The end of my life.

Some Thoughts

I've been home for the past few days. I needed to take a bit of a mental break from my smothering depression I've been feeling lately. It's been surprisingly nice. My parents have been very understanding & on their best behavior. It almost restores my faith in love. Almost.

There's so much I have to do for class this week & I'm not motivated at all. In the slightest. I really, truly think a break is needed. If I'm going into the helping profession in any capacity, I need to be more healthy & right now that's not the case. Maybe if I take a break I can truly appreciate what an awesome opportunity I have in being able to have this education. As it is, I feel like I'm half-assing my assignments & not even trying in the writing department. Most of the written assignments I've done I've written like a blog post. So that's not good. But then again, my professor hasn't given me any grades or comments back so who knows.

I was talking to Alexa the other night. We think we're in such a crappy place of life. We're still young & supposed to be enjoying life, but also have these weird responsibilities. It's like we're Half-Adults. But hopefully, HOPEFULLY things will start looking up. I can definitely tell a change in my mindset so there's that.

On another note, My Little Porn Star actually engaged in a minor conversation with me the other day as I was leaving. I was shocked, too. Granted, I initiated to tell him I would be out of town for a few days but he actually acknowledged I lived there. Progress!

A house down the street from my parents' house. I love bad taste.

My Roommate The Porn Star?

Saturday whilst I was at home about to return to Raleigh, I received a text from my roommate (the first time he had spoken to me in a week) telling me he was going to be filming a video in the basement & to be quiet & not go downstairs. Ok.....

I get back & it's really quiet. As I walk to the kitchen to put some groceries up I see there's a sheet blocking part of the basement (we have a spiral staircase so you can see part of the basement from the living room). Ok....

I go up to my room but leave my door open so I could see who was there in case I heard them come out from the basement. Then all of the sudden my roommate & some ethnic male go straight into his room. Ok....

The mail hadn't been retrieved yet, so I went outside & saw yet another guy (of the creeper variety, it appeared) loading either a mattress or box springs onto a trailer along with other props (including part of a basketball goal). Ok....

After my roommate & the ethnic male left I went downstairs to investigate. A bunch of the stuff had been put in the closet or the corner. The big ol' exercise ball was down there. There was a blue light attached to a vacuum cleaner (WTF?). There was some kind of foam padding around the ceiling light. The bathroom door had a used towel hanging up on it & the sink was wet. Ok....

Today I went back down there to see if anything had changed. The towel is gone but now there are what look like bike or athletic shorts hanging on the edge of the tub.

I still have no idea what's going on. If we actually talked it might not be awkward to ask him what he was filming. But as it is I'm sometimes lucky to get a "Hey" out of him. In a way this isn't really surprising because when I first moved in I asked where he worked & he said he just did "odd jobs" such as construction but not often. He said he lived off of his college fund. That must have been a banging college fund to get him through undergrad & grad school.

Why can't I just have a normal roommate?

Oh Yes

I have some new stuff to post, but I don't feel like dealing with it right now. So here are 10 more Random Facts about me. Because the other lists were SO popular...

1. On my first date ever (at age 22.....) we got chased by dogs in the country. Because we went to college in rural Georgia.

2. When I was 8 I got a hold of my mom's razor & ran it all over my body. Miraculously, I didn't get a single cut.

3. Over Christmas Break when I was 17 I went to have my wisdom teeth taken out. When they hooked me up to the monitor they saw there were some irregularities in my heartbeat so some tests were run & apparently I have PVC's, which are basically heart murmurs. I can still feel them every so often.

4. When I was 15 & 16 I went to a camp that was on the real life Dawson's Creek.

5. My first semester going to college in Toccoa my grandmother & mother would mail me clippings of "The Family Circus" because they knew how much I despised that comic strip.

6. Before going to camp when I was 16 I had my mom take me to the tanning bed so I wouldn't burn at camp. Well, the lady had me stay in way too long, naked at that, & I went two days in a row. I eventually was so burned that for a little while all I could do was lay on my bed naked. And then the tan didn't stick & I was just as white as before when I went to camp.

7. I've thought about shaving my head but it feels lumpy.

8. I wish I was black so there would be the slight chance that Morgan Freeman could be my grandfather.

9. When I was about 14 my uncle & cousin lived with my grandmother. Avid rednecks, they went hunting on a regular basis. My mother & I went over one day only to find a deer carcass, on its back, hooves cut off, headless, partly skinned just chilling under the carport. This in an average, middle class neighborhood. Nothing but class, those two.

10. Regardless of temperature or season, I have to have a fan on when I sleep.

Personality Defects?

I have an interesting story I want to write about involving my latest roommate fail, but first I want to write about this article from Psychology Today. It's about introversion & extraversion, & how our society is essentially forcing introverts to become extraverts & if they don't, they're seen in a negative light.

I think it's pretty interesting, because so many people would assume I'm an extravert but that isn't the case. On most personality tests I am either an introvert or exactly 50/50 both. I enjoy my alone time quite a bit. I need it to refresh myself, unwind. It was really difficult in college because I tried to force myself to be around people all of the time until I would just completely crash. Once I was able to move off-campus it made it a lot easier. I could disappear for a few days, recharge, & be back in the thick of it. As much as I was able to be.

People think that because I have the tendency to talk a lot, or because of my sense of humor, or because I have volume control issues from time to time that I'm always the life of the party. Not so, said the brown turtle. I like to be around people, yes. And I like to talk. But I also like to observe & take everything in. I'd much rather have a 1-on-1 discussion than be in a group more than 4. To me, it's better to have a few quality people than a whole bunch of stragglers.

It's kind of dawning on me as I write this that it may be why I sometimes struggle with customer service jobs. There's just so much going on & it's hard for me to take it all in at once. I really have difficulty multi-tasking. I'm good when I can focus on just one thing at once but when there's a ton of things I have to do at the same time, I start to make mistakes & can't listen/block people out. I've even told customers before when they're trying to tell me how to do something & I'm concentrating that I need them to repeat themselves because I had stopped listening.

I just have to be careful because with the mixture of my personality style & my Social Anxiety Disorder, things can go really bad.

Ultimately, I think it boils down to just wanting the choice of being around people & basically having the choice forced on me. Make sense?

From the mouth of someone getting their Master's in Counseling. Aye yi yi.

Procrastination

Do you know how awesome my Friday nights are? I just ate soup & I'm procrastinating working on a 3 page paper that's due Sunday. So far all I have is the title page. It won't be too hard (that's what she said) but I need to just get it done so I can get drunk by myself tomorrow night.

I work in the morning at 5:30 & get off at 11. Then I'm going home (...) to pick up some stuff that my mother doesn't want to mail because she is determined that since my street gets a lot of traffic that someone is going to steal my mail. But I have a coupon for Ruby Tuesday so I figure I can let them take me to lunch, get a free meal, get my stuff, & then be on my merry way.

Oh shit. My dad just texted me to remind me to do my traffic school for my non-speeding ticket because my mother won't quit nagging him. I just responded, "Grow a pair. I'm serious. She will never respect you if you keep letting her treat you like this."

I hope they still take me to lunch.