Sunday, August 28, 2011

Mac & Cheese Fail

This post is inspired by a cook who may be worse than I, the Vapid Vixen over at the Ginja Ninja.

In my mind, I've always considered myself to be a decent cook. Oh look! Those noodles turned out fantastic! And I added just the right amount of canned sauce! Boom!

In reality though, I'd say I'm slightly sub par. I try to be creative! When I was about 11, I invented a salad that had chewing gum in it. I thought I was hot shit with that, too. My poor mother....trying to eat it...(that's what she said).

As I've gotten older, my skills haven't improved; if anything, I've just become more dangerous. When I was 14 I tried to cook a grilled cheese sandwich & didn't know to not to cook it on high. So I did. Then I came back into the kitchen to find it & the connected den were filled with smoke & the sandwich was essentially charcoal. We learned 3 things that day: not to cook sandwiches on high, that the smoke detector didn't work, & that I was dangerous.

Then there was the time I substituted soy milk for regular milk in my oatmeal (I despise milk). Judging by the size it grew to & the taste, that was unsuccessful. Also? That's what she said. I tried to use soy milk when making fettuccine alfredo as well. Epic, epic, EPIC fail.

There have been other kitchen disasters between then & the story I'm about to share, but this one was quite dangerous so I'm going to skip to was Friday night & I was craving some Kraft Deluxe mac & cheese. That junk is banging. Anyway, I start the water & go upstairs to my room to finish watching the episode of "Big Brother" from the night before. After I'm done, I go back downstairs because Sam had come over to watch a movie & that's when I hear the rumbling in the kitchen.


The burner was such a beautiful shade of bright orange, I almost didn't want to turn the stove off. But I did, because duh. After the dust had settled, I was left with these images...

In this one, if you look closely, you can see where the pot began to bubble.

So now I have to go buy a new pot for myself & a new...whatever that thing is that goes on the stove. I don't know. I still want my mac & cheese.


Vapid Vixen said...

Wow. We must never be in a kitchen at the same time. Ever.
And I can't believe you used a reference about your Mom in the same sentence as "that's what she said". I'm horrified and proud.

Rebecca J-G said...

You know, you can get the individual cups of Kraft Mac N Cheese....just heat in microwave. I think you need to stay away from regular appliances. Stick with appliances that have a timer. And that's what she said about that!

Andrew said...

Rebecca, I hate Easy Mac. Gross!

And Vapid, my mother loves "that's what she said" jokes. She even says them herself.

That 20 Something Virgin. said...

hahaha chewing gum salad. little you was a little noob.

and i can't believe you didn't mention that time you bitched to skid mark and his gay lover about the mediocre mac n cheese. that made a big impact on me (well pretty big, cause i can't remember for sure who you were bitching to. but bitching did happen, of that i am sure)

Andrew said...

I don't even remember why that mac & cheese was bad though...& yes, that did happen. I was doing it to ruin their night & try to keep them from hooking up because I was in a terrible mood. That was also before I found the dildos.

Penny Lane said...

If i were you, I would stick to only microwaveable items.

George said...

I did that once making tea and went to bed. My room mate came in the next morning to find the kettle cherry red on the stove. I guess we both lucked out.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Maybe cheese items just aren't your thing.

Andrew said...

Penny, sometimes even microwavable foods are beyond my skill set.

George, that sounds terrifying.

Dr. Ken, I think you may be right.