Treatment

Yesterday I took my grandma to her first chemo treatment. It went really well, despite it taking an eternity & them bruising the crap out of her hand trying to draw blood.

After the treatment was over I took her to my job to wait for my cousin & her daughter to pick her up & take her to our hometown so I didn't have to drive all the way back there (an hour). She told me, "Andrew, I'll always remember you were the one who was with me for my first treatment." That's right!

On Christmas, EVERYONE is supposed to be coming over. This will be the first time in years that this will happen. Even though there will be one less person (my grandpa), there will be more babies. My grandmother. All 5 of her kids (living) kids. The 3 in-laws. All 10 grandkids. 5 of their spouses. And all 10 great-grandkids. In a doublewide trailer. It's going to be a glorious trainwreck. Since everyone will be there & considering the circumstances, we're going to take some family pictures. That'll be interesting. The last family picture we had done was just the grandkids when I was the baby of the family (back in 1987).

I promise to post some different material in the next few days. I think I know what my next post is going to be, but I've been debating about whether or not I want to actually write it because of how embarrassing it is.

Long Road Ahead

As mentioned in my vlog, my grandmother has a brain tumor. Obviously, that sucks donkey dick. We got the biopsy results back yesterday & we found out that the tumor is at Stage 3 & is malignant. The prognosis is that she has a 50% chance of living a year with the chemo & radiation, & if she is in the survival part of the 50% there's a 25% chance she'll live an extra year. The medicine they're going to use for her is $10,000 per dose. Seriously. What the crap. Luckily she has insurance, but regardless of that she still has a 20% co-pay.

After losing my grandfather (her husband) back in March, this has been a very bad year for our family. We were all kind of dreading Christmas because of how...weird it would be with him gone (though he usually sat back & made smart-ass comments). So on top of that, we all have to deal with the fact that there is a very good chance this is her last Christmas, too.

She's so wobbly now that a lot of us are taking turns staying with her at night in case she falls. Sunday night is my turn, which means I may not get to watch the "Survivor" finale (go Sophie!). Then on Monday morning I'm taking her to Duke to her first chemo session. That's awesome.

Her with Baby Me. My grandfather is in the chair behind us.

That Time I Turned 25 & Assaulted Someone

So remember a while back when I said that I would post about my 25th birthday that occurred in July? Well, now it's finally time to make that happen.

To start off with, I woke up to a bazillion Facebook notifications from people that don't normally talk to me, as is their wont. Then Madison came over & gave me these awesome shoes.

My feet aren't actually that big.

Then we went to the place where we get our piercings done. She got the back of her neck pierced for the 3rd time (long story) & I finally got an industrial piercing like I've wanted for an eternity.

Success!

After that, I had dinner with my small group from church. That was pretty uneventful, as was the barhopping afterwards. I was photographed all sweaty & gross with Katie.

Gross!

After we took that picture, Katie & I went downstairs to get some more drinks & unfortunately missed this redneck girl giving some guy a lap dance. My church friends decided that it was time to hightail it out of there, so off we went. Then this guy from my group, Brad (who was really drunk) became very belligerent & yelling at passersby (on top of making a lot of sexist & misogynistic comments). I was trying to calm him down & get him to shut up. Eventually he left (drunk. We tried to stop him but he wouldn't not).

But Brad isn't done! You see, he had seen Madison on my Facebook & had been messaging her. I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of terrible at being able to tell whether or not people are a good fit for one another, so I just told her to give him a chance; however, she was already grossed out by him before they met because of some of the texts he had sent. Anyway, the night after my birthday I had a party with the people from work & anyone else who wanted to come. Well, since Madison was going to be there Brad wanted to be there as well. He showed up at the restaurant & would hardly talk to anyone. And when he did, he was incredibly judgmental & kind of an ass. Now, I'm not going to say that any of the rest of us handled the situation very well, but needless to say he left before the party resumed at my place.

Once we got to my place, everyone proceeded to drink a bit. I was good for a while, until close to the end when people were starting to leave & that asshole Sam got me to start doing shots (I never do shots). After having had about 4 beers previously, the 4 to 5 Malibu shots kind of sent me over the edge.

As I have mentioned in a previous post, when I get really...drinky...I begin shedding clothes. First was my shirt...

That's Kristin. She's important in a minute.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending...) there are no pictures of me once I got into my underwear. Anyway, for some reason or another I went up to my room & as I was coming back down the stairs I fell. Luckily I didn't go head over ass or anything like that. I just fell & kind of...slid down. Anyway, when I reached the bottom, Kristin, who was also not in her most lucid mind, threw a cookie at me. This cookie hit me in the mouth & gosh darn it, it hurt! I wasn't going to stand for that so I chucked my phone at her. Surprisingly, drunk me has better aim than sober me because the next thing I see is Kristin's head flying back as my phone made contact with her face.

As was seen in one of the first pictures on here, my phone is really big (a Droid). This next picture is the aftermath...

Kristin, with ice on her lip & blood on the floor next to her, waving at the camera.

After that, I called it a night & went upstairs. Then the stomachy feeling started & I took my pillow & a blanket in with me to the bathroom, where I proceeded to puke off & on for about an hour, all the while having "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse stuck in my head. I was upset about her dying earlier that day, so having that particular song & her dead voice stuck in my head while I was already sick just made it worse.

After that, I realized that I needed to get my shit together. I've only been really drunk once since then, but I've made a concerted effort to cut back on the drinking. I'm 25 years old & don't need to be throwing shit at people.

Trajectory

In the past few days, I've been reading the book "Just Kids" by singer/songwriter Patti Smith. It chronicles her life as an emerging artist in New York during the late 1960's & beyond, as well as her relationship/then friendship with photographer Robert Mapplethorpe (spoiler alert! He was a gay!). My favorite genre to read is memoir, so I'm eating this shit up like ice cream.

On the positive/negative side, aside from entertaining me, it has made me question my own existence on this earth. Am I here to make a difference? What am I supposed to do with my time here? This contemplation, coupled with the stuff I discussed in my vlog, leave me feeling quite burdened & overwhelmed.

Well, regardless of that, I must get ready for work. As I always say, "Caribou Coffee: We're Up Before God." My other slogan is, "Caribou Coffee: Eh, Close Enough."

Cat Eyes

This isn't the story people voted to read, so tough titties. It has more to do with creepy stuff & Halloween & such as. Also? It's a true story of something that happened to my mom.

When my mom was a little girl, she noticed that above the bedpost near her head there was a pair of what appeared to be cat eyes looking down on her; the more she looked, the more she felt comforted. But as she got older, she began to see the eyes less & less. However, they still followed her as she moved from Raleigh (where she was born) to Rocky Mount (where she moved when she was 12).

Child Mommy

Once she became an adult, she didn't see the cat eyes anymore. She got married & moved to Atlanta where she began teaching. But then out of nowhere, she came home one day to her husband kicking her out & demanding a divorce. This prompted a move back home. As she struggled with the divorce & depression, the cat eyes returned. But this time, the eyes weren't as comforting. They had a yellowish tint to them, & had a more sinister appearance. After a while, as she began to overcome the obstacles & started dating the doofus that would eventually become my father, the eyes lost their power over her & eventually they disappeared altogether.

Post-cat eyes Mommy

I don't know if all of you's guys believe in spiritual stuff, but my parents & I do & we firmly believe that there was some demonic hanky panky going on up in this piece.

Also, this story is a lot better when told rather than written.

Stop The Insanity

Remember my posts about the girl with Down's Syndrome who wouldn't leave me alone?

Well, that situation hasn't resolved itself. After telling her I couldn't continue communicating with her, she got her mother involved. Then I blocked her number. Then she started e-mailing me. And she's also gotten people who go to her church (the same church that I went to from 10-15) that I'm friends with on Facebook to message me & find out where I am & how she can continue to contact me.

How is this even happening?

Also, I will be posting more in the next few days, seeing as my classwork has died down some. Only have one more assignment left, though that one can potentially make or break whether or not I pass the class. Also, it combined with the class I finished last week left me randomly bursting into tears.

But it's grad school. It's ok to cry.

In The Meantime...

Give me about another week or so to finish up some important school stuff & I assure you that I shall be blogging again regularly.

In the meantime, here's my favorite picture in the world.

3 year old me with Mommy on dress-up day at preschool!

You Pick The Story...Again

I don't really have very good material right now so I'm going to give you guys 3 topics to vote on. Whichever has the highest number of votes by the end of the weekend gets written.

1. My first memories
2. My unhappy tenure at Jersey Mike's Subs
3. My 25th birthday

Vote. If no one votes like last time then I don't write one. That'll be a good punishment. That'll show you.

Promise

I promise I haven't gone anywhere. I've just been really busy with school, napping, & work & unfortunately my blog has fallen to the wayside. However, I am hoping to change that. In my head I'm formulating a list of different posts I want to do soon.

In the meantime, here is the scariest picture of my dad that has ever been taken.

He didn't have his beard for long & thankfully he was rid of it by the time he dated my mom. I'm pretty sure if he had that when they met I wouldn't have been born.

Day 1

Today was the first day of my intensive. To say that I was unenthusiastic about this would possibly be the worst understatement of...everything. Just...everything.

As soon as I get into the classroom I take the seat closest to the door in the back row. It pretty much completely lived up to my expectations, which is to say I was miserable & bored the majority of the time. The women sitting in front of me were trouble from the start, what with their laughing at stupid comments & looking just as pleased as punch to be there.

Trouble

As the class proceeded, I began texting more & more. I did not learn a single thing today because this is my 4th damn time taking this stupid class. When I wasn't making this face...

That face

I was making this face...

I seriously wasn't trying to be a turd. I talked to a few people, but I just wasn't very outgoing in approaching my classmates as the other people were. Because I'm always SO outgoing. I talked to the maternal black lady who sat next to me & a few people on my lunch break. The same lunch break where we were all given a speech about "Jerry Falwell's vision" (the only time the entire day I rolled my eyes!).

Then the bus left without some of us. Whatever.

However, once we split into smaller groups & got to actually do counseling stuff I came out of my shell. And everyone who I was in a group with, as well as one of the professors, told me how good I was. Well, I sure as shit better be as many times I've taken this damn class.

But seriously though, it feels good to know that I have something I'm good at since I don't feel so hot at most things. We'll see how the rest of the week goes.

Where I Was

This title has two meanings.

The first is in regards to why I haven't posted or commented in almost 2 weeks. I honestly just haven't had much of anything to talk about. On top of all of that I've been ridiculously overwhelmed by school. In fact, I'm currently in Virginia until Friday because I have to do in-class training for a class I already took in Florida. But they wouldn't take the credit. I'm not bitter.

But anyway, that is something of a segue because the next part of this post is about 9/11. Because of course.

It's kind of funny because exactly 10 years ago today I was in Virginia on a family vacation with my parents. In fact, it was one of our last vacations we ever took. Not because my parents divorced or one of them died. No, we just never went on vacations. But that's another post entirely.

ANYway. My story about 9/11.

I was 15 & still home schooled. My parents & I had gone to Williamsburg because I was a nerd, loved history, & loved seeing underpaid actors dressed in humiliating outfits even more. Our plan was to just do the Colonial Williamsburg thing for most of the week. My dad & I might go to Busch Gardens at some point. And on September 12? Oh, on September 12 we were going to go to Washington D.C. 

On that fateful morning, I woke up at exactly at 9:00am. My first thought? "Oh! 'Regis & Kelly' is on!". So I turned on the TV to see what wacky hijinks those two were getting themselves into that day. Only when I turned the TV on...it was Bryant Gumble talking & they were showing video from New York of some buildings smoking. What the hell? I went into my parents' room where they were watching HGTV & told them to turn on the news. Then we all just watched the rest of everything happen in complete shock. After both of the buildings had fallen & things had sort of calmed down my parents decided to go to Colonial Williamsburg (I think they were trying to protect me in case something else happened) where my mother was in tears a few times when she saw patriotic things.

As the week progressed, I became more & more irritated. Those terrorists were so selfish, ruining my vacation. I almost threw up one night while watching the news & they showed a video of people falling out of the Towers. Disgusting. It's still imprinted on my brain.

And I still haven't been to Washington D.C.

Guess Who May Be Moving...Again

You'll never figure it out.

As the situation stands, I can stay where I am until April/May of next year. That's until my roommate's girlfriend moves in after she graduates & they get engaged. However, I have the opportunity to move in with Sam & Madison (who are now friends, WTF?!) this fall, & I think I may take it up. I just don't want to be in a position when it's time to move where I don't have anyone to live with again because if there's anything I've learned in life, it's that people are not dependable.

As you may remember, Sam is the one who I was going to move in with last year & then got cold feet, which resulted in me moving in with Skidmark (*shivers*). However, he's more financially independent, mature, & hates living at home. Madison has never lived away from home before, but she makes enough at our job that she should be fine. Especially since everything would be split 3 ways.

I have some reservations, mainly being that this particular combination won't be the best, living with someone who is 19, & having to move in general. I also don't want to screw over my roommate now, but he micromanages everything too much. I don't have hardly anything downstairs but if I leave something out or use it, he takes it upon himself to clean/move it. Everything has to be put away the instant it's not being used. I'll make some spaghetti (successfully) & go upstairs to eat it. I'll be up there for maybe 15 or 20 minutes. I come back down? He's already cleaned everything. I just hate feeling like a slob because of it. And instead of talking to me about stuff he just leaves notes. The dryer was too full. You didn't clean the beer-spill well enough. Make sure the detergent gets in the washer (I still have no idea what the hell he's talking about with that). Plus, I feel so awkward when his girlfriend is here. The very same girlfriend who has lived here since May. Sigh.

But yeah, I don't want to screw him over. He's nice & I enjoy his company (when I leave my room & we feel like talking to each other). Luckily I didn't sign a lease & we just agreed I'd give a notice if I was leaving sooner than the expected time.

Who knows what'll happen. We're going to try to see a place over in the area where I used to live with Skidmark. It sounds pretty awesome.

Mac & Cheese Fail

This post is inspired by a cook who may be worse than I, the Vapid Vixen over at the Ginja Ninja.

In my mind, I've always considered myself to be a decent cook. Oh look! Those noodles turned out fantastic! And I added just the right amount of canned sauce! Boom!

In reality though, I'd say I'm slightly sub par. I try to be creative! When I was about 11, I invented a salad that had chewing gum in it. I thought I was hot shit with that, too. My poor mother....trying to eat it...(that's what she said).

As I've gotten older, my skills haven't improved; if anything, I've just become more dangerous. When I was 14 I tried to cook a grilled cheese sandwich & didn't know to not to cook it on high. So I did. Then I came back into the kitchen to find it & the connected den were filled with smoke & the sandwich was essentially charcoal. We learned 3 things that day: not to cook sandwiches on high, that the smoke detector didn't work, & that I was dangerous.

Then there was the time I substituted soy milk for regular milk in my oatmeal (I despise milk). Judging by the size it grew to & the taste, that was unsuccessful. Also? That's what she said. I tried to use soy milk when making fettuccine alfredo as well. Epic, epic, EPIC fail.

There have been other kitchen disasters between then & the story I'm about to share, but this one was quite dangerous so I'm going to skip to it...it was Friday night & I was craving some Kraft Deluxe mac & cheese. That junk is banging. Anyway, I start the water & go upstairs to my room to finish watching the episode of "Big Brother" from the night before. After I'm done, I go back downstairs because Sam had come over to watch a movie & that's when I hear the rumbling in the kitchen.

Shit.

The burner was such a beautiful shade of bright orange, I almost didn't want to turn the stove off. But I did, because duh. After the dust had settled, I was left with these images...

In this one, if you look closely, you can see where the pot began to bubble.

So now I have to go buy a new pot for myself & a new...whatever that thing is that goes on the stove. I don't know. I still want my mac & cheese.

This Is What Happened....

It looks like I'm going to have to change my phone number.

I told Christy today that I had gotten her texts while my phone was "broken" & that I thought it was best we didn't talk anymore. That we didn't have anything in common. She called me immediately. I didn't answer & texted her back to not call me. She left me a 3 minute long voicemail, most of which was her forgetting to hang up. Sigh....

She started texting me again tonight when she apologized. I told her that I didn't think that was necessary because she hadn't done anything wrong. My whole thing with responding was that I didn't want her feeling bad when she didn't need to. But that opened up the floodgates again...

Then she started asking me why I said what I said, & that our old pastor told her he misses me & wants me to come back. I ignored that one.

Then she told me she had two questions for me. The first was if we were still best friends. I asked her what the second question was as my response. The other was why I told her not to call me. Sigh.

She's currently pestering me about forgetting her birthday & not going to her birthday dinner.

What drives me crazy about all of this is knowing that her grown-ass parents are there probably encouraging this. I mean, I told your daughter that I didn't want to be friends anymore & you're still giving her help on what to say?! Then again, letting her have a Facebook & giving her a phone with texting is much better than actually spending time with their handicapped daughter.

This has to get nipped in the bud pronto.

Slow On The Uptake

I know Christy has some very special needs, but she's still texting me. I haven't responded in a week after I told her my phone was messed up (& it legitimately was). But so far, every day, she texts me multiple times asking, "What r u doing?" I really don't know what to do at this point...

I need to get a new phone number anyway. My number now is from when I lived in Georgia, so anyone that calls me locally has to deal with long-distance. So if I change my number, that takes care of that particular issue. Plus it gets rid of a few other people I'm ready to have out of my life. But is it bad that part of me kind of enjoys the attention? I think it does.

On another note, I got a new phone. Because all of my Verizon phones have been defective, this is my 6th phone in 2 years. Over it.

Also, I'm using my mom's laptop again because the hard-drive that was recently put into mine was defective. Then I couldn't get Word to load, which made doing my homework a pain. But now Word is working, & doing my homework is still a pain. Do not want.

Fin.

That Time I Could Have Had A Girlfriend

As most people know, I'm not exactly someone who dates a lot; my last relationship was over 2 years ago, & I haven't dated since. Not because I'm so damaged from that relationship that it has impeded my ability to ever love again. No, that lasted a month. And she was 17 while I was 22. And she was a junior in high school while I was a senior in college. But that's another story. The reason I don't date now is a mixture of shyness, anxiety, depression, laziness, & not being interested.

Since beggars can't be choosers, you'd think I might snatch up any chance I had to date someone. And you may be right in some respects. So maybe I'm crazy, but this week I passed up the chance to date a girl from my hometown. She texted me non-stop & would literally beg to see me. The reason why I decided against it?

She had Down's Syndrome.

I'm not a hater. My mom is a special education teacher so I've grown up being sensitive to those with special needs & disabilities. And this post isn't meant to be in poor taste or to make fun of her because of her disability. Not at all. This is just me relaying yet another ridiculous story in my life.

Anyway, Christy (not her name) & I were friends a long time ago. After my parents & I moved to Rocky Mount, we began attending the same church as Christy & her parents, Donna & Mark (not their names either). My mother became friends with Donna, so Christy & I were naturally forced together. However, it became apparent pretty quickly that we were just being used as free babysitters, & a few years later Donna dropped my mom like a hot rock when a better friendship option presented itself. I didn't mind, because Christy was a terror. Her parents let her do whatever she wanted & didn't seem to take into account that she was handicapped. That might have required effort.

So about a year ago Christy added me on Facebook, as is her wont to do. She asked for my number & I gave it to her, but nothing came of it. Eventually, as I was going through one of my rage-induced friend cleanses on Facebook, I deleted her. Well this past week she added me again, then called me immediately afterwards before I could respond to her friend request. We talked for a few minutes, & when I hung up she began to text me non-stop. Shortly after that was when she asked me point-blank if I would let her be my girlfriend.

Shit.

I told her I didn't think that was a good idea because I didn't think of her that way, saw her as a little sister, blah blah blah. She didn't like that response, because she spent the next 3 days trying to convince/manipulate me into getting into a relationship with her, even going so far as to say that I was her only chance. She tried to get me to move back to Rocky Mount, & when I told her I didn't want to because I didn't like it there, she said that meant that I didn't like her. Where was she getting this crap?!

She invited me to her birthday dinner, & then asked me immediately afterwards what I was getting her. I told her that was rude to ask, & she took that to mean that I was calling her rude. She is, but that wasn't what I was saying at the moment. After a few days of this kind of manipulation & constant texting where she's always asking me what I was doing & literally BEGGING to see me, I had had enough. I blocked her on Facebook & told her that my phone was messing up & that I couldn't text anymore. That isn't a lie, either. My phone really is messed up & it takes an eternity to type out a text message.

Part of me feels bad for not being willing to continue this, but it isn't fair for either one of us. It keeps her thinking more is going on than it is, while at the same time it drives me crazy with the constant texting & brings back bad memories.

But really all I want to know is how she was able to text so well. The thought of someone helping her write that crap is almost more infuriating than the whole situation in itself.

My Ailment

Got my test results back (only because I got sick of waiting & called them myself). It turns out I'm low on Vitamin D, so I got a supplement for it. We'll see what happens.

I've been feeling really crappy lately, so I forced myself to go hiking with Madison yesterday. The trail we were supposed to take was supposed to only be 4 miles (meh) but ended up almost being 6 miles. Other than being out of breath for a little bit of it, I did really well & had a good time. I used to love hiking & exploring in the woods at my grandma's house when I was younger, & then again when I lived in Georgia. Maybe I've finally found a hobby after 25 years.

The phone I got in April is broken. Again. New phone is on its way, which means it's the 6th phone I've had in 2 years. Screw you, Verizon.

A lot has been happening, most of which I can't post about on here (yet). But along with my birthday story, I've got another one coming up.

I'm Not Dead (But I May Be Close)

My lab results from my visit to the doctor aren't back yet. They were supposed to be back on Wednesday. Hmmmmm...

My computer is messing up again. It seemed like it was a nasty virus but my cousin Amber's husband works on computers & it turns out it is probably one of the memory sticks. So there's that.

All I want to do right now is listen to Journey. Who cares if they lack substance. That ish is good.

I'll do a real update soon. Right now I'm just too tired & not feeling up to doing much more than this.

M.I.A.

I've been M.I.A. lately. Just haven't really felt up to reading, writing, or commenting. Hopefully I'll be back more consistently in the next few days.

Uncle Harold Died

A few weeks ago I got a text from my mother that my great-Uncle Harold had died.

I was quite surprised, seeing as the last time I saw him he seemed totally fine. I've kind of always thought he was a turd & a half, but still...dying sucks.

My mind immediately went back to the last time I saw him, which was a little over a month ago at a family reunion. We didn't speak, of course. That's par for the course for us. We spoke a little bit back in March when we were all dealing with my grandfather dying. But that isn't the norm. I'm not one to hold a grudge generally, especially if the slight wasn't directed at me, but he really screwed my dad over. Back in 1999-2000, my dad was the music minister at the church he grew up in (still attended by my grandparents & other assorted relatives). But Uncle Harold had my father, who was his nephew, removed from the position. I'm not sure of the reason, other than he was trying to get control of the church. And guess what: he ran that church right into the ground. It's now one of those black churches with four different names in the title like Father of Grace Deliverance Tabernacle or some shit.

Ahem. As I was saying, I don't generally hold a grudge but that really pissed me off. You just don't do that to family. At least not to close family. But after that whenever I'm around him I keep my distance. But unfortunately at the last family reunion in June I couldn't avoid him due to the circumstances. I had taken a leak & as I was exiting the stall, Uncle Harold was coming in. We didn't speak. I saw him sit down on the toilet. I washed my hands super quickly & ran out of the bathroom. And that was the last memory I would ever have of my beloved Uncle Harold.

That is until my mom texted me back & told me it was actually my great-Uncle Harold on her side of the family. False alarm!

Doctor Time

I think I'm going to make an appointment to see the doctor while I still have insurance (my mom can retire in February, plus I'm getting old). I'm not necessarily sick, but something just feels off. Well, more off than usual.

Aside from my usual anxiety & depression crap, I'm just exhausted all the time. At this point I'm struggling to get my homework done because just thinking about starting it wears me out & I then I find myself taking a 5 hour nap. I'm getting it done, but I'm stressed out the whole time because I dicked around all week because I was napping or watching TV because I was stressed out.

My room is a mess right now because I start thinking about how I need to clean it & then I start to worry about where I'm going to put it. Then I get tired & just give up. There are two piles of books on either side of my bed. They've been there for weeks & I have no idea what to do with them.

Riveting stuff.

Kill me.

I have no energy to read much for pleasure. It takes too much effort. Even watching TV or getting on the internet takes too much energy.

I had been worried I was overwhelmingly lazy, but my counselor doesn't think it's that. He suggested that I might as well get it figured out while I still have insurance, in case it's something more serious than we think.

And just so everyone knows, if I start thinking about exercising that almost does me in. I've had a yoga mat for almost a month that I haven't even unrolled. I don't think it's my diet either, because I eat quite a bit of fruits, veggies, & grains.

I'm not really concerned. Just pissed off more than anything.

Birthday Story 3: The Time I Threw Up

The birthday I think I'm the most proud of at this point in my life involves vomit. Of course.

It was my 23rd birthday. I had planned to visit some friends from college in Ohio (there seems to be an absurd amount of people from Ohio where I went to college) & figured I'd go during my birthday because then I had a better chance of having fun. We'll see about that...

For my actual birthday, I was celebrating with Robyn & Neil. At the time, they were living together in an apartment connected to Robyn's dad's apartment. However, Robyn was essentially living with his girlfriend (the same girlfriend he visited me with last summer) so I basically just stayed with Neil. Anyway.

The 3 of us, Robyn's girlfriend, & his dad (who is awesome) went to some Mexican restaurant. It just happened to be margarita night. Because THAT'S always a good idea. Robyn's dad bought us some pitchers, but they tasted kind of funny. All of us thought so. That didn't prevent me from drinking 3 glasses of some of the jankiest margaritas ever, though.

So after dinner we went to see "Bruno" (I know...). By this point, I'm feeling like warmed-over shit. We get in the theater & I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I don't puke. I don't pee. I'm just...in there. Then I go back to the theater. Then back to the bathroom where I don't do anything. This continues for the first part of the movie. By about the halfway point, I gave up & just stayed in the bathroom, where I proceeded to fall asleep sitting on the floor in the stall while leaning against the wall. At least I think that's how I fell asleep. I'm going to tell myself to remember it that way because the thought of me falling asleep on a public bathroom floor any other way is too frightening.

I had been gone so long that Robyn eventually came to get me. He forced me up, told me I wasn't that drunk (he was wrong) & I saw the end of the movie. I was not impressed.

We finally got back to the apartment where I went to sit on the bed. After a few minutes I got that feeling. You know the one (well, you do unless you're Aubree) after you've drank too much & you know exactly what the outcome is going to be. So I hurried as fast as I could to the bathroom. And I puked. A few times.

I tell you what though, I felt awesome afterwards. I laid on the bed & listened to Neil, Robyn, & Sarah talk for a bit. Then I wasn't even drunk anymore & I had so much energy! That is until I got a call from Alexa who was wishing me a happy birthday & also to tell me her cat of 16 years had died.

Also, a few days later I went back with some other people to see "Bruno" while I was sober. I liked it better when I was borderline comatose & not actually in the theater.

Birthday Story 2

For my 21st birthday, I was in Rocky Mount for the summer. As I've mentioned before, I began drinking when I was 20 so it didn't really matter to me much; besides, I didn't have any friends in Rocky Mount so I had no expectations. Plus! My birthday was on a Sunday in the south, which meant that most places were going to be dry (no alcohol served, because God only cares what you do on Sunday).

My dad had already moved to Toccoa for his job, so my mom & I went to their church. At that point, I still had a smidge of a relationship with some of the youth/young adults at the church so I asked some of them what they were doing after church as far as lunch. I told them it was my birthday & I would like to go somewhere. Well, they would only go to lunch at Golden Corral (a buffet). I decided that wasn't going to be my birthday lunch so my mom & I went to Chili's. It was as good as Chili's is going to be. Especially without alcohol.

We went back to the house & my mom started nagging me to try to hang out with ANYONE I could find, just so I wouldn't be alone. I tried another guy at the church, but he didn't want to do anything so I said, "Fuck it" & went to the damn mall by myself. When I got there, I bought myself some clothes for a present (I had already gotten stuff from my parents & grandma). Then I went to Blockbuster (ha! Old school) to rent something but couldn't find anything. Drat!

So then I went to my grandma's house & watched Disney Channel.

Happy 21st to me!

Birthday Story 1

It's my birthday week, so every day this week I'm going to post a story about some past birthday extravaganza or whatever. Since I don't have much time today I'm going to write a short piece about my one & only surprise party.

When I was 15, I was well aware of the fact that I didn't have many friends (I had literally 1 friend). As my 16th birthday approached, I told my mother that I wanted a surprise party. She said ok. Well, that was easy.

The day after my birthday was a Wednesday which meant I had youth group at church. As my dad & I were heading there (my mom was already conveniently there) my dad took a wrong turn "accidently". I thought it was really stupid, but I sometimes think my dad is stupid so it wasn't THAT big of a stretch. We finally got to the church & my 1 friend Cooper was there. He kept talking to me & talking to me & trying to distract me but I hate being late so I pushed by him into the youth room. That was when I saw my mom, my youth leader, & about 5 other youth group members just...in there.

I ruined the surprise.

.....surprise......

On top of that, my mother didn't tell anyone in advance so hardly anyone had shown up, nor did I get any presents. At least she tried.

But hey, it's better than how my ACTUAL birthday had been the day before. I had gone to driver's ed, then gone to Raleigh for a terrible counseling session, followed by Olive Garden where I almost immediately had an allergic reaction to something & my father had to literally carry me out of the restaurant because I couldn't walk.

The Furry

Do you guys know what furries are?

These are furries.

Ever since I heard of furries, I've been completely fascinated by them. My first experience with them was while watching "The Shining" when things are going batshit crazy near the end & there are some furries getting/giving head in a room or whatever. Next came an early episode of "CSI" where there was a furry convention. That episode was very enjoyable for me.

To me, furries were like God's little joke. Kind of like kids with red hair & Ross Perot.

Well, my last year in college at Toccoa I got a text from Caitlin asking me if I had seen the kid walking around campus with a tail. She was confused as to what was going on, but I immediately got ridiculously excited.

Could...could there be a real live furry at my conservative Christian college? Was it possible for me to receive a blessing of such magnitude?

Shortly afterward, Alexa texted me about the furry. Yes. I was that lucky. There really was a furry there. The campus was so small that it was now only a matter of time before I crossed paths with him.

The first time I saw him, it was from a distance. I did an actual double-take. Sure enough, there was a guy walking around in an ill-fitting shirt, jeans, ugly sandals, & a tail tied to his waist (I remember the entire outfit because it was so bizarre). After that, I saw him everywhere. Cafeteria? He was there. The dorm? He was there. Chapel? You best believe he was there with that tail blowing carelessly in the breeze behind him.

Word got out that he view this whole furry shtick as his "ministry." He felt that by dressing as one of them it would make it easier to infiltrate their ranks & tell them about Jesus. Because you know, there was such a huge furry population in Toccoa, Georgia. If he wanted to dress like an STD or an inbreed, I could understand that because those are actual epidemics there. Furries? Not so much.

Eventually, the administration told him he couldn't wear his tail to class; he got by this rule by tucking his tail into his jeans. He also continued to not shower, as his friends were also wont to do. Because you know, it takes a lot of time out of your busy schedule of playing video games, Dungeons & Dragons, & planning your next cosplay to shower.

I believe our dear furry friend was only a student at TFC for one year. After that, I graduated but I heard he didn't come back the next year. I wonder what Skidmark would have thought about him...

That Time I Almost Got Kicked Out Of College

I've alluded to this post a few times, & now it's time for y'all to experience the wonder.

Are you ready?

It was literally a day before Spring Break my second year at Toccoa. I was driving down the main road with Ij (short for Italian Job, a name Alexa gave him because he looks Italian but he isn't) when he got a call from his hysterical girlfriend, LL. Apparently, she had been called to meet with one of the deans of the school because someone had read LL's Xanga in which she wrote about a get-together at The Mayor of Creepsville's house where there was some alcohol consumed; that person then printed off a copy of the post & gave it to the dean. Since we attended a school that rewarded this kind of behavior. Drinking was a big no-no regardless of age or whether or not you lived on campus. The most common form of punishment for such a heinous activity was a crap-ton of gratis (which, as I have mentioned before, is like community service around campus), suspension, or expulsion. So obviously, LL being really upset was understandable. I felt really bad for her.

That is until about 2 hours later when I got a text from Christian, who was currently the SGA president: the dean wanted to speak to me. Shit. I still had about an hour left of my shift (back in the day when I was a host at Applebee's & thought working lunch was good), & that entire time I almost had an anxiety attack. I had no idea whether I was going to be forced to testify LL or anyone else, or whether I had been thrown under the bus as well. Either way, I hurried over to the school after work to go ahead & get it over with...

Now, the dean is a reasonably nice person. He has a very... calming demeanor. I sat down & he told me how he had already spoken to LL about her Xanga post, & then went into reading quotes from it. This was when I learned that LL included all of the names of the people who had been at the party (of which I was included). Now, I can understand why she would think it was ok to put our names. I mean, it was 2008 & homeslice was still writing on Xanga. Nobody had been reading that shit for years. But seriously?! You're going to post on a public forum that anyone can read that you had been drinking & include the names of everyone there? Idiot.

The kicker? I didn't even drink that time. I wasn't even going to go because it was at The Mayor of Creepsville's house (THAT'S going to be a fun post...) but I had gotten in a fight with my dad (who I was living with at the time since he was working in the same town I went to college) & left to hang out with Ij. I stayed maybe an hour & smoked one cigarette. And all of this crap was happening to me.

Sometimes I make really bad choices.

I explained all of this to the dean, who didn't seem mad at all. I didn't like that. I need the other person to react one way or the other so I can react. I obviously don't do well making my own choices. He was just really quiet. And that's when I started talking...running my mouth about how I thought I had a drinking problem because I would physically feel pain if I didn't drink. How it ran on both sides of my family. How I could just drink & drink & be drunk but not stop or get sick.

Jesus.

That was when the entire mood of the meeting changed. Now he wanted to fix me. Well, at least I didn't think I would get kicked out anymore! So there was that. He decided to have weekly accountability meetings with me to make sure I was overcoming my plight as a potential alcoholic. I thought that wouldn't be so bad. But then the mood changed to one slightly more ominous. This was when the dean wanted me to tell him who Ij was (only his first name was in the Xanga post). I didn't want to do it. I really didn't want to be a snake. But I knew I had no choice because it would potentially get me in more trouble, plus the fact that I knew he probably already knew. So I told him.

He talked to Ij later that day, as well as the other 3 guys involved (The Mayor of Creepsville, a ginger kid that may not have any functioning brain cells, & the guy who died earlier this year). They set up a meeting for all of us to get together after Spring Break, & basically all that ended up being was the dean & another dean telling us why we were wrong for drinking & The Mayor of Creepsville trying to debate them. While everyone got involved for the most part, I kept my mouth shut.

I was surprised, but none of us got suspended, expelled, or at the very least gratis. It was just really odd how it all worked out, especially when we were basically completely screwed. In fact, there was a group of people who got busted for drinking around the same time & they all got a lot of gratis & weren't allowed to play on their respective sports teams for the rest of the year. I know they may have been held to a higher standard, but I was really involved on SGA & the dean did mention that I may need to be removed if my behavior didn't change. But that was that.

In the end, I distanced myself from that group. LL left school at the end of that semester. I continued to keep my distance from The Mayor of Creepsville. I also avoided the dead guy because he was an ass. The ginger? We never really hung out much anyway. Ij ended up getting kicked out the next year because of alcohol (& because The Mayor of Creepsville sucks).

I ended up going about a month without drinking, until this horrible night when Ij & LL had sex in my dad's bed. I also continued going to the accountability meetings until I realized that all the dean wanted was to use me as a narc since he knew that while I didn't hang out with people much, I knew a lot of what was happening with people. So I quit going.

And Spring Break? It was decent fun in Daytona until I kind of realized that one of the only reasons I was invited was because I had a car. Assholes.

Motivation Stimulation

As I sit on my bed, I think about how badly I need to get my homework done. Why am I not doing it? Why am I procrastinating?

The answer is...I just don't know. I don't consider myself a lazy person. I just lack a lot of motivation. Once I start something I'm pretty good, but getting me to start it takes a lot of pushing. The fact that I've been in school almost non-stop since kindergarten is another factor. Baby just needs a break.

But I will get it done. I need to read about 100 pages by tomorrow (pfft. You know I be skimming that bitch) so I can do a discussion board post. Then I have to write a critique by Sunday that does not exceed 4 pages. This routine is going to be my life until August 19. There will also be a personal counseling model I have to write, but I've done a bazillion of those (so you know I be taking my old stuff & punching it up).

But on the plus side, I found out I only have a year left of graduate school. Word.

Going Downhill

It has recently come to my attention that I'm getting older.

I know this may come as a shock to some of you, but it's true. I am almost halfway to 50.

Now, I know this may bring me the ire of my readers that are much, much older than I am (Dr. Ken, I'm looking at you). However, I'm having difficulty accepting this harsh fact.

It's tough waking up in the morning after a long night of drinking by myself & actually having to deal with a hangover. In the past, I would be able to drink until I laid down & went to sleep (I refuse to black-out. Whenever I feel one coming on, I decide to "go to sleep"). The next morning, I would wake up feeling as bright & sunny as I possibly could considering I'm borderline homicidal when I wake up. But now? Now I have the headache. And my eyes don't focus as well. And I move quite sluggishly. Mookie.

And to be prematurely losing my hair. Granted, this has been going on since I took Depakote when I was 18 as a mood stabilizer & it was one of the side-effects. But since then, I feel like I've been fighting a losing battle. It is honestly the one thing in my life I'm the most self-conscious of. It's not that I weigh 140lbs or that my voice sounds like I'm always stopped-up, bored, & taking estrogen injections or even my inability to do anything with coordination or grace. It's the fact that my hair is thinning. Luckily, I've found some products that seem to be working to slow down the process & possibly reverse it, so we'll see.

And you know what? I can tell my metabolism is slowing down. Even though my arms & legs are still uber skinny, my tummy is getting some pooch to it. And baby doesn't like that.

AND I can't seem to function on 2 hours of sleep anymore. When I was in college, I would be on the internet or reading until the birds started chirping or later. Then, I'd wake up about 2 hours later & while still tired, I wasn't essentially a functional zombie. Nowadays, if I get much less than 5 hours (such as the way tonight is going to turn out, I see) I really struggle throughout the day.

If this is how the rest of my Twilight Years are going to be, I'm really not looking forward to it.

I Hate Caleb Shreves

Because heaven forbid I not be the butt of every joke in the world, Caleb over at The Blog Experiment (a very nice blog. He obviously puts more effort into his layout than I do) did a postthe other day where he stole (yes, stole!) a picture I had posted on my Facey B. In the picture he posted, I'm making a face & overall I just don't understand what was going on at the time.

The offending picture. Whert?!

Well, that asshole Caleb has done it again! He just now did another post where he steals EVEN MORE pictures from my childhood that I had posted on the internet. And he is obviously ridiculing me.

He's such a twat-waffle.

Friendship Liability Insurance

The other night, I had gone downtown to smoke hookah with Madison & Drew (Drew is a new guy at work). The place we decided to go to didn't have any parking spots so we had to go down a side street. Madison wasn't sure where to park so I told her to just pull in somewhere (there were cars everywhere) & we'd be fine. Plus there was the sign that said we could park there!

After our little hookah excursion in which there was a guy dressed as Pikachu & another guy wearing a skirt wandering around, we go back outside & walk to the cars. That's when I spot the piece of paper underneath her windshield wiper. And one in the same spot on Drew's car (he drove separately). They each got $30 tickets. Oops. Madison was upset because I "told" her to park there. I went over to the sign & saw that it said you could park there until 11pm (by this point it was close to 1am). I found this to be a bit humorous just because something similar had happened a month ago or so with Madison when we went to a coffee shop downtown. I "told" her to park there then, too. Whatevs. They're only $30 each & I may give her some cash for them since I do feel a smidge responsible.

While thinking about these incidents, it reminded me how often stuff like this happens. It seems like I have this innate ability to accidentally get people in trouble, possibly for something I played part in, & not get in trouble at all. The first of these stories occurred in my first semester at TFC. This was back when I hung out with Neil, Dan, & Robyn (made famous in my post about how I started drinking & then had a nervous breakdown). Robyn didn't live on campus & doesn't really play a part in this story at all, so screw him.

Anyway, Neil & Dan bought a smoke machine for some reason & were messing around with it in Dan's bathroom (his poor roommate...). I was getting ready to go to bed when I hit the button one last time & made it give a long, drawn out puff of smoke. Then I went to bed. About 5 minutes later, the smoke alarms begin ringing in the dorm. Well, shit. I come out of my room to see Dan & Neil already out of Dan's room looking panicked. The R.A. came out of his & was able to get the alarm off before more people came out of their rooms. He knew Neil & Dan were responsible so he told them he'd talk to them the next day. I just snuggled back in my bed, having sweet dreams.

The next day Dan & Neil were given 12 hours of gratis a piece (gratis was the form of punishment our school used for a while. If someone broke a rule or someone in authority just didn't like a student, they could be given gratis, which essentially was community service on campus or they could pay a fine for however many hours of gratis they were assigned). No one asked them whether or not I was involved, & they didn't volunteer that information for a few reasons. The first being that they knew I'd probably have a nervous breakdown if I was given gratis & the other reason being that they could then guilt me into submission. Whatever. Later on that week I was in Dan's room with Neil when the R.A. came in. I pretended to be asleep & heard the R.A. ask him if anyone else was involved & Neil said no. Thank you, Neil!

That weekend a former student who was friends with Neil & Dan came to visit. We all enjoyed camping (yes, I do enjoy camping. Surprise!) so that was on the agenda. Since we were paying thousands of dollars to be treated like children, we were required to fill out an overnight pass that listed where you would be & who you were with. The overnight pass was then signed by an R.A. & taped to your door in case they did bed checks or there was an emergency. However, since Dan & Neil had gratis they weren't allowed to go anywhere overnight. But they wouldn't let that stop them! Unfortunately for them, I forgot about that rule & put on my overnight pass that they were going to be with me. Oops!

After a horrendous night in the woods where Dan didn't include the covering of the tent & it poured for hours (I was the only one who brought a sleeping bag so I ended up not sleeping in a puddle), we came back & they each had 6 more hours of gratis for going out with outstanding gratis.

So in one week I managed to accidentally get them 18 hours of gratis. Though I was able to help them work it off by helping me with Student Government projects.

But my reign of terror doesn't end there! The next year after Neil & Robyn were gone, Dan had begun dating his future wife. We didn't hang out much then (as if I haven't already presented numerous reasons why) but we still talked occasionally. I was late going to chapel (we had to go to chapel a certain number of times a semester) when I saw them walking away from the chapel. I hollered, "What? Are you guys skipping chapel?!" They looked guilty & didn't answer. That's when I saw one of the deans of the school walking farther ahead. Shit. The next day Dan texted me freaking out because both he & Chelsea got about 8 hours of gratis & the rest of their chapel skips taken away from them for the rest of the semester because of that.

There have been other instances where I was the one who caused something to happen but I wasn't the one who got in trouble, but these are the ones that stick out the most in my mind. Also, this post is already running long & most people will have stopped reading by now.

I swear I'm not a bad friend! These things just happen!

And on a similar note, the entire time I was at TFC I never got gratis. Not even that time I almost got kicked out.

Slimeball

Yesterday, I went to my grandma's church. This wouldn't be a big deal except that her pastor is the same pastor from this story. In case you don't want to read about the debacle of my grandfather's death, let me refresh you: the pastor basically turned the funeral into an alter call for people to become saved not just so they could be with Jesus, but so they could also be reunited with my grandfather. He was also just really slimy.

At the service, he was very loud. And just like at the funeral, he coughed the entire time. The most offensive thing he did though was when he was talking about all of the people who needed prayer & he got to two of my great-aunts. Aunt Etta, bless her heart, has had Alzheimer's for a decade at least. And this wonderful pastor said, "And Miss Etta could still use your prayers. She's still hanging on." Well no shit, Sherlock. And she's not going to get better until her body just completely shuts down. Now be respectful of HER CHILDREN, SISTER (my grandmother), nieces, & nephews in the congregation & don't be a twat.

His next attack on my family came when talking about my great-aunt Shirley. I don't even know what's wrong with her except she's in the hospital & probably won't be around much longer. The pastor told everyone, "Yeah, Shirley's in the hospital. Not doing too good. I'm going to visit her tonight." Sigh.

I know I may be blowing this out of proportion, but I just find the way he handles things to be really disrespectful. He also has a terrible comb-over.

On another note, my cousin Jason (not his real name) was arrested Saturday night at a Phish concert. I'm waiting for that magazine with mugshots to come out on Friday & hopefully he'll be in it so he can autograph it. I might as well try to make a crappy situation a little funnier.

Wee Update

My computer is finally back! Too bad it had to have a new hard drive so I'm essentially starting over with a few things. Thankfully most everything got put on an external before I shipped it off. Too bad that Microsoft Office won't work for now, which means I may have lost A LOT of work. Thankfully I found a disc that may re-install it.

Oh yeah, I might be transferring schools again.

People Suck

I just really don't understand why people feel the need to be rude. Working in customer service, I deal with it all the time. But when I'm the customer, I legitimately don't understand why people feel the need to be rude to me when I'm just asking a question, needing clarification, or I'm ordering. I think I'm quite friendly. In fact, I'm only ever rude when provoked.

What brought this on was an event that just occurred mere moments ago. My license expires in a month & thus I need to renew it. Considering my birthday is the same day that it expires (huh....) then I would like to have my photo i.d. back by then so I can drink myself into oblivion. To make this very desirable outcome take place, I called the local DMV where the guy was kind of an ass. Everything I said was met with a slowed voice as if I was stupid, as well as a snotty tone. I did end up making the appointment.

After that I called a DMV around where my parents live, since they're usually nicer than the one in my hometown, as well as less busy. The woman that answered was a total hag. She asked when I wanted an appointment, & I told her to give me some times they had available & I'd pick. Apparently, that was a completely ridiculous request & was met with more snot. I ended up telling her to forget it & I'd call back when I had a better idea of my schedule & was in a race to hang up before her. I think I lost. Bitch.

Another time, I was at the post office & the employee was so rude to me that the woman in like behind me was in shock. My response? Saying that I hoped that her cat got run over. Not my best comeback, but I was in shock as well.

I just really don't get it. I mean, I'm not a fan of my job but I'm quite pleasant to people in spite of that. I just wish people could extend the same courtesy.

Feel The Burn

I'm not what one would consider a smoker. Aside from the occasional social cigarette every few weeks (or months), I don't smoke at all. In fact, I've never even bought my own pack.

Well, today as I was driving around with Madison (who does smoke), I bummed a cigarette from her. Our mission had been to buy her a hookah, so I was just in a tobacco-y mood. However, as we were cruising down the highway, listening to "Hey Soul Sister" (it's so generic but so, so catchy), with the windows down, it began to rain. These huge water drops were splashing onto me, so I throw out my cigarette & roll up the window.

Only of course, it's not that simple. As I lean back against my seat, I feel this piercing burn. Confused & frightened, I leaned forward to see the cigarette fall from it's comfortable position against my back & into the seat, exactly when my butt would be once I sit down. Luckily, I was able to pick it up & correctly throw it out the window. However, I did suffer a minor rash & burned a small hole in my shirt.

And that's why you shouldn't smoke.

A Risk-Taker, Adventurer, & Good Samaritan (I Am All Of These)

Today, as I was venturing out to see my counselor, I decided to try something I haven't done once since moving to the greater Raleigh area in September.

I attempted to drive downtown without using my GPS.

My lack of a sense of direction is legendary, having once gotten lost in my own neighborhood while looking at Christmas lights one year. Once my parents finally bought me my GPS, I was set. And by set, I mean hopelessly dependent.

I don't go downtown very often, due to my lack of social life & living in a suburb where there are enough things to do that it isn't necessary to always go to Raleigh. But when I do go downtown, I always use my GPS. In my defense, however, is the fact that downtown is ridiculously confusing & has atrocious parking, as well as some of the most rage-inducing driving I've ever witnessed.

Since the list of things I do on a weekly basis is relatively short, I don't usually have to worry about programming a bunch of addresses in very often; I just scroll through the list & boom! There's my destination! But today, I decided to cut the cord, if you will (& you will). Having been going to this particular place (actually, it's at my church's office where I'll hopefully be doing my internship eventually) long enough that I would essentially be borderline retarded at this point if I couldn't find it without my GPS, I embarked on my excursion.

Guess what happened.

I'm sure you're all guessing that I got hopelessly lost, because that's how almost all of my stories on here tend to be. If you guessed that I got lost then...

...

You're wrong. I got there just fine. In fact, I managed to find a parking spot directly outside the building that didn't require me to parallel park between two cars (I just had to back in because it was the first spot in that particular line). I was feeling mighty good about myself as I strutted down the sidewalk & marched up the stairs. That's when I was greeted by one of the interns.

It turns out my counselor was still on vacation & no one had told me.

On the plus side, this was a good experience because it forced me to try something I've been needing to do for a while. It also allowed me to help someone else, as another young man parked right behind me as I was walking back to my car. I told him to take my spot as I pulled up & he said it was ok, but I insisted that he should since I had only parked there about 5 minutes so he would basically have a free hour. He thanked me & took my spot.

Then I had to use my GPS to get out of downtown because it's different than how you get there.

Artistic Temperament

The other night, I came upon the business card of a guy who uses scrap pieces of wood to carve guitar picks, jewelry, & other crap. He's actually pretty good, if I do say so myself. What's not so good, however, is his attitude. Basically, just like a lot of artists, he takes himself & his work too seriously.

Example? This little ditty is from the back of the card.

"There is an incredible & intangible feeling that occurs when my hands coerce what I envision out of these raw materials. When the coupling of mind, medium, and machine is strong the result beckons to be seen and shared. To see this work emerge from small salvaged blocks, watching refinement arise from chaos, noise, and saw dust evokes the sensation that I want to convey to everyone who cherishes the incalculable and incomparable beauty of the natural world."

What an ass.

Never Fear (Also, You Pick The Story Again)

Just wanted to let everyone know that my return to the blogging world is imminent! While my computer isn't fixed yet, I'm taking my mom's so I can do "homework" (but seriously).

On an update with my computer, apparently something was jacked up with the hard drive too. Thank goodness I put everything on an external. And it sure was nice of the people to tell me they were keeping it an unspecified amount of time. Sure was.....

Sarcasm.

Ok, so I'm going to let you guys pick my next story. Your 3 choices this time are...

1. The time I almost got kicked out of college

2. My experience with being in wrecks

3. A guy that we dubbed "The Mayor Of Creepsville" in college.

Vote away! And vote fast!

The Life Ruiner

Because there really isn't much to report in my life right now that isn't super depressing, I'm going to write about my experiences with the person who gave me my first taste of an individual sucking in every way imaginable.

Ashley (not her real name) & I went to college together my first year away from home. She had been a student the year before, & had been a part of the friend group that I initially became a part of once I transferred there. I had been warned previously that she was very loud, obnoxious, dramatic, & couldn't be trusted, but in my naiveté I thought I could handle it.

I was wrong. Initially.

Things at first went well. Yes, she was loud, obnoxious, & dramatic, but I didn't see so much that she couldn't be trusted. In fact, she seemed like she could be very trustworthy! But then I started to notice how events that I was present for began to sound...different when they were retold by her. And how she would just look at someone & right there on the spot make up a rumor about them without any prior conversation with them.

Bitch was scary.

In the span of two weeks she wrecked two cars (one of which I was in [which is another story]). It was around this time that she became very attached to this guy, Greg (not even close to his real name). The thing with Greg though was that he had a girlfriend at the time named Hope. However, Hope was best friends with Ashley (you can see where this is going). But before any of that crap came out, first Hope announces to everyone that she's not coming back the next semester. Well, whatever. That happens. But right before finals, Ashley tells certain people in our friend group (not me) that her friend, Jesse (who was in a gang, according to her) had a rival gang going after him & his friends. Which included Ashley. And then that somehow spread to Ashley's friends (which included me, unbeknownst to me).

Then one night before school let out, Ashley came back to her room with her clothes all torn up, saying she had been raped by the rival gang. Oh noes!

So that got the rest of our friends banded together (except for me, who was kept in the dark. Thanks!). The winter term (which lasted two weeks) was when I found out, & at first I was really upset until I began to realize how the story didn't make much sense. After comparing notes with other people, I decided that it wasn't true. And neither was a lot of what she had said, such as another one of my friends hitting her (which I didn't believe for a second). It was also around this time that it came out that Ashley & Greg had been hooking up, which caused a split in the friend group. I ended up going with the people who weren't with Ashley, because my mama didn't raise no fool (sometimes).

The rest of the semester was still pretty dramatic with Ashley still on campus, leaving drama & horror in her hefty wake. By the end of the semester, she & Greg were no longer friends & she was slashing her own tires & blaming him for it (he was even out of town when that happened). Luckily her grades were terrible so she transferred to another school. She was out of my life.

Not so fast!

Ashley began visiting a lot at the end of the next fall semester because Hope returned & they patched things up. Then her cousin, Erica, came into the picture over Christmas break. She befriended a lot of people since she was going to be attending TFC the next semester. It was weird though that Erica only had a Myspace & didn't have a cell phone. In any case, she & Greg (who had also left TFC) began flirting online. Then all of the sudden, Erica is no longer going to school there & Ashley is involved in our lives again because it was just. so. dramatic. I wasn't having it, because by that point I had already figured out with Caitlin that Erica was really Ashley. But it was fun to just string her along, not gonna lie.

It especially became fun when all of the sudden Erica went from a really thin punk girl with brown hair to a more chunky girl with blonde hair & blue eyes.

After the Erica drama died down, I thought everything would be over with her. Until she moved to Toccoa. Are you serious?! And then she tried to get a job at Applebee's! I told the manager not to hire her, but he didn't listen. Eventually, he did tell me he should have. Thank you, Dean.

In that time at Applebee's, she got raped again. Wow. She has terrible luck, doesn't she? She also managed to alienate herself from almost every friend she had, which wasn't shocking. Thankfully, she was gone by the end of the summer (her choice, though I so wanted to see her get fired). She popped up from time to time, but managed to not bring any drama with her. The last time I saw her was in 2009 when I was working over Christmas break. She was visiting (she just never goes away!) & asked me why I had blocked her on Facebook. I told her that being friends with her just caused too much drama & left it at that.

So over time, I definitely learned to handle her better. Especially after her first rape incident. That was also when I learned how batshit crazy some people are.

I also need to add that I left out certain pieces that didn't ultimately impact the outcome of the story. Like how she had "gotten pregnant" before I went to TFC. And how she "had cancer" at one point. And how Jesse "died in a car accident" the semester after her "rape" but then a few weeks later she posted new pictures of herself with him on Facebook. Or how she got Jesse to message me on Facebook & try to start some drama with me about a comment someone had made on a picture I had posted.

And before people flip out & say, "Well, maybe she really was raped!" let me assure you that no, she wasn't. She ended up coming clean about the whole gang drama being a lie.

How do I always attract these people?

Still Alive (But In Heaven)

Laptop still isn't fixed, of course. I really need it so I can do my pre-work before I go up to Virginia at the end of June for my class. Also, I need it for my social life, since heaven forbid I actually have one with real people!

Also, I re-arranged my bedroom. It looks more mature than before, just by moving my bed, nightstand, & a bookcase. However, now that my bed is no longer directly against the wall I feel like I'm going to fall off.

I've also had two almost-anxiety attacks this week. Hopefully that stops soon.

Also, I was raptured. Peace out!

Tiddly Update

Me: "So are you still going to build that desk?"
Roommate: "Yeah."
Me: "Well, do you need help?"
Roommate: "Are you good with power tools?"
Me: "Not really."
Roommate: "Then no."

On that note, my computer is being fixed so I don't know when I'll be updating again. Currently, I'm using my roommate's computer.

Also? I'm going to the doctor soon because my leg is kind of effed up. Mother.