I went out last night with some girls from class who wanted to go bowling. We ended up at this incredibly sketchy establishment that left me feeling as if I had contracted numerous venereal diseases whilst not allowing me to partake in the fun act of intercourse. Or so I've heard it's fun...
But I digress. I didn't bowl because my wrist has been hurting for over a week now because I get these random flare-ups of tendinitis that require me to wear a wrist splint. So I'm walking back from the snack area when I see an older gentleman, a little rough around the edges, walking in my direction. He was dirty in appearance, & had that crazy eye that some people have. As I walked by him, I heard him say to no one, "Funny farm." I am not sure if this was directed towards me in some way or if maybe he was talking about where he lives. Maybe this was meant to be a quest for me! Maybe this is my "Rose Bud," like in "Citizen Kane." I hope it isn't, because I don't care enough to figure it out.
Anyway, the night had some drama (none that involved me) where the girls I was with had some boyfriend issues & I just sat there trying to enjoy the 3rd time I've hung out with anyone since returning to West Palm Beach at the beginning of January. We ended up at Applebee's (...) & I proceeded to drink.
What does tonight hold for me? Probably not much of nothing. Maaaaaaaybe I'll write more later.
I remember it was around this time last year I watched the movie "Into The Wild" for the first time. I thought it was incredibly pretentious & couldn't sleep later on in the night because of the creepy-ass picture they show of the real guy who died. But one thing I got from the movie was that I needed adventure.
My life has been relatively uneventful. College was always in my plan since I can remember. My parents always wanted the best for me, so they always pushed me to be better than everyone in everything I did. For the most part, I was. But my life was so boring (unless I did something stupid, like locking myself in a basement with a bisexual Wiccan or almost getting my ass abducted by a truck driver). I didn't have friends I hung out with while I was a teenager. One time I went about 2 months without leaving the house except to go to my grandma's (I was home schooled at the time). So no adventure then.
When I went to college, I was overwhelmed to say the least. I might have been in a small town, but I had choices! People may or may not have wanted to have me around. And I wanted to be around (almost) everybody. I had adventure (it's always an adventure when alcohol is concerned & when you realize you're kind of a slut that doesn't put out), but I was still stuck in a routine.
Then I saw this movie. Mainly because I love Kristen Stewart & her inconsistent acting. I was stressing out because I was graduating in a few months & had no idea what came next. I knew graduate school was eventually going to occur, but what else? I came up with the idea to road trip. I made a mental list of everywhere I wanted to go (New Orleans, L.A., NYC, the plains of the mid-west). Too bad I couldn't find anyone to go with me & I got into a graduate school.
But here I am. I'll be 24 in exactly 6 months today. I just watched part of the movie again. The drive to do something has returned. Where is my adventure? Should I road trip? I looked at my bank account tonight & after the urge to cry had left, I began to chew on my options. Now would be a good time to just pack up & go somewhere. Obviously I would handle it different than Chris did in the movie (I'd let my parents know where I'd be, I'd be more hygienic, & I wouldn't die. At least not because I ate some damn poisonous berry). But is that the adventure I've been lacking?
Damn. It's too late for me to be thinking about this mess. I just don't want to be older & realize I'd wasted my youth, because I already feel like I've wasted it enough as it is.
So I found out the apartment I live in is renewing their contract with my school, which means I'm not under as much stress to find a new place as I once was. However, I'm still going to try to move out because I'll be 24 in July. It's time to get my own place (roommate or not).
In other news, I have a proposal due in my class on Tuesday that may or may not be ready because my partner may or may not suck. I hate group projects.
And yesterday I went to a conference at 9am in Boca Raton about restoring marital intimacy when a spouse is a sex addict. Hey, it got me out of doing a paper. They also charged some of us from my class $10 & didn't charge others, so I went back & participated in the following exchange...
Me: Hi, I'm part of Dr. Henry's class.
Lady: Oh, ok.
Me: Um, you guys charged me $10 & didn't charge other people in my group.
Lady (while looking at me like "what do you want me to do about it?"): Ok....
Me: I'd like my money back.
Lady: I don't know if I have any $10's left.
Me: I can wait.
I got my money back & promptly went to Dunkin' Donuts to get me a dang Coolata or whatever it's called.
I had to lead my small group in my Groups class tonight. I'm not gonna brag, but I was awesome. And I rewarded myself with a big-ass Chipotle burrito.
Also, I found out today that the apartments I live in are going to be continued next year so that takes a lot of pressure off of me, though I still am going to try to move off-campus because I'll be 24 this summer. It's time to be off-campus.
Tonight is the 5 week anniversary of how many Friday nights I've been at my apartment alone. Go me?
I finished writing my paper for my Human Development class. Now alls I have left to do is start doing my part of the Group counseling proposal, do those 2 psychological tests & write about them, & study for my test on Wednesday.
Also, I sent my job interviewer (I forgot to write about that) a thank you card today. I almost doused it in my 11 year old cologne but thought it to be a bit too much.
Well, I'm off to maybe watch "The Godfather" for the first time. Or not. I dunno. I really want to Skype.
I have a job interview on Wednesday! Too bad I don't know which job at that place I'm interviewing for because I applied to about 3 or 4. And I may or may not have made a bad impression on the phone, but it just means I have to wow them in person. I think I'm up to the task.
I applied for about 7 jobs tonight. It was pretty frustrating, applying for all these jobs in my field that I don't meet the qualifications for because I don't speak Spanish & I don't have over a year experience because I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A FUCKING JOB YET.
I don't know how these people expect me to get any experience if I can't get hired. But whatever. I'm going to keep applying tomorrow, keep praying, & hope that something will work out because I didn't realize until today just how dire my money situation currently is.
Also, I can't sleep because I'm craving rice. Seriously.
Definitely should be in bed. Instead, I'm sitting here listening to Owl City & thinking.
I applied for a job yesterday as a case manager at a family center place. One of the girls in my Master's program works there (other people do as well but she's the one that told me about the job so I'm using her the most) & I'm hoping she can at least get me an interview. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do if I'm not able to get a better job. The school is going to make all of the students who live in the apartment complex move in May because their lease with the church who actually owns them runs out & they aren't renewing, so we all have to leave. I knew this going into it, but I wasn't expecting things to turn out the way they have down here.
On top of getting the job for financial reasons (it pays very well for someone like me), I also want it because it will help me feel like a real adult. I've felt like I was in limbo for a while now, & it's getting worse. I still feel like a teenager, though I know I'm not, & people expect me to be an adult, but I can't support myself, etc. I mean, my parents still pay for basically everything except my food (when I'm not home), DVD's, CD's, & clothes (they sometimes get those as well).
I don't want people to think I'm ungrateful because I'm not at all. I appreciate my parents & their willingness to take on these added financial burdens while I'm still a student, but it would be nice if I could do SOMETHING.
If I can't get a job, I'm screwed. I don't have any friends I could live with, & my parents won't be able to take on the extra burden of rent for me. I may end up having to take some time off from school which would fuck me over even more than throwing off my schedule because I have to be a full-time student to have insurance under my parents.