Friday, October 30, 2009

Oh, My Giant

You can pretty much tell from the title that dis post is gonna be goooood. And honestly, I'm not concerned about formatting, spelling, grammar, & the like because I stayed up all night watching "Degrassi: The Next Generation" to numb the irritation of the evening, I have a job interview today, I have had 2 cold sores for the past 2 weeks, & I have a shit-ton of reading to do.

So, My Giant has been a pain in the ass. Be it him coming to my room, always gently rapping on my door & then coming in, talking at me about his day & all it entailed. Then he leaves. Occasionally he'll ask me how I'm doing. Then there's also the issue of him wanting to use my credit card in exchange for cash so he can buy protein powder online (I laughed at him & said no). And then there's the time he wouldn't stop harrassing me about giving him a shoulder massage & calling me a homophobe because I didn't want to. Then I finally did give him one until my fingers hurt. He followed that up by asking me if I would take some DVD's to the library for him since I was headed that way, while he ran over to the gym. I say it's fine, but when I get there, none other than My Giant is sitting next to the glass wall that separates the coffee shop & the library. Then while I'm checking out my book, he comes up behind me & puts me in a head lock (I told him to stop touching me).

Oh yeah, he also wants me to cash a check for him for $800 because he can't open a bank own here since his ex-wife left him in debt. How he thinks he'd be able to write me a check for that much & have it clear without actually having an account is beyond me. And probably beyond him, too. He also wants me to buy furniture with him, but I refuse since I basically live in my room & have no interest in furniture. The other morning he came in to wake me up so I could take him to the bank. I told him to leave me alone & went back to sleep.

I'm not even gonna touch on him talking to me about condoms. But I will say that I did give him a minor smackdown at his comments that I wasn't well endowed.

So, that brings us to last night. He comes to my room, talking at me about his day per usual, & asks me I need anything from Wal-Mart. I refused initially until I remembered that I did need some drinks, so we go & he begins telling me some long-winded story (somewhat like this one) & eventually ends up taking almost an hour & a half to tell because he keeps stopping. We get to Wal-Mart & immediately people start asking him how tall he is. He gives his patented, witty response of "6'14'" & I give an exasperrated sigh & say, "He's 7'2"." Like seriously, I have to feel bad for him because people are so rude to him, treating him like he's a freak (he is, but you still shouldn't do that).

He kept leaving the cart in the middle of the aisles & would walk off, blocking the way for other people to walk. I told him to stop (I was tired of moving it) & he said, "It's ok. No one is going to take it." Not shocked at the fact that he didn't get it, I said, "Yeah, it has nothing to do with that. It has to do with the fact that it's rude because it blocks the way for people to walk." Guess what. No response. At all. Like talking to a wall, My Giant. This happened quite a few times. Oh yeah, & every single time I would start talking about something that had nothing to do with him, he wouldn't respond. It was like I didn't even speak.

Then, we get to the check-out line. The girl was a bitch & thought my I.D. was fake (I bought some $4 wine. I gotta keep it classy) & I knew that with her attitude, My Giant, & my mood, we were in some trouble. She asked him how tall he was, he said his spiel, I told her the truth about how tall he was, & she asked him, "Why do you have to say it like that?" Yup, I knew trouble would occur. He said something along the lines of, "I dunno. I guess I just like to liven things up with people who having boring personalities." Shit. I can tell by the look on her face this isn't gonna go well. He gets ready to speak again & I snap at him, "STOP!" Awkward.

Clueless, he asked me what I was going as for Halloween. I told him I was gonna make a lame costume on purpose & he asked if I was going as myself. I said monotonely, "Oh, you're good." And to round up all of this, we ended the night by talking about his first blow job, that he got by a fat girl who was dating his best friend. And the best friend was there when it happened. I wish I could make this shit up.

On another topic (but kinda not), he hasn't washed the dishes in about a month & a half. To cover up the smell of rotting food he placed a garbage bag over the sink. I've had to move all my dishes that he didn't use & not wash to my closet. And my coffee maker is under my bathroom sink because he can't even use that correctly. If he hasn't washed the dishes by Monday, I'm going to Residence Life.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


Do you ever wonder what the point in having expectations, hopes, & dreams could be? I do, because they always seem to fall short. I may succeed in the broad scheme of life, but in the little things, rarely.

Sorry this is whiny. I just wanted to throw that out there.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Arry Poatah (it's cockney)

As a teenager, I always felt that I was morally superior than most everyone else because I was not a "Harry Potter" fan. I watched the 1st 2 movies, felt "meh" about them, & laughed at people in their Hogwarts costumes. Then along came a little thing called "Twilight." And I was hooked.

However, I could still claim moral superiority because I was a fan before the movies came out. In fact, I was intruiged after I saw the 1st teaser trailer before "Prince Caspian." So I got the book a few weeks later & became obsessed. Completely obsessed. It was pathetic. But I still say I'm better than most people because I was a fan before the movie (or the dreadful "Breaking Dawn") came out.

All of this to say....I'm reading "Harry Potter." And I like it.


Sunday, October 18, 2009

Hot mess

So Friday I was blessed with the opportunity to drink in excess for the first time in a while. I generally handle my alcohol better than I did...dun dun dun!

We (Sarah, Jaclyn, & Mary from my classes) & some Random Guy Mary knows started off at City Place & got a trolley to Clematis St., which is where the debauchery takes place downtown. We went to this sea-themed restaurant & I got what was called a "Dark & Stormy," which contained ginger beer & rum. I wasn't impressed. We then went to some other place where I got a Long Island Iced Tea. I was feeling good as I do, & as we were gonna leave Random Guy brought us Kamikaze shots.

Here is where things take a turn. I hate shots. I mean, I despise them. They're too strong & I don't like having that much liquid in my mouth at once (that's what she said). The problem was I didn't want to be rude. And Sarah didn't finish her shot so I had a shot & 1/2.

I was still feeling ok, & we went to another bar. Sarah departed us, & the place we go to is crazy. We find a quieter place on a patio, & Jaclyn & I get Corona's. We just sit there, chillin', when I realize I must urinate. Jaclyn goes with me & I am unable to perform my urination. We go back, & I begin to feel super drunk & still have to pee, so Jaclyn goes back with me. I sit on a bench outside the bathroom feeling horrible. And then...AND THEN........

I puke on myself.

Poor Jaclyn goes to get me water & keeps me drinking that. Then I almost pass out on the bench. I get in a bathroom stall & puke more. Then these guys start yelling at me to hurry up. I stumble out & Jaclyn & I get a cab & leave Mary & Random Guy. I then.....

Puke on the poor cab driver's arm, on his magazines, & the floor of the cab.

Now on the plus side, I didn't puke anymore that night. On the negative side, I just puked on someone who is not my mother.

After moving to the front seat of the cab so I could stick my head out of the window, we're suddenly at my apartment & I stumble out & go lay down in front of the door. Jaclyn goes inside to get some Windex & paper towels & cleans the cab & pays. She then comes back & stays with me while I lay on the cement. Then she helped me back inside & stayed with me for a little while whilst I am draped over the toilet.

After she left, I just slept on the floor until about 5:00am, waking up every-so-often when my toilet would start running.

On the plus side, I didn't have to pee anymore, either. On the negative side, that's because I peed on myself sometime around 4:00am.

Sweet Lord, I'm a hot mess sometimes...

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Stupid Giant

My stupid Giant. So apparently he's been eating my food, on top of not cleaning any of his stuff. And he's put his silverware away so I guess he can use mine.

I swear, the last person I hated this much was that tub of lard I went to undergrad with who always lied about being raped.

And he's pursuing this girl who has a boyfriend in another country. When I asked him why he thought this was ok, he said his father has always told him if the person isn't married & made a covenant before God they're fair game.


She's been staying over some, & it makes it really awkward when I come out of my room in my underwear. She also washed our dishes (it was the first time his has been washed in about a month. Since the last time I washed them). She's a sweet girl & I hate that she's gotten herself tangled up with that asshole. I told my counselor here about the situation & she said that I need to report them for her spending the night, & I really just don't see how I can go through this semester without becoming a villain for calling him on his shit.

Oh yeah! And last night I had to explain to him what doing something on principle meant. And he also didn't know what the movie "Footloose" was. He was telling me the plot & when I asked if that's what it was, he sounded surprised & asked if it was a famous movie.

Jesus, keep me near you.