Mr. Bailey

Well, I'm still going to community college.

That in & of itself has provided numerous ridiculous situations, but none of them have fully encapsulated the community college "experience" as one student in particular who is in my Trace Evidence class. On the first day of class this semester, he strolled into the classroom late, which is his M.O. every day. My instructor didn't use his first name, & only referred to him as "Mr. Bailey." Well, Mr. Bailey, a young man around my age, sat in front of me to the right, & multiple times throughout the period he would fling his arms back to stretch & almost hit me in the head; it was then that I noticed each & every one of his fingernails was about half an inch longer than the tip of his finger. During this first class, Mr. Bailey would interrupt the instructor to ask questions that didn't really pertain to the subject matter (in this case, since it was the first day of class, the syllabus). At one point he asked how many credits he needed to shoot a gun.

Oh.

Over the next few weeks I learned quite a few things about Mr. Bailey, such as the fact that he procreated, wouldn't participate in group lab assignments due to being in a fugue state & wandering all over the classroom, & that he enjoyed coming to class high as a kite (this last one I learned the hard way, when I realized I had a contact high while sitting about 7 feet away from him).

But Mr. Bailey's finest moment came this past Thursday, on September 18, 2014. While it was a ridiculous day in many other instances (which may or may not garner a post of their own), the highlight was definitely courtesy of Mr. Bailey. We were doing a lab where we split into groups & tried to match hairs under a microscope. Since this required participation, Mr. Bailey wandered around the classroom, picking up random objects. On the other side of the room from where I was is a pulley that activates a decontamination shower, since this is a science lab. At one point I look over to where Mr. Bailey was & saw him walk right up to the lever, pull it, & release the water on himself. At first I just stared in shock, then turned around to look at the older gentleman who sits by me; he just stared back at me.

Then there was total silence from everyone.

Then laughter.

Then our instructor, a former homicide detective, yelled, "MR. BAILEY! FIRST OF ALL, PULL UP YOUR DAMN PANTS! SECOND, CLEAN UP THIS MESS! GRAB SOME PAPER TOWELS & CLEAN THIS UP! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

Mr. Bailey was so shocked/embarrassed that he couldn't talk & instead of going for the paper towels he tried to use a roll of paper (I actually felt bad for him about that). As he was leaving the room our instructor said, "Folks, this is why you don't do drugs."

And that's the moral of the story.

First Day

Today was my first day of class. For the first time in about 3 1/2 years, I had to actually sit in a classroom rather than try to stay engaged in an online setting. To be honest, I quite enjoyed it. One of the worst aspects of doing my Master's online was how disengaged it all was. While we had discussion boards that would force us to interact, there's only so much that will accomplish. Plus, it helps having the professor right there in front of you. Also I hated the thought of having my name associated with the cesspool that is Liberty University.

The first class that I took was Ethics & Community Relations. That's going to be about as exciting as an Ethics class will ever be. My night class was Constitutional Law. Again....about as exciting as a class about the constitution is going to be. But my afternoon class, the one I've been looking forward to the most: crime scene processing. We didn't do jack shit today but I'm so excited. There's also a lady in there named Queennez & I can't wait to learn more about her.

On a weirder note, there's a girl in that class that I knew as a teenager. We worked together at the movie theater & have been Facebook friends for a while; we've even been in communication since I enrolled in the program because I knew she was also in it. Guess what. Didn't even acknowledge me (not that I said anything to her but she's the more senior individual here. She should be taking me under her wing). Whatevs.

On a sentimental note, it's weird being back on that campus. When I stopped home schooling & went to the alternative high school, it was on that campus. I then took 2 years worth of classes there before transferring to Toccoa. So much of the campus has changed but in other ways it's still the same shit hole I remember. Some of the faces are familiar (professors, librarians, & janitors), but overall it's totally different. And I'm not some 17-19 year old kid anymore. Now I'm a 27 year old man-child living with his parents & commuting an hour to work at a damn coffee shop/bageleria. I've lived in 2 other states, graduated college, almost graduated graduate school, lost 2 grandparents, & lived with a roommate who filmed gay bondage porn in our basement. In some ways I feel like I've made several steps back by returning to community college but since the crime scene investigation field is one I'm actually interested in, this will hopefully be several more steps in the right direction.

That Time I Pressed Assault Charges On A Customer

So the winner of the vote was #3. There is more ridiculousness to come from my present life, as well as the other stories that didn't win.

The date was December 13, 2004. I was 18, in my first semester of community college, & had just gone back to work at the movie theater where I had worked previously. "Blade: Trinity" had come out the day before, & we were quite busy. The way the box-office is set up there, there are two different boxes inside the lobby where the box-office attendants stand, without any kind of glass protection. The girl who had been in the box with me (that's what she said) was off somewhere else & the general manager had taken over her register. This woman came up to my manager to buy herself, her friend, & two kid's tickets to see "Blade: Trinity." I'm going to come right out & say it, but my manager was a complete ass about 97% of the time, on top of being an alcoholic, druggie, & racist. The woman was black, so he wanted to antagonize her some.

He asked if the kid's were hers & she said they weren't. He told her she couldn't buy them tickets, which was true. But he said it in such a way to make her mad. And mad she got. They bickered back & forth for quite a few minutes, all the while I'm standing next to him actually working & selling tickets. Eventually, the woman got so mad that she punched a sign that was in front of his register but she had bad aim & it hit me in the leg instead. She grabbed her posse & they ran, & he ran after them. I laughed about it with the customers who saw it.

Because of the type of town Rocky Mount is, we almost always had police at the theater during the weekend. Well, they became involved in the altercation. It was then we learned her name. Let's just say that her first name was very close to a type of horrible alcohol, her middle name isn't even a word, & her last name is very common. I'll call her Rummy Sascatoon Smith for this story. Anyway, Rummy was arrested. My manager wasn't satisfied with this, so he talks to me about how I was violated & we couldn't stand for this. While I agreed that we needed to prove a point that you can't just act a fool when you don't get your way, I wasn't so keen on the idea of pursuing it further.

He had other plans though, & eventually talked me into pressing assault charges to match his destruction of private property charges he was pressing on her.

However, we find out that our court date is the same day as the first day of classes at the community college. Manager had just re-enrolled there & didn't want to miss, along with me, so he told me that since we pressed the charges that if we didn't show up that it would be like we dropped them. Not so. About a week later I woke up to a cop knocking on my door giving me a subpoena. Two months later, I have to miss class to go to court only to find out that Rummy's lawyer couldn't make it so we got a continuance. A month after that we actually get this shit-show on the road & win.

A few months after that we find out that sweet little Rummy is appealing the judgment. This means we have to go to the county court & have a trial with a jury. I shit you not.

By this point, it's been almost exactly a year since the incident took place. I'm missing class AGAIN only to find out that my case will be heard later in the week. I show up a few days later only to find out that Rummy was withdrawing the appeal & her charges were going on her record.

In total, I missed four days of class just so I could "prove a point" & keep my manager happy. I didn't even sue. There was no reason to try to get money when there wasn't any damage to me. The only damage there was ended up being the sign getting cracked, Rummy's already tarnished record (she had prior embezzlement charges from her career at TJ Maxx), & my attendance record.

I occasionally Google Rummy, just to see what she's up to. She is currently running a beauty school & seems to be doing well.

Restlessness Made Me Do It

I have failed to sleep thus far tonight, so to hopefully make myself become tired & pass the time before I start cutting my wrists in frustration because I have to work in 6 hours, I am going to write 50 Random Things You Probably Don't Know Or Care To Know About Me.

1. I'm allergic to red dye #40. When I was little I was given some medicine with it & completely blacked out. Apparently I attacked my parents though. For serious. I remember none of it.

2. Despite my love for animals, I despise animal movies because they always make me cry & they're emotionally manipulative.

3. I've tried to read "Lord of the Flies" twice but stopped at the same place both times because it's so terrible. I think the concept is fascinating but it's poorly executed & none of the characters are likable in my opinion.

4. I used to be terrified of that Crest commercial in the early 90's with the vampire.

5. I can listen to my favorite part of a song 10+ times. Just rewind/fast forward to that part over & over again.

6. In one shift working at Jersey Mike's Subs I slipped on turkey juice & scrapped the crap out of my knee when I fell onto the mat & later fell & hit my head on the bread rack.

7. A few shifts prior to that I sliced the tip of my thumb off on the slicer in front of a customer. When I went to the office to take care of it my co-workers, thinking I had cut myself, cleaned the knife & kept using the slicer.

8. On my 2nd-to-last night working at McDonald's before starting at Applebee's my manager that shift (who didn't like me. Shocking, I know) wouldn't unlock the doors for me to leave when I got off & I had to climb through the drive-thru.

9. When I was 6 I started dancing on the toilet lid & fell off. I then hit my head on the toilet & had to be taken to the hospital to get stitches. The doctors thought the story was completely stupid so they were going to call Child Services if my story didn't match up. But it did.

10. I was unmoved when Mufasa died in "The Lion King" because I felt like it was too formulaic & manipulative.

11. However, I was inconsolable when the scorpion killed the ant in "Honey, I Shrunk The Kids." To make me feel better, we rented "An American Tale: Fievel Goes West." Too bad there was a scorpion in that as well which just made me cry all over again.

12. Most would say my taste in movies, TV, music, clothes, & hairstyles is horrid but whatever.

13. When I was 6/7 I took karate. I was in a competition & came in 2nd to the kid who won Nationals that year. I was almost a black belt when I had to quit because we were moving/my parents got their undies in a bunch about the teachers.

14. I played soccer for a summer when I was 10. I was terrified of the ball & if I got it, I'd just kick it. To my own team, the other team, out of bounds. Anything to get it away from me. The coach would actually say in the huddle to make sure I didn't get the ball. He also told me to shut up & pay attention when I asked him what happened while I was sitting out.

15. During a game I got knocked unconscious by the ball.

16. I can't even look at a jar of mayo without getting nauseas.

17. If I'm with someone who is drinking milk or is eating cereal with it, it makes me nauseas. I dislike milk. I was also told not to say anything about that around the customers at work the other day, which I'm now taking on as a personal challenge to make sure I do.

18. One time this lady stepped out in front of my car in a parking lot & my response was to slam on my brakes & cover my eyes.

19. When I was a senior in high school I had to take a career assessment. The top 2 results were Museum Curator & Art Appraiser. I was not pleased.

20. I'm still recognized back home as one of the kids who was in "The Sound of Music" at the community theater 10 1/2 years ago.

21. When I was younger I won a few art awards for my pottery & mixed media pieces. I made a mirror frame out of clay that people were offering to buy for hundreds of dollars but I wasn't able to sell because I was a minor. It was then destroyed when a flood ravaged our town & the art center was submerged.

22. I'm a perfectionist. If I don't get something right away, I get incredibly frustrated & think I'm a failure.

23. I had to undergo speech therapy twice for my stutter & lisp. I still have both occasionally; primarily the stutter.

24. While having my vocabulary assessed (by having me name pictures) for speech therapy when I was 4, we found out that I had a middle school vocabulary. I would have gotten higher but I didn't know what the picture of a pork chop was because we didn't eat pork.

25. I had to be potty-trained twice because I decided I didn't want to be anymore & started going in my pants again.

26. I get massive test anxiety & even had an anxiety attack during a math final in college.

27. I've run over 2 squirrels, a puppy, & a frog. All of them have been on whichever street I was living on at the time, meaning I had to see their mangled corpses for days/weeks later.

28. When I was 10 & 11, my mom & I would volunteer at the homeless shelter soup kitchen. One time there was a fight & I had to go hide in the storage area.

29. Our last family vacation was in December 2001.

30. My driving instructor was an idiot. He was constantly putting lotion on his legs & when I asked if we could turn the A/C on (it was North Carolina in August) he said no. I found out from the other kid I was taking it with that on the days where I'd get dropped off first the guy would turn the A/C on as soon as I was out of the car. He also called me 'Andrews' the whole time which confused me. It turns out that he thought that was my last name & he was horribly confused when he found out my first name was Andrew & tried to put the name on the passing form as 'Andrew Andrews.'

31. I have a really embarrassing tattoo.

32. When I took Public Speaking I did a speech on becoming a vegetarian. It wasn't very well-received.

33. I was hit in the leg with a sign by a customer when I worked at the theater & was bullied by my manager to press assault charges on her primarily because she was black & he was racist. That whole ordeal took a year to resolve & I didn't even ask for money. I just wanted it on her record because she had a rancid attitude.

34. Despite my late grandmother & her paying for lessons, I am not a very good swimmer. I can't dive nor can I swim under the water very well. When I went skinny dipping one time I almost drown because I got out too deep & no one would come over & help me because we were all naked.

35. My first time getting drunk I walked around outside naked, tried to masturbate, & drunk dialed practically everyone in my phone.

36. When I was 7 I dug a bunch of holes in the front yard for my zoo animals to have watering holes. My mom told me to fill them back in, so I covered them with pine straw. Of course, she stepped in one & sprained her ankle.

37. At 22 (almost 23) I dated a girl who had just turned 17. I went with her to the prom & everything. It lasted a month. I'm still surprised we aren't together.

38. I've almost been arrested for being with people who were shooting off illegal fireworks.

39. I currently weigh about 90 lbs more than I did when I was 5.

40. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people try to seriously sing a song & don't know the words (my old piano teacher comes to mind). It's one of the few occasions where I'll laugh at someone right to their face.

41. When I got my tattoo (at 20) my mother cried & my dad yelled at me & said, & I quote directly, "What if you FINALLY get a girlfriend & you fall in love? Then she finds out you have a tattoo & breaks up with you & you'll be single forever!" Yes, he seriously said that. I laughed in response. My favorite part was the emphasis on 'finally.'

42. I've moved 15 times. Yes, that includes dorm rooms.

43. Whenever people find out I was Valedictorian of my high school, their first question always is always, "Seriously?" Their second question is always, "How big was your high school?"

44. In kindergarten we had to practice for a walk-a-thon fundraiser. I managed to sprain my leg & couldn't participate. Nor could I walk for almost a week.

45. We used to live in a house infested with bats. One time one flew into the back of my head. My dad would dispose of them by taking a fishing net on a pole & a golf club &...you know. I could never watch.

46. When I went on a mission trip to Panama the summer I turned 18 a bunch of people got dehydrated & had to go to the hospital. I was so depressed, homesick, lonely, & miserable there I tried to make myself get dehydrated so I could either go to the hospital or be considered mentally unstable & get sent home but the leaders found out & they just forced me to drink water until I almost puked every day.

47. I love the song "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley but I can't listen to it because it makes me so sad.

48. The only times I've ever thrown up because of alcohol it was because of that bitch tequila. The first time I actually think I had alcohol poisoning because after I puked I started shaking a whole lot.

49. When I was learning to drive before driver's ed my mom had me go around the neighborhood. When I turned into our driveway I managed to turn off the headlights & almost take out the bushes. Then when I tried to park I drove through the fence with such force that it knocked down 16 ft of it. And by knocked down, I mean it took the pole completely out of the ground & none of the boards broke. I cried. My mother thought it was hilarious.

50. When I think about you I touch myself.

Something New

Today I begin the search for schools where I might begin my nursing adventure. I talked to one of my professors last night & she thinks it's a great idea. She then followed that up by saying that she wasn't doing her job well because she should be encouraging me to stay.

She really helped put things into perspective by reminding me how I'm still young & have time to go off on all of these different excursions before I finally settle down. I'm just worried that I'll end up like my dad, 52 & going back to school for a new career after the past bazillion didn't work out.

Ugh. Life was so much more simple when I was home schooled & was never around anyone.

On another note, I've heard rumblings that I might be moved to working Saturday & Sunday day shift (8am-8pm). I'm pretty apathetic towards it, but now that I might be moving later this summer I don't really care what happens at this job.

Oh yeah! On yet another note, I finally paid off my credit card! Thank God. Seriously.