Tuesday, November 30, 2010

That Time My Mexican Stalker Returned

Remember this post where I was almost raped outside of the bathroom at work?

Well, guess who's been coming back by to see me.....

I've been expecting to see him periodically since the original incident but hadn't thought about it too much recently. Then Sunday morning a coworker told me he had come by the night before (right after I left, too) & asked if his "friend Andrew" still worked there. They told him I did, but that I had just left. The next morning (Sunday) he came by again before I got there & asked if I still worked there. They told him I hadn't quit in the past 12 hours (I'm sure they were nicer than that).

About 10 minutes after my coworker told me that he had been asking for me, she told me that he was there right now & I look over & see him standing near the bathroom (WTF?!) waving & smiling at me. I smile & wave back, because really....what else is there to do?

He put his limp wrist out towards me & I stared at him in shock, thinking he wanted me to kiss his hand. I asked what he wanted me to do, & apparently he was wanting me to give him a fist bump. I did, & he got my coworker to give him one too. She was trying not to crack up, but I was dreading what was coming next. Which happened when he started talking about his sister. But this sister wasn't in Mexico, according to him. This one lives on a street that intersects with mine (did not tell him). He was still giving me creepy eyes, & after a few minutes I just walk away because I had nothing else to contribute.

I told two of my shift leaders that he gives me the willies. After I left work today I got a text from another co-worker saying that he came back & one of the shift's talked to him. THEN I got a text from the coworker from Sunday who said he was talking to her & said he respects me. And he hugged another customer.

Hopefully this ends. And I hope to know what was said between him & my shift leader soon.

I also forgot to add that we aren't allowed to let him use the phone anymore because he calls Mexico. Seriously.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Cest La Vie

My soul died at work today. Stupid Santa hat. But my soul didn't die just because of the hat. Though it contributed.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I Never Stood A Chance

My parents obviously hated me.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I Suck

It has been brought to my attention that my grammar sucks. I use apostrophes when I shouldn't & don't when I should.

I used to be quite good at grammar but somewhere along the line in college I started doubting myself when writing papers & lost all ability to function.

This could potentially ruin a friendship.

I am an embarrassment to my mother.

On a happier note, Skidmark is going to be gone for 5 days for Thanksgiving. Holla!

Sunday, November 21, 2010


At work tonight I think a teenage customer called me "annoying." I'm not sure though, because I was walking away after running him his drink.

Whatever. If he did, I've been called worse by customers. And if he didn't, then I obviously made a mistake after murdering him. Sorry dude.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Blue Mooooooooooon. She Saw Me Standing Aloooooooone

Nothing says "Stable adult" like drinking alone on a Wednesday night.


Friday, November 12, 2010

The Passion Of The Skidmark

This story has been a'brewin' for the past few weeks, & now I feel like enough has progressed to make a whopping awesome post. So here it goes.

The week leading up to Halloween, Skidmark had begun bring over some guys. It wasn't uncommon for him to bring guys over, but these guys made themselves right at home. The first, a boy of 18, began his night with my dear roommate by going straight up to his room. This was then followed by the two of them showering together. The whole time this is happening, I'm sitting in the living room trying to watch a movie. Then Skidmark took this little chitlin' to the basement for a few minutes. Uh oh, thought I. Well, they came back to the living room & chatted with me for a while, where I learned that this kid's drug dealer lived down the road from us, & also that Skidmark had offered him the opportunity to live in the basement. I asked the kid how the two of them met, & he seemed flustered but said it was because they had classes on the same part of campus. Made sense. Then they went back upstairs & I asked him if he was spending the night.

He did. I saw them both leave together the next morning while I was getting ready for work. No biggie.

The night after that, Skidmark brought another guy over. I was in a bad mood & eating some terrible mac & cheese, so I worked my cock-blocking magic. I sat right there with them, talking online & bitching about the mac & cheese. The guy ended up leaving shortly after.

The next night, the 18 year old was back. They went to the basement again & Skidmark gave him the worst mohawk I have ever seen. Then they showered together again. Then I heard someone getting jerked-off through the ceiling. I give up.

Then, on Halloween...

I was watching a movie & had to tinkle. Skidmark was upstairs so I went to the basement so I wouldn't have to see that creeper. The first thing I see upon reaching the bottom of the stairs are a pair of dominatrix boots (those really harsh, tall, black boots that people into bondage wear). "Well, maybe they aren't that," I said to myself. I round the corner & step into the bathroom, turning on the light. What do you think I saw?

Two humongous pink dildos.

I just kind of stared at them for a minute, in total shock. I had never seen anything like that before, so it took me a minute to process why there were these two larger than life penises sitting on the back of the toilet. I immediately went back upstairs, fearing that he would catch me (I had watched a LOT of horror movies that week). After he went to sleep, I did go back down & snooped. I'm ashamed, yes.

I went back to Rocky Mount for a few days because I really didn't want to be there. When I went back the boots were still out, but the dildos were put away.

The next week progressed normally. I was behind on my schoolwork because of the dildo shenanigans, but I managed to (barely) get everything turned in on time. I had a paper due tonight at midnight so I spaced out the rest of my week so I could get that done. Well, that got torn asunder when I woke up yesterday & found a text from Skidmark telling me, & I quote, "Just wanted to let you know we're filming another video between 12 & 2. It's gonna be crazy shit that I don't think you'll wanna hear so you may want to leave." I look at the time. It was 12. I left.

I tried to work on my paper at work, but didn't get much done because of how distracted I get. Around 2:30 I get another text from Mr. Skidmark, telling me that they were done & apologizing for any inconvenience it may have caused me, as well as that he meant to tell me the night before. Well, obviously that makes it all better, right?

I then went on a mission to find the leasing office to see what my next step would be because I had to get out. Turns out, there is absolutely no record of me living there at all. Know why? Skidmark never turned in any of my paperwork. Now I have no idea where this leaves me because the lady said that he is allowed to sublet, but the papers I signed were supposed to put me on the lease, something that apparently hasn't happened. I'm expecting a call from Legal Aid on Monday to give me advice.

And the moral of the story is this: I should have just stayed in my room instead of hanging out in the living room.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Love me.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Yeah. That's definitely my towel & those definitely belong to my roommate. Ass.

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Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Bisexual Wiccan

It was about a month after the whole court case involving Rummy was resolved & I was still working at the theater. About two hours before closing time was to arrive, this guy I knew, "Bobby," & his girlfriend came in. I knew Bobby because his ex-girlfriend & I went to church together & he worked at the grocery store closest to my house. Anyway, we started talking & the topic of their being Wiccan came up. I found the topic genuinely interesting, plus the fact that I was incredibly lonely, so we decided that after their movie was over & after I got off work we'd go to Dunkin' Donuts.

While at Dunkin' Donuts things started getting uncomfortable. Both of them started talking about my aura, which whatever. I don't really believe that stuff. But unfortunately, they believe it very much & were quite adamant that mine was purple (I don't even know what that means). The girlfriend had to split, but Bobby wanted to still hang out. I agreed. Since Rocky Mount sucks, there wasn't much to do other than go to a house. His house, to be exact.

By this point it was around midnight. His house wasn't too terribly far from mine so it wasn't super inconvenient. He said we could only hang out outside or in his room. His room happening to be in the basement. No biggie. What was a biggie, though, was that his walls were covered in pentagrams that were drawn in blood. And he had other Satanic things around there. Oh, ok.

He tried to get me to drink but I passed, because I was a good boy back then. We went back outside & he kept trying to scare me, flirting. We went back inside & sat on his mattress. Well, I sat. He laid down & kept trying to force me to lay down with him. I eventually did lay down, but didn't put my head on the pillow (that would have been too far). Then he started talking about having sex with guys at work & asking me if I had ever been with any guys. No, I said. Then the conversation turned to Wicca. He started talking about all of these ceremonies & rituals & what they meant. Then he wanted to try something...

Now, I know you're probably thinking he upped his game & put more moves on me, but that wasn't it. Instead, he held both of my hands & pushed his energy through me. And I will tell you something: I felt something. After that, I felt really weird. Around 5am (sheesh) I went home. Later that day my parents found out how late I had been out & they freaked, especially when they found out what happened. They gave me a curfew (I was 19 & had no friends) & called our pastor, making me go to a meeting with him.

Bobby kept trying to hang out with me but I wasn't allowed to hang out with him. It was so frustrating that the only option I had at the time to hang out with anyone & my parents ruined it. Though technically I ruined it by telling them what had happened. But they totally overreacted. While yes, it was creepy & yes, me going down into the basement was incredibly unsafe, I ended up being fine. It was actually a precursor to a whole bunch of crap that was later to follow i.e. me getting myself into really bizarre situations.

Bobby & I are now friends on Facebook & occasionally talk. I saw him last summer at Books-A-Million (Barnes & Noble's retarded cousin) & he seems to be doing...pretty crappy. He is a total pothead & works at a pizza place. And he's still very bi.

Monday, November 1, 2010

That Time I Pressed Assault Charges On A Customer

So the winner of the vote was #3. There is more ridiculousness to come from my present life, as well as the other stories that didn't win.

The date was December 13, 2004. I was 18, in my first semester of community college, & had just gone back to work at the movie theater where I had worked previously. "Blade: Trinity" had come out the day before, & we were quite busy. The way the box-office is set up there, there are two different boxes inside the lobby where the box-office attendants stand, without any kind of glass protection. The girl who had been in the box with me (that's what she said) was off somewhere else & the general manager had taken over her register. This woman came up to my manager to buy herself, her friend, & two kid's tickets to see "Blade: Trinity." I'm going to come right out & say it, but my manager was a complete ass about 97% of the time, on top of being an alcoholic, druggie, & racist. The woman was black, so he wanted to antagonize her some.

He asked if the kid's were hers & she said they weren't. He told her she couldn't buy them tickets, which was true. But he said it in such a way to make her mad. And mad she got. They bickered back & forth for quite a few minutes, all the while I'm standing next to him actually working & selling tickets. Eventually, the woman got so mad that she punched a sign that was in front of his register but she had bad aim & it hit me in the leg instead. She grabbed her posse & they ran, & he ran after them. I laughed about it with the customers who saw it.

Because of the type of town Rocky Mount is, we almost always had police at the theater during the weekend. Well, they became involved in the altercation. It was then we learned her name. Let's just say that her first name was very close to a type of horrible alcohol, her middle name isn't even a word, & her last name is very common. I'll call her Rummy Sascatoon Smith for this story. Anyway, Rummy was arrested. My manager wasn't satisfied with this, so he talks to me about how I was violated & we couldn't stand for this. While I agreed that we needed to prove a point that you can't just act a fool when you don't get your way, I wasn't so keen on the idea of pursuing it further.

He had other plans though, & eventually talked me into pressing assault charges to match his destruction of private property charges he was pressing on her.

However, we find out that our court date is the same day as the first day of classes at the community college. Manager had just re-enrolled there & didn't want to miss, along with me, so he told me that since we pressed the charges that if we didn't show up that it would be like we dropped them. Not so. About a week later I woke up to a cop knocking on my door giving me a subpoena. Two months later, I have to miss class to go to court only to find out that Rummy's lawyer couldn't make it so we got a continuance. A month after that we actually get this shit-show on the road & win.

A few months after that we find out that sweet little Rummy is appealing the judgment. This means we have to go to the county court & have a trial with a jury. I shit you not.

By this point, it's been almost exactly a year since the incident took place. I'm missing class AGAIN only to find out that my case will be heard later in the week. I show up a few days later only to find out that Rummy was withdrawing the appeal & her charges were going on her record.

In total, I missed four days of class just so I could "prove a point" & keep my manager happy. I didn't even sue. There was no reason to try to get money when there wasn't any damage to me. The only damage there was ended up being the sign getting cracked, Rummy's already tarnished record (she had prior embezzlement charges from her career at TJ Maxx), & my attendance record.

I occasionally Google Rummy, just to see what she's up to. She is currently running a beauty school & seems to be doing well.