First Day

Today was my first day of class. For the first time in about 3 1/2 years, I had to actually sit in a classroom rather than try to stay engaged in an online setting. To be honest, I quite enjoyed it. One of the worst aspects of doing my Master's online was how disengaged it all was. While we had discussion boards that would force us to interact, there's only so much that will accomplish. Plus, it helps having the professor right there in front of you. Also I hated the thought of having my name associated with the cesspool that is Liberty University.

The first class that I took was Ethics & Community Relations. That's going to be about as exciting as an Ethics class will ever be. My night class was Constitutional Law. Again....about as exciting as a class about the constitution is going to be. But my afternoon class, the one I've been looking forward to the most: crime scene processing. We didn't do jack shit today but I'm so excited. There's also a lady in there named Queennez & I can't wait to learn more about her.

On a weirder note, there's a girl in that class that I knew as a teenager. We worked together at the movie theater & have been Facebook friends for a while; we've even been in communication since I enrolled in the program because I knew she was also in it. Guess what. Didn't even acknowledge me (not that I said anything to her but she's the more senior individual here. She should be taking me under her wing). Whatevs.

On a sentimental note, it's weird being back on that campus. When I stopped home schooling & went to the alternative high school, it was on that campus. I then took 2 years worth of classes there before transferring to Toccoa. So much of the campus has changed but in other ways it's still the same shit hole I remember. Some of the faces are familiar (professors, librarians, & janitors), but overall it's totally different. And I'm not some 17-19 year old kid anymore. Now I'm a 27 year old man-child living with his parents & commuting an hour to work at a damn coffee shop/bageleria. I've lived in 2 other states, graduated college, almost graduated graduate school, lost 2 grandparents, & lived with a roommate who filmed gay bondage porn in our basement. In some ways I feel like I've made several steps back by returning to community college but since the crime scene investigation field is one I'm actually interested in, this will hopefully be several more steps in the right direction.

Stop The Insanity

Remember my posts about the girl with Down's Syndrome who wouldn't leave me alone?

Well, that situation hasn't resolved itself. After telling her I couldn't continue communicating with her, she got her mother involved. Then I blocked her number. Then she started e-mailing me. And she's also gotten people who go to her church (the same church that I went to from 10-15) that I'm friends with on Facebook to message me & find out where I am & how she can continue to contact me.

How is this even happening?

Also, I will be posting more in the next few days, seeing as my classwork has died down some. Only have one more assignment left, though that one can potentially make or break whether or not I pass the class. Also, it combined with the class I finished last week left me randomly bursting into tears.

But it's grad school. It's ok to cry.

In The Meantime...

Give me about another week or so to finish up some important school stuff & I assure you that I shall be blogging again regularly.

In the meantime, here's my favorite picture in the world.

3 year old me with Mommy on dress-up day at preschool!

Where I Was

This title has two meanings.

The first is in regards to why I haven't posted or commented in almost 2 weeks. I honestly just haven't had much of anything to talk about. On top of all of that I've been ridiculously overwhelmed by school. In fact, I'm currently in Virginia until Friday because I have to do in-class training for a class I already took in Florida. But they wouldn't take the credit. I'm not bitter.

But anyway, that is something of a segue because the next part of this post is about 9/11. Because of course.

It's kind of funny because exactly 10 years ago today I was in Virginia on a family vacation with my parents. In fact, it was one of our last vacations we ever took. Not because my parents divorced or one of them died. No, we just never went on vacations. But that's another post entirely.

ANYway. My story about 9/11.

I was 15 & still home schooled. My parents & I had gone to Williamsburg because I was a nerd, loved history, & loved seeing underpaid actors dressed in humiliating outfits even more. Our plan was to just do the Colonial Williamsburg thing for most of the week. My dad & I might go to Busch Gardens at some point. And on September 12? Oh, on September 12 we were going to go to Washington D.C. 

On that fateful morning, I woke up at exactly at 9:00am. My first thought? "Oh! 'Regis & Kelly' is on!". So I turned on the TV to see what wacky hijinks those two were getting themselves into that day. Only when I turned the TV on...it was Bryant Gumble talking & they were showing video from New York of some buildings smoking. What the hell? I went into my parents' room where they were watching HGTV & told them to turn on the news. Then we all just watched the rest of everything happen in complete shock. After both of the buildings had fallen & things had sort of calmed down my parents decided to go to Colonial Williamsburg (I think they were trying to protect me in case something else happened) where my mother was in tears a few times when she saw patriotic things.

As the week progressed, I became more & more irritated. Those terrorists were so selfish, ruining my vacation. I almost threw up one night while watching the news & they showed a video of people falling out of the Towers. Disgusting. It's still imprinted on my brain.

And I still haven't been to Washington D.C.

Slow On The Uptake

I know Christy has some very special needs, but she's still texting me. I haven't responded in a week after I told her my phone was messed up (& it legitimately was). But so far, every day, she texts me multiple times asking, "What r u doing?" I really don't know what to do at this point...

I need to get a new phone number anyway. My number now is from when I lived in Georgia, so anyone that calls me locally has to deal with long-distance. So if I change my number, that takes care of that particular issue. Plus it gets rid of a few other people I'm ready to have out of my life. But is it bad that part of me kind of enjoys the attention? I think it does.

On another note, I got a new phone. Because all of my Verizon phones have been defective, this is my 6th phone in 2 years. Over it.

Also, I'm using my mom's laptop again because the hard-drive that was recently put into mine was defective. Then I couldn't get Word to load, which made doing my homework a pain. But now Word is working, & doing my homework is still a pain. Do not want.

Fin.

Motivation Stimulation

As I sit on my bed, I think about how badly I need to get my homework done. Why am I not doing it? Why am I procrastinating?

The answer is...I just don't know. I don't consider myself a lazy person. I just lack a lot of motivation. Once I start something I'm pretty good, but getting me to start it takes a lot of pushing. The fact that I've been in school almost non-stop since kindergarten is another factor. Baby just needs a break.

But I will get it done. I need to read about 100 pages by tomorrow (pfft. You know I be skimming that bitch) so I can do a discussion board post. Then I have to write a critique by Sunday that does not exceed 4 pages. This routine is going to be my life until August 19. There will also be a personal counseling model I have to write, but I've done a bazillion of those (so you know I be taking my old stuff & punching it up).

But on the plus side, I found out I only have a year left of graduate school. Word.

Wee Update

My computer is finally back! Too bad it had to have a new hard drive so I'm essentially starting over with a few things. Thankfully most everything got put on an external before I shipped it off. Too bad that Microsoft Office won't work for now, which means I may have lost A LOT of work. Thankfully I found a disc that may re-install it.

Oh yeah, I might be transferring schools again.

Never Fear (Also, You Pick The Story Again)

Just wanted to let everyone know that my return to the blogging world is imminent! While my computer isn't fixed yet, I'm taking my mom's so I can do "homework" (but seriously).

On an update with my computer, apparently something was jacked up with the hard drive too. Thank goodness I put everything on an external. And it sure was nice of the people to tell me they were keeping it an unspecified amount of time. Sure was.....

Sarcasm.

Ok, so I'm going to let you guys pick my next story. Your 3 choices this time are...

1. The time I almost got kicked out of college

2. My experience with being in wrecks

3. A guy that we dubbed "The Mayor Of Creepsville" in college.

Vote away! And vote fast!

Still Alive (But In Heaven)

Laptop still isn't fixed, of course. I really need it so I can do my pre-work before I go up to Virginia at the end of June for my class. Also, I need it for my social life, since heaven forbid I actually have one with real people!

Also, I re-arranged my bedroom. It looks more mature than before, just by moving my bed, nightstand, & a bookcase. However, now that my bed is no longer directly against the wall I feel like I'm going to fall off.

I've also had two almost-anxiety attacks this week. Hopefully that stops soon.

Also, I was raptured. Peace out!

Reflection

Wednesday night, after my church small group, I went for a drive. Frustrated with a lot of events & circumstances, I just needed to get away. And away I went.

I drove over 3 hours, just listening to music & reflecting on the events of the past few weeks. Spring has always been a really tough time for me. As is Winter, Summer, & Fall. But Spring especially is full of heartache. It's when I've lost numerous friendships, experienced failed relationships, almost gotten kicked out of college, & now have had 2 grandparents die. It is when life begins anew, yet for me it's when I am forced to reflect on the mookie-storm (still trying to not cuss) my life is & always has been.

I know that everyone experiences these feelings of loneliness, but I see no reason why I've always struggled socially. I literally have no friends from my childhood. I don't have friends from when I was a teenager (because I really only had one, & that lasted less than a year. That actually may make an interesting post later on). In fact, the oldest friendship I have at this point is about 4 years old at this point.

I guess I'm just frustrated right now. I need some alone time, which is basically what I'm complaining about. But this will be different. This will be used for reflection, & maybe I'll be able to finally figure out how I feel about my grandfather dying last week (spoiler alert!). My last class this semester is over next week, so hopefully I'll be able to make this happen.

Slightly Overwhelmed

My inability to get anything productive done this semester is incredibly discouraging. I have a thing due on Sunday that I haven't started aside from doing the title page. And oh yeah, I'm supposed to have read this book to complete the assignment. But guess what.

Didn't.

I just haven't had the time. I'm busy with work, on top of stuff I've had to do for my other class. On top of trying to sleep. On top of sort of trying to succeed at having a social life.

So I've found a summary of the book (conveniently written on the blog of someone who already took this class) so I'm going to try to write my Abstract based on that, & then do the rest of the assignment through skimming. 4.0, it was nice having you...

Also, I have a 15 page thing due next Friday & aside from the topic & having some of the sources already...nothing.

I'm not really too concerned about the 15 page thing next week because I've gotten full credit on every assignment thus far so it obviously doesn't matter how good of quality it is. Which is discouraging in & of itself. And then my professor for the class that has the 5 page thing this week says she's a tough grader. Whatever gets you off, honey.

It's getting to the point now where I start to figure up how much of a grade drop I'll have if I don't turn the assignment in....

Daddy needs a break from school. I'm serious.

Pointless Post (But Potentially Slightly Informative, Too)

Sorry I've been M.I.A. lately. And not in the catchy "Paper Planes" or whatever the hell that song was called kind of way. I've been super swamped with school work & work (more school than anything).

I'm always the kind of person that feels incredibly guilty if I'm not doing homework. I always feel like I could be doing SOMETHING. So it's almost impossible for me to relax, but that's always been the case. I've been getting a lot of stress headaches the past few days, too.

Oh yeah! The weather is so nice. It's cloudy today but about 80. Yesterday was absolutely perfect & I missed almost all of it because I was at my job on my day off doing homework.

Also? There is a small chance I could be doing some modeling coming up. A co-worker used to be a professional model & is trying to start up a business here. She's having auditions on Thursday & I'm going with Katie (who has modeling experience already) for her audition for support. But my co-worker wants some people in "The Business" (that's what they call it) to look at me, since she thinks I have an "arsty, European" look & style. Whatever. I think I always look like a hot damn train wreck but more power to her. If it brings in extra cash, I'm all for it.

I'm ready for my close-up.

I Always Pull It Out (That's What She Said)

I'm usually not a procrastinator. In college, I was very good at time-management. When I was in Florida last year, I got my homework done weeks in advance depending on the workload at the time.

But this semester has been a struggle. The situation with depression, Skidmark, & my ridiculous work schedule has made getting schoolwork done early (& well) has been thrown out of the window. This Sunday I had a 10-12 page paper about my cultural family heritage that I was really struggling with. I had allotted certain times to work on it because of work, so it shouldn't have been a problem. But because we're so understaffed & I seem to have the most availability, almost every shift I worked was rearranged & I got called in on days off.

Now, because of this issue with being understaffed, we are all being forced to work 7-10 hour shifts without breaks because there's usually only 2 people working. Yes, it's illegal. I know that. Thanks. Anyway, whenever I'm not at work, I'm flat-out exhausted. No energy to type or think. All I want to do is sleep. But this paper had to be done.

I had Saturday night off. All of the research was done. The title page was done. The references were cited. I started writing. Then Skidmark is all in a tizzy, cleaning & whatnot. I assumed he was bringing someone over. He did. I could hear them talking & someone used the bathroom about 8 times in the span of an hour.

Because I was frustrated, I texted Katie from my church small group. She called me back & said she & some other people from church were coming to get me. I protested, stating I had to get this beast written. Then Brennan took the phone from her & told me he was taking me back to his place in Fayetteville. I stopped fighting.

They came & got me. Brennan apparently doesn't know how to get to his house from where I was because we went about 40 minutes out of the way. It took us about 2 1/2 hrs to make a trip that usually takes only a little over an hour. Whatever. I got some of the paper written there. Then Katie came & got me. I realized as we were leaving Fayetteville that I left my laptop & books in Brennan's car. So we had to get those.

I get home about 40 minutes before I have to work (by the way, I tried to get someone to cover this shift & no one at MULTIPLE stores could do it for me, so I'm done picking up shifts for people for a while). I decided to do a discussion board post because I knew the paper would be done late & there was no point in risking 2 late grades as opposed to 1. When I got back from work, the internet wasn't working well. Of course.

Monday after work, I come home to finish the paper. Then there's a power-surge & the internet stops working. Are you serious?

I call Katie & we go over to Ryan's (also in our small group) to finish this paper. I stupidly drink a beer before I start writing & it makes the whole experience just the more frustrating. It ended up being one of the worst things I've ever written (possibly worse than anything I've written on this here blog). But I turned that bitch in 10 minutes before it would have been 2 days late. Didn't even proof read.

And guess what.

I got a 95 on it.

5 points off for it being late.

I am unstoppable.

How Any 24 Year Old Would Want To Spend Friday Night

I should be working on a paper that's due Sunday right now. That's what I should be doing. But I'm not. No. Instead, I'm doing everything in my power but writing that paper.

It's supposed to be 10-12 pages long, which is all well & good, but the topic of the paper is not conducive to me being able to make it that long. It's on my cultural background & heritage, & how it has affected my upbringing & my family.

Wonderful. Except that it hasn't affected anything. I have Native American on my mom's side but that trickled out by the time my grandmother was born (though she got some reparation money because we had relatives who walked the Trail of Tears). And that's basically it. I'm part English, because of course I am.

I already told the professor I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just going to write as much as I can, use as many sources as I can (because it's so logical to make us use 12 sources on a paper about our lives, right?) & hope for the best. My grades have been pretty good so I'm not expecting to fail or anything. I still want to do the best I can.

Also, I went downstairs & Skidmark is in the basement. I wonder what horror he is conjuring down there at the moment.

Some Thoughts

I've been home for the past few days. I needed to take a bit of a mental break from my smothering depression I've been feeling lately. It's been surprisingly nice. My parents have been very understanding & on their best behavior. It almost restores my faith in love. Almost.

There's so much I have to do for class this week & I'm not motivated at all. In the slightest. I really, truly think a break is needed. If I'm going into the helping profession in any capacity, I need to be more healthy & right now that's not the case. Maybe if I take a break I can truly appreciate what an awesome opportunity I have in being able to have this education. As it is, I feel like I'm half-assing my assignments & not even trying in the writing department. Most of the written assignments I've done I've written like a blog post. So that's not good. But then again, my professor hasn't given me any grades or comments back so who knows.

I was talking to Alexa the other night. We think we're in such a crappy place of life. We're still young & supposed to be enjoying life, but also have these weird responsibilities. It's like we're Half-Adults. But hopefully, HOPEFULLY things will start looking up. I can definitely tell a change in my mindset so there's that.

On another note, My Little Porn Star actually engaged in a minor conversation with me the other day as I was leaving. I was shocked, too. Granted, I initiated to tell him I would be out of town for a few days but he actually acknowledged I lived there. Progress!

Procrastination

Do you know how awesome my Friday nights are? I just ate soup & I'm procrastinating working on a 3 page paper that's due Sunday. So far all I have is the title page. It won't be too hard (that's what she said) but I need to just get it done so I can get drunk by myself tomorrow night.

I work in the morning at 5:30 & get off at 11. Then I'm going home (...) to pick up some stuff that my mother doesn't want to mail because she is determined that since my street gets a lot of traffic that someone is going to steal my mail. But I have a coupon for Ruby Tuesday so I figure I can let them take me to lunch, get a free meal, get my stuff, & then be on my merry way.

Oh shit. My dad just texted me to remind me to do my traffic school for my non-speeding ticket because my mother won't quit nagging him. I just responded, "Grow a pair. I'm serious. She will never respect you if you keep letting her treat you like this."

I hope they still take me to lunch.

Done

I swear to God I'm about to bust a cap. I submitted my fine appeal to Liberty & it was rejected because I was added to the Do Not Drop list since I wouldn't be able to pay for anything until after the fucking class started & because I did my FAFSA stuff for them less than 60-days before classes started.

I am not in the mood for this. I am exhausted. I am depressed. I am anxious. I am lonely. I hate being in school. I don't want to do anything except stay in my room.

I'm calling them tomorrow & cussing someone out because no one told me shit about being put on the Do Not Drop list would affect my appeal. Honestly at this point it's not about getting the money back because that sure as hell doesn't look like it's gonna happen. I'm just frustrated & am basically going to do what I hate: take it out on someone. Granted, I'm going to go as high up as I can because they're more responsible. But still.

I was going to try to post something funny or happy today but fuck it. I'm done.

Sorry for the language. Sort of. But someone's gotta show the love of Jesus.

Edited because after I wrote this I called my dad because I thought I was going to have an aneurysm & my mom kicked him out of the room they were in because she was doing stuff for work. Despite the fact that she'll sit in the same room & talk on the phone when we're trying to do something else & even tell US to leave if we said anything. I told him he better not walk out but he did & I told him I'd talk to him later because I can't deal with her being such a bitch.

I promise, I will post something funny/happy tomorrow.

Smidge Of An Update

Things appear to be settling down some. Work is going moderately well. I'm done training pretty much & my first shift as a "real person," as we call it, is Monday. This week I'm working 22 hours, so I'll be making that money (not really). School is going, too. My credits were finally evaluated & 5 of my classes (the max that will transfer) transferred. The people in there are pretty conservative, too. Which duh, it's Liberty University. But it's not making me look good because my discussion post is probably being viewed as radical to all of those straight-party ticket voters. So this is gonna be fun.

I haven't talked to my parents in a few days. It's been nice. They just bring me unneeded stress. My mom has turned into an entitled shrew who bullies my dad & refuses to do anything beyond the bare minimum because life didn't turn out the way she wanted & my dad is completely spineless when it comes to standing up to her but treats me like crap. I was only there for about 2 hours last Saturday & it stressed me out so much. My mom told me before I moved she would get rid of all the extra furniture before Thanksgiving but has made no efforts to do so. So I'm thinking about not going home for it. It's not a big holiday to me anyway, & it won't really be fun to stand at the kitchen counter & eat while they sit on the couch or in a chair because there isn't enough room to set up the damn dining room table.

On another note, I saw the unicyclist yesterday. Word.

No Title, Really

No progress with Liberty yet. Class starts today & assignments are starting to be due on Wednesday. My books are in-transit.

This has been such a hot mess. I just have to keep telling myself "At least you're not in Florida" to keep me from completely regretting it & trying to re-enroll down there. Still a possibility depending on how things go this semester.

The Death of Liberty

Ok. So one of the points of me moving back to NC was so that I could take classes at Liberty Online. I thought the idea was inspired, as did my former professors in Florida. Everything was going fine until one fateful day, August 25th I believe it was. I was completing my Financial Check-In because the deadline was September 13 & if it wasn't completed by then there was a $125 late-fee. I called them because I had a question about something unrelated & was informed that I had a loan overlap from my school in Florida. They said it would take a little while but to check back in a few days to check its progress. I asked if I needed to do anything & they said I didn't.

I called back a few days later (the 27th I think) & checked. Again, nothing was fixed. Again, I asked if I could do anything to help & again they said I didn't.

A week later I call back & find out that there is a form I was supposed to fax to Florida & have them fax back to Liberty. So there was something I could have done. Wonderful. And oh yeah, the reviewing process takes about 2-4 weeks, so there was no way I was going to make the deadline.

I've been in touch with them throughout all of this, dropping hints & practically flat-out saying I was going to appeal the fine. My parents have talked to them, too. On Wednesday of this week (2 days ago, FYI. 'tards) I talked to this lady who said to check back today & speak with her because it might be corrected. Well guess what. All of the offices are closed for a meeting. And while they will be open again tomorrow, none of the student employees that are there can do anything & my dear friend from Wednesday is off. My class starts Monday so if I can't get anything fixed & I have to drop the class (which I had planned on possibly doing today) & since I can't now, I won't get a full refund on the class because I dropped it after the class started. Oh yes, it's true.

I'm going to fight all of it & I really don't care what I say anymore. I have been more than kind & patient with these people & have been dicked around for the past month. If I'm not a full-time student I lose my insurance so the only other option is to take this class in October, which means I'll have 3 classes having stuff due all at the same time & frankly, that's not an option. I'm not going to drive myself crazy because they're a bunch of morons.

And oh yeah, I had my transcripts sent there & they lost them. Yep! I got receipt in my e-mail that they were received on the 1st of this month & they JUST found them about 2 days ago after I brought it to their attention AGAIN. So at this point I don't even know what's going to transfer.

And our landlord chopped down the trees in front of our place & they left the disfigured limbs in the parking lot so there aren't enough spaces for everyone.

I need this day to be over.