Monday, February 28, 2011

Pointless Post (But Potentially Slightly Informative, Too)

Sorry I've been M.I.A. lately. And not in the catchy "Paper Planes" or whatever the hell that song was called kind of way. I've been super swamped with school work & work (more school than anything).
I'm always the kind of person that feels incredibly guilty if I'm not doing homework. I always feel like I could be doing SOMETHING. So it's almost impossible for me to relax, but that's always been the case. I've been getting a lot of stress headaches the past few days, too.

Oh yeah! The weather is so nice. It's cloudy today but about 80. Yesterday was absolutely perfect & I missed almost all of it because I was at my job on my day off doing homework.

Also? There is a small chance I could be doing some modeling coming up. A co-worker used to be a professional model & is trying to start up a business here. She's having auditions on Thursday & I'm going with Katie (who has modeling experience already) for her audition for support. But my co-worker wants some people in "The Business" (that's what they call it) to look at me, since she thinks I have an "arsty, European" look & style. Whatever. I think I always look like a hot damn train wreck but more power to her. If it brings in extra cash, I'm all for it.

I'm ready for my close-up.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Nice Try, But I Never Stop Talking (Except For When I Do)

So at work we are having a promotion where certain beans are on sale, 2 lbs for $20. Management won't leave us alone about selling it & we are even ranked (& our hours may be dependent) on how many we sell. As a whole, we are supposed to sell 15 lbs a day. Well, that just doesn't really happen. But I digress...

I would ask people in the drive-thru if they drink coffee at home. Most people would listen, one even bought. But to those who didn't...they had this exchange.

Me: "Do you drink coffee at home?"
Customer: "I'm not interested."
Me: "Well, it's a good thing I'm stubborn because I'm going to finish what I was saying..."

It all depends on how you say these things. Honestly, I think that's the only reason I've never been fired from a customer service job. Just slap on a smile. Maybe give a little laugh. Then people don't realize how much you actually hate them & are probably insulting them.

I promise I'm not an ass in real life. I'm just tired of being treated rudely for no reason.

I think for a future post I will write down all of my best customer service related insults/exchanges. Thoughts?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Perfect Storm

Instead of finishing any of the homework that is progressively piling up & stressing me out, I have decided to share with you all a very special story.

When I was 14, I visited a Lutheran church with my friend Courtney. Growing up Protestant, we always used grape juice for communion, but those Lutherans know how to get it done. Granted, I only had a super small sip, but I knew alcohol & I would someday become friends.

While I worked at the movie theater (both times) & during my year in high school & tenure at community college, I was around people who drank a lot but I never partook. This wasn't necessarily because I thought it would be wrong. No, it was because I never got invited to anything where there was alcohol. Judging from how things played out later, maybe it was good I didn't discover the Magical Drink for a while.

January, 2007. I was 20 & beginning my 2nd semester at "real college" in Georgia. I had been invited to go to Florida by some guys (including Robyn, who visited me last summer in Florida) to go with them & visit another friend (Neil) who had transferred at the end of last semester. The whole trip was kind of wonky, with Neil & Robyn up each others butts, Dan constantly texting his underage girlfriend, & me just kind of there. There was a lot of drama going on back in Georgia & I was preoccupied with that hot mess.

Let me go on & put this out here: I've changed a lot since then. I was even more awkward at that time & more socially inept. Because of that, I was treated like Does that make sense? It still happens some now, but not to the same degree. People treat me like I'm this retarded child who can occasionally do tricks (such as making inappropriate comments & saying ridiculous things) but can't really take care of himself.

Anyway. We had access to alcohol, because of course we did. In the course of about an hour, I had drank Skyy vodka, multiple Smirnoff Ice, Starbucks liqueur, Jack Daniels, & maybe some wine & beer. I don't remember that part. But needless to say, I was completely blasted off my ass. In fact, I was so drunk that I decided it would be a good idea to walk around outside naked. I then proceeded to go into the bathroom & announce that I was going to try to masturbate. My friends didn't like that so much, so they did everything they could to distract me from the other room. It worked. I was unpleased.

By this point, I was wearing underwear. That doesn't necessarily mean that I was wearing them correctly. There were pictures of me sprawled on the couch with my...friends just laying about. I also told Robyn I hated him because he had weaseled in my friendship with Neil (this wasn't the first time something like that had happened to me). I was a hot damn mess.

But guess what! I had nary a hangover the next day. Luckily, I never had another night like that again. Yes, there was another naked drunk night a few years later (connected to a drinking game) but I never again yelled at anyone or tried to get my wank-on while other people were around.

Granted, the rest of the trip was complete mookie. I basically had a nervous breakdown the next night because of stress & feeling left out by the other 3 & almost killed myself. Then I told my dad about everything that happened & he threatened to cut me off financially (like from the $2,000 in my savings account that was technically in their name). It also set off a chain reaction of events for the rest of the semester that led to me almost transferring to another school.

But if nothing else, I learned that I love drinking.

Sunday, February 20, 2011


I love my job so much. I make your overpriced drinks with love.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

That Time My Lungs Were Destroyed For A Little Over Minimum Wage

I've tried to make it a habit recently not to talk about work anymore since I was reprimanded for saying something negative about a product on Facebook in October. The company has taken the stance that any negative talk about a policy, product, customer, or employee will result in termination. But honestly, today was such bull that I can't help it.

Our district manager is a Dingleberry (I've nicknamed him that, too). He is under the impression that everything should be cleaned all the time & we should never stop moving. This on top of the fact that we don't get breaks (illegal!). So he was there today, spreading his charm, & we kept getting cleaning assignments. I got stuck deck brushing all of the tile floor (a huge undertaking) & eventually ended up hurting my back & shoulders, as well as inhaling a copious amount of 409. I went to the back later & was given a new assignment: cleaning the mop bucket. Yes.

I was instructed to spray the 409 onto the mop bucket, take a scrubby sponge, & clean the mop bucket. In all fairness, it was disgusting, but seriously. It's a mop bucket. People expect disgusting from it. So I'm stuck in the back, sitting on the floor, wearing those yellow dish gloves. There is no ventilation back there & we aren't allowed to open any of the doors back there, so the 409 was really starting to get to me. On top of all of that, my OCD was kicking in & I never wanted to stop. It would never be clean enough. Ever. EVER!

Eventually my shift supervisor commanded that I stop because she was worried about my health, seeing as my face was apparently starting to turn a funny color due to the chemicals. As soon as Dingleberry left, my manager & I loosened up & we started inventing drinks & having fun. We continued to clean some, but the urgency dissipated.

I am the World's Most Unhappy Barista.

P.S. I already have had a hard time getting rid of the cough from my sickness a few weeks ago but it's been ridiculous today. Just constant hacking, gagging, dry heaving.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Pearl Of Wisdom By MEEEEEE

In anonymity there is safety.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

My Own Guest Post

So, I did a guest post on Aubree's blog. It's the typical fare: I get into a weird situation with a creeper that could potentially end with me losing my innocence &/or life. This one involves the movie theater & a truck driver.


Sunday, February 6, 2011

Guest Post! Holla!

So I decided to do my first ever guest post today! This is due partly because I don't feel like posting my own shit, but also because I want people to read the awesomeness that is Aubree, who hails all the way from Inspirational Me. You should follow her. But not in a creepy way.

Anyway, here is her post.

"Back last year when I was in a fit of annoyance over my demanding 16 unit school schedule, having to go to work and my complete lack of a social or dating life, someone from work suggested an online dating site (it was free, of course).

I'll pause for your laughter. Done? Okay, moving on.

Apparently she had 'tons of success!!' on there and got a few relationships out of it so I checked it out, mostly just to see how it worked. I filled out some questionnaires but never posted a picture, so naturally no responses came. Then, a few months ago, I remembered I had an account on there and put up a picture.

Some guy who lives pretty near me continuously contacted me and when he asked for my number, I didn't know how to say no. No matter how many times my response was "Lol" he always found something to reply to and wouldn't leave me alone. I tried to make him lose interest by being unfunny and boring, but to no avail. After not even knowing me for a week, he wanted to meet up.

I didn't really want to go, but since I have no spine and he seemed nice enough, I tentatively agreed. He asked where I live and, not being a total ass hat, I gave him a city near where I live. We were supposed to meet up at the entrance to this big shopping center near where I told him I live (it was actually pretty far from my house). I even told him I had work that night (I did not) so I'd have an excuse to bounce in case it sucked.

I felt really weird about going and things just seemed sketchy, like him telling me to lie to my parents about who I was hanging out with. After canceling and uncanceling a few times, I told him I was definitely canceling. I don't even know why he still wanted to meet up since I was being so hesitant and back and forth about it all! He tried a few times to get me to reconsider (am I really that charming and beautiful?) but I further declined.

I have since disabled my account and even though myself and potential killer are still friends on Facebook, we haven't talked since a few days after I bailed.

Oh, and Julie looked at all of his pictures on Facebook (I stupidly only looked at a few of them) and I guess he is big into comics and Star Wars and has pictures of himself at a convention where he shaved his head and painted it black and red like Darth Maul and glued horns on his head.

Crisis averted."