Friday, August 12, 2011

That Time I Could Have Had A Girlfriend

As most people know, I'm not exactly someone who dates a lot; my last relationship was over 2 years ago, & I haven't dated since. Not because I'm so damaged from that relationship that it has impeded my ability to ever love again. No, that lasted a month. And she was 17 while I was 22. And she was a junior in high school while I was a senior in college. But that's another story. The reason I don't date now is a mixture of shyness, anxiety, depression, laziness, & not being interested.

Since beggars can't be choosers, you'd think I might snatch up any chance I had to date someone. And you may be right in some respects. So maybe I'm crazy, but this week I passed up the chance to date a girl from my hometown. She texted me non-stop & would literally beg to see me. The reason why I decided against it?

She had Down's Syndrome.

I'm not a hater. My mom is a special education teacher so I've grown up being sensitive to those with special needs & disabilities. And this post isn't meant to be in poor taste or to make fun of her because of her disability. Not at all. This is just me relaying yet another ridiculous story in my life.

Anyway, Christy (not her name) & I were friends a long time ago. After my parents & I moved to Rocky Mount, we began attending the same church as Christy & her parents, Donna & Mark (not their names either). My mother became friends with Donna, so Christy & I were naturally forced together. However, it became apparent pretty quickly that we were just being used as free babysitters, & a few years later Donna dropped my mom like a hot rock when a better friendship option presented itself. I didn't mind, because Christy was a terror. Her parents let her do whatever she wanted & didn't seem to take into account that she was handicapped. That might have required effort.

So about a year ago Christy added me on Facebook, as is her wont to do. She asked for my number & I gave it to her, but nothing came of it. Eventually, as I was going through one of my rage-induced friend cleanses on Facebook, I deleted her. Well this past week she added me again, then called me immediately afterwards before I could respond to her friend request. We talked for a few minutes, & when I hung up she began to text me non-stop. Shortly after that was when she asked me point-blank if I would let her be my girlfriend.


I told her I didn't think that was a good idea because I didn't think of her that way, saw her as a little sister, blah blah blah. She didn't like that response, because she spent the next 3 days trying to convince/manipulate me into getting into a relationship with her, even going so far as to say that I was her only chance. She tried to get me to move back to Rocky Mount, & when I told her I didn't want to because I didn't like it there, she said that meant that I didn't like her. Where was she getting this crap?!

She invited me to her birthday dinner, & then asked me immediately afterwards what I was getting her. I told her that was rude to ask, & she took that to mean that I was calling her rude. She is, but that wasn't what I was saying at the moment. After a few days of this kind of manipulation & constant texting where she's always asking me what I was doing & literally BEGGING to see me, I had had enough. I blocked her on Facebook & told her that my phone was messing up & that I couldn't text anymore. That isn't a lie, either. My phone really is messed up & it takes an eternity to type out a text message.

Part of me feels bad for not being willing to continue this, but it isn't fair for either one of us. It keeps her thinking more is going on than it is, while at the same time it drives me crazy with the constant texting & brings back bad memories.

But really all I want to know is how she was able to text so well. The thought of someone helping her write that crap is almost more infuriating than the whole situation in itself.


Penny Lane said...

See this is one of those stories that in every other person I would be ( and most people would I think) all " wow, crazy, good thing you nipped it in the bud".

But in this situation I do feel bad for her. She probably saw some kindness in you, on top of her wanting to live a normal life. But you did the right thing, better to cut it off then to lead her on. You would have done it in every situation where you did not want to date the girl, I am sure.

Andrew said...

Definitely. I was never cruel to her in all our years of knowing her. As my mother said last night, "She always thought you pooped sunshine." And she's right. Christy always was obsessed with me because I treated her with kindness & never made he disability an issue.

I feel terrible for her, but unfortunately there's nothing I can do. I can't be her savior, as much as I try to be everything to everyone. That's not fair to me, nor is it fair to her.

I wish her well, & I hope that her parents are able to get their act together. They leave her home alone during the day, for crying out loud! She's very low-functioning, too. It's just a bad situation.

Vapid Vixen said...

Oh. Em. Gee. You handled that a gajillion times better than I would have. You can only say no thank you politely so many times before you have to lay down the law.

That 20 Something Virgin. said...

lol at the last line.

but you did handle this well, i be proud. if you're not interested in her you really can't drag anything out. yeah...i suck at thinking of things to say in comments. so i'll leave it at that.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I like her tenacity. She knows what she wants.

You're a nice guy, so I'm sure you'll handle this sticky situation appropriately.