Wednesday, March 30, 2011


My job is holding a drawing class where for $30 you can learn to draw this slightly complicated-looking coffee cup. My co-worker (who will be going to art school) tried to draw it but for some reason wasn't able to finish it at the same time as the rest of the picture, so there were these arrows pointing to a blank space. I took it upon myself to add the stick figure (which I have since erased, because I am nothing if not professional).

It was funny to us, anyway...

Friday, March 25, 2011

New Posts Are Coming

Remember back in the day when I posted on here semi-regularly? Well, those days are coming because my current situation is about to be over.

I seriously have so much to write about that I'm expecting to do about 3 or 4 in a row.

Friday, March 18, 2011

For Your Information...

I know I haven't updated at all this week. Just be prepared that you are about to be bombarded with quite a few posts in the next day/few days.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

A Piece Of Lent

So, to those of you not versed in the Christian tradition, we are now at the beginning of Lent. What is Lent, you may ask? Well...that's a good question.

Having grown up the son of a Methodist minister, I always remembered hearing it mentioned but because I was so young I never participated in any of the "festivities." Those festivities being the sacrificing of crap for Adult Jesus.

Once my parents & I started attending more...charismatic churches (not Pentecostal Holiness. No one pretended to be an animal & not everyone prayed in tongues) it wasn't mentioned as much. Then I went to Toccoa & it was mentioned a lot more (but I didn't sacrifice anything because screw that).

Then last year when I was in college, it seemed like everyone & their mother (not my mother though) gave up something for the 40 days leading to Easter. Not me, though! But that is a thing of the past.

This year, I have decided to "celebrate" Lent. So for the next 40 days, I am giving up cussing.

Yes, that's right.

Katie is giving up chocolate (& possibly white bread). Most people give up food items, electronic stuff, & that kind of junk. But not me! I'm taming my tongue (that's what she said).

The reason for this is primarily because I cuss way too much. I think it makes me sound uneducated & ignorant. That isn't to say that I'm against cussing. Far from it! I think it's hilarious when people cuss. But this is just something I myself need to rein in. This has been something I've been meaning to do for a while now, so by piggy-backing it with this hot mess, it might make it easier since everyone will be miserable at the same time.

A guy from my small group (sort of?) is joining me in this endeavor. I had a successful first day, but he did not. Go me! I told him that we are allowed to cuss if they're song lyrics. We are also allowed to cuss in another language because English is the official language of God & the only one He respects.

Why do I have a bad feeling this won't last long at all?

Edit: So, I was having my friend David read this as soon as I posted it. He noticed a typo. Guess what I did? Well, let's have the screen capture tell the story...'s going to be a long Lent, folks.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Story Of My Move

Remember back when I was living with Skidmark? And remember that time I moved with little fanfare? Well, here is the story of the move. There really isn't much to report but I figure that since my time living in The Porn Nexus (t.m. Caleb) was a bit epic that I need to at least include the resolution.

After toying with the idea of moving since about a month after I moved in with Le Skidmark, I had started to actively pursue housing leads. I had checked out a place in December that was less than a mile from my job. It was with a guy from my church (who I had never met but I knew people who knew him), & it was pretty nice. I was just incredibly hesitant to accept it because I'd be losing a lot of space, it was more expensive, I'd have to actually move, & I wasn't sure I trusted my new roommate. Not that he gave me any reason not to trust him. But just after my past roommate experiences (My Giant, Skidmark, Really Conservative Guy) & life experiences in general (Bi-Sexual Wiccan, Truck Driver, Mexican Stalker, Other Stuff) I had trust issues. Understandably.

Well, after I found the blood splatters on the bathroom mirror (& on the faucet knob) I decided that enough was enough. After dilly-dallying & trying to coordinate everything, I pushed the move up a week.

I wish I could say it was really dramatic, hilarious, or tragic. I really do. Because that isn't as boring as this. But (un)forunately everything went well. Skidmark took the news well, & even had an ad for my replacement on Craigslist the day I told him (replacement has since moved in).

The only thing to note is that I told him that the reason I was moving was because "certain behaviors" made me uncomfortable & that it might be a good idea for him to tell future roommates so they weren't thrown into this whole world without knowing. He apologized for me being uncomfortable. And the day I moved we didn't even say goodbye. We did speak, but I can't remember what all was said. It doesn't matter anyway.

I had to switch out my beds though. The bed I had while living with Skidmark was a full, but my new room would have been a lot more cramped if I had used it. So a switch was made with the bed I had used while living in Toccoa with my dad (a twin). While switching the beds (& dropping off other random items that I didn't need), my mother made a new best friend in Amaris, a girl from my small group. They seriously talked the entire time the guys (including me) were moving the stuff.

So here I am. I've been living here for a month & a half. It's been great so far. I actually spend more time out of my room than I do in it. I have my own bathroom, so any blood to be found has an obvious source (oh wait....).

Another Guest Post

Remember when I had Aubree do that guest post, & then I did a guest post on her blog? Well I also had reader/Facebook friend Caleb do one as well. Granted, it's taken me about a month to post this because daddy's been busy, but never late than never. Take it away, Caleb!

"Recently I’ve been reading about people who get themselves in all sorts of F’ed up situations because they’re trying to be “nice.” (This means you, Andrew) I have an aversion to the term “nice,” but I’m not going to get into that here. Instead, I’m going focus on the part of “nice” where you hear what someone is saying through the filter of best intentions. It’s time for a post about “Creepy people translation.”

To make sure we’re on the same page I’m going to start out with an easy one. Picture, if you will, an old guy in a van leaning out the window to offer you free candy if you’ll just hop inside with him. He is probably down to a handful of teeth, wearing a ragged hat, and perhaps overalls with no shirt underneath.

He says “I will give you some free candy if you come over here to the inside of my van!”

You think “Hmm… he probably has a driver’s license, so he’s safe. And I DO like candy…”

He means “I need a lampshade and your skin looks conducive to light.”

Obviously this isn’t a good idea, right? Is it “nice” of you to not go to his van? Probably not. So f*ck “nice.”

Next up: you’re a girl, on a dating site, and a guy has just “winked” at you and sent you a message. He has a picture of himself with his shirt off, backwards hat, and glasses. Essentially his message is “hey gurl u so fiiine- lets hook up soon.” You brush this one off, but he keeps sending more all the time (cuz he’s a creeper). Eventually, you may decide to take him up. Here’s the translation:

He says ”I find you attractive and we should meet.”

You think ”Gosh, maybe I’m being close-minded. He might be a decent guy and I’m not giving him a shot. Plus, maybe he’s kind of cute in real life.”

He means “I’m trying to bang 50 hoes this week and you look like a great #46. I will wear you down over time and then roofie you into my bed. PS see my sweet shades?”

If any part of you thinks that this guy isn’t a weirdo who will harass you incessantly, I know a prince in Jordan who is trying to get a few million gold bars out of the country.

Next: you’re working somewhere and a customer is spending a lot of time talking to you. They’re asking personal questions, they’re kind of [older, weird looking, homeless-y, etc.] and you’re not quite comfortable. Inevitably they ask for your contact info. You consider giving it to them. Tranlation:

They say “I’m really interested in you as a unique person! You should tell me more about yourself, then give me your number and facebook info so that we can continue this fascinating discussion.”

You think “They seem… nice. It doesn’t hurt to talk to them I guess. I’ll just give them my Facebook stuff and not accept their friend request. I don’t want to tell them to bug off cuz that might be mean.

They mean: “I’m going to keep asking you crap about yourself to keep you talking long enough that you’ll give me your information. Then, I’m probably going to stalk you. Maybe I’ll get to take you out to the back of my car, but at the least I’ll be able to text-bomb you for weeks or even months!”

Hopefully you’re starting to see a pattern here. If not, I have one last counter-example for you, and maybe it will help illustrate things:

You’re a small child in the cold of winter. A large man in an oversized outfit and a long beard is beckoning for you to sit on his lap and confess your desires. Your parents urge you forward.

He says “Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Come sit on my lap and tell me what you want this year!”

You think “Hmm… mom said to avoid strangers, but he seems pretty cool. And merry.”

He means “I’m getting $100 bucks to be cheerful and listen to you snot nosed punks tell me of your greed. Hurry up.”

This situation? Totally okay. Seriously- Santa is good shit.

Well I hope this helped clear a few things up for you folks. If I can keep even one person from getting into a trucker’s cab after working at the theater all night, I’ll have done my job.

Thanks Andrew!"

You're welcome, Caleb.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Wall Post

Everyone is writing on the Wall of that guy that passed, so I decided to write on it too. I'm sure one (or many) of his many followers will de-friend or flame me, but whatever. I felt like it needed to be said. What do you guys think?


Sunday, March 6, 2011

Am I Terrible?

I should be working on that horrid assignment but whatever. I've checked out. Instead, I have something more important to talk about.

This guy from my college died either this morning or last night. He had been fighting with cancer for about a year or so. The thing is....

I don't feel anything.

We were in the same social circle for most of the time we were in college together (2 years), but never really clicked. He always treated me like I was stupid because I didn't enjoy studying things like philosophy & politics. When I talked to him once about some of my doubts about myself & Christianity, he kept trying to get me to leave the school right then & there, despite the fact that it was in the middle of a semester.

Then he was put in charge of one of the Student Government councils I was on, as well as just being on another council with me. The council he was in charge of was tough because instead of just using those of us elected, he brought in a bunch of his friends & only listened to their ideas. Then he asked us when the best nights were to meet, & when I told him I could meet any night except Tuesday, he said that we would be meeting on Tuesdays from now on. So there was that.

Then on the other council, every time I opened my mouth he made fun of me or shot me down. At one point, in front of everyone, he said he was on a mission to "dehumanize" me. No one took it seriously because "that's just his sense of humor." He did eventually apologize for that.

On a purely immature note, I was also jealous of how popular he had become. He was part of the group that had split off from my friend group & left me high & dry. I also didn't like how he treated women like they were inferior & stupid (kind of like how he treated me. Oh wait.....).

When I saw on the Facey B this morning, a lot of feelings went through my head. I felt slightly vindicated, & also relief. I felt frustrated at how brainwashed it seems some people are at how wonderful he was. At the same time, I feel bad for his family. I know what it's like to have a loved one die & you're the one left.

I texted my mother, who is an Oracle of Wisdom. She knows some of the situation & said this, "It's ok to feel nothing. He definitely wasn't a friend so you had no good connection. There are people I know that when they die I'll feel nothing...I will feel sad for them if they don't know Jesus but that would be all." When I said I felt guilty, she said, "Don't. Their really is no need to. We can't be expected to feel sad for everyone who dies. Especially those who were unkind to us." That made me feel better.

What do you guys think? Am I being immature? Does it make sense why I feel this way?

Just so you know, we didn't always have a tumultuous relationship. In fact, sometimes we got along just fine. And he was there the first time I ever puked from drinking. He even let me curl up in a ball on his lap while I shook due to possible alcohol poisoning.

Also, I don't want you all thinking I was just a push-over with him. I stood up to him numerous times at SGA meetings. Especially when the nights changed & I could go again.

Saturday, March 5, 2011


So last night I went out with some people from my church group. There is one girl who comes around every so often who has a lot of social issues (more than me) & is incredibly moody (I shall call her Julie). Things were going well for a while: we went to a terrible Italian restaurant, then some art galleries (where I had to go outside because I was feeling like I was going to have an anxiety attack). After that, we went to a bar in downtown Raleigh. Things were still going well until Julie gets into one of her moods where she starts attacking everyone.

Usually it just annoys me but I keep my mouth shut. But this time I was incredibly sick of it. She had called all of us "straight-laced" & it made no sense, so I asked if she knew what it meant because if she did, then she wouldn't be saying that about us. That flustered her a bit & she was quiet for a few minutes, but started criticizing other people & I said, "Why do you feel like you have to constantly criticize us every time we go out?" That also got her to be quiet for a little bit. I didn't say it harshly, but just as a matter-of-fact.

To smooth the situation over some, I took a salt shaker & threw a little bit of salt on her, telling her she had been "a-salted." She didn't respond, but I (& a few others) found it endlessly hilarious.

After a while she got pissed off again & left, this after she threatened another girl in our group TWICE that she was going to punch her in the face. The same girl who helped her straighten her hair & look good for the night. No good deed....

I still think the salt incident was funny...

Friday, March 4, 2011

Slightly Overwhelmed

My inability to get anything productive done this semester is incredibly discouraging. I have a thing due on Sunday that I haven't started aside from doing the title page. And oh yeah, I'm supposed to have read this book to complete the assignment. But guess what.


I just haven't had the time. I'm busy with work, on top of stuff I've had to do for my other class. On top of trying to sleep. On top of sort of trying to succeed at having a social life.

So I've found a summary of the book (conveniently written on the blog of someone who already took this class) so I'm going to try to write my Abstract based on that, & then do the rest of the assignment through skimming. 4.0, it was nice having you...

Also, I have a 15 page thing due next Friday & aside from the topic & having some of the sources already...nothing.

I'm not really too concerned about the 15 page thing next week because I've gotten full credit on every assignment thus far so it obviously doesn't matter how good of quality it is. Which is discouraging in & of itself. And then my professor for the class that has the 5 page thing this week says she's a tough grader. Whatever gets you off, honey.

It's getting to the point now where I start to figure up how much of a grade drop I'll have if I don't turn the assignment in....

Daddy needs a break from school. I'm serious.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Ruh Roh

It is pretty common knowledge that I'm not exactly the most graceful human on the planet. In fact, I've referenced this fact a few times in the past (most notably in this story). Well, this post will just be about some of my "greatest hits", if you will.

1. When I was a toddler, my parents had put me to bed & were in the other room. They heard a loud crash & me screaming. I had somehow managed to fall out of my crib.

2. It was Easter Sunday, 1991. I was 5 & dressed like a dapper little gentleman. We lived next door to the church my dad was the pastor of at the time & somehow between the church & our house I fell in a puddle & was completely covered. My dad didn't find it as humorous as my mother did.

3. When I was in kindergarten I was going to participate in a Walk-A-Thon fundraiser. During practice for it (I have no idea...) I fell & pulled a muscle in my leg so badly that I couldn't walk for a week. If I remember correctly I mentioned this incident.

4. When I was 8 I tried to see how far I could jump off of an end table. Definitely didn't get very far & dented an antique lamp.

5. During the summer of 1996 I was part of a soccer league. During a game I was (typically) not paying attention & looked up to see the ball coming immediately at my head. Definitely went down & when I opened my eyes, my dad was over me, along with some players, the referee, & the coach. I definitely got knocked-out for a little bit.

6. During another game I couldn't get out of the way fast enough & the ball hit me full force in the stomach. The bench was warmed by me for a while after that.

7. Age 14. Riding my bicycle around the neighborhood. Stood up to peddle faster when the right peddle slipped & the gripper things went into my leg. I was gushing blood & had to walk about a half-mile with a bloody leg. People kept walking by me, staring, & turning their heads. Assholes.

8. Another bike story. I stood up to peddle faster out of the driveway & sat back down, squishing one of my balls between my leg & the seat. Somehow, I made it back inside but laid down a while.

9. My first day working at Jersey Mike's I fell with a tub of mayonnaise. Of course, the tub broke & it went everywhere. Luckily it didn't get on me because I probably would have quit.

10. Second time I worked at the movie theater, I fell on my face opening a door. I turned the knob & just....fell. Into the lobby. Hmmmm.....

11. One time this old lady needed help getting back to her movie theater, having gotten lost while going to the bathroom. I told her I'd help her & as I turned around to walk out of the box-office, I walked face-first into the back of it. She just looked at me & said, "I think I'll be fine on my own" & went on her way.

12. When I worked at Jersey Mike's the second time, I sliced part of the tip of my thumb off on the meat slicer. My co-workers thought I cut myself so they cleaned the knife & not the slicer. Ooops. By the way, I still have an indention from my missing flesh.

13. Another time I spilled some juice & didn't clean it up immediately. Guess who then slipped a little while later & landed on the mat just next to it, thus scraping the crap out of his knee...

14. Same shift as above. Slipped & hit my head on the bread rack on my way down.

15. College in Georgia. Slipped & slid down a muddy hill on my butt. Right?

16. My nickname at Applebee's was "Dammit Andrew" for a reason. I was always spilling, dropping, breaking things. However, I only dropped a plate of food once, & only spilled a tray of drinks once. However, I was known to accidently knock into a fellow server & make them spill their stuff...

17. On Halloween 2008, I slipped at the end of the shift talking to Alexis & grabbed the dressing cart about 10 minutes before closing. Somehow only 2 dressings spilled, but I was covered in water & some dressing. I took the cart out back to spray it off with the hose. My manager didn't find it humorous until the force from the water hose made the dressing splash all over me. Then he said it was funny.

18. At the beginning of a shift I had to get milk out of the cooler for the bartender. I gave it a shake as I was walking up front & apparently, I got a jug that had already been opened & the cap flew off, covering me in milk. I smelled fantastic.

19. During a busy shift I fell down the steps of my section when a table tried to get my attention as I was walking away.

20. I wasn't super clumsy in Florida because I didn't do much of anything. I did trip a lot, though.

21. I've been going on a rampage at my current job, breaking & spilling everything in my path. Oops.