Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

A Few New Storylines

Guess who's still alive!

It's me.

Anyway, I know my last few posts were kind of boring & mentioned how I was just kind of at the end of my rope as far as stuff going on in my life. The depression & anxiety were completely taking over & making me completely worthless. I still struggle with that for sure, but it's improved greatly. For one thing, I started taking a new anti-depressant. The one I had been initially prescribed a few months ago prevented me from sleeping & actually caused me to become so emotionally numb that I began cutting, which I had never done before. Luckily I was smart enough to not do it in a visible place & instead used a safety pin on the inside of my thighs. Anyway, I obviously got prescribed a new medication. However, this one makes me really nauseous & messes up my sleep as well. If anything, I think just pushing through & relying on my inner strength is what has made the difference. And even though you readers may not be Christians, reading the Bible has helped as well. So there's that.

So on another note, my new career/school venture I'm wanting to pursue is to become a crime scene investigator. It's appealing to me because I could use my attention to detail (being anal retentive) for good. I also wouldn't have to interact with living people a whole lot which is a humongous plus in my book. Now I just need to find a school.

However, what I initially came here to write about is something that has come completely out of nowhere. Of the 3 storylines I'm writing about in this post, this is probably the most entertaining, as well as the most sudden. You see, my job has started a new policy effective yesterday that any time two or more shift supervisors are working at the same time, only one of them gets paid as a shift supervisor. The rest get paid $1 less as a team member. This happens when the store manager is there as well, even if he's just in the back doing admin stuff. When I found out I flipped. The main reason for this is because when I was hired, I was told I would be making a certain amount because of my customer service experience. That ended up not happening, but whatever. Then I got my yearly raise of $0.50. Then I got my promotion which was $1. All of that is well & good, except for the fact that all of the newer team members have been hired at a wage that was much higher than I was (different management). THAT means that when I'm forced to be a team member, I'm making less than every single new team member, despite the fact that I've been there for a year & a half & most of the staff we have now has been there about 3 months. We are all majorly pissed because it's like we're being punished for doing our jobs well. Even yesterday I had to clock in as a team member for 15 minutes because the manager was there for a little bit after me. I said to him, & I quote, "This is so fucking stupid." I'm classy & respectful.

Anyway, since I fancy myself an activist & am kind of spiteful, I called corporate to get a better understanding of their logic on this. The woman I spoke to (who I've talked to before) said that it was to allow shift supervisors to work more hours as team members, since it will cut back on shift supervisor overlap. Since our manager has been trying to be helpful to all of the new people he's hired by hiring them at a higher wage than the last managers did, it's screwed over his shift supervisor team. However, the HR lady said that we aren't required to work as team members. But that just means we'll have less hours total. So either way, we're screwed.

I was all gung-ho about finding a new job so I started a search today. Using a connection, I applied to be a part-time bank teller. I might also apply to some independent coffee shops &, as a last resort, Starbucks. 

Depending on what happens with a new job, I might quit Caribou. I also might stay & just work a few shifts a week as a way to get some extra cash. It all depends on where I get a new job, the hours, how much I make, & how some other issues at work end up playing out.

I should update more to prevent these really long posts.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

My Ailment

Got my test results back (only because I got sick of waiting & called them myself). It turns out I'm low on Vitamin D, so I got a supplement for it. We'll see what happens.

I've been feeling really crappy lately, so I forced myself to go hiking with Madison yesterday. The trail we were supposed to take was supposed to only be 4 miles (meh) but ended up almost being 6 miles. Other than being out of breath for a little bit of it, I did really well & had a good time. I used to love hiking & exploring in the woods at my grandma's house when I was younger, & then again when I lived in Georgia. Maybe I've finally found a hobby after 25 years.

The phone I got in April is broken. Again. New phone is on its way, which means it's the 6th phone I've had in 2 years. Screw you, Verizon.

A lot has been happening, most of which I can't post about on here (yet). But along with my birthday story, I've got another one coming up.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Doctor Time

I think I'm going to make an appointment to see the doctor while I still have insurance (my mom can retire in February, plus I'm getting old). I'm not necessarily sick, but something just feels off. Well, more off than usual.

Aside from my usual anxiety & depression crap, I'm just exhausted all the time. At this point I'm struggling to get my homework done because just thinking about starting it wears me out & I then I find myself taking a 5 hour nap. I'm getting it done, but I'm stressed out the whole time because I dicked around all week because I was napping or watching TV because I was stressed out.

My room is a mess right now because I start thinking about how I need to clean it & then I start to worry about where I'm going to put it. Then I get tired & just give up. There are two piles of books on either side of my bed. They've been there for weeks & I have no idea what to do with them.

Riveting stuff.

Kill me.

I have no energy to read much for pleasure. It takes too much effort. Even watching TV or getting on the internet takes too much energy.

I had been worried I was overwhelmingly lazy, but my counselor doesn't think it's that. He suggested that I might as well get it figured out while I still have insurance, in case it's something more serious than we think.

And just so everyone knows, if I start thinking about exercising that almost does me in. I've had a yoga mat for almost a month that I haven't even unrolled. I don't think it's my diet either, because I eat quite a bit of fruits, veggies, & grains.

I'm not really concerned. Just pissed off more than anything.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Still Alive (But In Heaven)

Laptop still isn't fixed, of course. I really need it so I can do my pre-work before I go up to Virginia at the end of June for my class. Also, I need it for my social life, since heaven forbid I actually have one with real people!

Also, I re-arranged my bedroom. It looks more mature than before, just by moving my bed, nightstand, & a bookcase. However, now that my bed is no longer directly against the wall I feel like I'm going to fall off.

I've also had two almost-anxiety attacks this week. Hopefully that stops soon.

Also, I was raptured. Peace out!