Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Friendship Liability Insurance

The other night, I had gone downtown to smoke hookah with Madison & Drew (Drew is a new guy at work). The place we decided to go to didn't have any parking spots so we had to go down a side street. Madison wasn't sure where to park so I told her to just pull in somewhere (there were cars everywhere) & we'd be fine. Plus there was the sign that said we could park there!

After our little hookah excursion in which there was a guy dressed as Pikachu & another guy wearing a skirt wandering around, we go back outside & walk to the cars. That's when I spot the piece of paper underneath her windshield wiper. And one in the same spot on Drew's car (he drove separately). They each got $30 tickets. Oops. Madison was upset because I "told" her to park there. I went over to the sign & saw that it said you could park there until 11pm (by this point it was close to 1am). I found this to be a bit humorous just because something similar had happened a month ago or so with Madison when we went to a coffee shop downtown. I "told" her to park there then, too. Whatevs. They're only $30 each & I may give her some cash for them since I do feel a smidge responsible.

While thinking about these incidents, it reminded me how often stuff like this happens. It seems like I have this innate ability to accidentally get people in trouble, possibly for something I played part in, & not get in trouble at all. The first of these stories occurred in my first semester at TFC. This was back when I hung out with Neil, Dan, & Robyn (made famous in my post about how I started drinking & then had a nervous breakdown). Robyn didn't live on campus & doesn't really play a part in this story at all, so screw him.

Anyway, Neil & Dan bought a smoke machine for some reason & were messing around with it in Dan's bathroom (his poor roommate...). I was getting ready to go to bed when I hit the button one last time & made it give a long, drawn out puff of smoke. Then I went to bed. About 5 minutes later, the smoke alarms begin ringing in the dorm. Well, shit. I come out of my room to see Dan & Neil already out of Dan's room looking panicked. The R.A. came out of his & was able to get the alarm off before more people came out of their rooms. He knew Neil & Dan were responsible so he told them he'd talk to them the next day. I just snuggled back in my bed, having sweet dreams.

The next day Dan & Neil were given 12 hours of gratis a piece (gratis was the form of punishment our school used for a while. If someone broke a rule or someone in authority just didn't like a student, they could be given gratis, which essentially was community service on campus or they could pay a fine for however many hours of gratis they were assigned). No one asked them whether or not I was involved, & they didn't volunteer that information for a few reasons. The first being that they knew I'd probably have a nervous breakdown if I was given gratis & the other reason being that they could then guilt me into submission. Whatever. Later on that week I was in Dan's room with Neil when the R.A. came in. I pretended to be asleep & heard the R.A. ask him if anyone else was involved & Neil said no. Thank you, Neil!

That weekend a former student who was friends with Neil & Dan came to visit. We all enjoyed camping (yes, I do enjoy camping. Surprise!) so that was on the agenda. Since we were paying thousands of dollars to be treated like children, we were required to fill out an overnight pass that listed where you would be & who you were with. The overnight pass was then signed by an R.A. & taped to your door in case they did bed checks or there was an emergency. However, since Dan & Neil had gratis they weren't allowed to go anywhere overnight. But they wouldn't let that stop them! Unfortunately for them, I forgot about that rule & put on my overnight pass that they were going to be with me. Oops!

After a horrendous night in the woods where Dan didn't include the covering of the tent & it poured for hours (I was the only one who brought a sleeping bag so I ended up not sleeping in a puddle), we came back & they each had 6 more hours of gratis for going out with outstanding gratis.

So in one week I managed to accidentally get them 18 hours of gratis. Though I was able to help them work it off by helping me with Student Government projects.

But my reign of terror doesn't end there! The next year after Neil & Robyn were gone, Dan had begun dating his future wife. We didn't hang out much then (as if I haven't already presented numerous reasons why) but we still talked occasionally. I was late going to chapel (we had to go to chapel a certain number of times a semester) when I saw them walking away from the chapel. I hollered, "What? Are you guys skipping chapel?!" They looked guilty & didn't answer. That's when I saw one of the deans of the school walking farther ahead. Shit. The next day Dan texted me freaking out because both he & Chelsea got about 8 hours of gratis & the rest of their chapel skips taken away from them for the rest of the semester because of that.

There have been other instances where I was the one who caused something to happen but I wasn't the one who got in trouble, but these are the ones that stick out the most in my mind. Also, this post is already running long & most people will have stopped reading by now.

I swear I'm not a bad friend! These things just happen!

And on a similar note, the entire time I was at TFC I never got gratis. Not even that time I almost got kicked out.


George said...

I have the same inane talent that you do. I always seem to say the exactly wrong thing when the wrong people are around.

Andrew said...

It sucks. But such is life.

Aubree said...

aha i totally read the whole thing. pyahhhhh.

i think the opposite is true for me, i always gets in trouble when i don't even do anything. lame.

Cherise said...

I laughed out loud reading this. I remember them having to work off gratis doing student government things, man that was annoying! Neil asked me out. lol

Maybe I've just blocked it from my memory but I'm pretty sure you haven't gotten me into trouble. So yay.