Friday, November 12, 2010

The Passion Of The Skidmark

This story has been a'brewin' for the past few weeks, & now I feel like enough has progressed to make a whopping awesome post. So here it goes.

The week leading up to Halloween, Skidmark had begun bring over some guys. It wasn't uncommon for him to bring guys over, but these guys made themselves right at home. The first, a boy of 18, began his night with my dear roommate by going straight up to his room. This was then followed by the two of them showering together. The whole time this is happening, I'm sitting in the living room trying to watch a movie. Then Skidmark took this little chitlin' to the basement for a few minutes. Uh oh, thought I. Well, they came back to the living room & chatted with me for a while, where I learned that this kid's drug dealer lived down the road from us, & also that Skidmark had offered him the opportunity to live in the basement. I asked the kid how the two of them met, & he seemed flustered but said it was because they had classes on the same part of campus. Made sense. Then they went back upstairs & I asked him if he was spending the night.

He did. I saw them both leave together the next morning while I was getting ready for work. No biggie.

The night after that, Skidmark brought another guy over. I was in a bad mood & eating some terrible mac & cheese, so I worked my cock-blocking magic. I sat right there with them, talking online & bitching about the mac & cheese. The guy ended up leaving shortly after.

The next night, the 18 year old was back. They went to the basement again & Skidmark gave him the worst mohawk I have ever seen. Then they showered together again. Then I heard someone getting jerked-off through the ceiling. I give up.

Then, on Halloween...

I was watching a movie & had to tinkle. Skidmark was upstairs so I went to the basement so I wouldn't have to see that creeper. The first thing I see upon reaching the bottom of the stairs are a pair of dominatrix boots (those really harsh, tall, black boots that people into bondage wear). "Well, maybe they aren't that," I said to myself. I round the corner & step into the bathroom, turning on the light. What do you think I saw?

Two humongous pink dildos.

I just kind of stared at them for a minute, in total shock. I had never seen anything like that before, so it took me a minute to process why there were these two larger than life penises sitting on the back of the toilet. I immediately went back upstairs, fearing that he would catch me (I had watched a LOT of horror movies that week). After he went to sleep, I did go back down & snooped. I'm ashamed, yes.

I went back to Rocky Mount for a few days because I really didn't want to be there. When I went back the boots were still out, but the dildos were put away.

The next week progressed normally. I was behind on my schoolwork because of the dildo shenanigans, but I managed to (barely) get everything turned in on time. I had a paper due tonight at midnight so I spaced out the rest of my week so I could get that done. Well, that got torn asunder when I woke up yesterday & found a text from Skidmark telling me, & I quote, "Just wanted to let you know we're filming another video between 12 & 2. It's gonna be crazy shit that I don't think you'll wanna hear so you may want to leave." I look at the time. It was 12. I left.

I tried to work on my paper at work, but didn't get much done because of how distracted I get. Around 2:30 I get another text from Mr. Skidmark, telling me that they were done & apologizing for any inconvenience it may have caused me, as well as that he meant to tell me the night before. Well, obviously that makes it all better, right?

I then went on a mission to find the leasing office to see what my next step would be because I had to get out. Turns out, there is absolutely no record of me living there at all. Know why? Skidmark never turned in any of my paperwork. Now I have no idea where this leaves me because the lady said that he is allowed to sublet, but the papers I signed were supposed to put me on the lease, something that apparently hasn't happened. I'm expecting a call from Legal Aid on Monday to give me advice.

And the moral of the story is this: I should have just stayed in my room instead of hanging out in the living room.


Aubree said...

the part about bitching about the mac n cheese made me chuckle aloud. idk why.
interesting stuff, though.

Andrew said...

I'm glad you picked the most important part of the story to comment on.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

That must be an epic movie they're making.

Andrew said...

It will definitely get a chapter in the book that everyone tells me I should write.

Jeanette Rowley said...

BEST STORY EVER. loveyouuu!

Caleb said...

You're fucking joking. No way.

You live in a hardcore gay porn nexus? With a dude named "Skidmark?" Run! Run man!

And if no papers are turned in, and your name is on no lease, I'd say your safe.

And trust me- I'm thinking about possibly studying to one day maybe be a lawyer of some sort.

Andrew said...

My life....

I'm glad you can practice your potentially-used law skills on my sad tale of woe.