorry for all of the typos. I literally just woke up & now I'm about to go work from 8am-5pm with maybe a 30 minute break (their emphasis). I was scheduled a 30 minute break but we might be crazy busy because there's some school band shit today so we're supposed to be busy.

Monday, October 25, 2010

That Time I Could Have Gotten Raped By The Bathroom At Work

At work today we were really slow so I volunteered to do different cleaning activities. As I was about to enter the ladies' bathroom to sweep, this Hispanic gentleman came up to me, smiling. He asked me in very, very broken English & in a very meek voice if I worked there. I told him I did (I did not say anything about the apron, the drive-thru headset, the promotional shirt I was wearing, or the broom & dustpan I was holding). He asked how old I was as he put his hand on my shoulder. 24, I said. He told me I looked very young to have a job & I told him that I get that a lot. Smiling, he told me he was looking for a friend. I ignored that. He asked if I was single (ah shit) & I told him I didn't currently have a girlfriend. He told me his astrological sign & asked for mine. I told him I was Cancer (in more ways that one [I didn't actually say that because he wouldn't understand]). He asked if that was pronounced the same way as the *holds invisible cigarette to his lips*. I told him that yes, it was pronounced the same as the disease. He apologized for looking so dirty. I told him it was fine. At this point I'm thinking....

I'm pretty much cornered in a small hallway, so I decide it's best if I extract myself from this situation, pronto. I told him I had to help make drinks & left. I gave a head's up to my shift leader about what had happened, which was probably good considering what happened next.

As she is out in the dining area he comes out of the bathroom (he was in there for about 15 minutes) & starts talking to her for a little bit. She came back smiling & told me that he was asking me all of those questions because he has a younger sister in Mexico that he wanted me to date & that I seem very nice. I just kind of laughed it off, but I'm not buying it. Why would he apologize for looking dirty & comment on my young appearance right before he said he is looking for a friend? I've been down this road before & everything he was doing, I've seen before. Be it a truck driver, a regular college student, a thug, a Wiccan, or a Mexican: they always want to "hang out." Sorry boys, but this *gestures to my hot bod* isn't free.

He was also probably in the bathroom so long because he was getting his wank on.

Sunday, October 24, 2010


Remember how I seriously have some of the most random situations happen to me?

Yesterday morning I was awakened to the sound of a wreck outside my apartment. I went back to sleep because I still had about 3 hours before I needed to be up & I don't get up earlier than I have to. When I did finally get up I looked outside to see a cop car, some maintenance trucks, & workers on the curb. Not on the curb? Our mailbox. That's because it was laying down.

Yes, that is correct. Someone ran off the road & took out our mailbox. And a pole.

I found out from Skidmark last night that it was the result of a carjacking on the N.C. State campus down the road. He lost control of the getaway car & then tried to jack a truck that stopped to help him after he wrecked. The almost-jackee (that's what she said) drove off because seriously, fuck that. The jacker (ugh...) ran off behind our apartment where he was then apprehended by the cops.

Methinks I need to move.

On the plus side, we already have a new mailbox & it's not directly on the street so there's no threat of me getting run over.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

P90X: Day 1

So I started P90X today/yesterday. Overall, it was kind of a fail. I started off watching the introductory DVD while eating ice cream. So committed! Then I moved up to my room because I had a feeling Skidmark (the new nickname I gave my roommate since he's always leaving little 'presents' on the toilet bowl) would be coming home soon. Well, I didn't have everything I needed, the most important being stamina.

They kept doing push-ups & pull-ups & I did ok on the first set of push-ups but after a while I'd go down & then not be able to go back up. I have a pull-up bar but couldn't utilize it because Skidmark was home. AND I couldn't see my laptop screen from the floor in my 'attempts' at push-ups. After about 30 minutes I got completely frustrated, pissed, & defeated & took a 3 hour nap.

I'm currently quite sore & know it's going to get worse. And I didn't even drink my protein so it's like I wasted an entire day.


Sunday, October 17, 2010

The end of my life.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Some Thoughts

I've been home for the past few days. I needed to take a bit of a mental break from my smothering depression I've been feeling lately. It's been surprisingly nice. My parents have been very understanding & on their best behavior. It almost restores my faith in love. Almost.

There's so much I have to do for class this week & I'm not motivated at all. In the slightest. I really, truly think a break is needed. If I'm going into the helping profession in any capacity, I need to be more healthy & right now that's not the case. Maybe if I take a break I can truly appreciate what an awesome opportunity I have in being able to have this education. As it is, I feel like I'm half-assing my assignments & not even trying in the writing department. Most of the written assignments I've done I've written like a blog post. So that's not good. But then again, my professor hasn't given me any grades or comments back so who knows.

I was talking to Alexa the other night. We think we're in such a crappy place of life. We're still young & supposed to be enjoying life, but also have these weird responsibilities. It's like we're Half-Adults. But hopefully, HOPEFULLY things will start looking up. I can definitely tell a change in my mindset so there's that.

On another note, My Little Porn Star actually engaged in a minor conversation with me the other day as I was leaving. I was shocked, too. Granted, I initiated to tell him I would be out of town for a few days but he actually acknowledged I lived there. Progress!

Monday, October 11, 2010

A house down the street from my parents' house. I love bad taste.

Friday, October 8, 2010

My Roommate The Porn Star?

Saturday whilst I was at home about to return to Raleigh, I received a text from my roommate (the first time he had spoken to me in a week) telling me he was going to be filming a video in the basement & to be quiet & not go downstairs. Ok.....

I get back & it's really quiet. As I walk to the kitchen to put some groceries up I see there's a sheet blocking part of the basement (we have a spiral staircase so you can see part of the basement from the living room). Ok....

I go up to my room but leave my door open so I could see who was there in case I heard them come out from the basement. Then all of the sudden my roommate & some ethnic male go straight into his room. Ok....

The mail hadn't been retrieved yet, so I went outside & saw yet another guy (of the creeper variety, it appeared) loading either a mattress or box springs onto a trailer along with other props (including part of a basketball goal). Ok....

After my roommate & the ethnic male left I went downstairs to investigate. A bunch of the stuff had been put in the closet or the corner. The big ol' exercise ball was down there. There was a blue light attached to a vacuum cleaner (WTF?). There was some kind of foam padding around the ceiling light. The bathroom door had a used towel hanging up on it & the sink was wet. Ok....

Today I went back down there to see if anything had changed. The towel is gone but now there are what look like bike or athletic shorts hanging on the edge of the tub.

I still have no idea what's going on. If we actually talked it might not be awkward to ask him what he was filming. But as it is I'm sometimes lucky to get a "Hey" out of him. In a way this isn't really surprising because when I first moved in I asked where he worked & he said he just did "odd jobs" such as construction but not often. He said he lived off of his college fund. That must have been a banging college fund to get him through undergrad & grad school.

Why can't I just have a normal roommate?

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Oh Yes

I have some new stuff to post, but I don't feel like dealing with it right now. So here are 10 more Random Facts about me. Because the other lists were SO popular...

1. On my first date ever (at age 22.....) we got chased by dogs in the country. Because we went to college in rural Georgia.

2. When I was 8 I got a hold of my mom's razor & ran it all over my body. Miraculously, I didn't get a single cut.

3. Over Christmas Break when I was 17 I went to have my wisdom teeth taken out. When they hooked me up to the monitor they saw there were some irregularities in my heartbeat so some tests were run & apparently I have PVC's, which are basically heart murmurs. I can still feel them every so often.

4. When I was 15 & 16 I went to a camp that was on the real life Dawson's Creek.

5. My first semester going to college in Toccoa my grandmother & mother would mail me clippings of "The Family Circus" because they knew how much I despised that comic strip.

6. Before going to camp when I was 16 I had my mom take me to the tanning bed so I wouldn't burn at camp. Well, the lady had me stay in way too long, naked at that, & I went two days in a row. I eventually was so burned that for a little while all I could do was lay on my bed naked. And then the tan didn't stick & I was just as white as before when I went to camp.

7. I've thought about shaving my head but it feels lumpy.

8. I wish I was black so there would be the slight chance that Morgan Freeman could be my grandfather.

9. When I was about 14 my uncle & cousin lived with my grandmother. Avid rednecks, they went hunting on a regular basis. My mother & I went over one day only to find a deer carcass, on its back, hooves cut off, headless, partly skinned just chilling under the carport. This in an average, middle class neighborhood. Nothing but class, those two.

10. Regardless of temperature or season, I have to have a fan on when I sleep.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Personality Defects?

I have an interesting story I want to write about involving my latest roommate fail, but first I want to write about this article from Psychology Today. It's about introversion & extraversion, & how our society is essentially forcing introverts to become extraverts & if they don't, they're seen in a negative light.

I think it's pretty interesting, because so many people would assume I'm an extravert but that isn't the case. On most personality tests I am either an introvert or exactly 50/50 both. I enjoy my alone time quite a bit. I need it to refresh myself, unwind. It was really difficult in college because I tried to force myself to be around people all of the time until I would just completely crash. Once I was able to move off-campus it made it a lot easier. I could disappear for a few days, recharge, & be back in the thick of it. As much as I was able to be.

People think that because I have the tendency to talk a lot, or because of my sense of humor, or because I have volume control issues from time to time that I'm always the life of the party. Not so, said the brown turtle. I like to be around people, yes. And I like to talk. But I also like to observe & take everything in. I'd much rather have a 1-on-1 discussion than be in a group more than 4. To me, it's better to have a few quality people than a whole bunch of stragglers.

It's kind of dawning on me as I write this that it may be why I sometimes struggle with customer service jobs. There's just so much going on & it's hard for me to take it all in at once. I really have difficulty multi-tasking. I'm good when I can focus on just one thing at once but when there's a ton of things I have to do at the same time, I start to make mistakes & can't listen/block people out. I've even told customers before when they're trying to tell me how to do something & I'm concentrating that I need them to repeat themselves because I had stopped listening.

I just have to be careful because with the mixture of my personality style & my Social Anxiety Disorder, things can go really bad.

Ultimately, I think it boils down to just wanting the choice of being around people & basically having the choice forced on me. Make sense?

From the mouth of someone getting their Master's in Counseling. Aye yi yi.

Friday, October 1, 2010


Do you know how awesome my Friday nights are? I just ate soup & I'm procrastinating working on a 3 page paper that's due Sunday. So far all I have is the title page. It won't be too hard (that's what she said) but I need to just get it done so I can get drunk by myself tomorrow night.

I work in the morning at 5:30 & get off at 11. Then I'm going home (...) to pick up some stuff that my mother doesn't want to mail because she is determined that since my street gets a lot of traffic that someone is going to steal my mail. But I have a coupon for Ruby Tuesday so I figure I can let them take me to lunch, get a free meal, get my stuff, & then be on my merry way.

Oh shit. My dad just texted me to remind me to do my traffic school for my non-speeding ticket because my mother won't quit nagging him. I just responded, "Grow a pair. I'm serious. She will never respect you if you keep letting her treat you like this."

I hope they still take me to lunch.

Thursday, September 30, 2010


After my little meltdown last night, I decided to take today to calm down & get my head cleared. I didn't want to go calling Liberty & verbally rape everyone raw because that's not good for getting what I want. No, instead it's time to manipulate them into getting what I want or at least making them feel guilty. So tomorrow or Saturday I will take care of it.

Instead of doing something productive like homework, working out, or my traffic school for my non-speeding ticket, I slept. All afternoon. From about 1:30 until about 5:30. Because that's healthy.

Oh! Oh! I did do something productive today besides sleep & go to counseling (holla, Michael!). I bid for the P90X DVD's on eBay! Looks like daddy's getting SWOLE!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


I swear to God I'm about to bust a cap. I submitted my fine appeal to Liberty & it was rejected because I was added to the Do Not Drop list since I wouldn't be able to pay for anything until after the fucking class started & because I did my FAFSA stuff for them less than 60-days before classes started.

I am not in the mood for this. I am exhausted. I am depressed. I am anxious. I am lonely. I hate being in school. I don't want to do anything except stay in my room.

I'm calling them tomorrow & cussing someone out because no one told me shit about being put on the Do Not Drop list would affect my appeal. Honestly at this point it's not about getting the money back because that sure as hell doesn't look like it's gonna happen. I'm just frustrated & am basically going to do what I hate: take it out on someone. Granted, I'm going to go as high up as I can because they're more responsible. But still.

I was going to try to post something funny or happy today but fuck it. I'm done.

Sorry for the language. Sort of. But someone's gotta show the love of Jesus.

Edited because after I wrote this I called my dad because I thought I was going to have an aneurysm & my mom kicked him out of the room they were in because she was doing stuff for work. Despite the fact that she'll sit in the same room & talk on the phone when we're trying to do something else & even tell US to leave if we said anything. I told him he better not walk out but he did & I told him I'd talk to him later because I can't deal with her being such a bitch.

I promise, I will post something funny/happy tomorrow.

Stupid Blogger

So apparently even though Blogger shows I'm still following people on their sites, it's saying at the same time that I'm not following any blogs at all when I'm on my homepage. So....I don't know what's going on.

Best Video Ever?

I will post a real thing later after work (I have to leave in 10 minutes to be there before 5am. Eff!). But this might be my favorite video on the entire internet. I've posted it on my Facebook before but I need to spread the love on here. Please, please do yourself a favor & watch this. There will be no disappointment.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Once upon a time, I was in college. When this time in my life was occurring, even more random events happened to me because of the sheer number of characters I knew. This story is about two of those characters.

Ij (short for Italian Job, though he wasn't Italian & he has no idea this nickname exists) & LL were dating. Ij & I were pretty good friends, especially when alcohol was involved. One of our favorite things to do was get completely trashed when my dad was back in NC visiting my mom. One time all three of us even slept in my twin bed! And they made out right next to me while I was sleeeeeeeping (that's actually happened quite a bit with different people. I know...). Anyway.

After getting in trouble for drinking (which is a completely different, infuriating post) I swore off of the alcohols for the rest of my tenure at TFC. A month later a friend came over & we got plastered. Around 4:00am we heard a knocking on my bedroom window. I asked what was going on & hear Ij & LL talking so I tell them to go to the side door. I drunkenly open the door & go back to bed without saying much. The next morning as my friend is getting ready to leave I ask if there are any extra cars in the driveway. He says no. I'm happy.

I go back to sleep & get up a bit later & see that my dad's door in partially closed. Ah shit. I go in & see Ij, asleep in my dad's bed with his pants & a condom wrapper on the floor. "Did you guys seriously have sex in my dad's bed?" I asked. "That's what it looks like" responded Ij. I told him I was going to get a shower & just walked out on him. Not a happy camper.

So yeah, that's basically the whole story. I did tell both of them off individually later. Just wanted to share.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Continuing The List

I'm going to finish that list of random bits of info about myself because I'm bored & this is my blog & I can do what I want.

51. Annie Lennox used to scare the crap out of me when I was younger thanks to the "Sweet Dreams" music video.

52. I used to hate watermelon but now I can't eat it enough.

53. I've never been stung by a bee, wasp, yellow jacket, or hornet. Because of that, we don't know if I'm allergic or not.

54. Most consider her a terrible actress & sometimes I have to agree, but I am in love with Kristen Stewart.

55. When I was 14 I was in this crappy version of "Snow White" playing the character of Sir Silly (I want to stab myself just thinking about it). My partner, Sir Clumsy, hated me (the feeling was pretty mutual after a while). Well, we had to push each other some in the play & during rehearsal it got so heated that I almost knocked him down the stairs. The director of the art center was watching & told my mom he was rooting for me & he knew I could take that kid.

56. My hips are double jointed & I can turn my feet almost completely backwards. If I do it one at a time I can turn them backwards & even walk that way.

57. My grandmother taught me to walk while my parents were out shopping. They were not happy they had missed it.

58. One time I fell down the steps at Applebee's because a customer was trying to get my attention so I turned around as I was stepping down. We were really busy, too.

59. I hate hearing anyone do an imitation of Heath Ledger saying, "Why so SERIOUS?"

60. My favorite color is blue. It is also the best looking color on me.

61. When I was trying to get my license my uncle, who worked at the DMV, had my drive backwards on the road so he could see a dead deer.

62. When I was about 7 I pretended I was 1 of 4 quadruplet brothers who were actors. They were my best friends. And all played by myself so they were obviously cool as shit.

63. I still have all of my action figures from childhood.

64. The first R-rated movie I ever saw was "Scream" when I was 16.

65. I love beer. I hate Guinness.

66. My favorite season is Fall. I'm ready for it to start cooling off more.

67. I had a hamster named Chester that was really mean. We had to wear gloves to feed him because he'd jump off the ledge in his cage & bite us. His left eye started to bulge out & the vet said he had a brain tumor so we had him put to sleep.

68. I effing love orange juice. Especially if it has pulp.

69. I was almost mugged one time in downtown Atlanta. I went with some people to take someone to the airport & I gave this homeless guy some money (as is my wont) & another one ran up & tried to take my wallet so I stuffed it in my hoodie & ran off. My friends were about a block or more away. I was not happy.

70. I was 18 when I had my first kiss. She initiated. Later, because I wanted to be respectful, I asked her if I could touch her butt.

71. I have to have a GPS or I WILL get lost.

72. When I worked at Applebee's I won the Fun Pin 3 times, as well as Guest Service, Cooperation, & Employee Of The Month. My name is on a plaque & everything!

73. When I worked at the movie theater this guy started cussing at me & as he was walking out I yelled across the foyer, "Merry Christmas, douchebag!" because yes, it was Christmas.

74. I'm surprisingly good at camping & enjoy it quite a bit.

75. I'm insanely, fiercely loyal.

76. My Senior year banquet at college they had an award ceremony & I won "Most Likely To Know What She Said" because I was so notorious with my entire graduating class for making "That's what she said" jokes. I wasn't there to pick up my award because I was at prom with that 17 year old *sigh*.

77. The more people tell me I have to see a particular movie the more likely I will not.

78. When I was 8 I ate so much raw broccoli that I puked.

79. I love to sing like a sassy black woman, though it usually ends up sounding like an effeminate Louie Armstrong.

80. When my last piano teacher was out of town for church she always left me in charge of leading the music.

81. I used to be so incredibly conservative. Then life happened & I realized that isn't a practical way to look at the world.

82. Though he made an incredible mythology, I think Tolkien is a terrible author.

83. One Christmas every single present I got was a Beanie Baby. My parents made it a scavenger hunt & hid them all over the house & in the yard (in plastic bags). Ultimately, I have about 111 Beanie Babies. Sad.

84. When my grandmother died my parents didn't call to tell me until she had been dead for about 4 hours because I was taking a theology exam that didn't count for a grade (but was required for me to graduate in a few weeks).

85. I've somehow managed to never have a hangover that I know of. I have, however, worked a lunch shift still drunk from the night before. It was not a fun day.

86. The first pair of glasses I had made me look like Harry Potter, especially depending on how my hair was. This customer at the movie theater wanted me to pretend to be Harry for her granddaughter but I told her that was mean. I didn't tell her how stupid it was.

87. I almost failed Statistics after the first exam but I got tutoring & busted my butt & got a B in the class.

88. Our neighbor 2 houses down sold "Christmas trees" in their backyard. But the trees never went anywhere. And people would always come speeding down to their house in the middle of the night, stay about 5 minutes, then leave. The cops came a few times.

89. I'm really sad that I lost my DVD of "Shaun of the Dead" because it's fantastic.

90. I have been working on this list for waaaay too long.

91. When I worked at McDonald's if someone got an attitude with me on the drive-thru I'd close the window on them & walk off.

92. Even though I rear ended someone I didn't get a ticket.

93. I wanted to be a cartoon animator or a comic artist. This despite the fact that I can't draw.

94. Unless I specifically ask for a specific thing, just get me a gift card or a candle. Please.

95. When I was 7 I cut one side of my cat's whiskers off & turned the scissors on myself. My mother was more angry at the cat than me for letting me do it. The cat couldn't walk straight for a few years until they grew back. When she'd walk down the hall she'd have to walk against it to keep her balance.

96. I'm really getting really tired & my spelling & grammar are suffering. Or so it seems that way to me.

97. I never liked Mr. Rogers. I always felt like he was talking down to me & treating me like I was stupid. On the other hand, I love Lambchop.

98. My favorite video games are Mario Kart 64, Super Mario World, & Goldeneye 64.

99. Even though I may think a movie, show, or comedian is funny I very rarely laugh. I don't know why.

100. I'm a joker, I'm a smoker, & I'm also a midnight toker.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Smidge Of An Update

Things appear to be settling down some. Work is going moderately well. I'm done training pretty much & my first shift as a "real person," as we call it, is Monday. This week I'm working 22 hours, so I'll be making that money (not really). School is going, too. My credits were finally evaluated & 5 of my classes (the max that will transfer) transferred. The people in there are pretty conservative, too. Which duh, it's Liberty University. But it's not making me look good because my discussion post is probably being viewed as radical to all of those straight-party ticket voters. So this is gonna be fun.

I haven't talked to my parents in a few days. It's been nice. They just bring me unneeded stress. My mom has turned into an entitled shrew who bullies my dad & refuses to do anything beyond the bare minimum because life didn't turn out the way she wanted & my dad is completely spineless when it comes to standing up to her but treats me like crap. I was only there for about 2 hours last Saturday & it stressed me out so much. My mom told me before I moved she would get rid of all the extra furniture before Thanksgiving but has made no efforts to do so. So I'm thinking about not going home for it. It's not a big holiday to me anyway, & it won't really be fun to stand at the kitchen counter & eat while they sit on the couch or in a chair because there isn't enough room to set up the damn dining room table.

On another note, I saw the unicyclist yesterday. Word.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Restlessness Made Me Do It

I have failed to sleep thus far tonight, so to hopefully make myself become tired & pass the time before I start cutting my wrists in frustration because I have to work in 6 hours, I am going to write 50 Random Things You Probably Don't Know Or Care To Know About Me.

1. I'm allergic to red dye #40. When I was little I was given some medicine with it & completely blacked out. Apparently I attacked my parents though. For serious. I remember none of it.

2. Despite my love for animals, I despise animal movies because they always make me cry & they're emotionally manipulative.

3. I've tried to read "Lord of the Flies" twice but stopped at the same place both times because it's so terrible. I think the concept is fascinating but it's poorly executed & none of the characters are likable in my opinion.

4. I used to be terrified of that Crest commercial in the early 90's with the vampire.

5. I can listen to my favorite part of a song 10+ times. Just rewind/fast forward to that part over & over again.

6. In one shift working at Jersey Mike's Subs I slipped on turkey juice & scrapped the crap out of my knee when I fell onto the mat & later fell & hit my head on the bread rack.

7. A few shifts prior to that I sliced the tip of my thumb off on the slicer in front of a customer. When I went to the office to take care of it my co-workers, thinking I had cut myself, cleaned the knife & kept using the slicer.

8. On my 2nd-to-last night working at McDonald's before starting at Applebee's my manager that shift (who didn't like me. Shocking, I know) wouldn't unlock the doors for me to leave when I got off & I had to climb through the drive-thru.

9. When I was 6 I started dancing on the toilet lid & fell off. I then hit my head on the toilet & had to be taken to the hospital to get stitches. The doctors thought the story was completely stupid so they were going to call Child Services if my story didn't match up. But it did.

10. I was unmoved when Mufasa died in "The Lion King" because I felt like it was too formulaic & manipulative.

11. However, I was inconsolable when the scorpion killed the ant in "Honey, I Shrunk The Kids." To make me feel better, we rented "An American Tale: Fievel Goes West." Too bad there was a scorpion in that as well which just made me cry all over again.

12. Most would say my taste in movies, TV, music, clothes, & hairstyles is horrid but whatever.

13. When I was 6/7 I took karate. I was in a competition & came in 2nd to the kid who won Nationals that year. I was almost a black belt when I had to quit because we were moving/my parents got their undies in a bunch about the teachers.

14. I played soccer for a summer when I was 10. I was terrified of the ball & if I got it, I'd just kick it. To my own team, the other team, out of bounds. Anything to get it away from me. The coach would actually say in the huddle to make sure I didn't get the ball. He also told me to shut up & pay attention when I asked him what happened while I was sitting out.

15. During a game I got knocked unconscious by the ball.

16. I can't even look at a jar of mayo without getting nauseas.

17. If I'm with someone who is drinking milk or is eating cereal with it, it makes me nauseas. I dislike milk. I was also told not to say anything about that around the customers at work the other day, which I'm now taking on as a personal challenge to make sure I do.

18. One time this lady stepped out in front of my car in a parking lot & my response was to slam on my brakes & cover my eyes.

19. When I was a senior in high school I had to take a career assessment. The top 2 results were Museum Curator & Art Appraiser. I was not pleased.

20. I'm still recognized back home as one of the kids who was in "The Sound of Music" at the community theater 10 1/2 years ago.

21. When I was younger I won a few art awards for my pottery & mixed media pieces. I made a mirror frame out of clay that people were offering to buy for hundreds of dollars but I wasn't able to sell because I was a minor. It was then destroyed when a flood ravaged our town & the art center was submerged.

22. I'm a perfectionist. If I don't get something right away, I get incredibly frustrated & think I'm a failure.

23. I had to undergo speech therapy twice for my stutter & lisp. I still have both occasionally; primarily the stutter.

24. While having my vocabulary assessed (by having me name pictures) for speech therapy when I was 4, we found out that I had a middle school vocabulary. I would have gotten higher but I didn't know what the picture of a pork chop was because we didn't eat pork.

25. I had to be potty-trained twice because I decided I didn't want to be anymore & started going in my pants again.

26. I get massive test anxiety & even had an anxiety attack during a math final in college.

27. I've run over 2 squirrels, a puppy, & a frog. All of them have been on whichever street I was living on at the time, meaning I had to see their mangled corpses for days/weeks later.

28. When I was 10 & 11, my mom & I would volunteer at the homeless shelter soup kitchen. One time there was a fight & I had to go hide in the storage area.

29. Our last family vacation was in December 2001.

30. My driving instructor was an idiot. He was constantly putting lotion on his legs & when I asked if we could turn the A/C on (it was North Carolina in August) he said no. I found out from the other kid I was taking it with that on the days where I'd get dropped off first the guy would turn the A/C on as soon as I was out of the car. He also called me 'Andrews' the whole time which confused me. It turns out that he thought that was my last name & he was horribly confused when he found out my first name was Andrew & tried to put the name on the passing form as 'Andrew Andrews.'

31. I have a really embarrassing tattoo.

32. When I took Public Speaking I did a speech on becoming a vegetarian. It wasn't very well-received.

33. I was hit in the leg with a sign by a customer when I worked at the theater & was bullied by my manager to press assault charges on her primarily because she was black & he was racist. That whole ordeal took a year to resolve & I didn't even ask for money. I just wanted it on her record because she had a rancid attitude.

34. Despite my late grandmother & her paying for lessons, I am not a very good swimmer. I can't dive nor can I swim under the water very well. When I went skinny dipping one time I almost drown because I got out too deep & no one would come over & help me because we were all naked.

35. My first time getting drunk I walked around outside naked, tried to masturbate, & drunk dialed practically everyone in my phone.

36. When I was 7 I dug a bunch of holes in the front yard for my zoo animals to have watering holes. My mom told me to fill them back in, so I covered them with pine straw. Of course, she stepped in one & sprained her ankle.

37. At 22 (almost 23) I dated a girl who had just turned 17. I went with her to the prom & everything. It lasted a month. I'm still surprised we aren't together.

38. I've almost been arrested for being with people who were shooting off illegal fireworks.

39. I currently weigh about 90 lbs more than I did when I was 5.

40. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people try to seriously sing a song & don't know the words (my old piano teacher comes to mind). It's one of the few occasions where I'll laugh at someone right to their face.

41. When I got my tattoo (at 20) my mother cried & my dad yelled at me & said, & I quote directly, "What if you FINALLY get a girlfriend & you fall in love? Then she finds out you have a tattoo & breaks up with you & you'll be single forever!" Yes, he seriously said that. I laughed in response. My favorite part was the emphasis on 'finally.'

42. I've moved 15 times. Yes, that includes dorm rooms.

43. Whenever people find out I was Valedictorian of my high school, their first question always is always, "Seriously?" Their second question is always, "How big was your high school?"

44. In kindergarten we had to practice for a walk-a-thon fundraiser. I managed to sprain my leg & couldn't participate. Nor could I walk for almost a week.

45. We used to live in a house infested with bats. One time one flew into the back of my head. My dad would dispose of them by taking a fishing net on a pole & a golf club & know. I could never watch.

46. When I went on a mission trip to Panama the summer I turned 18 a bunch of people got dehydrated & had to go to the hospital. I was so depressed, homesick, lonely, & miserable there I tried to make myself get dehydrated so I could either go to the hospital or be considered mentally unstable & get sent home but the leaders found out & they just forced me to drink water until I almost puked every day.

47. I love the song "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley but I can't listen to it because it makes me so sad.

48. The only times I've ever thrown up because of alcohol it was because of that bitch tequila. The first time I actually think I had alcohol poisoning because after I puked I started shaking a whole lot.

49. When I was learning to drive before driver's ed my mom had me go around the neighborhood. When I turned into our driveway I managed to turn off the headlights & almost take out the bushes. Then when I tried to park I drove through the fence with such force that it knocked down 16 ft of it. And by knocked down, I mean it took the pole completely out of the ground & none of the boards broke. I cried. My mother thought it was hilarious.

50. When I think about you I touch myself.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

A Comedy Of Errors?

I'm getting sick now. That's always appreciated.

My books also all got here today. Of course then my internet went out for the entire afternoon because of them cutting the trees down around my apartment so I wasn't able to do homework. I swear, if it weren't so insanely irritating everything that's happened to me with this stupid Liberty thing would be incredibly comical. And it still kind of is. I just need to get a little more removed from the situation before I can laugh.

I really have terrible luck.

Addendum: Obviously my internet is working now. I managed to steal some earlier this evening & wrote possibly one of the best discussion board posts I ever have. It was about Jesus. So that's slightly ironic, writing about Jesus whilst stealing internet (desperate times call for desperate measures). Then the internet went out again. But now it's back.

They also haven't gotten my financial stuff fixed nor has my transcript been evaluated so I STILL don't know what classes transferred.

Monday, September 20, 2010

No Title, Really

No progress with Liberty yet. Class starts today & assignments are starting to be due on Wednesday. My books are in-transit.

This has been such a hot mess. I just have to keep telling myself "At least you're not in Florida" to keep me from completely regretting it & trying to re-enroll down there. Still a possibility depending on how things go this semester.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Help! I Got Tagged By Lex!

Ok. So I was tagged by Lex, who is now making me answer these questions. Ay yi yi...

1) Sometimes I feel like I'm the craziest person person in the world...So you have to tell me something that makes you a little insane so I can feel better about myself.

Okay no, I'm kidding, but you still have to answer it :D
Let's see. I'd have to say some of my more OCD tendencies. I always have to check my alarm clock multiple times before I can sleep. I also have to back out of the driveway a few times & check the back door to make sure that it's closed so the damn dogs don't get out. And all of my clothes hangers must face the same direction. And I count syllables on my fingers.

2) Would you rather kiss Voldemort or Susan Boyle?
Voldemort because I walk on the wild side & I think it would be interesting to kiss someone without a nose. Though I could kiss Susan Boyle & learn what it's like to kiss someone with a mustache.

3) What is one impossible thing you wish was possible?
To reclaim my youth. I missed out on so much & I would love to go back & take more control of my life as opposed to letting everyone & circumstances define me.

4) What type of dinosaur would you be? I want you to research extensively and match yourself up with one that has similar personality traits =P
Pachycephalosaurus. Hard-headed & adorable.

5) If you could move anywhere in the universe, where would you move? (Notice how I say "universe" which means if you would like to reside on Mars, or set up camp in a black hole, that's perfectly fine.)
Canada. Nice weather, stuff to do, pretty scenery. No American b.s.

6) Theme song of your life?
"Tidal Wave" by Owl City. It's about depression, anxiety, & insecurity & trying to rise above it.

7) Gallbladder or liver?
Probably my gallbladder because I obviously hate my liver with as much as I drink.

Ok. So I don't know who to tag that would actually do this, so I'm going to tag...

&, oh what the heck, Lex, you can answer these too :)

Mainly because they're the only people that blog that I know relatively consistently read mine anymore.

Here are your questions.

1.I have difficulty pronouncing the word 'ominous." I always say, "Omnimous." What word/s do you consistently mispronounce?

2. Favorite TV show & why? Least favorite TV show & why?

3. What is one song you'd love to be able to sing in front of millions of people?

4. Most unfortunate outfit you wore thinking it looked really good? Mine were overalls & overall shorts.

5. Most embarrassing moment?

6. Something you'd do for a $1,000,000?

7. Least favorite food?

Ok. Just comment & let me know you've done these because I may miss them otherwise!

Friday, September 17, 2010

The Death of Liberty

Ok. So one of the points of me moving back to NC was so that I could take classes at Liberty Online. I thought the idea was inspired, as did my former professors in Florida. Everything was going fine until one fateful day, August 25th I believe it was. I was completing my Financial Check-In because the deadline was September 13 & if it wasn't completed by then there was a $125 late-fee. I called them because I had a question about something unrelated & was informed that I had a loan overlap from my school in Florida. They said it would take a little while but to check back in a few days to check its progress. I asked if I needed to do anything & they said I didn't.

I called back a few days later (the 27th I think) & checked. Again, nothing was fixed. Again, I asked if I could do anything to help & again they said I didn't.

A week later I call back & find out that there is a form I was supposed to fax to Florida & have them fax back to Liberty. So there was something I could have done. Wonderful. And oh yeah, the reviewing process takes about 2-4 weeks, so there was no way I was going to make the deadline.

I've been in touch with them throughout all of this, dropping hints & practically flat-out saying I was going to appeal the fine. My parents have talked to them, too. On Wednesday of this week (2 days ago, FYI. 'tards) I talked to this lady who said to check back today & speak with her because it might be corrected. Well guess what. All of the offices are closed for a meeting. And while they will be open again tomorrow, none of the student employees that are there can do anything & my dear friend from Wednesday is off. My class starts Monday so if I can't get anything fixed & I have to drop the class (which I had planned on possibly doing today) & since I can't now, I won't get a full refund on the class because I dropped it after the class started. Oh yes, it's true.

I'm going to fight all of it & I really don't care what I say anymore. I have been more than kind & patient with these people & have been dicked around for the past month. If I'm not a full-time student I lose my insurance so the only other option is to take this class in October, which means I'll have 3 classes having stuff due all at the same time & frankly, that's not an option. I'm not going to drive myself crazy because they're a bunch of morons.

And oh yeah, I had my transcripts sent there & they lost them. Yep! I got receipt in my e-mail that they were received on the 1st of this month & they JUST found them about 2 days ago after I brought it to their attention AGAIN. So at this point I don't even know what's going to transfer.

And our landlord chopped down the trees in front of our place & they left the disfigured limbs in the parking lot so there aren't enough spaces for everyone.

I need this day to be over.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Minor Update

I'm officially employed at Caribou. Orientation is tomorrow. Holla!

"Survivor" came back last night. Gah, I love that show.

That's all for now.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


Fire & Ice- Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great,
And would suffice.

This is my favorite poem. Can't really explain why. Just thought I'd share it with everyone.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

That Time There Was A Whole Big Mess In Regards To Hiring Me

Today marked the 2nd interview in my quest to start my new career as a barista. The interview went very well, the manager loved me (duh) & told me that I was tentatively hired as long as my background check was cleared (so intense!). The only negative spots I can think of were when she asked me to sell her the pumpkin bread & I described it as "cinnamony, pumpkiny, nutty, & if those are raisins, raisiny" & when I told her that I thought the girl who had done my 1st interview was named Ellen. It was not. No harm, no foul.

Or so I thought.

As I'm pulling into my parking lot I get a call from the manager asking if I had applied to any other Caribou locations. I told her that I had put that I could work at other stores but that hers was the main one I applied to. Well, there was a problem with that. See, Ellen does exist. Ellen is the manager at another store. Ellen had called to set up an interview at another store & hadn't said which one & so I thought it was for the store I had been at the previous night. That made so much sense why when I went in to interview the 1st time the girl seemed confused about the time. She said tonight that she had thought she'd called me, so she had plans on interviewing me regardless, but still...

So there I was, missing one interview while I'm pulling another out of thin air. And because I had missed the official interview, I had been disqualified from working there which caused a complication in the hiring process. The District Manager had to get involved & yeah, annoying. Everything is all worked out now & I should have the official word on Thursday. I told them I had better be amazing after all of this.

I swear, that was like an episode of "Three's Company," only funnier, with better clothes, & no Don Knotts.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Attention Whore

The other day my roommate told me about seeing a guy riding a unicycle on campus. "Ok," I thought, "Someone is obviously trying to get attention."

Well ladies & gents, I have seen this famed man & his unicycle. Not once, but twice today. And I still think he's just trying to get attention because seriously, who the hell rides a fucking unicycle as their primary mode of transportation. Especially on a road with as many hills as mine.

Now that I am aware of his existence I'm thinking about turning his sightings into a game I play with myself (one is the loneliest number, after all).

On another note, I got a call-back for my next interview at Caribou for tomorrow. Holla atcha boi!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

That Time I May Have Randomly Found A Job

On Wednesday I passed on going to a small church group meeting with an old friend from my home school days because of my wonderful social anxiety disorder, so instead I went for a drive to try to get acclimated with the area. I went to Cary (a suburb of Raleigh) & stopped at Caribou Coffee. I had been here once 2 years ago when Sam & I drove back from Toccoa for a weekend. I was casually talking to the barista's when I mentioned I needed a job. Apparently, there was a sign advertising that they were hiring.

Not what I was going for, but whatevs.

I told them that Sam had applied a while back & really wanted to work there & they should consider him before me, but I went ahead & applied that night. Around lunch on Thursday I got a call for an interview. Seriously?

Well, I went to the interview & they forgot it was scheduled then, but it was good. One of the girls from Wednesday did the interview & she loved me, so she passed me on to the next round of interviews with the G.M. She sounded pretty optimistic of my chances because of my customer service experience. She also told me she pulled up Sam's application because of me & that his availability didn't match what they needed because he's in school.

I'm really dreading this because I really, really don't want to do customer service if I can help it. I'm also dreading this because I don't want to hurt Sam. This isn't the first time this has happened to me, either. Lo 2 1/2 years ago Caitlin applied at Applebee's & told me she got an interview so I decided to give it a shot. Well, I got the job. She didn't.

But I'm actually quite happy about this. I need a job regardless of what it is. It will give me some income while I keep looking for things that will actually further my career.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Oh Wow

It's been exactly one year today that I started this pathetic excuse for a blog. Huh.

My Room

Ok. So here are the pictures I just took of my bedroom. It's still slightly a word in progress. And no, those aren't all of my DVD's on that big bookcase & no, those aren't all of my books on the small one. Some are still packed. And I'm terrible at making my bed. I'm even worse at lying in it (that was in reference to the saying about lying in the bed you made. Idiots).

Hope it suits your demands.